I mean, literally, how do you schedule it in. I know we visit this topic every so often, but I'm in a slump. I know I need to take time for myself and I have some ideas of what the time will look like but I don't know how to make it happen logistically. When do you do the thing(s) that you need to do to take care of your own mental health? Wake up super early in the morning? Stay up super late? Skip out on dinners with DH/the kids a few times a week? Strictly on the weekend? Drop the kids at gym daycare?
I only have one DD and she still naps, so nap is me time. I don't do chores or anything, I just watch tv or listen to a podcast, read, craft, whatever. I use the gym daycare and definitely feel more centered after a workout. I try to wake up before DD and spend about 15 minutes having coffee, thinking about the day, etc.
My H also travels quite a bit so I have evenings to myself at home after DD goes to bed.
Oh, and I convinced H to take swim lesson duty on Saturday mornings so I have a couple hours to myself then too.
It's hard but I try to do stuff here and there solo that makes me happy.
For example, tonight I ran out the door as soon as h got home and went and got my nails done. I also book my hair and waxing on Saturdays so I get a chunk of me time and make sure to grab starbucks and take my time.
On a regular basis, I hit the gym about 3 times per week and use the child care there. That breaks up the day.
Since we don't have family help, we get DS to bed early and spend our evenings doing dinner just us and our shows or movies. We try to do date nights but sometimes it's pricey when we add in the sitter.
I'm better about this now than I was before. With baby coming this summer I take full advantage when I can. When DS is at school I usually spend one of the days catching up on errands or household stuff, the other day I just do something for myself - out for brunch, coffee shop, nails maybe, or sit in front of tv. I share a babysitter once a week for three hours with a friends kid. Those days I usually make a more elaborate dinner which is my therapy. Once a week I go to my parents to spend the night and sometimes I go out with a friend for dinner but either way they take over - with dinner and bathtime so I get break. My DH usually works long hours so weekends is family time. I would say every other weekend they do something together without me so that's nice too, and good bonding time for them.
The biggest thing is all the kids are asleep or out of our hair by 7, 7:30 on a bad night. DH and I usually do our own thing for a bit, (including cleaning up from dinner) at reconvene at 9/9:30 to watch a show or something. I might sew, do stuff on the computer, read, do other random stuff. At least one night a week I go out after DS is down (DH does the girls). That's nothing fancy, usually just shopping alone.
Then I have dinner w/ my friends here & there and some meetings for volunteer stuff. Those are typical "relaxing" activities, but they are times I am not just being a mom, you know?
What I do not do enough is fun/pampering/relaxing kind of things. Some of that is just me being cheap. Plus, DS is not quite 1 yet and the first year, w/ bfing, etc, is the hardest for me.
Hmm, I also sleep in most saturdays and often DH takes the girls to do something. Once Jack is less of a nurser he'll join them more. Now that it's getting nicer out, I'll hopefully get out for a walk/run after bedtime a few nights a week. That's my goal anyway.
I go back and forth on joining the Y. It's just not cheap.
My kids go to bed at 7:30, so that's when I get my mental health time. DS still naps occasionally, so I take advantage of that as well. DH works a week on and a week off, so that helps a lot too. I can do my hobby at home for the most part, and so it's quite easy to sneak in 45 minutes here and there. I really make it a priority.
It's rough. My DH works 5 or 6 days 8-8. My saving grace is that my kids go to bed by 7:15. I'll be following this post. I need to figure out a way to get alone time as well.
Our kids go to bed at 730-8 then I usually stay up until 12. DH have that evening time together 4 days a week, 3 of them he works, so I get that time just to myself.
DH works odd shifts so we each get two days a week to sleep in (GLORIOUS)
Other than that...I take a bit of time each day to see or paint...sometimes the kids join me...but it's still something *i* want to do, you know?
I could be better about scheduling girl time/out of the house time.
DD naps while DS is at school so at least once a week I do nothing but watch TV, read or even take a bubble bath with my magazine.
DH works odd hours but I'm always on my own for dinner, bath & bed. One of the two nights he's home I usually run out and do some errands, wander target or meet friends for dinner.
Because of DH's schedule and my kids going to bed early, I have tons of alone time. The hard part for me is finding time to leave the house alone
Post by mamaalysson on Apr 1, 2015 23:59:40 GMT -5
I think DH and I have struck a pretty good balance of "me" time for each of us. Unfortunately, what gets sacrificed too often is whole family time, but it's a constant chess game of schedules and desires and needs. Like others, our kids are asleep by 7:30 usually, and I will often stay in my room with DS after he falls asleep and read or play on my phone to shut off from the day. DH often has to go back to work after the kids are in bed, so I use that time to catch up on TV, listen to podcasts, tinker around the house, or sew. He also takes the kids for a huge chunk of the weekend, which is amazing. Always on Sundays they spend a few hours with his parents. Our niece comes on Wednesdays for 1.5-2 hours, and I either work on sewing projects or leave the house during that time. I started teaching a few classes at the community center, and that has actually done wonders for my sanity, just to be gone for 3 hours every week. We trade off weekend mornings to sleep in (or stay in bed reading). I joined a local modern quilt guild and attend their monthly meetings and sew days, and have even gone on the occasional retreat. I am also in a book club, so that gets me one dinner out a month. We also have a lot of family local, and I take any grandparent or aunt up on any offer to spend time with the kids. My MIL is taking DS all morning Monday and I am signing DD up to stay at school all day - that will be a fantastic me day.
Gym or getting my nails done or girls night or wine, tv, couch with DH.
These are always super abrupt & random but super nice & enjoyable
I work Tuesday through Saturday night. DH works week is 5 days on & 2 days off but not always together so we have the morning this week- Friday & Saturday. I work at 4 usually. On days he works he's home by 3 and I'm gone by 3:15.
Our time together recently has been for us. It's needed after hardly seeing him all week.
Scheduling wise we just try not to make plans on his days off so we have us time/me time/him time.
This is yet another thing that has made winter really challenging. In fair weather DH and DS usually go for a hike together every weekend. I look forward SO MUCH to being alone in an empty house, because it doesn't happen often.
The past few weekends I have found a few fun indoor activities to send them off to (library program, build n grow, etc). Basically, if I want the time I have to be proactive about making it happen.
This is a real challenge for us. We both have our own 'extra' things and try to make those a priority. Often that turns into our own 'me time' because once we're back home we have a divide and concur attitude and really work together to get it all done. The kids are in bed between 6:30 and 7:30, occassionally we let dd1 stay up later, but not often. If I really need time I'll take the dog for a walk alone or go to Target. We meet up once a month or so at a coffee shop of restaurant before we pick the kids up from daycare and try to have a date of some sort. I try to go to the gym after work once a week because I hate sending them to another daycare after spending the whole day at daycare and that typically leads to staying up way past bedtime so if I go to the gym after they go to bed that's me time because I'm alone. I've driven to the gym and sat in my car a number of times
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Apr 2, 2015 7:20:15 GMT -5
Dh takes the kids out of the house sunday morning and I sleep in (I do the same for him Saturdays). I do a special needs support group twice a month-once for a meeting, once for drinks. I get together with friends 2xs a month-generally for drinks around 730 or so but sometimes dinner. I have both kids in preschool everyday and we do gym daycare after most days so that helps too.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Apr 2, 2015 7:47:23 GMT -5
As soon as dh gets in the door, I take the dog for a quick walk, and then go for a run (sometimes with my friend). I also run on the weekend days, and as long as we don't have something planned as a family, I usually go out shopping, etc. with my girlfriend at some point over the weekend.
dizzy- Coukd you go to the gym before you pick up the kids? Two days a week I stay later at work getting grading done and two days a week I leave within thirty minutes of the bell and go to the gym. That way dd doesn't have to go to the gym daycare and I still get my workout in.
I got the gym two days a week and on the weekend we all go together one day. I go to happy hour with colleagues once a month. DH is awesome about giving me an hour or two on the weekends but I usually use that for grading.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Apr 2, 2015 9:40:37 GMT -5
The gym. I go to the gym two nights a week for an hour alone. It's not much but it makes a world of difference. I also drop DD at the childcare 2 mornings. Other than that I have book club every other month and occasionally go pit with my best friend. I'd love a bit more but DH works a lot and wants family time when he's home.
I actually schedule it on our family calendar, just like I would a doctor's appointment or some activity for DS or a party.
H and I both have scheduled workouts 7 days a week (written on calendar), but usually only get in 4-5 of those days, because, y'know, life happens (example: H pulls an all-nighter at work or one of us is sick, etc.).
I get a lot of time to myself since DD takes two naps a day and goes to bed at 6:30. It's very difficult for me to do anything that requires leaving the house though because of DH's work schedule. He's here on the weekends, but that's the only time we get to spend together so I don't like to leave. Plus, I still nurse three times per day. I'm hoping to find a babysitter soon.
Post by minerswife17 on Apr 2, 2015 16:22:29 GMT -5
I used to be better about having "me time" but got out of it. I used to get my nails done, pedi, or just run to Target alone. DH has been working 7 days a week and we are planning DDs bday party. Hopefully when everything settles, I'll do something.
Now thinking about it, DH dropped me off yesterday at VS while he and DD went to the dump. What a great father/daughter date. Haha I hate remodeling.
lala, I was dead set against joining the Y because of the cost. Now I cannot imagine my life without it. I would make cuts in other places if I had to. Especially with kids, it is totally worth it
lala, I was dead set against joining the Y because of the cost. Now I cannot imagine my life without it. I would make cuts in other places if I had to. Especially with kids, it is totally worth it
eaglesfan , I keep going back and forth. Also, you have a pretty new y. Ours is, well, old. But my true excuse, over money, is I hate working out in front of others. I probably need to get over that.
Sidenote, my sil (that I love!) just told me she & her husband had an offer accepted on a house that's in walking distance to your Y. They live in ct now, so I'm super excited.
lala, I was dead set against joining the Y because of the cost. Now I cannot imagine my life without it. I would make cuts in other places if I had to. Especially with kids, it is totally worth it
eaglesfan , I keep going back and forth. Also, you have a pretty new y. Ours is, well, old. But my true excuse, over money, is I hate working out in front of others. I probably need to get over that.
Sidenote, my sil (that I love!) just told me she & her husband had an offer accepted on a house that's in walking distance to your Y. They live in ct now, so I'm super excited.
I walk to our Y too sometimes, it is super convenient for us. Do you know if they are in the neighborhood behind the Y or across the street? Also, I have made a ton of mom friends there
eaglesfan , I keep going back and forth. Also, you have a pretty new y. Ours is, well, old. But my true excuse, over money, is I hate working out in front of others. I probably need to get over that.
Sidenote, my sil (that I love!) just told me she & her husband had an offer accepted on a house that's in walking distance to your Y. They live in ct now, so I'm super excited.
I walk to our Y too sometimes, it is super convenient for us. Do you know if they are in the neighborhood behind the Y or across the street? Also, I have made a ton of mom friends there
Okay, I thought it was walking but it's closer to 3/4 of a mile, which of course is still walking but not as close as I thought. It's on E. Clearfield.
I go to a yoga studio 2-3 times per week, DD goes to bed at 9pm so I stay up a couple more hours after that, DH and I do a date night usually 1 time a month, when DD is at preschool I sometimes take advantage of that downtime and do a little window shopping. Even just cleaning in peace while she is there makes me happy
Thanks everyone. This post is really helpful. I need to get my ass in gear and I think the best solution for me is going to be heading straight out the door as soon as DH walks in a couple nights a week to workout or just do some shopping. Maybe also the child-care gym thing... that's been on my to-do list for a long time, but the whole gym membership thing seems like such a rip-off. I should check out our Y though.
Thanks everyone. This post is really helpful. I need to get my ass in gear and I think the best solution for me is going to be heading straight out the door as soon as DH walks in a couple nights a week to workout or just do some shopping. Maybe also the child-care gym thing... that's been on my to-do list for a long time, but the whole gym membership thing seems like such a rip-off. I should check out our Y though.
Honest to god, I rarely work out at a gym outside of winter when we are stuck inside. I mostly go sit in the lobby, drink coffee and GBCN. Our y membership is worth every penny. Plus they have lots of seasonal family events.
Thanks everyone. This post is really helpful. I need to get my ass in gear and I think the best solution for me is going to be heading straight out the door as soon as DH walks in a couple nights a week to workout or just do some shopping. Maybe also the child-care gym thing... that's been on my to-do list for a long time, but the whole gym membership thing seems like such a rip-off. I should check out our Y though.
Honest to god, I rarely work out at a gym outside of winter when we are stuck inside. I mostly go sit in the lobby, drink coffee and GBCN. Our y membership is worth every penny. Plus they have lots of seasonal family events.
This. Our Y membership is awesome. I love the childcare, there is a yoga class I go to regularly, and DD's swim lessons are ridiculously cheap there.
Our Y is great too. I figured it out, two kids in two hours of childcare a day is $1 an hour. No way I can get a sitter for that so it's great. We go a few days a week when I'm home.