Would you send your child to a religious school if

[auberge]

you did not share the same beliefs/culture?

This is the question my husband and I are trying to ask ourselves. I work at a private Jewish K-12 day school. Academically, it's an excellent school. The teaching staff is caring and it has beautiful facilities.

The curriculum is about 25% Jewish studies and Hebrew. (75% General Ed)

I think I'm struggling because I don't want my school to feel excluded being biracial and not Jewish. My H struggles because we're not religious and he thinks it will be confusing for our son. (Studying at school, wearing a kippah etc.)

The school is being super generous and we would get a $25,000 education for a fraction of the cost. It's hard for me to pass up being I'm such a proponent of private school. We have applied to two other schools but we will pay $$$.

WWYD?

[redpenmama]

Yes, I would.

I am Catholic and attended Catholic school. That said, 25% of my high school was non-Catholic, and the non-Catholics were never outsiders or excluded because of it. They didn't get communion during Mass, and that was about it.

ETA: Now that I see more info, I would be more hesitant if he is the only or one of just a handful of non-Jewish students. In my example, the fact that the non-Catholic population was large probably played a role in everyone feeling accepted (based on religious beliefs, at least). 

[rootbeerfloat]

Mar 10, 2015 15:15:21 GMT -5 auberge said:

I think I'm struggling because I don't want my school to feel excluded being biracial and not Jewish.

Would he be the ONLY non-Jewish student? Are there any other black/biracial students? This part would give me pause, but I lean towards yes.

[SJ]

I would probably not do it, but it is a tough call.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:20:05 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Ooh, that's really tough. Is there a Gentile population on campus at all? If so, what's the % ?

Very little. 500 kids in school maybe 5% non Jewish. There are more interfaith parents though. There are 4 black kids. Lol

[Deleted]

I also would like to know if he'll be a very rare outsider who is clearly there for the discount, or part of a minority but in company.

I lean toward "no". My 3 year old comes home with the sign of the cross and prayers from preschool. I want that, so I'm happy, but people who think a child will not take in the religious aspect of their school... I just wouldn't count on it. It's very mixed messages to have them spend a quarter of their education time on something you don't want them to believe.

[anaps28]

I think if your not religious it's not as big of a deal IMO. If you were practicing another religion I think it might be confusing for your child.
We both went to Catholic school and do not practice any religion now but send DS1 to Christian preschool that's actually much heavier on religion then I would like it to be. The school is excellent and he has Muslim and Hindu kids in his class so I'm guessing the other parents just let the religious thing go bc of the quality of education.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:24:51 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

I also would like to know if he'll be a very rare outsider who is clearly there for the discount, or part of a minority but in company.

I lean toward "no". My 3 year old comes home with the sign of the cross and prayers from preschool. I want that, so I'm happy, but people who think a child will not take in the religious aspect of their school... I just wouldn't count on it. It's very mixed messages to have them spend a quarter of their education time on something you don't want them to believe.

Him being an outsider is probably my own issue. I think if he came in at kindergarten he has a good chance of fitting in. He does look white after all j/k.

[InBetweenDays]

I don't think I would in that situation. Not because I wouldn't want them to learn about a different (or any) religion in depth, but I wouldn't want 25% of their education being spent on a value/belief that we don't hold.

[h]

In that case, yes. My oldest went to a Jewish daycare/preschool until he was 5. We loved it, and aside from having to arrange childcare on Jewish holidays and the fact that he was jealous of Hanukkah, being one of the relatively few non-Jewish kids was no big deal. I liked the fact that he was exposed to Judaism, and the Tot Shabbat services he attended on Fridays were generally pretty consistent with our liberal Christian beliefs. Our youngest will start at a different Jewish preschool (in a different state) in the fall, so we obviously have no issue with it.

There are religious schools I would not send my kid to (evangelical Christian schools, for example). But a Jewish school that offers my kid a great education at a great price is totally cool with me.

[imojoebunny]

I send my kid to Quaker School (Friends), and I am Atheist. They have silent meeting and do not teach any specific beliefs though, other than the spices, and the general Quaker Values, which I have no problem with.

I went to school growing up where Jewish was the primary religion, > 50%. I felt excluded at times because everyone went to synagogue, camp, and Hebrew school together, and I did not. We had few spend the nights, since they had religious services on a different day from my family. Overall though, I really identify and respect the Jewish culture and values. I feel more "at home" in a Jewish family typically, than other types of cultures.

I think it largely depends on your comfort level with your child being immersed in another culture/religion. I know quite a few Christians who have converted to the Jewish faith as adults. I would have no problem with my child going to a Jewish school from an educational standpoint, but how much your child would be included could be an issue depending on how liberal or Orthodox the school is, and the families that go there.

[thefield]

The combination of there being so few non-Jewish students and 25% of the academics being focused on Jewish Studies and Hebrew would lead me to send my children elsewhere.

It would hurt to turn down the discount, though.

[auntie]

I would not under the circumstances you describe.

FTR, my son attended an indie school that had an affiliation with a local Episcopal Church. It was pretty diverse- most of the kids were Christian of some stripe of other (mostly Roman Catholic with some Episcopalians, Methodists, Lutherans, etc), about 10% Jewish with a couple of Buddhists and Hindu students- about as diverse as out local public school is. They observed Christian holidays, but did not teach dogma. One of the schools we looked at required parents to attend church services weekly with their child as an expectation. My godchild's Quaker school was about half Jewish kids.

25% is a big piece of the instructional day. I would be OK with some religious instruction- our parish RC school and the local Quaker schools do a couple hours a week of instruction and weekly Mass/ Meeting but more than that along with my child being an "outsider" wouldn't work for me.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:30:37 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I don't think I would in that situation. Not because I wouldn't want them to learn about a different (or any) religion in depth, but I wouldn't want 25% of their education being spent on a value/belief that we don't hold.

I think I have a hard time because the 75% is superior and most of the values are universal. It's the cultural/religious aspects that don't match our family.

[soxin2]

If you like and trust the school enough to be their employee, I would say go for it.

Also, I like saving money.

If the school's *academic* reputation is that good I'd say go for it.

We have friends who are Jewish, and one of the brothers converted to a more orthodox form of Judaism "despite" their 4years at Catholic high school (and possibly some other private schooling).

So, it could also inspire him to deepen/explore his faith in your own religion.

[Willis Jackson]

I would consider it.

[lo]

I'm in the same situation except my school doesn't allow non-jewish kids to attend. If I'm still working here when my DD is pre-k age, I hope they'll allow her to attend for the year. I wouldn't have a problem with her learning the Judaic curriculum, although it's 50% where I work.

[Deleted]

If it was a school that taught Jewish tradition, culture, values, and beliefs, I would be okay with it.

If they taught religion at all--that is, taught about God as a real, powerful entity as opposed to "Jewish people believe God is X Y and Z and did A B and C," encouraged or required prayer, etc., I would not be okay with it. We are firm atheists and I do not want my children being told that God exists and has power to work miracles in the world etc. by people who really believe that is true--at least not at this age. I think it's honestly confusing for kids to hear something like that when they are small and still learning to distinguish fantasy from reality. When they are older of course they will be exposed to these ideas, and I won't stop them from going to church with a friend, etc. But to me that's very different from deliberately and consistently exposing them to ideas that directly contradict our family's beliefs, especially when they are too young to have the context to decide for themselves what they think is true.

[Deleted]

So the choices are 1) nearly free excellent Jewish school or 2) expensive non-denom private school? If so, then I would seriously consider it, especially until your son can voice an opinion on it. Is there any way he could be excused from Hebrew studies? I think kids at my mom's old Catholic school just did a study hall instead of that class.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:32:30 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

I send my kid to Quaker School (Friends), and I am Atheist. They have silent meeting and do not teach any specific beliefs though, other than the spices, and the general Quaker Values, which I have no problem with.

I went to school growing up where Jewish was the primary religion, > 50%. I felt excluded at times because everyone went to synagogue, camp, and Hebrew school together, and I did not. We had few spend the nights, since they had religious services on a different day from my family. Overall though, I really identify and respect the Jewish culture and values. I feel more "at home" in a Jewish family typically, than other types of cultures.

I think it largely depends on your comfort level with your child being immersed in another culture/religion. I know quite a few Christians who have converted to the Jewish faith as adults. I would have no problem with my child going to a Jewish school from an educational standpoint, but how much your child would be included could be an issue depending on how liberal or Orthodox the school is, and the families that go there.

The school is pluralistic with most families falling the conservative category.

[Deleted]

I keep reading the responses and seeing both sides. I guess bottom line, I'd definitely consider it.

We are catholic but I can still see the value in going to a Jewish school. Although it isn't our faith I can still see the value in learning Hebrew (foreign language) and exposure to a different faith. I also feel some of the values taught are just universal. I wouldn't see this as a huge omg so confusing thing for.my children because I do know several interfaith couples and they make judaism/Christianity work so I believe I could make this work. And if I was getting a fantastic education for an excellent price, well that's something to heavily consider.

We have chosen a Methodist preschool for J even though we technically had a Catholic option. Although it's not as different since we are talking to Christian faiths it is different from ours. But, I felt all things considered that this was the best choice for our family in terms of price, program offerings, scheduling etc.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:42:29 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

So the choices are 1) nearly free excellent Jewish school or 2) expensive non-denom private school? If so, then I would seriously consider it, especially until your son can voice an opinion on it. Is there any way he could be excused from Hebrew studies? I think kids at my mom's old Catholic school just did a study hall instead of that class.

Or free public but I'm pretty sure we are going the private school route.

All studies have to take all the classes including Jewish studies and Hebrew.

[MadamePresident]

I think out would depend on my specific beliefs and how different they were. As a Christian, I would be okay with a Jewish school, but probably not a Morman school.

[mrsdoe]

.

[auberge]

Mar 10, 2015 15:39:03 GMT -5 lo said:

I'm in the same situation except my school doesn't allow non-jewish kids to attend. If I'm still working here when my DD is pre-k age, I hope they'll allow her to attend for the year. I wouldn't have a problem with her learning the Judaic curriculum, although it's 50% where I work.

They opened up the school to non Jews a while back for this exact reason (faculty children). Faculty is about 50% non Jewish at my school.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 15:40:43 GMT -5 page said:

If it was a school that taught Jewish tradition, culture, values, and beliefs, I would be okay with it.

If they taught religion at all--that is, taught about God as a real, powerful entity as opposed to "Jewish people believe God is X Y and Z and did A B and C," encouraged or required prayer, etc., I would not be okay with it. We are firm atheists and I do not want my children being told that God exists and has power to work miracles in the world etc. by people who really believe that is true--at least not at this age. I think it's honestly confusing for kids to hear something like that when they are small and still learning to distinguish fantasy from reality. When they are older of course they will be exposed to these ideas, and I won't stop them from going to church with a friend, etc. But to me that's very different from deliberately and consistently exposing them to ideas that directly contradict our family's beliefs, especially when they are too young to have the context to decide for themselves what they think is true.

This is a good point and something to consider. My opinion, coming from someone raising her children Catholic and with a belief in God in general I think is understandably different than yours where you are raising you children without that belief. For me it's a matter of different faiths, but still that core belief. I think this difference makes more sense and is less confusing than for a child raised at home without the idea of God at all but then spends so much time at school learning about it.

I hope that makes sense.

[Odonata]

My thoughts are basically what little_moxie said.

25% seems like a lot of the curriculum, but if it counts as a language and a history-type course I wouldn't be bothered by it. It also depends on the community of the school.

I work at a private Methodist school and they offer free tuition 6th to 12th grade for employees(at least now, let's hope that is still the case when she's older!). The students must take a religion class every year but it is taught as a history of religion type of class (one I know is called "Religion in America". They have chapel every Tuesday but it's not a service but a non-denominational gathering where ethics is usually discussed or they have guest speakers. So, for our Atheist family , I am OK with it all, especially since Atheism is considered "acceptable" to the school. They are inclusive.

SO - it all depends on the school's general approach to those that 25% of the curriculum and how they include (if they do at all) non-Jewish or even non-religious individuals in their community.

[kershnic]

Is starting k there and reevaluating as he grows an option? (Obviously not switching mid year if possible, but if you dislike k then go elsewhere for 1?)

[Queen Mamadala]

Jewish (reform or reconstructionist) or UU-type school, I'd consider. I can't think of others that are based on Eastern philosophies, but I'd absolutely consider it if money weren't an issue. We wouldn't send our kids to a private Christian or Catholic school.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 15:47:43 GMT -5 auberge said:

Mar 10, 2015 15:42:29 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

So the choices are 1) nearly free excellent Jewish school or 2) expensive non-denom private school? If so, then I would seriously consider it, especially until your son can voice an opinion on it. Is there any way he could be excused from Hebrew studies? I think kids at my mom's old Catholic school just did a study hall instead of that class.

Or free public but I'm pretty sure we are going the private school route.

All studies have to take all the classes including Jewish studies and Hebrew.

I guess I would like to see and understand the curriculum a little better but I'd be open to it. $25k a year is a lot of money.