i'll be honest, when i talk to people, a lot of times i'm too nice, especially customers, and i have a flirty personality. i admit that i also have a mouth like a sailor and i've laughed at inappropriate things people have said in passing.. however, i don't think that i ever solicit sexual harassment. or do anything to make these people think i want to be treated like that.
anyway, i was in the copy room a minute ago and this person came up who i don't see very often and goes " why are you so sexy now? why are you so sexy?" and kept whispering.. i go, um, that's enough don't say stuff like that to me. and walked away. my coworker was giggling under her breath so i asked if she heard that. she said yes. i asked her if i said anything to solicit that. she said no.
in the past a coworker of mine has mentioned that they think i am too nice and it makes other coworkers and vendors think i'm 'interested' in them. um, NO! i'm just nice.
so while a coworker and i are discussing this, i mention how a few people have told me that they could do everything plus more than my husband does for me. which is so gross, what does that even mean? totally sexual i'm assuming. anyway, while we're quietly discussing how much i feel sexually harassed, this guy walks buy and goes AND MORE super loud. then he proceeds to say, "you know in the wizard of oz how the house falls on that witch and her toes curl? yep! " while making a gross face.
i just feel dirty.
i don't even know how to react any more. i tell people to stop saying things like that, this one guy touches me and gets close to me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. he usually just touches my arm but i don't want anyone to fucking touch me. ugh. and he doesn't caress it, he is just in my personal space and i don't like it.
anyway, i hate being apart of confrontation in the workplace so i have time reporting it and getting people in trouble, i just feel like it's my fault and i don't knw what to do. i'm SERIOUSLY not doing anything. i didn't even say anything to these people. barf.
it's not your fault. give the guys a warning (or not, up to you), and report it. that stuff should never be tolerated--unless you enjoy it, but i don't think you do.
oh dear I had to sit through a sexual harassment class, and pretty much, if something makes you uncomfortable it's within your rights to do something about it. Within the university system I know there are people you can talk to about it (no consequences, totally private) before deciding how to go forward. Is there someone you can talk to?
document document document. honestly, that's the most important thing. document exactly what was said, what happened, where it was, and how you felt. it's extremely important to report, but you having the right documentation in place will be extremely important.
Being nice does not equal being flirty. The one thing that jumps out at me that you need to report immediately is the person that is physically touching you. I'm not saying the comments are appropriate if they make you feel uncomfortable speak up for yourself, but physical touching is a whole different ball game.
I experienced this when I was in high school and unfortunately did not have the courage to say anything for some time until it had escalated and I was having panic attacks.
I just would like to reiterate that I, too, am a very friendly person and in the past, other people call it flirting. If it's flirting, then I find it odd that I act that way to both men and women AND regardless of their attractiveness levels. However, that is NOT an excuse for them to say inappropriate things to you, especially if you've made a comment to them already to not say that kind of thing.
yeah.. so i just talked to a coworker about it and he said that it's my fun/flirty personality and i bring it on myself. in the same sentence he went on and said that i should tell higher ups to make a general reminder about it. i just hate getting involved.
our company is super small. the owner doesn't tolerate it. i'll make sure i warn people sternly and then report.
yuck! coming from the resident HR Person Sarack, at least at my company, if your manager (or HR) doesn't know about it, and doesn't address it with the person, it's almost as if it's not happening... you do need to report it. yes, it's super uncomfortable, but there are laws against retaliation for reporting sexual harassment - what you are going through is unacceptable!!!
Sorry you are going thru this. If it makes you uncomfy, thats where the line is drawn regardless of how "nice" you are. That's BS to think you have this coming to you.
Are you close enough to these people where you can kind of give them a warning so to speak, pull them aside and say- look, it really does make me feel awkward when you say X and Y to me. Def doc that conversation as well and if they still continue and you do decide to tell someone about it- you can have this as further ammunition for your case.
I am totally like you though. I hate confrontation and I would want to keep my mouth shut. But if you don't say anything and it persists, it can end up festering and eating you up inside. And that's way worse.
Not remotely your fault! I'd agree with Emy on the documenting piece - I'd definitely report it, but get it all documented first so you have something in writing to provide when you're asked. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I hate confrontation more than anything, but you don't deserve this treatment even slightly.
This is not your fault in any way. Guys often think that any girl who's nice to them is either a big flirt or actually likes them (especially guys who don't get out very much).
I would document it and then decide whether you talk to him directly, possibly while another co-worker is in the room to help back you up. It helps if said co-worker is a guy so he doesn't react by thinking "b****es are ganging up on me, I'm going to tune this out".
If you don't want to go that route, you should be able to report it to your manager but if you are worried that your manager won't care you should be able to talk to HR or there may be a specific "Sexual Harassment Hotline" or whatever that you can reach out to.
*hugs* (but not in a flirty sexy way) and hope you can make the ew go away.