sorry monsterz I'm glad you're planning to do what's best for you.
My confession is that I am really judging some of the marriages of the posters on my local mom fb group. Lately, there have been a lot of man bashing posts and some of the examples have me really worried. I just want to scream at some of them - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR. MOST DADS/HUSBANDS ARE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS. The thing that makes me really annoyed is that these posts always say something about - I know this is normal "guy" behavior, all women need to be mommy to your kids and husband. The feminist in me dies a little every time I read these posts and see how many women relate to them.
I'm going to go to the store and buy supplies for my mom's birthday party tomorrow, and buy myself some lunch, and charge it because I don't have any money left until next week, and not mention it to MH. Don't feel like listening to him scold me for carrying a balance. Sorrynotsorry.
Post by WinterWine on Mar 27, 2015 12:48:56 GMT -5
monsterz - hugs to you. You are so strong, and such an amazing Mom to little man- he is lucky to have such a devoted, loving Mom!
I took the day off today to fly and visit a friend. I'm not planning to count it as a vacation day. I've been working long hours, and have had weekend and evening work commitments the last month. I think I deserve a free vacay day... Hoping my boss won't realize or care.
Post by irene adler on Mar 27, 2015 13:48:10 GMT -5
I am side eyeing a friend for using the caringbridge site they set up for their baby (who was very sick when he was born and spent a significant time in the NICU--thankfully, his recovery has been going smoothly and he is doing great) for frequently posting things that would be better suited for FB.
My heart races every time I get an email saying the site has been updated, and then I click through to discover that "Aunt Judy knit the baby a sweater! THanks!" "First St. Patrick's Day!" "baby's first stroller ride!"
hulley I fully endorse this. DH did it the year his dad passed away and the way it worked, he even had to take some days *gasp* unpaid to be able to complete the vacation! We sooooo needed it, though!
Thank you all so much for your support. This is the first time I said anything to anybody, nobody IRL knows with the exception of our counselor and case workers. I will keep you all posted on how things progress.
I've mentioned this before I believe, but I think I'm going to have to "divorce" my mom. I've been thinking about posting to ask for advice, but I haven't had time yet.
The confession: I don't really feel bad about it. Since my dad died, the feels bounce off me.
Thank you all so much for your support. This is the first time I said anything to anybody, nobody IRL knows with the exception of our counselor and case workers. I will keep you all posted on how things progress.
I'm late to the thread but also NW of Boston. Please reach out to the Boston board of we could help in any way.
Honest question....why does it matter if someone has kids or not? Because you miss a buddy to go out on the town with?
In my world, friends vanish off the face of the earth after having kids. I get it. H and I used to look at each other and say, "Another one bites the dust," after every announcement.
Honest question....why does it matter if someone has kids or not? Because you miss a buddy to go out on the town with?
I really can't relate. We are leaning towards kids and the idea that friends would be secretly unhappy makes me feel uncomfortable and sad.
One of my closest friends is pregnant now and it's been fun, but in a different way. And I can't wait to see her as a mum
It's harder to make plans once kids are involved. Babysitters have to be found. Plus conversations change. Instead of telling you about the fun event they went to, they talk about their baby's poop. Some parents are still really good at the life/kid balance, but for some people becoming a parent becomes their sole identity. It can be hard to relate to then when you don't have any kids.
Honest question....why does it matter if someone has kids or not? Because you miss a buddy to go out on the town with?
I really can't relate. We are leaning towards kids and the idea that friends would be secretly unhappy makes me feel uncomfortable and sad.
One of my closest friends is pregnant now and it's been fun, but in a different way. And I can't wait to see her as a mum
For me it's just a huge limitation AND a giant topic of conversation that I am not fully interested in. I do want to hear about my nephew and my friends' kids, but I don't want EVERYTHING to center around them. Maybe it's just because my sister and friends with kids have little kids, but it's hard to sit and have dinner together because of constant interruptions and "oh baby did something cute, let's all look and talk about it!". I know people exist who don't do this, I just don't know any of them lol.
I'm going on a couples weekend with my BFF and her H, and we're planning to drink in the afternoon and hike and stay up late with a bonfire. She's TTC and when it happens, no more of that! I know people with kids can still do stuff, and maybe my BFF will. I know my annual girls weekends with my sister are over for the forseeable future because she won't want to be away from her kid that long.
Anyway it's a selfish thing. I know my sister and my close friend with a toddler are over the moon happy to be parents, and I'm happy for them that they have that joy. I just can't relate and I'm sad for me that things have changed. I don't sit and dwell on it and I try to pretend I don't feel that way, but if I'm being real, I do.
I also am not a kid person. I love my nephew and I think my friend's kid is really awesome, but kid stuff is not how I'd choose to spend my Saturday. That's not their fault and I don't hold it against them or anything.
One of my BFF's just called me sobbing because her 5 year old niece had called her and they were talking about an upcoming visit when they would ride bikes and go to the lake. Her niece then said to her "I am so sad great-grandpa won't be there". Friend apparently hung up and called me, just sobbing. My friend's hasn't cried about it much at all (around me anyway) since her dad passed in November. Honestly, while I felt bad that my friend was upset, at the same time I was really relieved that she is grieving. I've been worried that she's been too overwhelmed that she's been holding it all in.
So I confess, I was glad my friend was crying and I cried right along with her because her dad was one of my favorite people and simply amazing.
FTR, I'm not talking about the basics: harder to make plans, friend becomes preoccupied with child.
It seems strange to not be genuinely happy for your friend. Maybe I am misreading but you can mourn the change of a friendship and still support your friend. Eta: rather what I think bothers me is lumping said friend in a pre determined category
I think there's also a big difference based on your perspective. If you want to be a parent, you see it as something that is exciting, part of your future, interesting.
If you (like me) have NO interest in that...it makes it even less relevant.
This is why I am a selfish ass to lose one of my few solidly DINK friends!
Not to be all board war starting, but I'm reading a thread on ML where people are justifying calling someone a catfish. Most of the justification posts, I'm like okay, I see your point, but the current last post is telling someone who lost her husband, "you don't know what these people have gone through", tears and money and such and I'm just so eye rolly. There are far worse things in the world than to believe a catfish.
If you're going to call somebody out, just do it in the thread honey.
Because no one on ML does that about posts on other boards. Ever.
Going to try to ask this question without tagging in the hopes that people who already posted will respond:
How old are these people who used to be child-free by choice or DINKs who are now having kids?
DH and I are 30/34 with no plans for kids ever but sometimes I wonder if either of us will change our minds. I had about 1 week when I was 29 when I was like OMG I WANT A BABY. Then I realized I was in a time where my job was soul-sucking and I was looking to have a baby as an escape. A baby would NOT have helped that situation. It's been almost 2 years and I've had no more *pangs* to have a baby since. Just curious if the desire might kick in later?
FTR, I'm not talking about the basics: harder to make plans, friend becomes preoccupied with child.
It seems strange to not be genuinely happy for your friend. Maybe I am misreading but you can mourn the change of a friendship and still support your friend. Eta: rather what I think bothers me is lumping said friend in a pre determined category
I can be happy for friend, but sad for me. I've done it lots and lots. And I know for a fact that I have friends that will feel similarly when we announce this pregnancy.
As for the predetermined category, we would have loved to have been wrong, but it never has worked out that way.
FTR, I'm not talking about the basics: harder to make plans, friend becomes preoccupied with child.
It seems strange to not be genuinely happy for your friend. Maybe I am misreading but you can mourn the change of a friendship and still support your friend. Eta: rather what I think bothers me is lumping said friend in a pre determined category
I think you CAN be genuinely happy FOR them and still sad. You can also outwardly do everything to support them while silently being bummed that things have changed and/or that you have lost another couple to casually hang out with.
I also imagine (because I'm not there yet) that when you have few childless people in your life anymore, it gets even more frustrating to yet again cut your social circle of people you have more in common with. IME, you can have plenty of stuff in common whether or not you have kids, but your lives are SO different from one another that it's a different friendship between childfree/parents than it is between 2 childfree people.
I am CFBC and always worried that maybe I'd regret it later in life. Well, I'm 44 and so happy to be child free. It's just not my thing. I do get happy about my friend's kids, and love to hear about them, but still so happy with our choice.
I'm just not a "kid" person. Even babies. I guess I just never got that maternal gene.
This is exactly me except I am 35. Everyone kept saying I would suddenly decide or change my mind, and I haven't. DH is the most wonderful man in the world and would be an excellent father, and I still don't have the desire. It's just not me.
Post by keweenawlove on Mar 28, 2015 18:45:24 GMT -5
I'm totally skipping the presidential address at the conference I'm at to lay by the pool. The MGM in Vegas is so terribly laid out for conferences. I had to walk along the full length of the pools to get from my room to the sessions and it's gorgeous out.
FTR, I'm not talking about the basics: harder to make plans, friend becomes preoccupied with child.
It seems strange to not be genuinely happy for your friend. Maybe I am misreading but you can mourn the change of a friendship and still support your friend. Eta: rather what I think bothers me is lumping said friend in a pre determined category
I feel happy that my friends are happy, but I think there is a huge difference between the feelings that would-be parents feel for others having kids and the way that never-parents feel.
I still genuinely cannot fathom why anyone has kids on purpose. I know that some people are really happy about it and want it, but I flat-out cannot relate to or understand these feelings. When someone who was previously child-free has kids, there is some feeling like "wow, maybe I never really knew them at all. I thought they were like me and now clearly they are not."
More than it being more difficult logistically, you're losing someone who you felt was really the same as you. Someone who really, really got you. Yes, it is totally selfish, but everyone wants to feel like they are not alone and that there are others out there who feel the same. Every time your friend has a kid, that pool of people gets a little smaller.
I have plenty of friends, all of whom I dearly love, who have made very different life decisions. It's a good thing. However, having kids or not is a huge aspect of life and it is nice to have at least one person who really understands your perspective.