Opinion - Preschool Related

[andrewsgal]

Honestly if my husband was with my kids that much and refuses to take them in public especially a kid that needs more opportunities in public than a typical kid I would lose my shit.

Kids need outside experiences and if your kids aren't getting those because your husband is lazy that suck for them

[scattered]

I think this is a lot bigger than a field trip.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 12, 2015 21:13:20 GMT -5 @kimbus22 said:

Seriously he spends more time taking care of the kids alone in a week than half the husbands on here spend alone with their kids in 6 months.

.

But that's the point! No one is saying your husband is a bad dad. The fact that he spends so much time with them but won't leave the house is an issue. Kids thrive and grow from experiences outside the house. If he is really concerned for their safety than those behaviors need to be addressed. If it's more your husband then maybe you can help him understand that more exposure to new places would actually help the behaviors you are trying to deal with.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 7:23:18 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

(((smh))) - since when is a 3yo throwing a tantrum not developmentally appropriate? Am I missing something here? what are all these red flags you all are talking about?

Kimbus, I think as long as he is improving and growing, than the school is fine. These things don't change overnight. And from the little I know of Joey that you shared when he was 2 and extremely challenging, I wouldn't be concerned.

I'm no expert, but I have however dealt with a challenging toddler/preschooler.

Yes CJ it's all about a three year old throwing tantrums.

[amynumbers]

By Kimbus' own admission, every day at pick up is a report of a tantrum. My kid is in a 3s class -- no that is not typical at this point in the year.

It is also not typical for a teacher to request one on one support for a child due to a behavior issue for a field trip.

Or, the teacher sucks (and the school is supporting her). In which case, why trust your kid to that person?

[scattered]

Mar 13, 2015 7:27:34 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

I think a lot of you make mountains out of mole hills. No one here has ever even met her DS

Exactly. We're all going off what she has told us, which makes some of the professionals in our group raise an eyebrow.

[amynumbers]

Exactly -- we never met her kid. So you can only go by what is reported, which is constant stuff like this. Unless it's an over exaggeration.

I actually think some people are way too laid back about this stuff -- either because if ignorance on the topic, fear, or pride. Why you wouldn't get your kid the support and protection he needs to make the time, money and effort you spend on school is a foreign concept to me.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Mar 13, 2015 7:27:34 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

I think a lot of you make mountains out of mole hills. No one here has ever even met her DS

I think if my kids teacher contacted me 6.5 months into the school year and said they couldn't trust my kid to transition without 1:1 support I would be asking for a referral to a private therapist. Does it sound like its in the realm of typical 3 year old development to my admittedly untrained ear? Sure. Would I still be thorough? Definitely.

i also feel like whenever you tell someone to refer to a specialist that means you're armchair diagnosing their kid with some disorder. Most kids with red flag behaviors/delays are perfectly fine.a small percentage aren't and better for them to be seen earlier.  Even if a kid is perfectly fine and some aspect of their development is lagging a bit behind ThEY CAN HELP. They don't just help kids with developmental or neurological disorders.I agree with Amy-even if a kid doesn't have a diagnosable disorder therapy will be beneficial. For a kid with a family history of anxiety all the more better to be proactive about mental health. 

[NandaB]

I know you are trying to defend or explain or whatever, but the whole "my husband spends more time with his kids than yours do" is rubbing me the wrong way. Because although my husbands schedule doesn't allow that, when he is with them they are doing stuff. They aren't just holed up in a room full of toys, they go to the park, or to target, or to the pet store. I mean, he's not planning elaborate outings, but every weekend they go SOMEWHERE. to get out of my hair and to do something meaningful together. I'm sure he was anxious about it the first few times, but he did it, because they're his kids too and he knows its good to get them out of the house. I mean, shit I would have a tantrum if the only place I ever went was school.

ETA: he didn't take them both to the park when N was still a baby, but they did target and the pet store a lot. Because it was easy to get in and out, there was stuff to see and talk about and after the first few times he knew he could do it.

[andrewsgal]

.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 8:15:54 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

Mar 13, 2015 8:00:05 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

You know, this will probably land me on both of your shit lists but I don't care. Of course cjcouple you don't see an issue. Either you and Kimbus misrepresent your lives or don't reread what you write. Because some of the things posted definitely seem extreme. Yes 3 is hard. There are times I wanted to sell my 3 year old. We all bitched about it together and coined #yearofthefucking3. However, if DD was having some of the issues that Kimbus says Joey is I would live at my doctors office getting someone to listen to me. And I would pull him from the school because either he needs more help or they fucking suck. I don't claim to know which one. If 1 of 2 teachers suck that's 1 too many for me. But I also have quite a few school choices.

I'm glad he's in speech. I hope it helps him. I'm glad he's improving. Things don't change over night. so if they are happy with his improvement, KOKO.

If he is having trouble transitioning in public it might be good to let him practice it with you or your H. Figuring out how to get him and you out quickly and safely is important. Also, your H needs to find a safe place and take the kids out. I would only take the kids to DDs school or the children's museum for a while after having DS. I knew those 2 places and felt like I could manage them. Once I got my confidence up, we went more places.

I'm not trying to be nasty but honestly when people vent here you can't expect us not to remember this stuff when you ask questions later. All of that is relevant when giving our opinion.

Do you feel better?  Telling me off for sticking up for our friend?  thanks for showing your true colors

Are you out of your mind? TooShort is literally the on of the nicest people. She is kind, forgiving and amazing. She has never ever been a bitch to anyone. I know it's easier just to call her a bitch and say she is showing her true colors than realize what she is saying has some truth to it, but for goodness sake she is far from anything you are implying.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Cj please don't take this the wrong way because it isn't meant to be but your kid who was once a difficult preschooler has an anxiety disorder and by your own admission struggling in school. You of all people should be advocating for being proactive no? It's not like you have the experience of having a kid who was difficult that grew out of it. He's making great progress but getting help from staff. That's a good thing.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Mar 13, 2015 8:30:32 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

Mar 13, 2015 8:27:50 GMT -5 Kcthepouchh8r said:

Cj please don't take this the wrong way because it isn't meant to be but your kid who was once a difficult preschooler has an anxiety disorder and by your own admission struggling in school. You of all people should be advocating for being proactive no? It's not like you have the experience of having a kid who was difficult that grew out of it. He's making great progress but getting help from staff. That's a good thing.

hahahahahah - see what happens when you assume?  B was not my difficult preschooler.  

If your going to use my children's info that i share against me, please use it correctly when forming your opinions.

Ah you shared how your youngest was so mature and well behaved less than a week ago that I assumed he didn't flip flop that quickly when he's still pretty close to preschool age. My fault.

But no I wasn't trying to use anything against you. Either way I would think that you would advocate for being proactive with a child who has an anxiety disorder.

[amynumbers]

What a fucking joke.

Whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys. It's a shame it impacts kids but whatever.

Next time people ask for opinions kindly clarify the answer you are looking for ahead of time.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 8:28:46 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

where did I call her a bitch?

Funny how you assume your statements are the "truth" when they are anything but. You have said it yourself - you only know what we share and then you make your assumptions. That's a great strategy.

So tell me wise one since you have all the answers. We are now not supposed to read what people say in multiple posts to form opinions? Or should we just sugar coat and lie? I am confused. This is a message board all we have to go on is what people post. Some post a lot about their kids. Some don't post much at all. We can only form opinions on what people post because sadly no one has a crystal ball to see into anyone else's lives.

So please enlighten me, what is a good strategy when answering post?

[amynumbers]

Dude, I will just say it. The last person I would take advice from when it comes to a kid and school issues is someone who won't get a kid with a SM diagnosis an IEP for his own benefit and protection. Please see above comments about fear and pride. I am positive I am not alone in this thought.

I know, I am a big meanie bitch. Whatever -- there is a kid involved so I'm cool with it. It's not like beating around the bush has helped.

Every post you makes gives context when you ask for advice.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 8:36:42 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

Mar 13, 2015 8:32:07 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Well how about you don't post about your shit anymore.

done - and I haven't posted about it in months - no one here would be able to tell me the status of my children because I pretty much stopped posting after the last fiasco. 

and it's a shame because I have wanted to share about their successes and challenges. But I can't because it is thrown back in my face.  

Oh FFS this is laughable. Everyone on this board celebrated your sons accomplishments. You put a ton out there. Do you really not consider post history when someone is posting?

It's like KC coming on and telling us he daughter had a hard time socially and she thinks it's because the other kids are mean. (Never happened just needed an example) Of course we should take the fact that her daughter has ASD in to consideration.

You are being ridiculous CJ.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 8:44:48 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

Mar 13, 2015 8:43:00 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Dude, I will just say it. The last person I would take advice from when it comes to a kid and school issues is someone who won't get a kid with a SM diagnosis an IEP for his own benefit and protection. Please see above comments about fear and pride. I am positive I am not alone in this thought.

I know, I am a big meanie bitch. Whatever -- there is a kid involved so I'm cool with it. It's not like beating around the bush has helped.

Every post you makes gives context when you ask for advice.

lol - ok, and you know my situation so well...oh wait, you don't. 

You really have no clue how much you have shared do you?

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 8:47:43 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

Mar 13, 2015 8:46:11 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

You really have no clue how much you have shared do you?

Keyword - shared. Past tense

It's irrelevant now - as in present tense.  

 

Because everything is magically better now.

[amynumbers]

See how that works? You answer questions based on available known information willingly shared?

Last time I checked, we didn't water board.

[scattered]

Mar 13, 2015 8:37:09 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

What a fucking joke.

Whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys. It's a shame it impacts kids but whatever.

Next time people ask for opinions kindly clarify the answer you are looking for ahead of time.

This. If you want us to sugar coat shit maybe you need to go back to TB.

Dude. I was holding back because ain't nobody got time for this but listen up.

A small subset of you know what I'm dealing with right now regarding Jack and some concerns. AG is one of the first people I talked to because *newsflash* she's a straight shooter and she's a professional in the field. I needed some tough love- I needed to hear that no, his writing is not typical and no he should not be "chomping" with scissors at this age.

Same deal with amy#s. They are my friends and I trust them. No it doesn't feel warm and fuzzy to hear my kid needs special attention because he has delays. What kind of cut rate shitty friends would they be if they blew smoke up my ass with the plethora of red flags I've thrown up for them?

CJ maybe you're sensitive to this so you're not seeing the forest for the trees but come on. We've been hearing the same song for at least a year and now her friends are stepping up.

[toastie]

As the mom of 2 disabled children, I am going to chime in. Speech therapists, eli people and even your pedi ARE NOT qualified to make any diagnoses. I would recommend having him sen by a developmetal pedi. They don't JUST diagnose autism. They can help see anxiety issues, communication issues, processing issues, sensory issues, intellectual issues of GIFTED AND DISABILITY, they can recommend therapies or behavior plans you may never have heard of.

If yours sons difficulties are sever enough to impose on his daily life, which missing out on a field trip because the teacher can't handle it is, then he needs an evaluation. What if it's a simple issue that could be treated, but you haven't had e right people looking? Then in a few years it gets significantly worse and you get a diagnosis. Wouldn't you rather have had those few years of working on it? and if in the end it's just a speech issue he out grows will he be worse for the wear of having had an evaluation and maybe some extra therapy?

Nobody is diagnosing your son. But we all hear you when you post and are encouraging you to seek a second opinion.

[amynumbers]

Oh and let's really put it all out there.

Every "oh my kid doesn't need an IEP/evaluation/therapy because he is such a genius bored special snowflake -- he isn't on of those kids, like you guys have" post on this board has been so fucking offensive that people are lucky they haven't been cyber slapped months ago. How many kids on this board have some sort IEP and or therapy? You act like people are saying your kid should be institutionalized.

Get over yourselves. This isn't about you.

[abs]

Mar 13, 2015 9:02:46 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Oh and let's really put it all out there.

Every "oh my kid doesn't need an IEP/evaluation/therapy because he is such a genius bored special snowflake -- he isn't on of those kids, like you guys have" post on this board has been so fucking offensive that people are lucky they haven't been cyber slapped months ago. How many kids on this board have some sort IEP and or therapy? You act like people are saying your kid should be institutionalized.

Get over yourselves. This isn't about you.

Yep.  My kid has had an IEP since her third birthday.  At one point she was getting speech therapy 3 times a week and OT twice a week.  Now at 4.5 she's doing great and down to speech only once a week but I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be more problems later.  She has apraxia which is highly linked to dyslexia.  You better believe I will be asking for more testing the second I think that might be an issue.

Really though it just boils down to this--preschool teachers and pedis are great at what they do.  They aren't developmental experts though.  Sometimes you need a specialist who will look at the whole picture.

Now, this tangent has nothing to do with kimbus's situation but I think the conversation has moved past that.  No one should be afraid of formal evaluations.  Information is a good thing and can only help.  I also don't think every delay needs a diagnosis but again, information is important.

[jag01]

I love everything that Carymac said. I really get both sides. It sounds like Joey would really benefit from the experience, so you might just need to do some creative thinking on how to make it a successful trip for him. Set him up for success. Could you take Joey to the library a few times before the field trip, and help him with the transitions before hand? I work in a preschool and I see it all the time, the kids tend to act out way more when the parents are present, so what if your DH made a point of being in the general vicinity of the library, if the teachers were starting to have difficulties, they could call your DH to come and help with Joey. Do you have a friend that Joey connects with that could just happen to be at the library that day that could offer Joey extra support if needed?
Good luck!

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 9:02:46 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Oh and let's really put it all out there.

Every "oh my kid doesn't need an IEP/evaluation/therapy because he is such a genius bored special snowflake -- he isn't on of those kids, like you guys have" post on this board has been so fucking offensive that people are lucky they haven't been cyber slapped months ago. How many kids on this board have some sort IEP and or therapy? You act like people are saying your kid should be institutionalized.

Get over yourselves. This isn't about you.

Thank you! It's like it somehow makes your kid defective or makes you a bad mom to admit and get help for your kid. In fact it's totally the opposite the kids that have and will go far have the parents who fight for them every fucking day. An IEP isn't som horrible thing we shouldn't talk about. It means that the moms on here fought for services and won. It means that they realize that every fucking minute counts when kids are young. There is no time to wait and see.

[andrewsgal]

Mar 13, 2015 9:16:09 GMT -5 runningfish said:

It sounds like you're doing what needs to be done. I only say that because everybody else talking about how bad your son used to be =/= what you've been posting about him the last six months I've been a values member of this community. So it does seem like there's improvement.

My opinion on what you initially asked for opinions on...no I don't think it's fair to keep him home. The school should be able to make accommodations for their students and if they can't/aren't willing to facilitate that then maybe you should consider another pre-k.

You really think a basic PreK should be able to be one on one with a kid? This kind of blows my mind.

[amynumbers]

You know what schools you to make accommodations for students who have atypical needs?

IEPs.

[lala]

What tooshort, Amy, kc, & ag have said. We've all been through plenty together and one of the best parts of our little group is we can tell it like it is and laugh together the next day. We all want the best for Joey & for you.

I agree that getting the kids out together regularly would be good for all 3 of them. I hope you are right that he's just being lazy about it - because the alternative is that Joey really is too much to handle on outings. And if your h can't or won't do it, how can the school?

I like toasties' suggestion of a developmental pedi. That is someone who could diagnose OR say that there is no diagnosis.

At the end of the day - your original question - something is going on there. Whether it's more Joey, the school, the teacher or all of the above.

[cna]

Mar 13, 2015 9:02:46 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Oh and let's really put it all out there.

Every "oh my kid doesn't need an IEP/evaluation/therapy because he is such a genius bored special snowflake -- he isn't on of those kids, like you guys have" post on this board has been so fucking offensive that people are lucky they haven't been cyber slapped months ago. How many kids on this board have some sort IEP and or therapy? You act like people are saying your kid should be institutionalized.

Get over yourselves. This isn't about you.

Thank you.