Child Spacing Question.

[Deleted]

Does anyone here have kids close in age, a break and then one more? 

How is it harder? Easier? 
Pros/Cons/Things to Consider? 
Am I dreaming?

Random thoughts about it?

Have we discussed this question (I know there's tons of spacing questions) and I missed the links? If so lead me.

I have had 3 kids in the last 5 years. I'm done with that for now. I'm finally starting to feel like myself. My kids are still little and needy and in that phase where it takes all I have to stay above water. I'm also enjoying the fact they can somewhat do stuff on their own for 2 minutes, they're easier to leave, easier to take places, have a personality now etc.

That doesn't necessarily mean I'm done with kids forever. I'm fine where I am but I don't feel done either exactly. Like when DS is 4ish and  starts Prek, I'd probably be up for one more. 

[holly116]

I'm signing in to follow. I feel pretty done right now but I could see myself wavering in a few years.

[newgirl412]

My oldest brother was 15 months old when my middle brother was born. Then they were 7 & 5 respectively when I was born. I was my mom's last child.

[ilikedonuts]

Only two kids here so far, but we're going to end up with a bigger age gap between 2 and 3. While I think the whole being done with the baby stage and then starting again is going to be hard, I also think having 2 kids that are more self sufficient and only one that is in diapers (and needs constant help) will be a positive as well. I think we'll end up with a 3-4 year age gap between 2 and 3. (We have 24 months between 1 and2).

[pooh8402]

mom had me first, then sister is 28 months younger than me. then a 4 year gap for the baby sister (she's 6 years younger than me). she said it was so much easier with the third. I could essentially take care of myself and get drinks for my middle sister and entertain her, so mom could take care of baby. I was also in 1st grade at that time, so it was a simple matter of only paying for after school care for me, and daycare for the younger two.

personally, we're planning on 2 closely spaced. then wait and see how we feel if we want a third. we have 3 embryos frozen, and plan on single embryo transfers each time.

[Velar Fricative]

Not me obviously, but my parents did (twice!). I'm 16 months younger than my brother, then my sister came almost 5 years after me, and then my other sister arrived 4.5 years after that.

My mom wasn't crazy about the spacing as she SAH (got married and had kids young so never worked), and entering the workforce was delayed until my youngest sister started K. But that is probably an uncommon situation. What she said was helpful, especially with my youngest sister, is that we older kids were a big help in many ways, both in terms of our own independence and we loved playing with both sisters as babies. And in terms of our relationships, you wouldn't expect up to an 11-year age difference to be conducive to having a close sibling relationship, and it's probably not, but we are all close to each other as adults.

[Deleted]

Mar 8, 2015 11:18:01 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I have friends who had two kids close in age (2-3 years apart) and then thought they'd have another one later on. Most decided against it by then because they were out of the baby stage and didn't want to jump back in to frequent night wakings and diapers and rigid nap schedules, etc. Sometimes I think about having another (esp. when DH wavers) and then I read something on here about the utter hell of colic or non sleeping babies and I am like no thank you! Lol

Otoh, I could see having a larger break making things much easier. I had three in 4 years and my anxiety was through the roof that first year. The fact that it's better now is another reason I don't want to risk going backwards.

This is where I am. 
I love babies but IDK how I feel about starting all over again. Then the next time I think "I might be much more relaxed and and enjoy it more and blah blah blah." 

Ha. We'll see I guess.

[Deleted]

We're probably done with the first 2 a bit over 2 years apart.

But if there's a third, it will be at least 3 years apart. Neither of us feels ready to say "done". We're only 33, so plenty of years left to change our minds. I'm still getting rid of baby stuff like it's my job, though, so I think I'm done but don't want to admit the baby years are over.

[mainelyfoolish]

Mar 8, 2015 11:18:01 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I have friends who had two kids close in age (2-3 years apart) and then thought they'd have another one later on. Most decided against it by then because they were out of the baby stage and didn't want to jump back in to frequent night wakings and diapers and rigid nap schedules, etc. 

A friend of mine had twin boys and she and her DH decided to put off TTC a third until the boys were in kindergarten. They did TTC for a few months when the boys were five, but when she didn't easily get pregnant, they called it off and decided that their life would be easier to not start all over again with an infant. 

[vmars]

Ideally, I would like a 3 year age gap, but we may have to wait longer because of the cost of daycare. I like having time to have my body to myself and catch up on sleep before doing it all again. We will likely only have 2 kids and I am 29 so no huge rush. It will work out however it happens.

[docholly]

My mom had my brother and sister, and then me 15 years later. She enjoyed it because she got all that one on one time with me, but it really extended her "kid" years. She had my sister at 21, and I graduated high school when my mom was 60. LOL.

ODS and YDS are 28 months apart, and I would like to have on more who will be a bigger gap. For us, the wait is financial. I don't want 3 kids in childcare year round.

[dcrunnergirl52]

Obviously my first two are very close in age. They were 2y10m when DS2 was born.

For me, the hardest part was that DD and DS1 were getting to be such a fun, awesome age when DS2 was born, and I was afraid he'd hold us back. Honestly, he didn't the first year b/c one single baby just felt like an accessory to us. It's been this second year that's been rough b/c DS2 isn't an easy toddler. He's harder as one toddler than my older two were combined. The pros though were that DD and DS1 are at an age where they are pretty independent, I can take them places easily and somewhat trust them not to run off, etc.

We're considering having a fourth. In an ideal world, we'd wait to TTC until DS2 was at least 3 year old, so he'd be even more independent when #4 was born. But, I'll be 39 this year so time isn't on our side, so we'll need to make a decision soon.

[whereintheworld]

I had my 3 in 3 years but we knew we'd only have 3. If we planned to have four I would have done 2u2 then waited 4ish years and done 2u2 again.

My first two are 19mo apart and the second two are 15mo apart. As my older two gain independence (5 and 3.5 now) I am SO happy the baby is only 15 months behind most milestones and we didn't really 'start over' with another baby.

[Deleted]

This is something I thought about but then decided against. There were many reasons I decided no but one major one was the fact that we will be in a completely different space with our kids by then. No more diapers, looking at school for all 3, traveling easily, activities for older kids etc. Basically, our lives will have adjusted to older children and I don't want to go back to all that comes with a newborn and young toddler including naps, nursing around the clock, diapers, not sleeping etc.

[hocus2]

I have kids that are 5 and 3. If I was younger (say less than 35) I'd consider having more once my kids were more settled. But I'm 40 and I personally don't want to start over with a new baby at 42 or 43. I admire folks that have the energy and desire for more kids later in life. I'm so very tired all the time right now and my kids are getting pretty independent.

[cinco]

I had 2u2, and then 3.5 years b/w 2&3 (they will be 4 yrs apart in school). For the most part I love the larger age gap. It was much easier in the baby stage especially b/c the oldest was in kindergarten and the middle was in preschool. Whereas the older two were always more of a unit, I get more one on one time with DD2. She is my little buddy and comes with me on errands, running, kids practices, etc. 3.5 years isn't a huge age gap though, so it wasn't like I was starting over really. I had gotten used to sleeping through the night and not having to carry baby stuff everywhere, but you do it a couple times and what is one more?

The hardest part right now is that she does have to tag along to all the "big kid" stuff. I get a little envious of the moms at sports practices who can just chill b/c I'm still trying to entertain a crazy 3 year old on the side. All day track meets or lacrosse games with a nursing toddler weren't exactly the most fun either. Volunteering at the school is pretty much impossible b/c I would need a sitter for DD2. I'll get my turn when DD2 is older, but I feel like the older two get the raw end of the deal sometimes.

ETA: Naps can be a pain in the butt too. The older two have been on the same schedule for so long. Having to make sure a toddler/preschooler gets a nap while the older two still do their thing is difficult. Probably why my #3 gave up naps on the early side.

[krystee]

My parents had us all far apart (the first two due to TTC and the second two because they decided they wanted a third four years later). The third was the easiest for them because I was 10 and I babysat the four-year-old and infant all the time, but I remember thinking the baby had kind of ruined our nice, fun lives because we had been going out to movies, restaurants, etc., and now we had to schedule things around a baby sleeping. It was really annoying.

I thought I wanted to have two kids four years apart, but I am now thinking I want to stay in baby mode and then get out of it (maybe 2-2.5 years apart). But it took almost two years for this one, so we'll see what happens!

[auntie]

My cousin did that.

She's an only and her DH lost his only sister, so they decided to go for 2 under 2 and ended up with kids 14 months apart. They wanted 3, but it took a while to get their groove back. Their DS has EE and serious food allergies, so they tabled the 3rd until the older ones were in elementary. She says she's happier and calmer with #3.

A coworker and his wife did the same thing- they live very rural and wanted their kids to be playmates. The first two are about a year apart and the third was born when they were in middle school. It's worked really well for them.


@lauralynne my BIL has kids 40, 34, 31, 8 and 7.  8 is his biological grandson adopted via 31; he's older than his uncle 7.

[anna7602]

Mar 8, 2015 14:05:40 GMT -5 krystee said:

My parents had us all far apart (the first two due to TTC and the second two because they decided they wanted a third four years later). The third was the easiest for them because I was 10 and I babysat the four-year-old and infant all the time, but I remember thinking the baby had kind of ruined our nice, fun lives because we had been going out to movies, restaurants, etc., and now we had to schedule things around a baby sleeping. It was really annoying.

!

This sounds like a parental management issue, not necessarily just a new baby issue. We have been really careful not to blame the baby for anything DD doesn't get to do. So, 7pm play date past baby's bedtime? No, sorry Dd, you have homework to do and dinner I have to make for you. I don't say it's because of the baby. For the most part, if it's a birthday party or extracurricular activity, we've found ways for DD to keep doing those things, even if it means cashing in a favor from a friend to do pick-up/drop off or dividing and conquering as parents.

It seems like a lot of the activities issues would be more due to having several kids who have to be several different places at once, not the age gap. Adding a third or fourth child into the mix is going to complicate things somehow anyway, isn't it?

[faith194]

We are OAD, but I am starting to waiver a bit. DS will be five in October, and i think I would like that age gap. I doubt we will have another one, but some things have happened recently where I feel our family is not complete,

My brother and I are 14 months apart. My little sister and I are 7 years apart. I between my sister and I, my mom gave birth to my first sister, but she did not survive(born at 24 weeks with neural tube defects). Anyway, mom loved the larger age gap, because my brother and I could help her out. My brother and I were super close until we hit the teen years.

[shell24]

I had my first 2 21 months apart, then my 3rd is 3.5 years younger than my middle.  That might not be as big of a break as you're referring to, but it's still a decent amount of time  

I like it because my older 2 are pretty self sufficient.  They are able to do things for themselves and help out with the baby.  I feel like I got one on one time with the baby like I did with my first child. But on the other hand, it adds a difficult element to many situations.  School events, the pool, etc.  Last summer I got a babysitter almost every time I took the older 2 to the the pool so I could take them to the big, deep pool and they could actually have fun.  I plan on doing the same thing this summer.  There are a few moments I think to myself, damn, I was hitting the sweet spot!  But of course I don't regret having her for a second

[bunnymendelbaum]

I didn't know this! I thought you were done. I'm excited for you.

[kaycee]

My husband and BIL are 2 years apart. My husband is 8 years older than his sister. They are all close. My MIL loved it and I think she still loves it. My husband and I were married and she had a kid home in high school, so she was done parenting in stages. My husband had nothing, but fond memories and funny stories about having a baby in the house as an 8 year old.

[bunch]

That's my plan. DD1 and DD2 are 22 mos apart. DC3 will probably be 3+ after that. My first two presented some big challenges due to the spacing. They're doing okay now, but it was most definitely not a seamless transition. I want both kids to be significantly more independent before a third. Dh was 9.5 and his sis was 7 when their baby brother was born. I don't think that I would do that ( I was 7 yrs older than mil was when she had her first), but it seems to have worked out well for them. They were very hands off with parenting bil. He seems to have turned out just fine

[Deleted]

Mar 8, 2015 17:15:15 GMT -5 bunnymendelbaum said:

I didn't know this! I thought you were done. I'm excited for you.

LOL. Who knows. More of a random thought at this stage. 
Deep down though I really do love kids..ha.

[szjz]

I'm a lurker, but my girls are 16 months apart and then I had my son 4 years and 11 month after my youngest DD.



I enjoy the spacing because the baby years were such a blur with the girls because of their spacing. 

[mpc]

I think this is fairly normal. Most of the people I know with 3 kids have a bigger gap between 2 and 3 than they did between 1 and 2. Whether it was due to finances or indecision or just needing a break, it seems to work really well for a lot of people. Good luck dairy!

[kdubs923]

This is what I'm hoping for, so this thread is interesting. We're TTC now, which would make DS a little over 2 when #2 would be born (hopefully). Then possibly wait 4 years for another. But then I wonder if I'd want another so #3 would have a buddy...

My ILs did this, but with a MUCH bigger gap. BILs are 2 years apart, then DH was born 15 years later. They're actually all close and have been (just in different ways) through the years.

[jeaniebueller]

I only have two kids, but wanted to say that the 5.5 year age gap has been awesome. DS is pretty self sufficient, can get his own snacks, go to the bathroom alone, can dress himself, can help clean up (or in the case of having a newborn, can get me a burp cloth, diaper, fallen pacifier, etc.), can play independently at the park.....and the list goes on and on. I highly recommend a bigger gap.