Post by justbecause on Mar 13, 2015 8:28:27 GMT -5
Fffc- I scheduled ds2's well baby visit for when I'm working so DH will have to take them both. He hasn't been to the dr with a kid in about two years. He's due. I did try to reschedule it but since I am working some days and I have to work around the preschool times, my working, and the doctor's schedule, it just became a mess. I am already taking both boys to ds1's well child visit so DH can just deal. He doesn't take both boys out much but that's mostly because we only have one car the kids can ride in and I can't drive his car because I still need to learn standard. He's also a super helicopter parent and I think he's nervous he can't adequately helicopter two kids. I feel like a new age is coming for him and he is going to have to start sucking it up.
Not sure if this qualifies as a FFFC but I've been thinking lately about going back to work and what I want to do with my life, what my passion is yada yada. At the same time, we're contemplating a third kid. So the C part is that while I really really want a third kid, I think I'm mentally spent being a SAHM and I'm probably more ready to go back to work than I admit to myself. But I really really don't think I'd want to put my third in full-time day care. But I'm not sure if it's smart to wait 2-3 more years before entering the workforce again. So I don't know WTF to do. Why can't I be a normal person. The obvious answer is to have third kid, put them in daycare. But I don't wanna. Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?
Not sure if this qualifies as a FFFC but I've been thinking lately about going back to work and what I want to do with my life, what my passion is yada yada. At the same time, we're contemplating a third kid. So the C part is that while I really really want a third kid, I think I'm mentally spent being a SAHM and I'm probably more ready to go back to work than I admit to myself. But I really really don't think I'd want to put my third in full-time day care. But I'm not sure if it's smart to wait 2-3 more years before entering the workforce again. So I don't know WTF to do. Why can't I be a normal person. The obvious answer is to have third kid, put them in daycare. But I don't wanna. Why can't I have my cake and eat it to?
No advice but I could have written your post. When I mentioned to my mil that I wanted to work she said and I quote "oh don't do that your older kids are so smart because you stayed home, why would you do that to DS2"
Not sure if this qualifies as a FFFC but I've been thinking lately about going back to work and what I want to do with my life, what my passion is yada yada. At the same time, we're contemplating a third kid. So the C part is that while I really really want a third kid, I think I'm mentally spent being a SAHM and I'm probably more ready to go back to work than I admit to myself. But I really really don't think I'd want to put my third in full-time day care. But I'm not sure if it's smart to wait 2-3 more years before entering the workforce again. So I don't know WTF to do. Why can't I be a normal person. The obvious answer is to have third kid, put them in daycare. But I don't wanna. Why can't I have my cake and eat it to?
I could have written that. I'm feeling the same way. My boys are 4 and 2 in May. I want one more kiddo but then think if I had 3 at home all the time, I'd pull my hair out. Then I think it's not "fair" to the third kid to not get to stay home or that working would be hard with schedules and it's just a mess. Ugh. So I know how you feel.
Not sure if this qualifies as a FFFC but I've been thinking lately about going back to work and what I want to do with my life, what my passion is yada yada. At the same time, we're contemplating a third kid. So the C part is that while I really really want a third kid, I think I'm mentally spent being a SAHM and I'm probably more ready to go back to work than I admit to myself. But I really really don't think I'd want to put my third in full-time day care. But I'm not sure if it's smart to wait 2-3 more years before entering the workforce again. So I don't know WTF to do. Why can't I be a normal person. The obvious answer is to have third kid, put them in daycare. But I don't wanna. Why can't I have my cake and eat it to?
No advice but I could have written your post. When I mentioned to my mil that I wanted to work she said and I quote "oh don't do that your older kids are so smart because you stayed home, why would you do that to DS2"
We're contemplating LO#2 - will probably start TTC around DS's 3rd birthday.
I've been in individual counseling since January to deal with anxiety about possibly being pregnant again, as well as concerns over PPD. I feel like I finally have a handle on some of the things that were causing the anxiety, and a definitive action plan to deal with them.
No advice but I could have written your post. When I mentioned to my mil that I wanted to work she said and I quote "oh don't do that your older kids are so smart because you stayed home, why would you do that to DS2"
We're contemplating LO#2 - will probably start TTC around DS's 3rd birthday.
I've been in individual counseling since January to deal with anxiety about possibly being pregnant again, as well as concerns over PPD. I feel like I finally have a handle on some of the things that were causing the anxiety, and a definitive action plan to deal with them.
Congrats that's great news. I found being a mom the second time so much easier than number 2, it helped he was a better baby too.
Not sure if this qualifies as a FFFC but I've been thinking lately about going back to work and what I want to do with my life, what my passion is yada yada. At the same time, we're contemplating a third kid. So the C part is that while I really really want a third kid, I think I'm mentally spent being a SAHM and I'm probably more ready to go back to work than I admit to myself. But I really really don't think I'd want to put my third in full-time day care. But I'm not sure if it's smart to wait 2-3 more years before entering the workforce again. So I don't know WTF to do. Why can't I be a normal person. The obvious answer is to have third kid, put them in daycare. But I don't wanna. Why can't I have my cake and eat it to?
No advice but I could have written your post. When I mentioned to my mil that I wanted to work she said and I quote "oh don't do that your older kids are so smart because you stayed home, why would you do that to DS2"
And then did you punch her? Seriously?? Wtf. I would be livid. Actually I kind of am because my kids are plenty smart and it sure as hell isn't because I've been home or because they're in daycare. It's because they are smart kids exposed to lots of things and we intentionally choose a good environment for them home or school. Sorry, I'm having a bad day. She shouldn't have said that AG.
I want my dh to take the kids to my moms for her Easter celebration (not on Easter) while I am oot even though he doesn't get along with my brother and sil just because I don't want to deal with the fall out from my mother when they don't show up.
I am seriously considering that we should move far, far away simply to avoid family issues. I guess my confession is that I'd rather move than confront issues with my mother.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Mar 13, 2015 9:56:22 GMT -5
I feel OAD every time I think of doing it again even in passing. I really want DD to have a sibling but thats not enough. We aren't young or fertile but I an so not ready to think about round 2 and my kid is closer to 3 now. I guess I never expected one child, so it's a shock that I don't feel the urge. I wanted DD so much. I spent 18 months crying and trying and now...the idea of #2 is dread. It makes me feel like a monster, especially since people expect a second. I know that is silly. I can want however many kids I want. I'm just shocked and feel guilty that I don't feel willing to suck it up and give her a sibling.
Nowa, I think those feelings are totally normal! I struggle all the time about what I want to do or not do. I know I'm done having kids. Sometimes I feel guilty that I could be perfectly content never working again. Then I feel like a failure and less than my counterparts who have continued in their careers. I can never get back the career I would have had. And sometimes I wish I could.
Post by mamaalysson on Mar 13, 2015 10:34:25 GMT -5
I have zero desire to go back to full time work. Zero. Maybe even less than zero. My kids drive me batty, I am D-O-N-E at the end of most days, and I am getting entirely too comfortable in my leggings and yoga pants. But the thought of going back into the classroom five days a week turns my stomach. I just don't think I can do it. I don't know when I will go back to work, or what I will do, but I'm pretty certain the classroom teacher part of my life is over.
Post by mamaalysson on Mar 13, 2015 10:37:25 GMT -5
Oh, and I waffle (in my head - we are nowhere ready to have the actual conversation) on three kids all.the.time. I am not sure I could handle three kids. And I had rough pregnancies, and am coming up on 35 this year. I think if we had a third, it wouldn't be for a few more years - we won't be ready to leave this house for another 3 or 4 years, and it's cramped with 2 kids - so I would be approaching 40...but there is something really appealing about adding one more little mini to the group...
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Mar 13, 2015 10:42:50 GMT -5
I have no desire to go back to work. None, nada. The master plan was to go back when dd started school full time. I told dh no chance in hell and he's supportive because he's a nice husband but I know deep down he wishes I would. I still network in my field but it's more because I like the dressing up and socializing part. I say I'm going to go back and get a masters when the kids are in high school but it's really because that's what I'm supposed to do. I'd be happy continuing waitressing or some other low stress job where I get paid to socialize with people.
I feel OAD every time I think of doing it again even in passing. I really want DD to have a sibling but thats not enough. We aren't young or fertile but I an so not ready to think about round 2 and my kid is closer to 3 now. I guess I never expected one child, so it's a shock that I don't feel the urge. I wanted DD so much. I spent 18 months crying and trying and now...the idea of #2 is dread. It makes me feel like a monster, especially since people expect a second. I know that is silly. I can want however many kids I want. I'm just shocked and feel guilty that I don't feel willing to suck it up and give her a sibling.
There are benefits to being OAD and there are benefits to having 2 (or more) kids. Every family, and mother, and father, is different. What works for some won't work for others.
You shouldn't be guilt-tripped into having a second LO because of someone else's expectations.
I feel OAD every time I think of doing it again even in passing. I really want DD to have a sibling but thats not enough. We aren't young or fertile but I an so not ready to think about round 2 and my kid is closer to 3 now. I guess I never expected one child, so it's a shock that I don't feel the urge. I wanted DD so much. I spent 18 months crying and trying and now...the idea of #2 is dread. It makes me feel like a monster, especially since people expect a second. I know that is silly. I can want however many kids I want. I'm just shocked and feel guilty that I don't feel willing to suck it up and give her a sibling.
There are benefits to being OAD and there are benefits to having 2 (or more) kids. Every family, and mother, and father, is different. What works for some won't work for others.
You shouldn't be guilt-tripped into having a second LO because of someone else's expectations.
For sure. I just want her to have a sibling. DH and I are close to our siblings and now that our parents are agong, I see new benefits to having a sibling. I wish I could align both desires somehow but for now, I plan to wait and enjoy loving my kid.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Mar 13, 2015 11:35:13 GMT -5
Random-I feel like it's interesting how the board has switched their tune. I remember a lurker coming in with a bunch of red flags including having no sense of danger at school age. Everyone was jumping on the she's fine all kids develop differently yadda yadda bandwagon. I suggested an eval and everyone acted like I had three heads for suggesting such a thing and accused me of armchair diagnosing everyone. She eventually intro'd on the special needs board with an autism dx. Similar scenario played out with another lurker who mentioned some concerning signs of anxiety that seemed beyond typical kid worrying.
Not that I don't think Joey would benefit from an eval but I feel like the board (in general) has brushed off way more concerning shit than what kimbus shared.
Random-I feel like it's interesting how the board has switched their tune. I remember a lurker coming in with a bunch of red flags including having no sense of danger at school age. Everyone was jumping on the she's fine all kids develop differently yadda yadda bandwagon. I suggested an eval and everyone acted like I had three heads for suggesting such a thing and accused me of armchair diagnosing everyone. She eventually intro'd on the special needs board with an autism dx. Similar scenario played out with another lurker who mentioned some concerning signs of anxiety that seemed beyond typical kid worrying.
Not that I don't think Joey would benefit from an eval but I feel like the board (in general) has brushed off way more concerning shit than what kimbus shared.
Eh I am over the top when it comes to that stuff I don't remember that at all.
I also think one time story is different than red flags thrown multiple times a week in posts.
Wow! Glad to know I'm not alone. It actually really makes me feel better. I thought you'd all say to just shut up and put my (potential future) kid in daycare.
beantrees, I'd love a good part-time gig, but I'm an attorney and that's pretty much unheard of unless you completely luck out or can convince the place where you're established (which obvs, I'm not). And even then, a lot of times you get paid part-time but you're actually working full-time (when you add up nights/weekends). That's why I'm also exploring whether or not I even want to go back to law and if not what else I want to do.
It's a long shot. HR job doing what I was doing before I stayed home. It's not in an ideal location but I could make it work. I'm supposed to hear back next week. We shall see.
Random-I feel like it's interesting how the board has switched their tune. I remember a lurker coming in with a bunch of red flags including having no sense of danger at school age. Everyone was jumping on the she's fine all kids develop differently yadda yadda bandwagon. I suggested an eval and everyone acted like I had three heads for suggesting such a thing and accused me of armchair diagnosing everyone. She eventually intro'd on the special needs board with an autism dx. Similar scenario played out with another lurker who mentioned some concerning signs of anxiety that seemed beyond typical kid worrying.
Not that I don't think Joey would benefit from an eval but I feel like the board (in general) has brushed off way more concerning shit than what kimbus shared.
Eh I am over the top when it comes to that stuff I don't remember that at all.
I also think one time story is different than red flags thrown multiple times a week in posts.
Everyone is probably a poor choice of words. I feel like you and Amy generally lean towards the eval side. In general though I've definitely been accused of armchair dx when I was just saying go for the eval.
It was the kid who went down the rock wall of the slide...which wouldn't be concerning for a preschool age kid but the kid was like seven. Everyone got stuck on that being normal seven year old stuff and blew off all the other red flags in her op. The posters screen name is on the tip of my tongue. Pretty sure she didn't make the migration here.
andrewsgal, I can't believe your MIL said that. People in my extended family say similar shit all the time and it's sooo awkward because I have working mom cousins and it just feels weird. Either they're blowing smoke up my ass about it or being judgey about them and either way just shut up.