Supportive friend ideas (infertility mentioned)

[minismama]

One of my best friends for 17 years is struggling with infertility.  She just found out and is in the process of going through tests/creating a game plan etc.  I was unaware that insurance covers nothing and she is upset and stressed and trying to remain positive. 
She lives in South Florida so I can't exactly show up in pajamas with ice cream. 
How can I support her being so far away?

She is going to the hospital on Monday for a scan of her uterus and I know she will be taking the day from work to do this.

I am going to send a care package of her favorite chips/chocolates/candies to be delivered on Monday.  What else can I do?

I just want her to know I'm here for her.  Out of all the best friends (there are 4 of us that have been friends for 17 years), I'm the only one she has told so far. 

Any ideas?

[jag01]

What if you got her a nice journal so that she can write down her feelings when she doesn't want to talk to anyone. Just the thoughtfulness will mean a lot.

[cabbagecabbage]

I went through infertility but chose not to pursue treatment outside diagnostic testing that was inconclusive. I was lucky. We got pregnant after 19 months of trying and a diagnosis of unexplained infertility and one miscarriage.

What I needed and wanted was kindness, absolutely no mention of folk remedies or suggestions to relax or just get drunk, Har har. A few friends checked in from time to time with "thinking of you" cards and messages. I appreciated that. I hated the wide-eyed, whispered, "how's it going?" Sometimes I wanted to talk and sometimes I didn't.

Don't ask about IVF, adoption, or this article you read about it. Believe me, she could write a disertation about all current IF knowledge and what a couple pursues is so personal.

Basically approach her with the care you'd give a grieving or pregnant friend. Hormones are wild and if she takes treatments, they will be wilder.

[minismama]

Apr 3, 2015 9:49:59 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

I went through infertility but chose not to pursue treatment outside diagnostic testing that was inconclusive. I was lucky. We got pregnant after 19 months of trying and a diagnosis of unexplained infertility and one miscarriage.

What I needed and wanted was kindness, absolutely no mention of folk remedies or suggestions to relax or just get drunk, Har har. A few friends checked in from time to time with "thinking of you" cards and messages. I appreciated that. I hated the wide-eyed, whispered, "how's it going?" Sometimes I wanted to talk and sometimes I didn't.

Don't ask about IVF, adoption, or this article you read about it. Believe me, she could write a disertation about all current IF knowledge and what a couple pursues is so personal.

Basically approach her with the care you'd give a grieving or pregnant friend. Hormones are wild and if she takes treatments, they will be wilder.

Thank you. I am sending a bunch of her favorite treats with a card just letting her know I'm around. I'll let her reach out when she needs a friend or a shoulder.

[cabbagecabbage]

I would never think you would day those things FYI. It's just what sticks out as the bizarre and shocking stuff others wise nice people said to me out of ignorance or discomfort or whatever.

[quesyrah]

I would send her a heartfelt card telling her you're there for anything she needs. Everyone handles it differently so do your best to take her lead and let her tell you what she needs from you.

[lyingliarlies]

Apr 3, 2015 9:49:59 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

I went through infertility but chose not to pursue treatment outside diagnostic testing that was inconclusive. I was lucky. We got pregnant after 19 months of trying and a diagnosis of unexplained infertility and one miscarriage.

What I needed and wanted was kindness, absolutely no mention of folk remedies or suggestions to relax or just get drunk, Har har. A few friends checked in from time to time with "thinking of you" cards and messages. I appreciated that. I hated the wide-eyed, whispered, "how's it going?" Sometimes I wanted to talk and sometimes I didn't.

Don't ask about IVF, adoption, or this article you read about it. Believe me, she could write a disertation about all current IF knowledge and what a couple pursues is so personal.

Basically approach her with the care you'd give a grieving or pregnant friend. Hormones are wild and if she takes treatments, they will be wilder.

Love titted this before I even finished reading. Cabbagesquared is wise.

[gennyu]

The fact that she has chosen to share her struggles with you says a lot. She probably wants to talk about it, but you need to follow her lead. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not. I have found that my first conversation about 2IF with someone new always results in me crying. But once I get over that hurdle it gets easier.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. It's better than acting like you know what she's going through when you don't. You are great friends with a long history; she will give you the benefit of the doubt that you mean well.
the one thing that REALLY pisses me off is when people give me cliches: "at least you have one","be grateful for what you have", "everything happens for a reason".
Just the fact that you are taking the time to research this shows you are a wonderful friend. Be sincere, be yourself, don't let it become awkward.