Follow up to my church drama

[Deleted]

ICYMI, it was in a randoms post ~2 weeks ago.
In short, a friend asked me to be the godmother for her daughter. The baptism is a week from Sunday. I called my church and asked for a letter stating that I can be a godparent. My church said no, because they don't count attendance at Mass on Christmas, NYD (a holy day of obligation), and Ash Wednesday - towards their 6 Masses in 4 months bar (basically only Sundays count) to be considered an active parishoner. Mind you, I have a 6 month old, it's winter and their parking lot snow clearing leaves a LOT to be desired.
Anyway, I went to Mass the past 2 weeks (including driving an hour home from my parents' and going alllll the way back to go out to brunch for my aunt's birthday between the hours of 8:30AM and 11:30AM on Sunday), and called back yesterday afternoon to talk to the pastor. He was unavailable but the same (borderline rude) woman answered the phone as last time. I went on a whole spiel, ended up crying (God, why do I do that?) and she said she would call me back today once she talked to the pastor.
DD had her 6mo appointment this morning, so I was terrified someone would call while we were at the doctor's office, but no one did. Once noon rolled around, I started getting upset that no one was going to call me back, since they have such horrible office hours (9:30-3 or something ridiculous). Well she called a few minutes ago, and so long as I go to Mass this weekend, he will sign the letter.
THANK YOU JESUS!
I still think this rule is ludicrous and am considering switching churches, but DH and I are going to re-evaluate after Easter before we make a decision.
Thanks to everyone who weighed in and offered sympathies in my original post

[anna7602]

Ack! I am glad they're giving you the letter, but I still think the whole thing sounds very uncharitable and unCatholic of them to not be more understanding of a new mom.

[Deleted]

I'm glad you'll get your letter, but I don't think I could continue to be part of such a "community". Definitely consider your options post-Easter.

[redheadk]

I would switch unless you have other strong ties to that church. Those people sound absolutely nasty and uncaring. It would be one thing if you were only there for Christmas and Easter in the years prior to your DDs birth, but if you were active prior to the birth of your DD and these people used half of the brain that God gave them, they could put 2 and 2 together.

I cannot abide nasty church leadership that is up on a high horse.

[lillaguma]

I'm glad you're getting the letter, but I would also consider switching and probably let them know why. They should definitely be more understanding of a new mom, particularly in difficult weather, and want to reach out to you rather than rebuffing you.

[ilikedonuts]

What?!??!?!?!??!

Time for a new church.

[aspentosh]

Our church was like this, and is why DD is still unbaptized. Her godparents would need to be active Catholics, which is hard for us. H is Baptist and his brother is incredibly active in his church, but can't be his godparent. It's awful

[thefield]

I'm glad you're getting your letter.

If I had no other connection to this Church, I also would be looking for a new parish. I hope you find someplace good!

[elocrates]

Wait. Do they take attendance at church? How do they know how many times you've been there? Maybe I missed something in the other thread.

Also, most parents are a pretty good judge of who they want to be Godparents based on good moral and faith character. From the church's standpoint, I understand wanting to have somebody of the same religion, but I really don't think most parents would choose somebody "questionable" to be a Godparent.

Glad it sounds like this is all going to work out okay for you in the end.

[h]

Mar 10, 2015 14:50:57 GMT -5 @marshmallows said:

Church should not make people cry. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Seriously. These people are doing Christianity wrong.

But I am glad you got things worked out.

[turtlegirl]

Glad that things worked out, but sorry you had to jump through hoops and tears to get to that point.

It just seems crazy to me because I go to what many people would consider a very "traditional church" (small Episcopalian church in a building that is literally 150 years old) and none of these things are required or have been mentioned when we had our children baptized. I've even had conversations with our pastor before where he has mentioned that he knows and totally understands why young families with children have the least "regular" church attendance.

[meij]

Mar 10, 2015 15:15:28 GMT -5 elocrates said:

Wait. Do they take attendance at church? How do they know how many times you've been there?

They can keep track of you with their collection envelopes. Each family has an envelope number and we get our envelopes in the mail each month. Even if you do electronic giving or no giving you are supposed to drop your envelope in the collection plate each Sunday to be counted.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 16:01:03 GMT -5 meij said:

Mar 10, 2015 15:15:28 GMT -5 elocrates said:

Wait. Do they take attendance at church? How do they know how many times you've been there?

They can keep track of you with their collection envelopes. Each family has an envelope number and we get our envelopes in the mail each month. Even if you do electronic giving or no giving you are supposed to drop your envelope in the collection plate each Sunday to be counted.

Yes this is how our church is except we aren't offered electronic giving.

[ilikedonuts]

We have to give X amount per year to get the parishioner rate for school but they don't care if it's mailed in weekly.

But the dropping your envelope in for attendance definitely does not happen at either of our parishes (we are in the middle of switching)

[momof2boys]

They keep attendance? How do they know you didn't attend church, what if you just skipped the donation? My husband is the godfather for his best friends son and he hasn't stepped foot in a church for about 20 years. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 18:34:48 GMT -5 momof2boys said:

They keep attendance? How do they know you didn't attend church, what if you just skipped the donation? My husband is the godfather for his best friends son and he hasn't stepped foot in a church for about 20 years. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.

They say they don't care if you put in an empty envelope (which I think is bullshit bc it basically pushes you to put in even $1 but whatever).

[waterchurch]

I'm glad you got your letter but I'm sorry it was such a fight. How ridiculous.

[elocrates]

Mar 10, 2015 16:01:03 GMT -5 meij said:

Mar 10, 2015 15:15:28 GMT -5 elocrates said:

Wait. Do they take attendance at church? How do they know how many times you've been there?

They can keep track of you with their collection envelopes. Each family has an envelope number and we get our envelopes in the mail each month. Even if you do electronic giving or no giving you are supposed to drop your envelope in the collection plate each Sunday to be counted.

Right. But how do they know if all members of the family attended? (Rhetorical question.) There's a lot of assumption there. Sometimes my DH is out of town, or I am working, or I guess my thought was just that it seems unneccessarily petty. Basically OP, the situation is unfortunate, and I'm sorry you have had to deal with it.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 21:10:57 GMT -5 elocrates said:

Mar 10, 2015 16:01:03 GMT -5 meij said:

They can keep track of you with their collection envelopes. Each family has an envelope number and we get our envelopes in the mail each month. Even if you do electronic giving or no giving you are supposed to drop your envelope in the collection plate each Sunday to be counted.

Right. But how do they know if all members of the family attended? (Rhetorical question.) There's a lot of assumption there. Sometimes my DH is out of town, or I am working, or I guess my thought was just that it seems unneccessarily petty. Basically OP, the situation is unfortunate, and I'm sorry you have had to deal with it.

That is a concern I brought up. The woman said something about my husband or I attending and I said, wait a minute. You're saying that my husband can go to Mass weekly, and I not set foot in church at all for years and years, but based upon his attendance, since you have 1 envelope/family, I'd be allowed to be a godparent. Is that what you are really saying?
The response was, well that's not really what you're supposed to do, in the spirit of the rules, but I suppose that is true. And I just about lost my mind.
I also suggested them eliminating them having envelopes for Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Easter, and the holy days of obligation, since, as I was told, they don't count towards attendance wrt to being considered an active parishoner. I got a bit of a "hmph" out of her for that. BUT I AM RIGHT!!

[Deleted]

In sum, and I told DH and my mom this - I think a lot of it boils down to money.
When DH and I go to church, we give a nominal amount - whatever larger small bill we have ($20 usually, not like $5). Sometimes I write a check. So we give a few hundred dollars per year. We give $50 or $100 for Christmas and Easter.
BUT I spend hundreds per year on food pantry donations, for which they don't track who gave what and when. Our church is in good shape financially, but have a lot of people who utilize the food pantry. I've always thought the direct food donations have been a better, more direct use of my time (shopping and whatnot) and money. I have donated formula and diapers in the past 2 months, in addition to canned goods and other non-perishables, since I know they are expensive and not usually donated. Again, because none of that is tracked, it also isn't recognized by the parish.

[ilikedonuts]

You could show up just in time to drop the envelope in and then leave. It's dumb to 'track'

Plus I go to various other parishes bc sometimes I go with other people. So guess that's not 'good enough' either