Stolen from CEP-Sleepovers

[lexus]

Do you plan to (or currently allow) your children to attend sleepovers? On CEP they were discussing advice from some wacky Christian who beats his kid... I am not a fan of him or his advice but it made me wonder what you ladies do.

[trizzie]

I plan on allowing my kids to sleepover at houses where I know the parents well. It makes me nervous because we also have the added complication of DS's Type 1. He won't be able to do sleepovers until he is on a pump, but he is only in first grade and so far has no desire to sleep anywhere but here (or my parents). I can see him being the homebody type.

[Deleted]

Blanket answer: yes, they can do sleepovers


More complicated: with parents we know and trust/ under good circumstances/ barring allergies etc etc

[NandaB]

What sing said.

[dizzycooks]

Same as sing. I'd probably say anytime now for my oldest with a family I know. My oldest is 3.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 4, 2015 23:41:01 GMT -5 @sing4mysavior said:

Blanket answer: yes, they can do sleepovers


More complicated: with parents we know and trust/ under good circumstances/ barring allergies etc etc

Yep DD went to a slumber party two weeks ago. I know the mom, but I would not consider her a friend.

[fancynewbeesly]

Reese is already begging to sleepover her friends house. Luckily all of her close friends we are also good friends with the family so I have no problem with her sleeping over. She hasn't yet but we may do a trial sleepover in the summer.

[lala]

Assuming I know the family decently enough, yes, I think so. We aren't there yet b/c they haven't asked. The 6 year old is a lot like I was, I don't think she'll be ready for one for a few more years and it will likely have to be a really good friend.

[lexus]

I like to think I would be ok with it but it scares me. I went to sleepovers and never had a horrible experience but we have an acquaintance who hid his sex offender past. I'm sure he doesn't tell people that he's a SAHD because his history makes it difficult to get a job. I feel like it might be easier to say no sleepovers than to check the list of registered sex offenders and ask about gun safety every time dd is invited. I have no problem doing that but I think it will make other people uncomfortable.

[scattered]

We just had this conversation over dinner. My SIL is a faithful follower of that wackadoo and his blog and was posting about it on FB.

Right now we can think of two friends we'd let Jack sleep over with, and their moms are my closest friends.

Side note it bothers me that people (not here, on FB etc) are making this a conservative Christian issue, like an agnostic or atheist parent is all willy nilly letting their kid sleep over with anyone. Have you guys seen that at all?

[lexus]

Mar 5, 2015 8:00:17 GMT -5 scattered said:

We just had this conversation over dinner. My SIL is a faithful follower of that wackadoo and his blog and was posting about it on FB.

Right now we can think of two friends we'd let Jack sleep over with, and their moms are my closest friends.

Side note it bothers me that people (not here, on FB etc) are making this a conservative Christian issue, like an agnostic or atheist parent is all willy nilly letting their kid sleep over with anyone. Have you guys seen that at all?

That's how the discussion turned on the CEP board. For me it has nothing to do with faith. Although the man I was referring to in my response is from the church we used to attend.

[scattered]

There is absolutely zero scriptural or theological support to not allow sleep overs. It's a non-issue.

But guys I'm the best Christian because I don't let my speshul snowflakes have sleepovers because Jesus!!!1!1!1!!!

RAGE! Also you guys know I work in a church so the above is TIC.

[beantrees]

I am so torn on this.

I want to say yes. And ultimately, they probably will with people that we know and trust. DS1 is at BIL's house right now, but I don't think they count.

But then I think about the things *I* did at sleepovers and I cringe a little.

**trigger**






And one of my close friends in middle school was molested at a sleepover. It was her best friend's house where she had been dozens of time. And one night her friend's uncle was there. So yea, sleepovers do kind of scare me.

[ashb62]

Yes, we allow sleepovers. So far DD has been to one (outside of family.) I wouldn't let my kids sleepover with a family we didn't know at all, but we don't need to be BFFs either.

[andrewsgal]

Gun safety: It is important to teach kids gun safety whether you own one or not.
Stop
Don't touch
Leave the area
Tell an adult
I have to assume most people in our area own guns. I can ask about them but it is still important to teach kids.

Molestation: I can check the register but that is assuming that these people have been caught. It is also important to teach kids about this.

It's scary out there but empowering my kids is the best defense.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

I will allow sleepovers because I'm an atheist. Hahaha

[momin2013]

Mar 5, 2015 8:15:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Gun safety: It is important to teach kids gun safety whether you own one or not.
Stop
Don't touch
Leave the area
Tell an adult
I have to assume most people in our area own guns. I can ask about them but it is still important to teach kids.

Molestation: I can check the register but that is assuming that these people have been caught. It is also important to teach kids about this.

It's scary out there but empowering my kids is the best defense.

Not just for sleepovers, but for life in general, ^this. Particularly the bolded.

[justbecause]

I will allow sleepovers where we know the parents. I think DH will be researching every family lol.
My oldest is only three so he's not into sleeping anywhere without his stuff, his family. Plus he's going through a big monster phase so I doubt he would want to.
Growing up, I remember having way more sleep overs than attending them. Maybe when my parents didn't want me to go to a certain house, they would just invite the kid over to our house. My cousin and I were really close so it was usually at her house.
I think I would let c stay over with my parents and with my best friend but I think he'd probably be excited then freak the heck out when it got dark.
My brother used to beg to go and then end up screaming and calling my parents really late and have them come get him. He did that at my aunt's camp a lot. And for an embarrassingly long time lol

[abs]

If DD wants to do sleep overs then we will let her. I have great memories of them as a kid and would want DD to have the same experience. She's fairly shy and reserved so I don't know if she'll be into big parties but she is constantly asking if a few of her preschool friends can come over for play dates. So, we'll see.

I think teaching them to be safe in any situation and going over different scenarios ahead of time is good advice. I tend to be a paranoid parent but constantly sheltering her won't do her any favors.

[fancynewbeesly]

I want to add that Reese is just like me. I was begging to have sleepovers. I remember having my first around 3 or 4. Of course none of my friends wanted to sleepover so I always went to there house.

I see Reese being the same exact way.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 5, 2015 9:21:21 GMT -5 fancynewbeesly said:

I want to add that Reese is just like me. I was begging to have sleepovers. I remember having my first around 3 or 4. Of course none of my friends wanted to sleepover so I always went to there house.

I see Reese being the same exact way.

This is DD she has the spirit of an adventurer. Right now her life goal is to have a job that earns enough to live in NY city. She loves anything new.

[lattelady5]

Mar 5, 2015 8:05:25 GMT -5 scattered said:

There is absolutely zero scriptural or theological support to not allow sleep overs. It's a non-issue.

This x1billion.
 
DD has never slept over anywhere but has asked to. I kept my a relative's kiddo for 2 weeks while they were dealing with some stuff and both girls had a blast. I had to separate them though because DD would not sleep haha

I had so many sleepovers as a kid. I think the worst thing that happened was my high school BFF putting my bra in the freezer lol

I also agree with AG. It's important to empower kids and teach them what they need to know to be safe. I won't let DD go to just anybody's house but if I know the parents and feel comfortable and she wants to go, I have no issues with it.

[trizzie]

Mar 5, 2015 8:15:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Gun safety: It is important to teach kids gun safety whether you own one or not.
Stop
Don't touch
Leave the area
Tell an adult
I have to assume most people in our area own guns. I can ask about them but it is still important to teach kids.

Molestation: I can check the register but that is assuming that these people have been caught. It is also important to teach kids about this.

It's scary out there but empowering my kids is the best defense.

Thats the part that scares me - the assuming they were caught part. because so many haven't been. but, yes my kids have and will continue to be taught.

[Rainyday]

Mar 5, 2015 10:39:21 GMT -5 trizzie said:

Mar 5, 2015 8:15:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Gun safety: It is important to teach kids gun safety whether you own one or not.
Stop
Don't touch
Leave the area
Tell an adult
I have to assume most people in our area own guns. I can ask about them but it is still important to teach kids.

Molestation: I can check the register but that is assuming that these people have been caught. It is also important to teach kids about this.

It's scary out there but empowering my kids is the best defense.

Thats the part that scares me - the assuming they were caught part. because so many haven't been. but, yes my kids have and will continue to be taught.

This. I have always assumed we would do sleepovers. My DD is adventurous and independent too. TBS, we have had a recent situation hit very close to home and that gives me pause. And it was everything we have talked about: a sleepover, longtime family friends, never would suspect and certainly never caught before. The whole situation is quite unbelievable really.
The other problem I have is something pp mentioned on the CEP thread. Older siblings and their friends. That worries me to no end.

[penguingrrl]

Sleepovers are a rite of passage in my opinion! I definitely plan to let them. Note that the idiot who wrote that blog post will allow his son to have sleepovers, just not his daughters. Because only girls/women can be molested, clearly. Or maybe it's just that molestation only ruins a girl's virginity and marriage prospects...

I also fail to understand how overnight is scary. Is night the only time bad things can happen? I plan to empower my children to be watchful, aware of their surroundings and able to advocate for their own safety.

[trizzie]

Mar 5, 2015 10:50:20 GMT -5 Rainyday said:

Mar 5, 2015 10:39:21 GMT -5 trizzie said:

Thats the part that scares me - the assuming they were caught part. because so many haven't been. but, yes my kids have and will continue to be taught.

This. I have always assumed we would do sleepovers. My DD is adventurous and independent too. TBS, we have had a recent situation hit very close to home and that gives me pause. And it was everything we have talked about: a sleepover, longtime family friends, never would suspect and certainly never caught before. The whole situation is quite unbelievable really.
The other problem I have is something pp mentioned on the CEP thread. Older siblings and their friends. That worries me to no end.

Yep. I have a similar situation. I can't go into details because it is not my story to tell, but it is enough to make me never want to let my kids stay anywhere without me. Ever. And the worst part is - it was someone you would never ever in a million year suspect.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 5, 2015 10:58:19 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

Sleepovers are a rite of passage in my opinion! I definitely plan to let them. Note that the idiot who wrote that blog post will allow his son to have sleepovers, just not his daughters. Because only girls/women can be molested, clearly. Or maybe it's just that molestation only ruins a girl's virginity and marriage prospects...

I also fail to understand how overnight is scary. Is night the only time bad things can happen? I plan to empower my children to be watchful, aware of their surroundings and able to advocate for their own safety.

This is very important. There is nothing that says sexual abuse happens only at night.

[penguingrrl]

Mar 5, 2015 11:26:11 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Mar 5, 2015 10:58:19 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

Sleepovers are a rite of passage in my opinion! I definitely plan to let them. Note that the idiot who wrote that blog post will allow his son to have sleepovers, just not his daughters. Because only girls/women can be molested, clearly. Or maybe it's just that molestation only ruins a girl's virginity and marriage prospects...

I also fail to understand how overnight is scary. Is night the only time bad things can happen? I plan to empower my children to be watchful, aware of their surroundings and able to advocate for their own safety.

This is very important. There is nothing that says sexual abuse happens only at night.

***trigger warning***

Not gonna lie. The only person whose molestation I'm aware of was molested by a priest durin their time as an alter server. Let's face it, until the past decade few people would have questioned letting their child be alone with a priest.

I think it's not that molestation is more prevalent now. I'd venture to gess that it's actually far less prevalent. Now people admit it, report it, prosecute it and tech their kids to recognize it. I would say that the fact that we now do tht means that most likely it's actually happening a lot less, but seems like more since it's no longer swept under the rug.

[Rainyday]

Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions?
The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...

I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 5, 2015 12:21:43 GMT -5 Rainyday said:

Ok but here is my question. How many kids really stand up to molesters? Do we ever hear about kids who escaped a bad situation because they spoke up? Because their parents taught them how to recognize a person with bad intentions?
The child will always be the vulnerable one in this equation, no matter how much we try to prepare them. Maybe all that just goes out the window once they are in that situation...

I'm not saying no to sleepovers ever, I just have a lot of thoughts on them right now.

So using your logic why worry about talking to them about it at all? Who knows how many kids have stopped would be molesters? I do assume most would rather a meek child than and empowered knowledgable one.