Post by happyholiday on Mar 27, 2015 13:01:50 GMT -5
Nailbiter, it is NOT odd to have posted openly about your loss. Like you said, sometimes the anonymity of the internet makes it easier. Your grief is wholly personal to you, so express it how you need. Hugs.
I was this open because I don't have anyone to talk to about it in this way IRL, not even my own mother.
Sometimes being an anonymous random on the internet makes it easier to say things, actually.
I wish I hadn't been. I would love to delete everything I posted actually, I'm just not sure how to go about that.
These comments, the thing about it being odd for me to post these things here...these are the comments that make me want to disappear from here entirely. And I might. No hard feelings towards anyone, even the criticizers. I'm sure you're probably right that I was too open, and it probably is odd.
Thanks everyone.
I do apologize if my post came across critical. Grief is very individual. Some people want and need support from people they know and have a history with and others feel more comfortable seeking it anonymously. I think the anon route can be beneficial in the context of online support groups. Everyone is anonymous when they join, and there's no need for history/rapport. I'm sure this board means well and the members have no problem extending support, as they have. I think you should stick around and allow people to get to know more about you, but I understand that is very tough when you're in the thick of grief, which is why an online support group may be a good thing.
I don't know if this is an insensitive suggestion as I've never experienced such a loss, but nailbiter, maybe you could try to start a thread one time a week that focus on something else such as your kids or what you had for dinner. I'm not saying you need to move on at all, but we would like to get to know you as a person, not just as "the widow." It might also help you to recognize some positive things in your life.
A lot of us have become friends and this is a great place to receive support, but it does take a little time to build those friendships. I think we are all wishing the best for you. I'm glad you're going to therapy and I hope you also continue to receive support in real life.
I agree. @nailbiter101, I would love to talk more about etsy and how you marketed yourself and set yourself apart. I'm new to it, and I would welcome any advice, and would be here to support you as you navigate it with a new mindset. I want to support you, but honestly I don't know how and I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I'll try my best. Let's just start over here, and just let bluesbaby continue to use this thread to work through her oversized aggression problems.
My only comment regarding the now deleted post - I may have been fat and my husband may have been a drunk, but those are things that can and have been changed. Your issues, bluesbaby, likely can not, unless there were many, many drugs and lots of therapy involved. Even then, I wouldn't be hopeful.
As for the topic at hand, @nailbiter101, I do hope you find a grief support group you feel comfortable meeting with. Until then, I hope you continue to post here, you have gotten a lot of support in your posts, and there are many here who have experienced great losses that I'm sure would be more than happy to listen.
Also, isn't your husband a drunk and you are a fattie? Eat a cheeseburger bitch- it will take the edge off.
Bitch, get the fuck out. Try not to hit your head on the top of the doorjamb on your way out, giraffe cunt.
Jesus - what is wrong with you bluesbaby? It's no wonder you're not liked around here. Usually when someone says you need help it's sarcastic, but in your case you really, really need some help.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I think the quality of forum-based support can be great depending on the type of support one needs. Some of the best support I received after losing my first son came from people I knew exclusively from online communities. Many I had known for a number of years, and others were members of forums dedicated to stillbirth and neonatal loss. I couldn't get the same support elsewhere, and counseling didn't do much for me.
I will say that while I didn't question nailbitier's story, I did wonder about her openness about her loss as an infrequent or new poster. I think in this situation there's a lot of missing context. Little is known about her and the story, and there's no rapport, so this leads people to wonder or grow skeptical. I know I was comfortable being open about my loss on forums I'd been on for years, but if it were recent and I was relatively new to a community, I likely wouldn't be as vocal about it before getting accustomed to the community.
Skepticism is natural when it involves a newer member actively posting on a well-established forum.
I was this open because I don't have anyone to talk to about it in this way IRL, not even my own mother.
Sometimes being an anonymous random on the internet makes it easier to say things, actually.
I wish I hadn't been. I would love to delete everything I posted actually, I'm just not sure how to go about that.
These comments, the thing about it being odd for me to post these things here...these are the comments that make me want to disappear from here entirely. And I might. No hard feelings towards anyone, even the criticizers. I'm sure you're probably right that I was too open, and it probably is odd.
Thanks everyone.
The ladies that called you odd happen to be some odd ducks. Please be open, please use the supports you need.
I do apologize if my post came across critical. Grief is very individual. Some people want and need support from people they know and have a history with and others feel more comfortable seeking it anonymously. I think the anon route can be beneficial in the context of online support groups. Everyone is anonymous when they join, and there's no need for history/rapport. I'm sure this board means well and the members have no problem extending support, as they have. I think you should stick around and allow people to get to know more about you, but I understand that is very tough when you're in the thick of grief, which is why an online support group may be a good thing.
It's not even that I WANT to seek it anonymously. The support of those IRL is lacking. My own mother has been the least supportive of them all.
It isn't easy to do this alone.
I will look at the FB groups someone suggested.
You mentioned that you feel like a lot of people IRL are tired of hearing about it. What kind of friend support system do you have locally? Do you have someone who you can call when you really need it?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny