s/o infants hair: Relaxing w/o permission

[orangeblossom]

The story about straightening the infant's hair made me think of something: relaxing without permission

Anybody can answer this, but specifically black posters what is your initial gut reaction to someone relaxing your DDs hair without permission.

I know two people this happened to. Their children were about five or six. In both cases it was a family member that put the relaxer in. In both cases the hair is jacked up now.

My niece's hair could be better, but like a lot of teens wants it straight. The other child is nine and when I told her her bun looked cute, she said "that's not mine it's a piece". I was sad for her, that her beautiful hair was so broken it needed to be cut.

I think if this were to happen to my imaginary child, DH would have to hold me back from physically harming someone. Not only has the relaxer potentially and most likely damaged the hair, it's going to cost more money to either pay for the upkeep of the relaxer or possibly go to the salon to work with a stylist to grow it out properly.

Both times I heard of this happening, I was mad for the parents and children involved.

[orangeblossom]

When I say anybody, if relaxing hair doesn't apply think of something permanently or semi-permanently done to your child without your permission, like ear piercing.

[cookiemdough]

I can't even imagine something like this happening. The people I would leave my kids with would never ever try something like this. Ever.

[orangeblossom]

I know my family wouldn't even think about, but I can't say the same for my ILs, well really MIL specifically. I would not put it past her to try and do that.

[soontobeka]

I would cut a bitch! Thankfully no one that my girls come in contact with would do such a thing.

[Melissa W.]

I would be livid if my mom pierced my girls ears without my permission. I would go fucking nuts on her.

[aw]

I don't know anything about relaxing, but as a white person I would equate this to someone perming my child's hair without my permission. First, it's not cool because no one has the right to do ANYTHING to my child without my permission. Secondly, it's toxic chemicals that I would never put on myself or my child, so that makes it even more enraging. I would be furious.

[pixy0stix]

Didn't someone here have a relative (MIL?) cut their child's hair?

I, personally, would be livid.

[OscarQ]

If someone pierced my kids ears without permission I'd be so pissed I don't even know what I would do (luckily I have a son and fetus is also a boy so chances of this happening are slim).

My mom trimmed my son's bangs earlier this summer. We'd talked about it but I expected to be present when she did it. Instead I picked him up one afternoon and it was done. It was his first haircut of any kind so I was sad to have missed it but not pissed since at least we'd talked about it.

But putting chemicals in my kids hair? Hell no! I don't think I'd be able to have contact with that person for a long time and my kid would never be left unsupervised with them again.

[iammalcolmx]

My husband would have to bail me out.

[iammalcolmx]

Aug 10, 2012 9:05:46 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Didn't someone here have a relative (MIL?) cut their child's hair?

I, personally, would be livid.

TTT

[ering1115]

Kind of funny you all mention ear piercing.... My ears were pierced when I was 6 months old. My mom and dad weren't together any more and they had some sort of an argument. He knew it would really frost my mom's cookies so my dad took me to the Piercing Pagoda and got it done out of sheer spite.

[NitaX]

OrangeB -
This is what prompted me to go natural. My beautician is my godmother. I let her press T's hair, but I didn't want T to get a relaxer. So, last summer, my beautician made the announcement that she wasn't planning on pressing T's hair anymore. She was going to give both T and her granddaughter a relaxer.

I was like Oh Hellz No. So, I let my friend who is natural start twisting Taylor's hair. My friend then told me what I could do to achieve the same look, and I started reading every natural hair care blog I could. I stopped going to the salon. I had my hair braided and T's hair braided. My sister told my beautician that I wasn't keen on T getting her hair relaxed. After hearing that, my beautician told me that Taylor didn't have to get a relaxer. But umm, no. You made a couple of other comments about how you almost relaxed my kid's hair.

Granted, my beautician can keep your hair healthy as hell, but the all fucking day wait AND having another girl with a head full of hair starts costing you money. I didn't want T tied to the salon like I was. So, that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me and I said fuck all this, I'm going natural. And I just big chopped. I went without a relaxer for about 10 weeks or so. (My hair grows quickly) So I had enough hair for a TWA (teeny weenie afro).

I want to say another family member did that to my oldest niece. Relaxers on young kids hair is a mess and a half. My neighbor's daughter's hair is all broken off. Same thing. Relaxer. I told her to just grow it out. Keep her daughter's hair in twists or braids and it'll grow out.

[Jermys]

I would be livid. I work so hard to make sure my child has healthy hair and I would want to kill someone if they screwed up my child's hair AND my hard work.

[orangeblossom]

Aug 10, 2012 9:51:59 GMT -5 NitaX said:

OrangeB -
This is what prompted me to go natural. My beautician is my godmother. I let her press T's hair, but I didn't want T to get a relaxer. So, last summer, my beautician made the announcement that she wasn't planning on pressing T's hair anymore. She was going to give both T and her granddaughter a relaxer.

I was like Oh Hellz No. So, I let my friend who is natural start twisting Taylor's hair. My friend then told me what I could do to achieve the same look, and I started reading every natural hair care blog I could. I stopped going to the salon. I had my hair braided and T's hair braided. My sister told my beautician that I wasn't keen on T getting her hair relaxed. After hearing that, my beautician told me that Taylor didn't have to get a relaxer. But umm, no. You made a couple of other comments about how you almost relaxed my kid's hair.

Granted, my beautician can keep your hair healthy as hell, but the all fucking day wait AND having another girl with a head full of hair starts costing you money. I didn't want T tied to the salon like I was. So, that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me and I said fuck all this, I'm going natural. And I just big chopped. I went without a relaxer for about 10 weeks or so. (My hair grows quickly) So I had enough hair for a TWA (teeny weenie afro).

I want to say another family member did that to my oldest niece. Relaxers on young kids hair is a mess and a half. My neighbor's daughter's hair is all broken off. Same thing. Relaxer. I told her to just grow it out. Keep her daughter's hair in twists or braids and it'll grow out.

How is your beautician, Godmother or not, going to tell you what they're going to do to your child's hair whether you like it or not. The thought of someone announcing that she's putting a moratorium on pressing hair and going to relaxers is laughable. It's one thing of she says "I'm not pressing anymore, so you'll have to find something else" vs. I'm not pressing it and I'm going to relax it, any questions? Just no.

[ringstrue]

forget chemicals. I've had nightmares about my others cutting DDs hair.

[pedanticwench]

Oh HALE no.

[NitaX]

OrangeB - Girl, that's what I thought too. I was just like "Oh. Ok. No problem. Kiss my $65 goodbye." And I'm a long term customer?! Really. I don't ask you to discount anything for me. My checks don't bounce, and I'm in here every two weeks. That's cool. I can show you better than I can tell you.

[mskitkat]

Let's see... My psychopathic harpy of a MiL assume she knows better than me and do something drastic without my permission. The one who told me Chinese women love their babies more than American women because I won't give up coffee. No...

Assuming something like ear piercing, I would be so mad. No making permanent alterations to my kids!

[orangeblossom]

Aug 10, 2012 9:42:38 GMT -5 @swog31 said:

SIL was mad and barely speaks to aunt now. I am mad on her behalf and lost respect for the aunt. The little girls's hair is not the same. It was naturally curly, but will not curl anymore. Her hair was to mid back when straight, but since the relaxer, has broken off to barely shoulder length.

This is where I'd be. I would barely want to look at that person let alone speak to them. The scenario you described is my niece. She had beautiful thick hair halfway down her back pre-relaxer. It's never been the same, though some of that I do blame on her mother. She never really tried to work with the relaxed, either by going to the salon for upkeep or properly growing out. Every now and then she'd stretch out the relaxer and try to transition, but then she'd go back to a relaxer. My sister is a licensed stylist, and offered to do it, my cousin only had to make arrangements.

Just recently, we had to bribe my niece to go get it trimmed. She's 16 and would rather have length than health (not atypical for that age). We have tried to tell her and head of short healthy hair is better than a head of long damaged hair.

[eclaires]

I can't imagine how crazed I would be if someone did something to my child's hair w/out my permission.

I mean, I barely spoke to my MIL after she trimmed Jackson's hair, lied to us about it and told him to lie to us. Hello, I am not blind. I can see his hair is shorter in the front than it was when I dropped him off.

Scarlett has never had her hair cut, and I would go insane on anyone who took scissors to it, let alone used some type of product/chemical (I guess perming would be a good example or coloring).

[msmerymac]

I could maybe picture my dad or my dad's girlfriend doing something like getting my kid's ears pierced without permission. I'd be livid.

And I thought my mom was mad when my brother's babysitter bought him a toy gun...

[summer]

I am with, Mer. There would be lots of broken things in that house.

[wrathofkuus]

I am dumbfounded that people actually take these kinds of liberties with someone else's kids.

[iammalcolmx]

I am always horrified at the number of young children I see with relaxers and Naomi Campbell like edges resulting for said relaxers. For the record I have NO ISSUE with relaxers. I slightly relax my hair( if you need an explanation I am happy to provide it) however people doing this to young children and NOT taking care of their hair is making me batty. However just like the healthy food issue, the lack of proper care is indeed an education issue. You wouldn’t believe how many interventions I perform at the Beauty Supply Store.

[NitaX]

IAMX - Hey, I don't knock the relaxer. My hair was healthy with it. But, my beautician did all the right stuff. And it is the upkeep. See folks don't want to pay for proper treatment, and then the hair is jacked up. Or, the chemicals are too strong. You can't use Bantu Super on someone with fine hair. That's re-dayum-diculous. The key is having a stylist who KNOWS your hair and knows what products to use.

[orangeblossom]

Aug 10, 2012 11:45:40 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

I am always horrified at the number of young children I see with relaxers and Naomi Campbell like edges resulting for said relaxers. For the record I have NO ISSUE with relaxers. I slightly relax my hair( if you need an explanation I am happy to provide it) however people doing this to young children and NOT taking care of their hair is making me batty. However just like the healthy food issue, the lack of proper care is indeed an education issue. You wouldn’t believe how many interventions I perform at the Beauty Supply Store.

This is my issue too. I don't care of your hair fried, dyed and laid to the side, for goodness sake just be healthy. I'll compliment anybody's hair, relaxed or natural. If I like it, I like it. I've seen plenty of unhealthy natural hair, mine included at one time. Lack of edges in children drive me crazy. There's no reason for it, unless that's just how their hair grew in.

[basilosaurus]

White girl here. What are edges, and why should children have them?

[NitaX]

Aug 10, 2012 13:40:16 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

White girl here. What are edges, and why should children have them?

This link explains it.

blackgirllonghair.com/2011/10/how-i-helped-my-mom-regrow-her-edges-in-5-months/

[iammalcolmx]