Did you ever just turn off the monitor? Flameful..

[Deleted]

V is 7 months old and sleeps like crap day and night. We have her down to one feeding around 3 - 4 AM, but more days then not she wakes up several times a night for 2 minutes or so and cries and then goes back to sleep (we finally resorted to CIO a couple weeks ago when going up to try to pacify her only seemed to make things worse). It is really wearing on both of us because we don't get to sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. Did you ever just turn the monitor off and leave your kid to her own devices? This is what DH wants to do because we are going crazy and I know she doesn't need anything at night. Also, should we try to drop the 3 -4 AM feeding? I was wondering if she just "knew" she was on her own until morning if that would help. I'm sort of at a loss because nothing we do seems to help. Any suggestions/feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

[katieb4tom]

My daughter is the same age as yours, or close (10/11). We did CIO about two months ago. It sucked but was the best thing we ever did. She sleeps 7pm to either 5am or 7am. Every single night. CIO is not fun, but I'd turn off the monitor if you think you'd hear her if things got really bad (we would hear ours if she really let loose and needed us even without the monitor).

[vanillacourage]

How long does she cry on her own if you don't go in for one of those random wakeups?

If she's used to eating at 3-4am I would try to get her to eat more during the day so she'd drop it on her own. IMO 7 months is too young to intellectually process that "she's on her own until morning" - if she usually eats at a certain time, and she's continuing to wake up right around that certain time, it's probably because she's hungry and her system expects to be fed.

[whitepicketfence]

We've never turned it off because our bedrooms are across from each other and we could still hear them screaming if we turned it off (and DD2 is still sleeping in our room so it we don't need a monitor at night).

How long does V cry if you don't go in each time she wakes up? Will she fall back to sleep herself eventually?

[ijack]

I don't really agree with the "on her own until morning," but I don't think there is anything wrong with not going in there if she's just fussing. How far away is her room? We don't always sleep with the monitor on because Q's room is right night door and I can always hear her if she's crying, but if you can't hear her at all I would probably keep the monitor on but turn it way down (you want to hear her if something bad happens).

[drloretta]

May 16, 2012 10:43:22 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

We don't use a monitor, and we don't go in unless there is full on crying.

This was us. If it was a short period or "light" crying, we'd let her figure things out (and still do at age 2). Clearly needing something, we'd go in.

We didn't drop feedings until she did, so I have no advice on that one.

[satama]

Our bedrooms are close together, so I would sometimes turn the volume off on our video monitor. That way if the baby was just making noises or fussing a little it would not wake me, but I could still hear full on crying if DS needed something.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 10:40:53 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

How long does she cry on her own if you don't go in for one of those random wakeups?

If she's used to eating at 3-4am I would try to get her to eat more during the day so she'd drop it on her own. IMO 7 months is too young to intellectually process that "she's on her own until morning" - if she usually eats at a certain time, and she's continuing to wake up right around that certain time, it's probably because she's hungry and her system expects to be fed.

It depends. Usually lately just a few minutes (sometimes just a few seconds). It is just enough to wake us up. Her bedroom is upstairs and ours is downstairs. I have to wear earplugs because DH snores like a freight train, so he is getting woken up hourly and getting (understandably) exhausted and frustrated. I guess I could go back to sleeping upstairs like I did the first few months, but I hate doing that-- it seems bad for our marriage.

[karinothing]

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. Can YOU hear the monitor when she cries or do you rely on your DH to wake you up? I was thinking that maybe he could wear ear plugs too, but if he is the one altering you that she needs something that wouldn't work.

As of now, if it is short crying or fussing I don't go in there and he typically falls back asleep. But the minute he starts screaming or rolling around I know he wants me for something.

I also don't believe the thought that once they hit a certain age/weight they no longer need a night feeding. I am also a softy.

[egishere]

My trio are 7 months (9/29). I would definitely drop that 3 am feeding and let her cio. She is probably waking up for that feeding out of habit and not because she is really hungry. Mine haven't done that for quite a while (unless one is going through a growth spurt) and they were born 7 weeks early. Does she take a paci? My girls do and sometimes they wake up and I just have to give them their paci and then they are back to sleep. I don't let them cio as much as I would like to in the middle of the night for fear they will wake the other two up. I hear you on the separate bed rooms. We were doing that for a while too when we were in our other house with the master down and nursery up. It sucked!

[Sxia]

The only time I used the monitor is if I am outside in the yard and the kid is inside sleeping. Our house is a small one story ranch and I have ears like a hawk. When we used the monitor, I couldn't sleep because I was always waiting to hear any little noise. I can hear a regular cry from far away.

[katieb4tom]

It depends. Usually lately just a few minutes (sometimes just a few seconds). It is just enough to wake us up. Her bedroom is upstairs and ours is downstairs. I have to wear earplugs because DH snores like a freight train, so he is getting woken up hourly and getting (understandably) exhausted and frustrated. I guess I could go back to sleeping upstairs like I did the first few months, but I hate doing that-- it seems bad for our marriage.[/quote]

I don't think I'd feel comfortable turning off the monitor in that situation.

Can your husband seek help for his snoring?

I'd definitely try to wean the night feeding, unless your doctor feels otherwise.

I also agree with others, don't go in for small cries, learning to self-sooth is super important, but for big ones, you'll have to feel that out. I kind of know when its an "I need you" cry versus an "I want you to hang with me" cry.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 11:08:22 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. Can YOU hear the monitor when she cries or do you rely on your DH to wake you up? I was thinking that maybe he could wear ear plugs too, but if he is the one altering you that she needs something that wouldn't work.

As of now, if it is short crying or fussing I don't go in there and he typically falls back asleep. But the minute he starts screaming or rolling around I know he wants me for something.

I also don't believe the thought that once they hit a certain age/weight they no longer need a night feeding. I am also a softy.

I don't reliably wake up when I am wearing the earplugs, DH has to wake me up to feed her at 3/4 usually.

[karinothing]

May 16, 2012 11:23:11 GMT -5 @lilly said:

May 16, 2012 11:08:22 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. Can YOU hear the monitor when she cries or do you rely on your DH to wake you up? I was thinking that maybe he could wear ear plugs too, but if he is the one altering you that she needs something that wouldn't work.

As of now, if it is short crying or fussing I don't go in there and he typically falls back asleep. But the minute he starts screaming or rolling around I know he wants me for something.

I also don't believe the thought that once they hit a certain age/weight they no longer need a night feeding. I am also a softy.

I don't reliably wake up when I am wearing the earplugs, DH has to wake me up to feed her at 3/4 usually.

Hmm. I know it probably costs a lot but you could buy a monitor for the hearing impaired and keep it really close to you. I know they shine a light or vibrate really hard when the baby cries. That way maybe it wouldn't wake your husband up?

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 11:36:07 GMT -5 karinothing said:

May 16, 2012 11:23:11 GMT -5 @lilly said:

I don't reliably wake up when I am wearing the earplugs, DH has to wake me up to feed her at 3/4 usually.

Hmm. I know it probably costs a lot but you could buy a monitor for the hearing impaired and keep it really close to you. I know they shine a light or vibrate really hard when the baby cries. That way maybe it wouldn't wake your husband up?

I guess that's an idea. I wish she would just sleep

[bunch]

I turn mine off when dd does her occasional 4a yell fest, but she's next door so I know I'd wake up if she was really angry.

I'm actually considering moving her upstairs because we keep waking her up (during naps and when h gets up in the morning).

Honestly the snoring would bug me a lot more than the baby crying. Why don't you just fix that ;p

[keh2oblue]

Yep! When we were sleep training DD somewhere between 7-9 months, I would feed her around 1-2ish, then back to bed with the monitor off. I knew she didn't need more than that one feeding at night. I think I read doing something similar in HSHHC.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 12:45:43 GMT -5 bunch said:

I turn mine off when dd does her occasional 4a yell fest, but she's next door so I know I'd wake up if she was really angry.

I'm actually considering moving her upstairs because we keep waking her up (during naps and when h gets up in the morning).

Honestly the snoring would bug me a lot more than the baby crying. Why don't you just fix that ;p

I have been bugging him about the snoring for over a year now...He gained about 10 pounds and I know that is the reason (combined with his penchant for scotch before bed). It sucks, but I can't really nag him into losing weight (even though I've tried!!!)

[beachdweller]

I wouldn't turn it all the way off if you are on different floors, but can you turn it way down? We do that and I only wake up if DD is really screaming -- just fussing isn't loud enough to wake me up. Just last night my DD started screaming like crazy, and I went into her room and she had her foot caught in the crib bars -- I would not have heard that without the monitor at least on the low. Sorry, it sucks that she is not sleeping better!

[ilikedonuts]

I'm fine with modified CIO (check on them at intervals), but I am no way comfortable just leaving a kid to fend for themselves until morning by turning off the monitor. What if something is really wrong? You won't know.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 13:43:21 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

I'm fine with modified CIO (check on them at intervals), but I am no way comfortable just leaving a kid to fend for themselves until morning by turning off the monitor. What if something is really wrong? You won't know.

Well, I would probably set an alarm or something to wake up and check on her every few hours, but yes, it doesn't totally sit right with me either. Just getting to the end of our rope and trying to come up with solutions...

[Ashley&Scott]

I would try sleeping apart from DH a few nights a week. It sucks to sleep apart but at least you'll be more rested.

Do you both get up with her now or do you alternate?

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 13:54:54 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

I would try sleeping apart from DH a few nights a week. It sucks to sleep apart but at least you'll be more rested.

Do you both get up with her now or do you alternate?

Well I always do the feeding at 3-4 obviously, but otherwise we alternate.

[Deleted]

We never bought a monitor. But then again we live in a two bedroom apartment and I can hear the neighbors talking in either of the close apartments so we didn't see the need.

[barefootcontessa]

I am not sure what to tell you but I would not feel the need to get up for every little fuss. If they cry for more than a few minutes I assume it is hunger and feed.