Also, keep in mind there will be a shower a few months prior, bachelorette party, etc.
I would 100% back out now. Tell her you love her and support her but can't commit to this. If anything, you can wear a dress in a similar color and have a nice corsage and be an "honorary bridesmaid".
I had an awful time finding a bridesmaid dress at EIGHT MONTHS postpartum. My boobs were gigantic and it was awful.
I dunno, all of the people who would ask me to be in their weddings are laid back people who would go with the flow, not expect me to run around like a crazy person, and generally be supportive. If one of them asked me to be in their wedding potentially within a few weeks of birth-giving I'd do everything I could to be in it - and if it came down to it and I couldn't make it then they'd wish me well.
Of course, by 3 weeks after my due date my kids were 9 weeks old and we were out and about all over the place.
At 3 weeks pp my hair was falling out in CLUMPS, I was broken out all over my upper chest in horrible body acne from hormones, was having constant anxiety attacks & was sweating through my clothes every few hours in November.
Even though I never BFed & my bleeding was light I was still a fucking disaster. I would have been some BM in those pictures......
Did all these people saying, "NBD!" not have the postpartum sweats? Because that alone - no matter the MANY other reasons - have me 100% thinking that this is a no go.
And it has nothing to do with the history of your relationship. It's just a timing thing. Back out now to give her plenty of time to make other plans, and attend as a guest IF you can.
lol. I never said suck it up and be in the wedding. I think most people would be okay with backing out. If not, they suck and I wouldn't want to be in their wedding.
Everyone has different recovery PP. If the wedding is important to someone and the pregnancy was uncomplicated, I feel like it is doable.
Please repeat the bolded to yourself over and over. This is what people reacted to:
I think not doing it because of normal pp side effects is a little dramatic, but to each their own.
What's "normal"? Please, explain. Because of any event in life, giving birth is SUCH a personal experience. You talk about how heavy someone bleeds. Even that - what's "normal" for you is based on YOUR body and how it's behaved over the span of your adult life. what's normal for anyone else here is based on OUR bodies and OUR experience.
I can judge people. I'm not above that. But of any event in life that I will never judge someone over, it's how their PP recovery is or how easy or bad they feel it was. I'm not them, I'm not in their body. I have absolutely no footing to judge if they are being dramatic or if their recovery was better or worse than mine or if it was "normal".
I would not even think about committing to this. There is no way it would work. The timing is completely off. Anybody who tells you otherwise is crazy.
I was moh in a wedding 10 weeks postpartum and that was really hard and the baby, my husband and my mom were with me. But trying to find places to nurse in a halter top chiffon gown with a corset bra on was super tough.
My biggest surprise about giving birth was how tough the pp period is. How much pain, blood, etc. the expectation that mom are supposed to have this major tramatic thing happen to their bodies, and then rather the rest and recover, take care of this tiny thing that refuses to sleep while maybe taking care of other kids and continuing to cook, clean, and maintain a house alone is nuts. I always chuckle when people ask how much time "off" their husbands get after a vasectomy. I always think, well it's about 10% as intense as giving birth so about 10% of the time off you had after giving birth.
Back out. Honestly, if she doesn't understand then I would see it as a sign that you've outgrown her.
ETA - I said back out and not tell her "I want to but might not be able to...." because I personally don't like it when people put me in that position. I want them to make a decision that works for them, and then I can plan around it. No waffling!
This. Don't be wishy washy about it. You can't do it, but would love to help in other ways. Maybe offer to throw the bridal shower?
I would explain and back out. while it would be nice to be able to wait and see that puts the Bride in a difficult position of not knowing what you will do until basically the last minute, which if you were a guest but is stressful when it comes to the bridal party which is pretty integral to planning, especially if even numbers is important to her.