I spoke too soon Re: my kid

[asoctoberfalls]

Although I agree that it is your kid's problem, there has to be something different between daycare and preschool. My son struggles with these types of issues as well (he'll be 4 in July). We met with his teachers and the director and came up with a plan to basically give him more attention and positive reinforcement, and it's worked wonders. They were threatening expulsion in November, and since they started these new strategies in December, he's only had one bad day. He just needed something he wasn't getting from them.

Good luck. It's a tough situation.

[Deleted]

Man @rennido, I don't know what to tell you. That's so frustrating!

[monsterz]

That isn't easy. I would talk to the teachers and see if you can figure out what is causing this. There has to be something that is triggering this - is it the dynamics with another student, a staff member,etc?

Would a behavioral plan or reward chart work to stop the unwanted behaviors? Junior has a point sheet at school if he meets certain criteria he gets to earn a prize from the treasure chest at school. At home he earns beads that can be redeemed for prizes or experiences based on his behavior at school and at home. It definitely seems to be making a difference in his behaviors. The days aren't perfect but we are no longer hearing that there were physical altercations with other students which is a plus.

[kwynn]

What kind of discipline does daycare do? Versus the preschool? I'd be curious as to why daycare's strategy is working and the preschool's isn't. Also, can you ask your kid (I know, this might be a dumb non-mom thought) but ask him when he's calm and mellow if he likes preschool, why did he take his shirt off, if he's happy in general, etc - just to see what he says is the problem?

[m1and1m]

Mar 5, 2015 0:17:33 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

four hours a week? This can't be worth this. Is there any way to drop this particular thing?

This is what I was thinking. I would pull him out, if possible, and revisit the preschool thing next year. Two months of this is s long time, long enough to show it's not working for him right now.

[audette]

Maybe a dumb question from a non-parent...

Have you talked to your kid's doctor about it? I know I can be an asshole/act out as an adult if I'm in pain or not getting enough sleep, or whatever.

[JayhawkGirl]

Is this a once a week, four hour preschool? I think at his age he may be set up to fail there - the preschool has their own set of routines, and DS isn't there enough to know their expectations/groove vs daycare's. even two days a week gives some repetition.

We definitely go through behavior "spurts" and I can typically look back once we are through then and tie them to growth spurts, illness (ear infections are the devil), or big cognitive leaps. We are in a rough spot right now - I'm white knuckling my way through some days, and stocking up on the next size up in clothes.

[tine]

Sorry you're going through this. I would take him out of the preschool. It's only 4 hours a week and he's obviously not ready for it. I agree with others that he's not there for long enough to learn the routine so it might be setting him up to fail.

Is there any way you could get him into a public preschool full-time? I'm asking because public schools have specialists that diagnose behavioral problems and set plans to help the child. Also, it would be a set routine every day.

[cajunmom]

My best friend's little girl is 3, will be 4 in May. She's been going to preschool all school year and absolutely thriving, she loved it. She was excited every day. In January, she was moved to another class with the older 3's and young 4's and it was awful. Crying every morning, faking sickness, tantrums and yelling that she hates school and wasn't going back. It turns out that the new teacher is a yeller and it's a more stressful environment for the kids and that she couldn't handle it (the little girl I mean). Some kids can just ignore that in a teacher but it just caused anxiety and stress in my friend's daughter. My friend didn't want to ask that she be moved back to her previous class because she was afraid that it would show her daughter that tantrums would help her get her way, but in the end they did move her back. The director of the school advised that they move her back...she said that she's only 3 and that this wouldn't affect her in the long run. When school starts back in the fall she will go to the 4 year old class and will hopefully do fine.

My point is just...are you ABSOLUTELY sure that there were no staff changes at his preschool?

[lurknomore]

Mar 5, 2015 0:43:47 GMT -5 @rennido said:

Mar 5, 2015 0:17:33 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

four hours a week? This can't be worth this. Is there any way to drop this particular thing?

I've thought about it. This kid knows how to push on my buttons though because when I ask him if he wants to be done he's all "yay! No more preschool!"

So I get into a stupid power struggle with a three year old that shouldn't happen because, goddamn it, I'm not giving in to what he wants now! Yeah, parenting fail. 

For the record, he's not angry or upset when he goes. He's excited. He told daycare that he just wants to play. When he's told he can't he gets angry. I don't want him to get his way all the time, hence the power struggle. Is taking him out of preschool some round about way of giving in? And I swear that he doesn't get his way all the time at home. He'll get pissed sometimes when we say no, but 95%of the time he'll deal with it. 

Daycare just ignores his outbursts and so do I. Im not sure if they give him more attention at preschool so he plays it up more. 

I have a friend whose son 4.  He just barely makes the K cutoff this year but she's decided to hold him back and have him do a pre-K year.  He doesn't have the behavior you're describing, but she says that all he wants to do is play.  He has ZERO interest in coloring, drawing, learning to write, learning letters or numbers, etc.  He just wants to play.  She's worried about the transition to K because of his maturity level.  I wonder if that's part of what you're seeing.  I agree with the others who say to pull him out and give it some more time.  I don't think school should ever be a battle.  At 3, you (collective you, not YOU) should be making it a welcoming place that is fun and is important.  I'd be concerned that by having school be such a miserable experience now, you're setting him up to struggle with enjoying school later. 

Also, it is easy to ignore outbursts in a daycare setting.  That's a lot harder to do in a preschool setting.  More kids, learning-type environment.  I would bet he does get more attention becuase it would be difficult to let a tantrum continue in that setting.

GL to you!  I can't imagine how frustrating this must be.

[hopenotlost]

Honestly it just doesn't sound like he's ready. He wants to play, not be in a more structured setting that a preschool requires. Daycare is structured yes, but not at all like a preschool. I would pull him out and wait until the fall.