Does anyone live near Durham, NC?

[randp1]

DH & I are considering relocating from the northeast to Durham, NC?

We are sick of the winters and want more quality of life.  My company has an office location in the Durham area where I could potentially get a job.

We have 2 young children - 6 & 4 yrs old.  They are my biggest concern.  getting them into a good school.  DS also has ADHD, so I worry about the services that would be available to him.

Any information you could provide would be very much appreciated - about the area in general, good parts/not so good parts, quality of life, etc.

Thank you!

[msmerymac]

I have a friend who lives in the area (Morrisville) and the schools in that area are some of the best in NC - Wake County, Chapel Hill, etc. My H interviewed for a job in Durham. He said it was more rural than he expected it to be (although Chapel Hill seems to be a cute city), but everyone I know who has lived there or visited really likes it. It's also a liberal island in NC, much like Austin is in TX.

[CrazyLucky]

I'm not that close to Durham, about an hour. I'm from the northeast and trying to get back because of the school situation here. Durham is a cool city, it has a lot of stuff and it has proximity to Raleigh, Chapel Hill. But NC schools in general are not something to be proud of. Durham is in Durham County, not Wake, and I'm not sure their schools compare. But I know several people who moved out of Wake because they don't like that school system.

ETA: Also, while the Triangle IS a liberal mecca, the state is pretty red.  The state legislature is very red,  In the past year, they have voted against additional Medicaid, voted in voter ID laws, tried to make Christianity the state religion.  NC also voted heavily for the amendment to ban gay marriage (which was already the law, but for some reason it was important that it be in the state constitution).  And the republicans have done a hell of a job gerrymandering the districts to keep themselves in power.  McCrory was supposed to be a moderate conservative, but he hasn't not shown moderacy since become governor.

[audette]

I lived a couple hours south of there a few years ago, but overall enjoyed NC. I had some friends up in the Raleigh/Durham area, and would visit them frequently. Heck, at one point when DH was deployed, I took an Irish Dance class weekly up in Durham, on Thursday evenings.

I'd happily live there. It's got proximity to mountains (Blue Ridge mountains in western NC and area), proximity to beaches (for those that like beaches, I don't), a pretty good cultural scene - music, theater, museums, etc, has decent shopping (it was the nearest major shopping area to where I lived in NC). It's not huge, COL is moderate, traffic isn't crazy (busy, yes, crazy, no), and it's far enough south that everything shuts down for snow, if you're hoping for milder weather.

I can't speak to specific neighbourhoods, as I never lived in the city itself, but I certainly enjoyed living near it.

[Deleted]

I lived in Durham and taught in Durham Public Schools, but I'm originally from MI and moved back to MI last year. While living in NC I was reminded many times that I'm a "yankee" so I'm sure my opinion is a little clouded by that.

Honestly, as DINKs DH and I liked Durham a lot. If we had children we would have a different opinion since I would not send my children to school in Durham or Wake. I taught full-time in Durham and subbed in Wake, so I have seen several of the schools first hand. The Durham high schools have some bright spots, but overall the schools are out of date, unclean, and low performing. I have heard that the elementary schools are better, but I was appalled at what I saw on several occasions teaching in one of the high schools. The students caused many issues, but the ineffective and often corrupt administrators caused many more issues. One of the biggest issues with Wake County Schools is that you can't guarantee your child will attend the same school from year to year. Wake still does integration busing, and school assignments are redone from year to year, so even if you live close to a good school you may get reassigned and have a long bus ride the next year. I also taught full-time at a charter school in Wake County, and I would not recommend that either (for many reasons too long to get into here).

Ditto what PP said about this being mainly a red state. In Durham we liked the more liberal, local scene, and we lived downtown so we could walk to bars, restaurants, farmers markets, etc. Other people in NC were shocked and horrified (insert eye roll here) that we lived in downtown Durham, but we're from Detroit so we didn't bat an eye at anything there and we weren't rattled by the occasional beggar or break-in in the neighborhood.

Durham is growing and becoming regentrified, but there is still a lot of work to be done. The area immediately around The Streets of Southpoint Mall is nice but traffic is insane. Not too far north of there it gets to be a bit sketchy before you get to downtown Durham.

I'd recommend Chapel Hill (and Chapel Hill-Carrboro schools), but even CH is a pretty small community. That's another impression I have coming from the north; everything is so small in NC. The cities are tiny. If you look in Chapel Hill the Meadowmount area is nice. A lot of "yankees" also like Cary, and Morrisville is a quickly growing suburb.

PM me for more info. In hindsight, the weather and proximity to beach and mountains were all wonderful, but DH and I are happy we moved back north.

[Deleted]

In regards to quality of life, we have found the north to offer a much better quality of life. Yes, the winters are horrible, but the north has so much more to offer in terms of better schools, more cultural events, and honestly more activities year round. We found NC to be somewhat devoid of culture (this may be flammable, sorry if this offends anyone). In NC we really had to search for cultural and community events, where in MI they're abundant.

We loved the mountains, we liked the beach, we liked pulled pork...but really there wasn't much more to see and do. Most of NC is very rural, very traditional, and very impoverished. The cities aren't that big so even the cities don't have many attractions.

[orval]

Mar 6, 2015 13:37:41 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

In regards to quality of life, we have found the north to offer a much better quality of life. Yes, the winters are horrible, but the north has so much more to offer in terms of better schools, more cultural events, and honestly more activities year round. We found NC to be somewhat devoid of culture (this may be flammable, sorry if this offends anyone). In NC we really had to search for cultural and community events, where in MI they're abundant.

We loved the mountains, we liked the beach, we liked pulled pork...but really there wasn't much more to see and do. Most of NC is very rural, very traditional, and very impoverished. The cities aren't that big so even the cities don't have many attractions.

I am in Charlotte and I totally agree with the lack of culture and things to do (from Chicago burbs originally).  While Charlotte is a decent size (1 million people) there is a lack of community in general.  I can't speak for Durham. 

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2015 14:28:06 GMT -5 orval said:

Mar 6, 2015 13:37:41 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

In regards to quality of life, we have found the north to offer a much better quality of life. Yes, the winters are horrible, but the north has so much more to offer in terms of better schools, more cultural events, and honestly more activities year round. We found NC to be somewhat devoid of culture (this may be flammable, sorry if this offends anyone). In NC we really had to search for cultural and community events, where in MI they're abundant.

We loved the mountains, we liked the beach, we liked pulled pork...but really there wasn't much more to see and do. Most of NC is very rural, very traditional, and very impoverished. The cities aren't that big so even the cities don't have many attractions.

I am in Charlotte and I totally agree with the lack of culture and things to do (from Chicago burbs originally).  While Charlotte is a decent size (1 million people) there is a lack of community in general.  I can't speak for Durham. 

While it makes me sad,  I'm glad someone else agreed! When we first moved to NC we were in a very rural county about an hour from Charlotte. There was NOTHING to do, and even moving to "the city" was still a bit of a let-down.

I also worried this sentiment was going to be flammable.

[ddi741]

Mar 6, 2015 14:28:06 GMT -5 orval said:

Mar 6, 2015 13:37:41 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

In regards to quality of life, we have found the north to offer a much better quality of life. Yes, the winters are horrible, but the north has so much more to offer in terms of better schools, more cultural events, and honestly more activities year round. We found NC to be somewhat devoid of culture (this may be flammable, sorry if this offends anyone). In NC we really had to search for cultural and community events, where in MI they're abundant.

We loved the mountains, we liked the beach, we liked pulled pork...but really there wasn't much more to see and do. Most of NC is very rural, very traditional, and very impoverished. The cities aren't that big so even the cities don't have many attractions.

I am in Charlotte and I totally agree with the lack of culture and things to do (from Chicago burbs originally).  While Charlotte is a decent size (1 million people) there is a lack of community in general.  I can't speak for Durham. 

You should visit Greenville, SC. (only an hour and a half south of Charlotte), tons to do, theatre, live music, festivals. great restaurants, shopping, etc.

I don't  know much about Durham, I've visited Raleigh and have friends that live there and they seem to like the area  a lot but I don't know any specifics.

[Deleted]

My company has an office in Durham. Most of my coworkers with kids live in Cary.

It's a really nice area and I would be happy to relocate there if needed.

[sarapocalypse]

I live in Cary. We don't have any kids so no direct experience with the schools but I've heard that Wake county schools are generally better. We usually go to Raleigh when we go out but there is a lot to do in Durham too. Cary has a reputation of being kind of boring but that's fine with me. It is relatively quiet and feels fairly safe. DH and I moved from the middle of nowhere in MD so there is a lot more to do here than we had in MD.

We definitely love living here. COL is lower than where we lived before and love being close to all that Raleigh and Durham have to offer. Generally, I would recommend looking just outside of Durham in Morrisville or Cary for the better schools and quieter neighborhoods.

[randp1]

thanks for all of the feedback everyone! bellakitty - thanks for your very candid response. I had heard not so great things about the schools. I looked at some websites of private schools, but most are $15k-$20k per year. for that amount of money, with 2 kids, it might not be as feasible as we thought.

[Cicero]

Mar 6, 2015 15:58:50 GMT -5 randp1 said:

thanks for all of the feedback everyone! bellakitty - thanks for your very candid response. I had heard not so great things about the schools. I looked at some websites of private schools, but most are $15k-$20k per year. for that amount of money, with 2 kids, it might not be as feasible as we thought.

I am going to send you a pm.  Durham has a lot of elementary magnet schools and you can bypass the lottery process if you live close enough to the one you want your kids to go to.

From an MM perspective, in state tuition and fees to the most expensive of NC's public universities is currently just over $8k/YEAR. 

[h]

We have a couple good friends in Durham. The one with school aged kids sends them to private school, but he loves raising kids in the area. The other doesn't have kids but teaches in the Durham public schools and says she would send her kids there.

I have friends who are my age who went to both public and private schools in Durham and got good educations and are leading fine lives. I would absolutely consider living in Durham with my kids and love the area, though I would research magnet and private school options.

[curbsideprophet]

I grew up in PA. I also lived in the DC metro area for a bit. I lived in Durham for a year while in grad school and now live in the Triad. It has its issues, but overall I like living in NC. I find the cost of living to be reasonable. My coworkers are a mix of NC natives and transplants.

[randp1]

Mar 6, 2015 22:51:45 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

We live in Wake County, about a mile from the Durham County line. My office is in Durham, and DH works in RTP.

Durham schools seem to be hit or miss - some elementary schools are great, but most people I know plan to move out of the county before middle school (to either Wake County or Chapel Hill) or they send their kids to $$$ private schools.

DD1 is starting K this fall, so I'm not a super experienced parent yet, but I did want to add that once you start in a school, they don't make you move to a different school if the sending districts are redrawn. They also don't bus for purposes of diversity anymore (that was eliminated a few years ago), but you have a choice between your "base" school, usually one school on a different calendar, and the magnet schools. There was a lot of flux in school assignments a few years ago because they stopped busing and also converted a lot of schools to year-round schools (and then there was a lawsuit that forced them to give people a choice between year-round and traditional calendar schools). There are some people in my friend's neighborhood that go to DD1's school because that is where they started 4+ years ago, but the lines were redrawn after that and the rising kindergarteners went to a different school.

Our elementary school assignment has never changed since we bought our house because our area is fairly stable population-wise (and we are in a watershed, so there are limits on building). In the faster growing parts of the county, kids are sometimes bused further from home because the school capacity has been exceeded by the huge developments being constructed (and the developers don't pay any kind of tax or fee when they put in a big development that will impact the schools in that area).

My boss' kids in Chapel Hill went to two or three different elementary schools because their neighborhood was in a weird area between elementary schools and they kept getting reshuffled. With all of the development in the area, most areas are having to build new schools.

I don't have any insight into ADHD services.

I am from NJ, and I like it here (DH is from NC), but we don't go out a ton (especially with the kids), so any lack of culture has been lost on us, LOL. I'm sure I would feel it more if we lived outside of the Triangle in a more rural area (which I would not choose to do), but pre-kids we could go to the symphony, musicals, live music, etc. It's not the same as living a train-ride away from NYC in suburban NNJ, but I wasn't going to NYC every weekend either. It's just so expensive to exist in Northern NJ, so I feel like we've gotten a huge leg up by being in a lower COL with reasonable commutes (I commuted 45 minutes to Chapel Hill from Raleigh for 5 years, and that was "so far"). Most people that I interact with/DD1 will go to school with are not originally from NC. DH is a rare sighting of a Carolina native to most people in RTP.

I don't miss dealing with the snow in NJ either, LOL.

I am not a fan of the current political climate, but at least the people we interact with most of the time are on the same page. I'm hopeful things will swing back to the center and this Tea Party inspired nonsense will recede.

Thanks so much for the response.  There is a lot of good information in your post!  We are in nj now.  Like you, because of having young kids, we don't get out too much either, but it's nice to know there's lots to do.  Thanks again!!

[lb2006]

Mar 6, 2015 19:41:49 GMT -5 L said:

Mar 6, 2015 18:20:31 GMT -5 Cicero said:

I am going to send you a pm.  Durham has a lot of elementary magnet schools and you can bypass the lottery process if you live close enough to the one you want your kids to go to.

From an MM perspective, in state tuition and fees to the most expensive of NC's public universities is currently just over $8k/YEAR. 

My H is from the area (sort of, an hour away) & the college thing is a reason we are considering relocating to NC (or possibly VA) down the road. I went to NC State & had fun but it was years ago & not a good gauge of real life. DH only really likes Charlotte (elsewhere too small) & I only like 1 neighborhood in Charlotte (Dilworth)...which is as expensive as were we are now. Figures, lol.

Have y'all visited lately? There are a lot more neighborhoods near uptown that are up & coming (& a little less expensive). We live in a suburb and used to commute into uptown. And the north Davidson (NoDa) area is really developing!

[love1999]

First, I had no idea we had so many Triangle ladies here! L Go Wolfpack!

I live in the Triangle and would suggest you also look at Holly Springs and Apex as towns to live in. With the I-540 toll road, you can live in these suburbs and still be in Downtown Durham in around 35 minutes.

The Triangle may not be the biggest metro area but there is still lots to do and plenty of day/weekend trips you can take from here. Beaches and mountains are both just a few hours away and you can be in DC in about 5 hours if you needed a city fix.

Just know that snow pretty much shuts us down and the schools can be shut down for days even when it seems clear because of rural back roads that the busses would have to go down.

This is a very strong medical area with multiple med schools so I doubt you would have any trouble finding ADHD services for your son.

[randp1]

Mar 8, 2015 22:34:37 GMT -5 love1999 said:

First, I had no idea we had so many Triangle ladies here! L Go Wolfpack!

I live in the Triangle and would suggest you also look at Holly Springs and Apex as towns to live in. With the I-540 toll road, you can live in these suburbs and still be in Downtown Durham in around 35 minutes.

The Triangle may not be the biggest metro area but there is still lots to do and plenty of day/weekend trips you can take from here. Beaches and mountains are both just a few hours away and you can be in DC in about 5 hours if you needed a city fix.

Just know that snow pretty much shuts us down and the schools can be shut down for days even when it seems clear because of rural back roads that the busses would have to go down.

This is a very strong medical area with multiple med schools so I doubt you would have any trouble finding ADHD services for your son.

Thanks for the information love1999!  I was more concerned with the services my son would get IN school.  Like, with an IEP or some type of service plan.  In NJ, he gets fairly good services in school - accommodations, in-class support, etc.  I guess it would be something to look into.  it seems like a lot of private schools are $15k-$20k/yr.  with 2 kids, it is cost prohibitive for us to move there only to have to spend up to $40k on education/yr.

[LoveTrains]

My ex SIL and BIL moved down there a few years ago. She was a public school teacher in Durham and she said the schools were awful. I went to visit and I personally was not impressed. I know a lot of people have left the Northeast for NC because of the COL but nope, I don't think I could do it.

[raangoli]

Mar 9, 2015 11:48:11 GMT -5 LoveTrains said:

My ex SIL and BIL moved down there a few years ago. She was a public school teacher in Durham and she said the schools were awful. I went to visit and I personally was not impressed. I know a lot of people have left the Northeast for NC because of the COL but nope, I don't think I could do it.

I said something similar to MH this weekend when we were daydreaming about moving out of NJ. I'm not impressed with what I've seen in the Durham area after visiting often for work. But I admit being spoiled by living close to NYC and all that it implies.

Sure, I could do without the COL, but there is a trade off that I'd have to think long and hard about. 

[qubit]

I lived in Durham for five years while my husband was working on his PhD at Duke, and we moved in 2011. (For context, we have since lived in Indianapolis, an LA beach town, Santa Barbara, and a Dallas suburb). We loved Durham as DINKS. I disagree about the lack of culture in Durham (I have visited Charlotte multiple times and think it has a very different vibe than Durham, so I could see people saying that about Charlotte or Raleigh suburbs, but not Durham). Durham has very diverse groups of people: there are wealthy college kids (who often come from the NE), there are some very, very poor people (and some neighborhoods are fairly divided among whites, Hispanics, and blacks), and there are some very wealthy areas. Of the cities I've lived, Durham by far had the most cultural and economic diversity. There are many crunchy people and there is gang activity (random examples).

I love all the local shops, farmers market, and unique restaurants. The proximity to the great beaches and the mountains can hardly be beat. There are several natural areas in Durham for hiking too. Great healthcare facilities. Three major universities (UNC, Duke, and NC State) so tons of activities and sports offerings.

I really loved living there. However, I didn't have kids then. Based on personal experiences, I would say there is a level of crime that would make me slightly uncomfortable with kids (but I'm very risk-adverse have never lived anywhere with high-crime to compare). There are neighborhoods near downtown and near Duke that are very high-crime. As others mentioned, there are great, safe areas too (near the mall as well as lots of other areas). It's different than other cities I've lived in that there are pockets of good and bad neighborhoods intermingled throughout the city (not like the North side is good and the South is bad). Many of the Duke professors with kids that we knew chose to live in Chapel Hill which is a super-neat college town (where housing is more expensive), good luck with your decision!