Am I wrong here?

[readyin07]

We are vacationing with my ILs (bad start to the story...). I got up a little after dh today to help get my kids ready for ski school. I went with him and dropped them off.

I came back to our condo and ran a load of laundry bc I wanted to get it in the dryer so I could go for a run. Fil was on the couch reading, mil was still sleeping in master all the way across the 1500sf condo, BIL/SIL were asleep with door closed across the hall from the laundry. I also closed door to laundry. Fil makes the comment that laundry is loud and how many cycles is it and I said not sure it runs for 53 minutes on the regular cycle.

Mil cornered me a little bit ago and said how fil mentioned that the laundry was so loud and that I was doing it "so early" and said brightly "so we won't do that again."

It was 9:30 am or possibly even a little later. am I nuts for thinking that is reasonable? No way could mil hear it across the condo and fil/sil didn't emerge from their rooms until 10:50 so it didn't seem to bother them.

[nsl]

I don't think 9:30 is too early, but if people were still asleep I probably would have waited until they were up.

[hopecounts]

To me (with the exception of NYE or other specific issue like night shift) anytime after 9 is OK to do anything.

[rosiebear]

I wouldn't have guessed that was too early, but if two bedrooms were still occupied by sleeping people, maybe it was?

I'd do laundry in the afternoon from now on, I guess.

[cereal K]

It wouldn't have occurred to me that 9-ish was too early. But then, I'm up by 7 at the latest on a weekend due to G's bottle schedule.

But, really, when would they expect you to do it?! Mid-day when everyone else is out doing stuff and having fun?

I'd be super annoyed, but I'd also just try to not do laundry again during the trip, because it would just make me madder.

[janegold]

I don't think people should have to delay normal, daily functions to avoid disturbing people who choose to sleep in.

However, for the sake of keeping the peace on a vacation, I probably would avoid doing it again if possible. Your FIL sounds like the type who would make a big issue of it.

[sessy]

I think you're fine, but It would never occur to me not to start laundry. Mostly, because things like that don't wake me up. In fact I like the sound of laundry when sleeping.

[Deleted]

It's a vacation, right?

On a normal day, sure, that's a reasonable time.

But, if I'm trying to get some extra peace and quiet and relaxation while on vacation, yes, I'd probably be irritated if a noisy washer and dryer woke me up.

[pagas]

That seems too early for vacation laundry. Let your husband handle it going forward.

[underwaterrhymes]

On a regular day, not too early.

On vacation when people are still sleeping? Too early.

[yourmother]

Mil cornered me a little bit ago and said how fil mentioned that the laundry was so loud and that I was doing it "so early" and said brightly "so we won't do that again."

Does she speak this way to everyone or just you? How patronizing. WTF.

[readyin07]

Mar 15, 2015 20:47:35 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

So MIL and BIL/SIL were all sleeping when you started the laundry after your FIL told you it was pretty loud?

I get that you need to do laundry but I'd have waited to do it. Discretion and the better part of valor, and all that. This isn't the time/place for a pissing contest.

No it was already started when he said how loud it was (btw it isn't particularly loud). It is a front load so I couldn't really stop it at that point. Small hotel style so there isn't a pause.

Florida kids have limited ski attire so I have to do laundry pretty regularly. It gets wet and muddy. We had stuff with stains.

I am bec here. I come back from these trips ready for divorce. Passive aggressive comment made bc I had put my boots on at the door, forgot something and ran across the carpet with them on (they were not wet or dirty). Ds2 sat on a $150 travel pillow and it was gasped about like he had defiled something...

[katfco]

I would have responded, "Oh, I'm sorry, did the machine wake you?" If she had to be told that the laundry was running, then no, it's not too early, because obviously it wasn't too loud.

However, if it is loud enough to wake people up, considering it's vacation I would think 9:30 might be too early if you have people who are trying to sleep in. I'd clarify whether or not the machines actually disturbed anyone and if not, then ask, "Why does it matter?"

Given the way it's worded, though, it sounds like your MIL is being a bit of an annoying control freak.

[readyin07]

Mar 15, 2015 21:03:33 GMT -5 katfco said:

I would have responded, "Oh, I'm sorry, did the machine wake you?" If she had to be told that the laundry was running, then no, it's not too early, because obviously it wasn't too loud.

However, if it is loud enough to wake people up, considering it's vacation I would think 9:30 might be too early if you have people who are trying to sleep in. I'd clarify whether or not the machines actually disturbed anyone and if not, then ask, "Why does it matter?"

Given the way it's worded, though, it sounds like your MIL is being a bit of an annoying control freak.

She just isn't good with confrontation. But the thing was FIL was the one who complained and he was already up. The only people who could have heard it who were sleeping didn't get up until an hour and 20 minutes until after the laundry was going. It was done a half an hour by the time they got up, it didn't bother them at all.

[mushmouse]

I wouldn't do laundry while people were still sleeping. When you have small kids you become immune to noise and your definition of early changes. When we were childless I wanted to kill everyone in hotels and inns who ran around in ski boots and carried on like 9am was the middle of the day.

[readyin07]

Mar 15, 2015 21:02:25 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Mar 15, 2015 20:59:11 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

No it was already started when he said how loud it was (btw it isn't particularly loud). It is a front load so I couldn't really stop it at that point. Small hotel style so there isn't a pause.

Florida kids have limited ski attire so I have to do laundry pretty regularly. It gets wet and muddy. We had stuff with stains.

I am bec here. I come back from these trips ready for divorce. Passive aggressive comment made bc I had put my boots on at the door, forgot something and ran across the carpet with them on (they were not wet or dirty). Ds2 sat on a $150 travel pillow and it was gasped about like he had defiled something...

Stop 'vacationing' with these people. 

[b

I agree! But dh and ds1 love to ski. Living on one income in Florida the only way we can afford the trip is to use their timeshare i told dh next year both kids are old enough to go without me!

[mushmouse]

Mar 15, 2015 21:10:46 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Mar 15, 2015 21:03:33 GMT -5 katfco said:

I would have responded, "Oh, I'm sorry, did the machine wake you?" If she had to be told that the laundry was running, then no, it's not too early, because obviously it wasn't too loud.

However, if it is loud enough to wake people up, considering it's vacation I would think 9:30 might be too early if you have people who are trying to sleep in. I'd clarify whether or not the machines actually disturbed anyone and if not, then ask, "Why does it matter?"

Given the way it's worded, though, it sounds like your MIL is being a bit of an annoying control freak.

She just isn't good with confrontation. But the thing was FIL was the one who complained and he was already up. The only people who could have heard it who were sleeping didn't get up until an hour and 20 minutes until after the laundry was going. It was done a half an hour by the time they got up, it didn't bother them at all.

They didn't come out until then. It doesn't mean they weren't woken up and bothered by it. Or hadn't just fallen back to sleep after the ruckus of getting your family out only to be woken up by the laundry. I dream of pre child sleep so that's what I picture.

[wildfloweragain]

Am I the only one thinking that the laundry is good buffer noise in case BIL and SIL wanted to have morning sex? I like buffer noises when sharing a house.

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[jigsy]

Even though FIL was already awake, it sounds like he was hoping for a quiet peaceful morning, so you disturbed someone.

I look at vacations like weekends. "Early" to me is before 10am, lol

[adhdfashion]

To early in the morning.

[dojo]

My blood would be boiling. No one had better make a peep when I want to go to bed at night then.

eta: my reaction is more to the way the issue was addressed rather than the issue itself. 

Eta2: I'm also assuming you're paying your share.  If you're getting free accommodation then it's more of a their house, their rules situation. Although the way your MIL said things might still send me to the edge.  

[Deleted]

Stuff like this is always hard for me--laundry would never in a million years disturb my sleep

I would probably have already had it out with passive agressive MIL though.

[katie4253]

As an incredibly light sleeper, yes, you're wrong.

[nightandday]

It really doesn't matter if you thought it was too early or not. If someone is still asleep, you should wait to do laundry.

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[iamgrace]

Your ILS sound like raging assholes, but, if people were asleep I would have waited and silently cursed them all.

I never sleep past 7 even on vacation. I run into this problem a lot. Lol

[RoxMonster]

I would let your H handle the laundry from here on out. I can see where it would be annoying to have laundry going while on vacation and wanting to sleep in.

However, reading all your follow-ups, "vacationing" with these people doesn't sound like a vacation to me at all. I know you said you enjoy skiing, but I'd probably skip that next year and do a different trip without the in-laws.

[cherryvalance]

I wake up at ten to five everyday. Someone doing laundry right across the hall from my bedroom while I'm sleeping in on vacation would enrage me, even if I didn't say anything directly to you.

Vacationing with other people sometimes means holding off on things you want to do for the sake of harmony.

[ECB]

So much of this is clouded by the fact that your ILs seem to be passive aggressive and condescending. I couldn't handle vacationing with them on a regular basis. I want to reply based on what normal people would do. They don't sound normal.

As far as the time - first time out? No, you weren't "wrong". You didn't realize it would be an issue. For all the consideration you're supposed to give everyone who is sleeping, at the same time, if you're one to sleep in late on vacation - you have to do so w/o expecting everyone to tip toe around the house until you decide to wake up.

I agree with those that said it- have your DH do the laundry from here on out. And really- reevaluate this need to vacation with his family.

[Deleted]

I think I'd have to know the whole conversation. If she approached you and you apologized and explained your girls only had one set of clothes and she was still a bitch, team you. If you were defensive or didn't apologize then I'd say you were wrong.

[sapphireblue]

I think your MIL's approach to the whole thing was not cool. However, if anyone is asleep, then you shouldn't do something that might wake them up, in my opinion anyway.

And if I were the SIL across the hall, I would definitely have been woken up by the noise of the laundry being started, but it is possible I would have been able to fall back asleep. So the point you are making that they didn't get up until an hour and a half later isn't compelling to me. They might have gotten up so late because your laundry DID wake them up and they had to wait to fall back asleep.