Burning Bridges, Would you "un-cut" ties?

[shellbear09]

I think if you want to have a relationship you could reach out to her personally to find out more about her sobriety before bringing the kids into it. I would hope she is also planning to get off the methadone. It would be great to have her family's support if she is really headed in the right direction. I just think it wouldn't be good to expose your kids to her when things still sound very unstable.

[ssmjlm]

If you think it would help her to get some support, I don't see a reason to not invite her to public gatherings. I wouldn't have her in my home, but if you all are meeting at a park/museum/libary it's up to you.

It's very easy to get sucked back in, so honestly I would keep her at a distance for awhile until she's proven herself.

[ECB]

No, not now.  I'd give it some more time.

[auntie]

Hard to say.

I know two women who were in a similar situation. One was using, working as a prostitute and just a hot mess. When she found out she was pregnant, she cleaned up her act. She's now a substance abuse counselor with a masters and a great life with her now 3rd grader.

The other never got her shit together and has lost both her children.

FWIW, if she was on methadone when she became pregnant, she needs to stay on it or the fetus will likely die in utero. This is a high risk pregnancy. She may need support when the baby's born because the detox process is hellish for babies and those who love them. My niece's kids were hospitalized for 4 and 6 weeks to detox. If she does go home with the baby before the infant is fully off meds, there's a risk she may try to take the drugs herself so she'll need to be watched.

[sproutmd]

Mar 13, 2015 10:30:22 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

If you think it would help her to get some support, I don't see a reason to not invite her to public gatherings. I wouldn't have her in my home, but if you all are meeting at a park/museum/libary it's up to you.

It's very easy to get sucked back in, so honestly I would keep her at a distance for awhile until she's proven herself.

This is what I'm comfortable with and what I have done. 

[Deleted]

I would wait for her to have a more consistent track record before letting my kids be around her. I am pulling this number out of my ass a little because I think my actual timeline would be based more on observing her behavior and interacting with her personally, but I feel like I would need to see her clean and handling parenting well for a year or more before I would involve my kids.

[mushmouse]

Not a chance.

[kershnic]

I would want to see her first and see how I felt about it, but probably yes I would see her with boundaries such as not alone with the kids and public spaces at first. You and the rest of your family may be essential to her recovery, which is good for everyone.

[statlerwaldorf]

I have two family members who are former addicts and have repaired my relationship with them. However, DD doesn't have much of an attachment to them. The chance of relapse is really high. Having children can be an important motivator in staying clean, but it takes so much more than that to stay sober. I would just give it time before allowing your children around her. In both cases, they ended up getting back together with their own equivalent of new guy and relapsing before being able to maintain sobriety. I would wait until the baby is here and see if she goes back to him.