Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions? The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...
I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.
I can't answer for anyone but me but I "escaped" molestation at age seven and I really believe it's because my mom had discussed my body and my rights to privacy. In my case her boyfriend started playing games with me. We were playing a spelling game and he spelled out S-E-X and looked at me. My stomach churned and I yelled "I don't want to play this game" and left. It was decades later I learned he molested my sister who was in kindergarten and was scared to respond. For years I felt guilty for not warning her or telling my mom what had happened but I was only seven. Molesters look for the kid who isn't going to speak out so I talk about bodies and our rights already.
Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions? The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...
I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.
I can't answer for anyone but me but I "escaped" molestation at age seven and I really believe it's because my mom had discussed my body and my rights to privacy. In my case her boyfriend started playing games with me. We were playing a spelling game and he spelled out S-E-X and looked at me. My stomach churned and I yelled "I don't want to play this game" and left. It was decades later I learned he molested my sister who was in kindergarten and was scared to respond. For years I felt guilty for not warning her or telling my mom what had happened but I was only seven. Molesters look for the kid who isn't going to speak out so I talk about bodies and our rights already.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you had to deal with this, but this has always been my gut feeling with my kids.
Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions? The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...
I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.
I can't answer for anyone but me but I "escaped" molestation at age seven and I really believe it's because my mom had discussed my body and my rights to privacy. In my case her boyfriend started playing games with me. We were playing a spelling game and he spelled out S-E-X and looked at me. My stomach churned and I yelled "I don't want to play this game" and left. It was decades later I learned he molested my sister who was in kindergarten and was scared to respond. For years I felt guilty for not warning her or telling my mom what had happened but I was only seven. Molesters look for the kid who isn't going to speak out so I talk about bodies and our rights already.
I am so sorry this happened to you and I am so glad you stood up for yourself. I am so sorry for your sister.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Mar 5, 2015 15:31:40 GMT -5
And I'm not saying any kid is safe if they resist but I do think most molesters are nasty, sick, and cowardly. I think that most will move along if they sense the child is too risky.
I will let my daughter go to sleepovers someday. We will probably start with her cousins and our very good friends across the street. And I will be the mom who asks who will be in the home and if they own guns. And I'll need to know the parents somewhat and all that.
Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions? The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...
I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.
So using your logic why worry about talking to them about it at all? Who knows how many kids have stopped would be molesters? I do assume most would rather a meek child than and empowered knowledgable one.
No that's not my logic. It was an actual question, nice try though. And @cabbagecabbagewas brave enough to answer. Braver than myself and plenty of others. Thank you cabbage. Of course I have talked to my children, and will continue to do so.
Sleepovers were a huge part of growing up. My kids will absolutely go if they want to.
Half the birthday parties I went to growing up were sleepovers. I can't imagine not letting my kids go to them out of fear that something like that might happen. It might happen in a school bathroom, on a school bus, in the middle of the day at a playdate etc. I can't keep them locked in the house forever.
Sleepovers were a huge part of my childhood too, all the way through high school. And I'm not saying no. However, a school bathroom or bus is not the same thing as spending 12-15 hours at someone else's house overnight. Not even close. If this had not just happened to someone we know I probably wouldn't even think twice about it. KWIM?
So using your logic why worry about talking to them about it at all? Who knows how many kids have stopped would be molesters? I do assume most would rather a meek child than and empowered knowledgable one.
No that's not my logic. It was an actual question, nice try though. And trizzie was brave enough to answer. Braver than myself and plenty of others. Thank you Trizzie. Of course I have talked to my children, and will continue to do so.
i think you mean cabbagecabbage? Want to give credit where credit is due. I have never been in the situation and I pray my children never are, but you just never know is what i have learned. and so i do want to prepare and empower them.
Sleepovers were a huge part of growing up. My kids will absolutely go if they want to.
Half the birthday parties I went to growing up were sleepovers. I can't imagine not letting my kids go to them out of fear that something like that might happen. It might happen in a school bathroom, on a school bus, in the middle of the day at a playdate etc. I can't keep them locked in the house forever.
Sleepovers were a huge part of my childhood too, all the way through high school. And I'm not saying no. However, a school bathroom or bus is not the same thing as spending 12-15 hours at someone else's house overnight. Not even close. If this had not just happened to someone we know I probably wouldn't even think twice about it. KWIM?
And i know exactly what you mean. the situation i found out about turned my view upside down.
I think the point is, kids can't be protected by everything. As parents we have to use our best judgment in making decisions. We also have to teach our children how to protect themselves to the best of their abilities. I think in generations past this kind of stuff just wasn't talked about.
I also think it's a HUGE cop out that the author recommends saying no to all sleep overs because they don't want to say yes to some and no to others. I will say no to some sleep overs and to play dates too. DD will never, ever stay with her current "best friend" (who happens to be the little girl who stayed with me.) Their home is not safe. Tons of improperly "stored" guns and weapons, totally filthy, incompetent parent, etc. It's not safe. If I have to be the bad guy and say no, I'm fine with that. It doesn't mean I won't let her ever let her stay with anyone.
Post by penguingrrl on Mar 5, 2015 16:35:57 GMT -5
I'll add that it will never be a free for all where they stay at houses where I don't know the parents. I'll have to know and trust the parents. I was an adult before I realized that every time my one friend invited me over my mom offered to have her come to our house instead. When I was much older and we had drifted apart my mom admitted that she got a "bad vibe" from the girl's father, so she would have us hang out at my house instead. I honestly never really noticed that my mom did that. So if there's someone I'm uncomfortable with I'll take the same approach.
No that's not my logic. It was an actual question, nice try though. And trizzie was brave enough to answer. Braver than myself and plenty of others. Thank you Trizzie. Of course I have talked to my children, and will continue to do so.
i think you mean cabbagecabbage? Want to give credit where credit is due. I have never been in the situation and I pray my children never are, but you just never know is what i have learned. and so i do want to prepare and empower them.
Thank you for correcting me, I'm on mobile so my screen is tiny.
I think the point is, kids can't be protected by everything. As parents we have to use our best judgment in making decisions. We also have to teach our children how to protect themselves to the best of their abilities. I think in generations past this kind of stuff just wasn't talked about.
I also think it's a HUGE cop out that the author recommends saying no to all sleep overs because they don't want to say yes to some and no to others. I will say no to some sleep overs and to play dates too. DD will never, ever stay with her current "best friend" (who happens to be the little girl who stayed with me.) Their home is not safe. Tons of improperly "stored" guns and weapons, totally filthy, incompetent parent, etc. It's not safe. If I have to be the bad guy and say no, I'm fine with that. It doesn't mean I won't let her ever let her stay with anyone.