NCEP vent - sort of @ - Disney related

[eponinepontmercy]

My mom is trying to talk us into a Disney trip in October. My sister will be doing an internship there, and we can get a 40% discount on hotels. We told my mom no, because we already have a vacation planned and paid for (Ocean City,MD in July with my ILs and my parents). Yesterday, she tells me that she can give us $2000 towards the trip. Here is my jumble of thoughts:



- My dad has been out of work for 5 years, and my mom consistently complains (and always has) about not having money.

- My mom started in about how nice the memories will be, and I dropped in that I'd rather have her save for retirement. if she gives me $2k now, that's $2k I'll have to pay for her when she can't work anymore.
 (It came out harsh, but my mom lives in a fucking dream world sometimes and I'm tired of it.)
- She is in poor health and can't even walk around the mall. She insists that she'll get in shape, but she also said last year that she was going to lose 100 lbs and go to Disney for my sister's 21st birthday. Two guesses if that happened.

- DH will be starting a new job and taking a big pay cut. We'll be okay, but we need to be smart.

- We'll drop $900 on park tickets alone. The hotel will be cheap, but we also have to get there (14 hour drive) and eat and board the dog.



I love Disney, and I really want to take DD. I just know this isn't the right decision.  I'm trying to make good financial decisions.  We're not MM at ALL, and we have some ground to recover with credit cards and we'll have an uphill battle with DH's pay cut.  (DH's current job is ending in the next few weeks when his company closes.  He will be working for a friend of his after that.  Friend has his own tech consulting firm of some kind.)

I hate being responsible.  I just want to go and not worry, but I can't do that.  I told her that the "memories" nonsense was for people who can afford it.  No retirement savings?  No Disney trip.  

I know I just unloaded a whole lot in here.  I just needed to get it all out.  My mom is totally in BEC mode with me, and I try to be patient.  I have been trying so hard.  I feel like I have to be the adult in these discussions, and it's exhausting.  Why couldn't she just drop it when I said it wouldn't work for us financially?

[jln]

Where is she getting the $2k from?

I know it's hard, but you're making the right decision. Everything there is expensive and it won't be much fun if you're stressing about spending money. The park isn't going anywhere so maybe in a year or two you can take your DD. And she may enjoy it more if she's a bit older, too.

[IIOY]

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

[Deleted]

It's a tough balance. We're in a similar boat this summer, where my parents are taking us to Disney. But they're in a more stable place, and covering most of the expenses. While DH and I would really prefer to save the extra spending money we've set aside for the trip (or use it elsewhere), there is the memory/family aspect. Not sure how much longer my parents will be up to walking around that much, and C is at a good age for the 'magic' (and handling all of the downsides that come with the park).

Since your parents really aren't in any shape to fund this and you're anticipating budget changes as well, maybe the approach is to say not this year; and identify a time in 1-2 years where you will have time to possibly save and be in a better position to enjoy the trip? There's nothing worse than buyer's remorse, and getting home feeling guilty despite the memories.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

You're being sensible and making the right decision. Your DD will be the perfect age for Disney for many more years.

[eponinepontmercy]

Apr 3, 2015 8:06:10 GMT -5 jln said:

Where is she getting the $2k from?

She won $400 in the lottery.  I'm not sure where the rest of the money came from.  They inherited a decent amount when my grandmother (dad's mom) died last year. Enough that I don't worry as much, but not enough to me to feel comfortable taking that much money from them.

My mom's way of showing love is to give gifts.  This is just part of that, so I know she means well.

Thanks for agreeing with me.  DH was ready to give in, because DISNEY!    

Our exact plan was to start putting money away and going in 2 years or so.  DD would be 4 in October, which is a good age, but another 2 years and she'll be better in the car for a long drive and better for longer days in the parks.  

@historychick79 - You nailed it about the buyer's remorse.  I'm sure we;ll have a good time, but if every dollar we spend I see as a dollar that we aren't putting away for our tax bill that's going to come due next April, how can I enjoy that?  

[eponinepontmercy]

Apr 3, 2015 8:17:00 GMT -5 @chloe77 said:

I agree that it's not a smart financial move. However, kids are only young once and I'm all for making memories and having experiences even when there is something smarter you can do with your money. You only live once. I would find out where she's getting the 2k from. I think it's silly to say that Disney is only for people with retirement savings.

I know that comment came off as judgmental.  It was more specifically geared towards my parents' situation.  Like I said, I'm not MM at all.  

[gpw]

You're making the right decision.

Also, I have no idea what BEC mode is.

[hopecounts]

You are doing the right thing, and I LOVE Disney and am all about going.
If she had the money I'd be all for it since getting that kind of room discount is huge (rooms were our biggest expense when we went) but she doesn't.
It makes far more sense to wait a couple/few years and save up so it's not a drain then go so you can enjoy it stress free.

[eponinepontmercy]

Apr 3, 2015 8:21:55 GMT -5 gpw said:

You're making the right decision.

Also, I have no idea what BEC mode is.

"Bitch Eating Crackers"





I love my mom, but she can be a bit much and gets on my nerves.  

[eponinepontmercy]

@bunnybean - That's so funny!  What sort of internship is she doing?  My sister is a culinary student so she'll be somewhere in one of the kitchens, hiding her tattoos.

[charminglife]

You're doing the right thing. I like your plan to go in 2 years - your DD will likely enjoy it more at 6 than she will at 4, and you'll enjoy it more because won't be stressing about every dollar spent on this trip.

Dealing with money issues is tough, especially with family. Remind yourself that you don't owe your mom any explanation as to how you and your DH handle your finances.

[IIOY]

If you need the ultimate trump card, just tell your mom that mothers really aren't welcome at Disney. In fact, there is good chance that you both will meet an unfortunate fate, perhaps at the hands of a hunter or Darth Vader, and the kiddos will be left to survive on their own in the Disney wilderness. They will, of course, probably have an exciting adventure during which they will become wise beyond their years, and there will be a happy ending to their story, but... dead mothers.

[kmpls]

Does it have to be October?

can you postpone it a couple more monthS? And have everyone save up or combine or do this instead of Christmas gifts?

it sounds like regardless of the money you don't want to go but Disney is expensive so, this is a good way to cut some costs. I also have lost some family members and would love to experience disney with my family.

only you know your finances and if you could swing it or not. Just don't let your annoyance with your Mom make you stubborn and miss the big picture.

good luck!

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2015 8:54:16 GMT -5 IIOY said:

If you need the ultimate trump card, just tell your mom that mothers really aren't welcome at Disney. In fact, there is good chance that you both will meet an unfortunate fate, perhaps at the hands of a hunter or Darth Vader, and the kiddos will be left to survive on their own in the Disney wilderness. They will, of course, probably have an exciting adventure during which they will become wise beyond their years, and there will be a happy ending to their story, but... dead mothers.

We actually have a bias against Disney for this reason. "Hey kid, you can be a swashbuckling success at real life if we kill off one - or better yet, both! - of your parents so you can overcome tragic odds and be famous and possibly royalty!"

And Disney is a neat way to make memories. It is not, however, the end-all be-all for our family. Might be for some, and have at it. But I'd rather save the trust fund amount of money for a meaningful road trip, overseas excursion, or something else that just has tons of fun memories we make ourselves.

[eponinepontmercy]

Apr 3, 2015 8:55:58 GMT -5 kmpls said:

Does it have to be October?

can you postpone it a couple more monthS? And have everyone save up or combine or do this instead of Christmas gifts?

it sounds like regardless of the money you don't want to go but Disney is expensive so, this is a good way to cut some costs. I also have lost some family members and would love to experience disney with my family.

only you know your finances and if you could swing it or not. Just don't let your annoyance with your Mom make you stubborn and miss the big picture.

good luck!

We were looking at the fall because my sister's internship goes from August to January (I believe).  If money were no object, I'd still have some misgivings about going on a trip like this with my parents, but we'd go.  

[Deleted]

Dude, I totally forgot to reply to the OP. Sorry, eponinepontmercy!

I think you're totally right to put this off. You don't want to go on the vacation with these concerns hanging over you the whole time. And ITA agree that your offspring will be of great age to go for many years... but even if the opportunity never comes, you will still make amazing memories that last a lifetime - whether there's a big castle in the background of your pictures or not.

[eponinepontmercy]

If this turns into an anti-Disney thread, I will shut it down.

[origami]

$900 for park tickets??? Good lord, where's my fainting couch?

I think you're making the right decision since it's not a good time. Disney will be there for a long time so there's no reason IMO to rush over there before everyone's ducks are in order. Your DD won't be growing out of it any time soon.

[wawa]

Apr 3, 2015 8:07:02 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

I know this sounds like blasphemy to a lot of people - but fuck Disney.  My child is a total Minnie fangirl, but I just...no.  I'm not doing it.  You can't make me. 

Part of this is because I never went as a kid so it's not like a "must have" family experience in my mind, and part of it is that I get deeply annoyed that the Disney advertising juggernaut has convinced otherwise rational adults that a trip to this Childhood Mecca is somehow actually a formative and essential part of growing up.

It's fun.  It's special.  It's memorable.  Lots of things are fun though.  Lots of things make memories.  Lots of trips are special.  This is not the be-all end-all of family vacations.

Plan this trip for 2 years out and tell your mom to save her money for then if she insists that this is the best use for it.

(disclaimer - I will totally go to Disney at some point.  Probably with my sister and her kids once Sizzli is 3ish, because they're obsessed.  Once.  I will do it ONCE.  And we'll do it right - one of the fun onsite hotels and character breakfast and the whole 9 yards - but let's not pretend that if I never went to Disney that my kid would really miss out on something meaningful.  Because...yeah, no.)

ETA:  HA!  eponinepontmercy I posted this before I saw your post.  I love Disney.  I can sing Be Our Guest and Hakuna Matata and like ALL the little mermaid songs from memory - but WDW the place just doesn't get my undying devotion.

[hopecounts]

If I wasn't chicken about posting pics I would totally post this amazing pic of DD (4) meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time, it is the most perfect look of joy, totally 'best day ever' for her

[eponinepontmercy]

Apr 3, 2015 9:19:21 GMT -5 wawa said:

Apr 3, 2015 8:07:02 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

I know this sounds like blasphemy to a lot of people - but fuck Disney.  My child is a total Minnie fangirl, but I just...no.  I'm not doing it.  You can't make me. 

Part of this is because I never went as a kid so it's not like a "must have" family experience in my mind, and part of it is that I get deeply annoyed that the Disney advertising juggernaut has convinced otherwise rational adults that a trip to this Childhood Mecca is somehow actually a formative and essential part of growing up.

It's fun.  It's special.  It's memorable.  Lots of things are fun though.  Lots of things make memories.  Lots of trips are special.  This is not the be-all end-all of family vacations.

Plan this trip for 2 years out and tell your mom to save her money for then if she insists that this is the best use for it.

(disclaimer - I will totally go to Disney at some point.  Probably with my sister and her kids once Sizzli is 3ish, because they're obsessed.  Once.  I will do it ONCE.  And we'll do it right - one of the fun onsite hotels and character breakfast and the whole 9 yards - but let's not pretend that if I never went to Disney that my kid would really miss out on something meaningful.  Because...yeah, no.)

[IIOY]

Apr 3, 2015 9:19:21 GMT -5 wawa said:

Apr 3, 2015 8:07:02 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

I get deeply annoyed that the Disney advertising juggernaut has convinced otherwise rational adults that a trip to this Childhood Mecca is somehow actually a formative and essential part of growing up.

[eponinepontmercy]

I do agree that Disney isn't a childhood requirement, and the marketing around the whole idea is ridiculous.

[karinothing]

Apr 3, 2015 8:07:02 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

umm. Is this really true. I have an unused ticket from the 90s. I won it for being like the millionth person to Disney that year or somethign. It never occured to me to use the ticket. I am totally going to try now lol.

[hopecounts]

OK can't resist PDQ
*poof*
Will delete shortly.
Anything that makes my kid this happy is 100% worth it to me.

[IIOY]

Apr 3, 2015 9:26:12 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Apr 3, 2015 8:07:02 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I have nothing substantive to add here because I think the cost of Disney is insane and I keep saying no when H says we "need" to go.  No, we don't, and the kids will survive.

Random Disney anecdote: the last time I went was in 1989 with my dad and step-mom.  Last year they went back for the first time since and, for whatever reason, they had held onto an unused ticket stub from the 1989 trip.  Disney honored it.  The Disney person they dealt with told my SM it was the oldest ticket they had ever been presented.

umm. Is this really true. I have an unused ticket from the 90s. I won it for being like the millionth person to Disney that year or somethign. It never occured to me to use the ticket. I am totally going to try now lol.

Hand to heart, that is a true story.  Try your ticket and report back to us!!

[karinothing]

Apr 3, 2015 9:27:28 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Apr 3, 2015 9:26:12 GMT -5 karinothing said:

umm. Is this really true. I have an unused ticket from the 90s. I won it for being like the millionth person to Disney that year or somethign. It never occured to me to use the ticket. I am totally going to try now lol.

Hand to heart, that is a true story.  Try your ticket and report back to us!!

I shall. Granted it will likely be in a few years ha ha. But I will let you know The ticket is at my parents house in my "baby" book, so I have to double check there aren't restrictions on it ha ha. IT is also for Disneyland, but that is fine. I would rather go there anyway!

[hopecounts]

Apr 3, 2015 9:28:25 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Apr 3, 2015 9:27:28 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Hand to heart, that is a true story.  Try your ticket and report back to us!!

I shall. Granted it will likely be in a few years ha ha. But I will let you know The ticket is at my parents house in my "baby" book, so I have to double check there aren't restrictions on it ha ha. IT is also for Disneyland, but that is fine. I would rather go there anyway!

It's true, they just discontinued the non-expiring tickets recently but honor any old ticket that is unused.

[wawa]

Apr 3, 2015 9:26:54 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

OK can't resist PDQ

Will delete shortly.
Anything that makes my kid this happy is 100% worth it to me.

That pictures is admittedly adorable, and I can hear my child screaming 'MIIIIIIIIINNNNNNIIIIIIEEEEE" in my mind right now....but she also makes that same face when handed a juice box...and they cost $0.50.  The cost benefit just doesn't convince me that a trip to Disney is worth any amount of financial stress when a small child can be made deliriously happy with some M&M's and an apple juice.

#curmudgeon

Not that we actually disagree since we're both on the "go in 2 years" train.  I just sound crankier when I say it.