Tacky Tacky

[lilles]

I got an invite to SIL's baby shower for her second baby that apparently she is throwing herself since the return address was her address label and the rsvp is to her and not someone else.

Should I drive three hours for this??? No.
ETA: Her registry has no less than 120 items.

[Deleted]

No, go, and give her this

[Deleted]

[soso]

There must be some back story because while this isn't conventional, I don't get the... Snark. RSVP no and send a gift... Or not ya know?

[auntie]

Mar 15, 2015 16:46:16 GMT -5 soso said:

There must be some back story because while this isn't conventional, I don't get the... Snark. RSVP no and send a gift... Or not ya know?

Throwing yourself a shower is snark-worthy without a back story.

Doubly so if it involves a 2nd child and 120 registry items.

It's not unconventional- it's tacky and gift grabby.

[soso]

Mar 15, 2015 16:49:42 GMT -5 auntie said:

Mar 15, 2015 16:46:16 GMT -5 soso said:

There must be some back story because while this isn't conventional, I don't get the... Snark. RSVP no and send a gift... Or not ya know?

Throwing yourself a shower is snark-worthy without a back story.

Doubly so if it involves a 2nd child and 120 registry items.

It's not unconventional- it's tacky and gift grabby.

Right, but why not ignore?

[speckledfrog]

My SIL? I'd go.

[Deleted]

Mar 15, 2015 16:50:51 GMT -5 soso said:

Mar 15, 2015 16:49:42 GMT -5 auntie said:

Throwing yourself a shower is snark-worthy without a back story.

Doubly so if it involves a 2nd child and 120 registry items.

It's not unconventional- it's tacky and gift grabby.

Right, but why not ignore?

what is the point of the Internet if we can't snark about overtly tacky stuff like this?

Op hasn't indicated she plans to do anything besides RSVP no.

[Velar Fricative]

I hope her first child is 15 and she got rid of all the baby stuff a long time ago. Even then, it is still tacky but a tiny bit more understandable although she shouldn't be making it obvious she's the host!

But I'd still go if it's an SIL.

[ECB]

Good god, no. I Wouldn't drive 3 hours for a shower, period.

[ECB]

Mar 15, 2015 16:50:51 GMT -5 soso said:

Mar 15, 2015 16:49:42 GMT -5 auntie said:

Throwing yourself a shower is snark-worthy without a back story.

Doubly so if it involves a 2nd child and 120 registry items.

It's not unconventional- it's tacky and gift grabby.

Right, but why not ignore?

ignore what?

[whiskeyandwine]

I don't think showers for second babies are tacky. I think registries for second maybe might be, but I'm undecided right now.

I love to celebrate a baby! And there will probably be cake! Who can say no to cake and babies?!

If you want to decline, just send some diapers and call it a day.

[imojoebunny]

It's your SIL, unless you have some reason to think she will be leaving the country soon, I would either go if it is a time you can, or send something off her thoughtfully chosen registry. (Do babies even need 120 things in total, beyond diapers?).

My friends had a surprise shower for me for my second child, but it was diapers only, and I declined their offer when they offered to throw one. They ambushed me in a bar where I liked to go because they have 1/2 price entrees on Monday nights with a ginormous pile of diapers.

[lilles]

Of course there is back story. It is my inlaws but I'm not getting into that in this thread.
I'm ok with the shower since even though in my circle showers after the first are a no no I know that in others (like hers) they are common.
I don't think someone should throw their own shower nor should they register for 120 things. Her first will be only 24 months older than the baby and they are both the same gender.

We will send a super nice gift regardless. You guys know I love to shop.

All of my inlaws are in BEC territory so that does color how I feel.

[whiskeyandwine]

Oh, trust. I rolled my eyes hard when my SIL had a "sprinkle". And I wasn't even invited. Lol. Just about everything she does annoys me. So I get it.

[Velar Fricative]

I have a hard time coming up with, like, 5 things I need for baby #2. 120 would effectively replace everything I already have and then add 60 more things I never had. Maybe even more. No thanks.

[auntie]

Mar 15, 2015 17:26:05 GMT -5 ECB said:

Good god, no. I Wouldn't drive 3 hours for a shower, period.

This.

Doesn't old school etiquette dictate that shower invitees live within a 1 hour drive unless the guest of honor is a first degree relative? 

[Deleted]

Flame away y'all, but showers do NOT celebrate the baby. They honor the mother- (or parents-) to-be. The purpose is for loved ones to shower a mother with gifts to prepare her to transition into a major new phase of her life, motherhood. It's a transition you make one time--when your first baby is born. A bridal shower works the same way, it's to transition a bride or couple into a major new phase. That's why I don't get to have another bridal shower with every anniversary even though my plates are old now and some of them are chipped.

There are a million ways to celebrate a pregnancy and an upcoming baby that are not baby showers. Go out for brunch or lunch or dinner. Host a small party to meet the baby once he or she is born. Even a small diaper or book oriented "sprinkle" (even though I hate that term) or a stock-the-freezer kind of gathering is less demanding. But a full-on shower, with a 100+ item registry and inviting guests from 3 hours away, for a second baby, is TACKY, especially if you throw it for yourself. It is a straight up demand for gifts that you don't actually need because you are already a parent. Nothing is stopping your loved ones from buying your second child a gift out of love and kindness, and most people will choose to celebrate the baby that way anyway. You don't have to throw yourself a party to make sure they do.

Eyeroll etiquette all you want, but it exists to give people a set of acceptable guidelines to follow so they don't act like demanding assholes.

[redheadbaker]

But showers aren't to celebrate a baby. To celebrate the baby, they baby should be there (ie, born already). The origin of a shower was when women gathered to "shower" the mother-to-be with gifts to welcome her to motherhood. You can't be "re-welcomed" when you're pregnant with your 2nd (or more) baby.

ETA: Or ditto page

[Brie]

Wrong thread!

[namasteak]

I'm surprised BIL hasn't done this for their wedding yet!

[whiskeyandwine]

page - I do agree that a brunch or cocktail hour without the registry would have been a way better idea. And let's be honest, those that came would likely have brought a gift anyways, so it's win-win!

[drloretta]

Mar 15, 2015 19:06:04 GMT -5 page said:

Flame away y'all, but showers do NOT celebrate the baby. They honor the mother- (or parents-) to-be. The purpose is for loved ones to shower a mother with gifts to prepare her to transition into a major new phase of her life, motherhood. It's a transition you make one time--when your first baby is born. A bridal shower works the same way, it's to transition a bride or couple into a major new phase. That's why I don't get to have another bridal shower with every anniversary even though my plates are old now and some of them are chipped.

There are a million ways to celebrate a pregnancy and an upcoming baby that are not baby showers. Go out for brunch or lunch or dinner. Host a small party to meet the baby once he or she is born. Even a small diaper or book oriented "sprinkle" (even though I hate that term) or a stock-the-freezer kind of gathering is less demanding. But a full-on shower, with a 100+ item registry and inviting guests from 3 hours away, for a second baby, is TACKY, especially if you throw it for yourself. It is a straight up demand for gifts that you don't actually need because you are already a parent. Nothing is stopping your loved ones from buying your second child a gift out of love and kindness, and most people will choose to celebrate the baby that way anyway. You don't have to throw yourself a party to make sure they do.

Eyeroll etiquette all you want, but it exists to give people a set of acceptable guidelines to follow so they don't act like demanding assholes.

I love you

[iheartbanjos]

If I liked SIL, I would go. If she's BEC, then I would just send a gift.

Obviously I'm going to get something pretty spectacular for my new niece/nephew no matter what my feelings are of the parents.

[pooh8402]

Mar 15, 2015 18:44:35 GMT -5 auntie said:

Mar 15, 2015 17:26:05 GMT -5 ECB said:

Good god, no. I Wouldn't drive 3 hours for a shower, period.

This.

Doesn't old school etiquette dictate that shower invitees live within a 1 hour drive unless the guest of honor is a first degree relative? 

Good God, I hope not, or I'd have like 3 people at my shower.