Grief - what's normal?

[mrsfarmer]

Yes. It's been almost a year since my dad passed away and I still have this. There are things that bring back strong memories for me and that's when it hits me. It can even be the dumbest things.

[konapoppy]

Hugs. I lost two family members around the same time and still feel like crying randomly. Time is definitely helping, but I think it is normal.

[justemily]

Just wanted to say *hugs*

I've lost all but 1 of my grandparents (1 last week, and 1 within the past 2 years), and it's hard... and there doesn't seem to be a timeline at all. Feel what you feel, it's ok.

[emilyinchile]

Oh, this is so normal. If you feel like your grief is interfering with your normal life, then talking to a counselor could be helpful, but there's no definitive timeline as to when you should stop ever feeling sad about missing someone.

[hopenotlost]

Your grief is normal. I miscarried almost a year ago and I still have overwhelming moments of grief. I know it's different than losing a family member that you've known your whole life, but grief is grief, and what you're experiencing is absolutely normal. I'm sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you.

[raangoli]

Mar 3, 2015 10:35:35 GMT -5 emilyinchile said:

Oh, this is so normal. If you feel like your grief is interfering with your normal life, then talking to a counselor could be helpful, but there's no definitive timeline as to when you should stop ever feeling sad about missing someone.

This. There is no timeline with grief. It will stay with you always but perhaps get easier with time. Then there are days where you will feel like you've been sucker punched.

Please don't feel like you need to move past anything. But if it's taking a toll on your day to day, then maybe you can reach out to grief counselor or find a bereavement group to help you through.

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

[minzy]

Mar 3, 2015 10:43:36 GMT -5 @marshmallows said:

Thanks, guys. Foodie, it's funny you should ask, because I guess I feel like I missed out on saying goodbye kin some way because he went downhill mentally very quickly, and by the time I realized that, it was too late and he wasn't really lucid in the way I had known him ever again. I think I also have a boatload of guilt, because he lived with us and I was responsible for managing his care, and I feel like I could have done a better job. In all fairness, I was balancing a FT job and a toddler, plus managing his financial affairs and going to see him in the hospital and juggling doctors' calls, social workers, planning on bringing him home with nurses and then hospice, so I was pretty much stretched to my limit.  However, I still feel really bad that I would sometimes send my husband instead of me on days when I was just overwhelmed by all of it. I know, rationally, that I needed and deserved a break, but I just loved him so much and wonder if I did enough,

From everything you've posted, I think you were an awesome granddaughter to him!  Really, try not to feel guilty about that part of it!  He was a big part of your life and I think it's very normal to feel sad for awhile.  Hugs to you!

[orangeblossom]

There is no normal, and certainly, losing someone in November is not enough time to be "over it". Anyone that says so, can pound sand.

I think the first few months after someone passes, you're just kind of in the moment trying to get things done, paperwork, funeral, wills, possessions, etc, that it's not until life somewhat settles down that the real grieving takes place. Not to say you weren't sad before, but it's often the first time you're alone with your thoughts if that makes sense.

I have heard if beyond a year, you are having trouble functioning day-to-day, then it may be time to seek some assistance.

Your grief is your own, and nobody can dictate it, not even someone else who's experienced the same loss as you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[irene adler]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

There can't possibly be a timeline--it's so personal.We had a string of sad, terrible events ( including the loss of a parent) in 2013 but I have to say that the grief really took its toll year later.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure that there is such a thing as normal when it comes to grief, but what you're experiencing is very common. At the beginning of the lose, it's all so raw and there is so much to do, that you don't have time to really grieve, so it's later that it really hits.

[mbcdefg]

I'm sorry for your loss. 

I don't think there is a "normal." Everyone reacts differently. 

[my3bears]

Definitely normal. While my DH didn't pass away, he did have a stroke at the age of 32 and was diagnosed with a condition that means he's at an elevated risk of stroke for the rest of his life. While he "looked" and "acted" fine to the outside world, emotionally neither of us were "normal" for at least a year and a half. It was frustrating for me to hear from a lot of people, "But he's okay now, what's the big deal?" I still sometimes tear up remembering it all.

We had considered some kind of counseling if needed. Finding a loss group might be a good idea for you.

[Pom]

Grief doesn't fit anyone else's guidelines or time table but your own. I am sorry you are upset, but I think that is perfectly okay.

My FIL just passed away and while we were never close, his long-distance care and well-being consumed our life for the last 8 months. My H is grieving for memories of a man I never knew. Even I feel grief for him, but I always had serious mixed emotions about him and his treatment of others. It's still alright that I'm sad for his loss.

It's good to be kind to yourself and feel your feelings...that's normal.

[mdana]

My grandma passed away almost exactly 2 years ago after a long battle with Parkinson's disease. We live in her and my grandpa's old house, and there are little things still around that remind me of her, like the linen closet still smells like her soap and detergent, and every so often I'm just hit with this overwhelming, almost physical hurt and I just want her to be here with us again. I feel like it will always be that way no matter where we live or how long it's been. I think (hope) it's totally normal. You've lost a loved one and you'll always have that empty spot, and it makes sense that it will hurt. I often feel guilt that I didn't spend more time that I did with her in the end- it was incredibly difficult to see her suffering like she was in the last few weeks. But lately I've been reminding myself to "live forward"- living in a way that keeps her memory alive and doing things she would have done for others as a way of keeping her with us. I love to talk about her with my mom (her daughter) and I tell my son about her, and I hope that when he grows up, he'll know who his great grandma was. Your grandpa has passed from this life, but he can still be a part of your life, if you want. Right after she died, I felt like that was it, we couldn't talk about her anymore, she's a closed book, and it's really helped me to realize that she's still "here" in the sense that we still think of her often and try to carry on her work here.

I feel like none of that made sense, and I'm sorry about that. Just know you're not alone, and it's perfectly ok and normal to grieve as long as you need to. He was a big part of your life.

[lindyanne]

I lost my MIL that I wasnt even particularly close to last June and I still have those moments. Totally normal. I think the first year is the hardest but I think there will always be those moments.

[spunkarella]

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is absolutely no normal, and however/whenever you feel things is okay.

Sharing because it helps me to see different experiences: I lost my dad when I was 17. I was numb at the time, and felt guilty for a long time for not being "sad enough." A few years later, it hit like a ton of bricks. It still comes in waves and often at unexpected times. For example, I'm generally okay on his birthday and Father's Day. But a couple of months ago I was visiting my hometown and I almost completely lost it over not being able to find a strawberry yoo-hoo at a gas station we used to go to on Sunday mornings when I was young.

[aurora]

Hugs. It's not overwhelming or anything, but I still get teary sometimes about my grandparents who died years ago.

I think only you can decide if you're feeling so sad that it's really impacting your life, but there's never any shame in talking to a counselor if you want some additional perspective.

[v]

There definitely is no right or wrong way to grieve, but what you are feeling is very normal particularly considering how incredibly close you were to your grandpa.

(hug) (heart)

[StJess80]

I'm sorry. I agree with everyone else. I lost my dad 15 months ago, and it's still very raw. I'd definitely look into some counseling (maybe EAP?) if you need to talk to someone.

[rikki]

Huge hugs. There is no normal. I still get weepy when I think about losing my grandfather and he died when I was 16. I also cry at the thought of my grandmother passing away, even though she is in fairly good health. Whatever you are feeling is absolutely fine. Sending lots of love your way!

[MeMyselfandI]

I lost my grandpa last July and still have moments when I cry. I cried in a restaurant last week at lunch because something reminded me of him.

[lys]

waves of grief will happen - perfectly normal.

[explorer2001]

Considering how close you were and how much he was a part of your daily life, still grieving is normal. But I feel like I have to echo that if it is impacting you often in ways that get in the way of your life and prevent you from remembering positively - counseling could help.

I lost my grandpa in October, but we lived on opposite sides of the country and he had been struggling with Parkinson's for decades. I heard so many times over the years that he was given weeks to live that I felt prepared for it for lack of a better word. It is easier because I know he isn't suffering anymore.

Still being able to take a week off and be with family for the funeral helped. One of the ways I remember him is that I have an awkward section of hair growing out from where I cut a lock off and tucked it in his jacket in the casket so a piece of me is always with him. Another way is that my aunts sent a bunch of us cousins his cardigans. Every time I wear it, its like getting a hug from him, plus being connected to the cousins and family.