Silent treatment - WWYD?

[Deleted]

Okay, I'll be a post hog because the boards are quiet and I have something I'm stewing over.

My ILs and I don't have a good relationship (they don't like me because I'm not from their cultural/religious background.) So I rarely talk to them anymore, and let H handle communication. They regularly give H the silent treatment, even from far away (we live across the country from them.) Then they complain because they have no relationship with our kids and never Skype/Facetime. My kids have no clue who they are. They didn't send any kind of acknowledgment (not even a text or anything) of my DD's 1st birthday last month.

Anyway, on Easter, H texted them to wish them Happy Easter and see if they wanted to FaceTime. He got no response. At all. This is right after they just complained to him that they haven't seen the kids in so long. He still hasn't heard from them today, not even a text to say they were too busy or whatever.

I'm getting annoyed at how childish they are, and I'm tempted to say something. I wouldn't be rude, but I'd like to tell them that the reason they don't see the kids is because they cut us off and "shun" us when we do make an effort. I'm tired of them ignoring us, and then all of a sudden texting/calling one day a few weeks later and pretending nothing happened. So, would you stir things up and have your say? Or let it be and just let them pop up again weeks from now, pretending nothing happened?

[andrewsgal]

What would I do? Call them out on their BS. What should you do? Probably just let it go. I know it's easier said than done.

[gastro]

How does your DH feel about this?
I would continue make an effort unless they are unbearably unpleasant in person or were a bad influence on the kids.

[andrewsgal]

Also I get where you are coming from. My mil hasn't met DS yet. I honestly don't expect she will.

[rosesandpetals]

Ignore it. If they care enough, they'll make an effort.

[lexus]

I wouldn't go out of my way to call them out but I would wait until the next time they complain. It can be as simple as "It has been forever since we facetimed you! I was really disappointed when we didn't hear back from you on easter. The kids were in such a good mood/ looked so cute dressed up/etc". It helped me out an end to th "we never see you guys..." Type stuff.

[Deleted]

I'm with lexus I wouldn't go out of my way...but if you really do want things better, I'd speak up next time they try that passive aggressive crap. "It's been so long since we've talked."
"Yeah...isn't that a shame. We were sorry we couldn't talk when we called at Easter and *other random instances*"

[jag01]

I have a very turbulent relationship with my mother. She is currently giving me the silent treatment. It's been a year. I have learned that I am an adult, I can't control what she does, I can only control how I respond. Anytime I try to make contact, I have two scripts as to how I react to her. As silly as it sounds, it has really helped. I'm super sad that my kids don't have that relationship with her, but I have also realized that they are not missing what they do not know, and they have other special people in their lives. Do not give them the power to make you feel sad or down. Their behaviour is on them. Just because they are family, doesn't mean that they have the right to disrespect you or treat you poorly.

[Deleted]

I really like the idea of mentioning it the next time they complain. Likely it will be my H who talks to them, since I stopped trying hard a while back. I'm not sure how much he'll say. This is normal to him, they've been doing it forever, so he's not as troubled by it. I'm mostly mad because they pretend to be such a close family, and I know if we visit them, they'll expect us to stay with them and pretend everything is fine, and I'm just not willing to do that anymore. I'm tired of keeping up appearances.

And jag01 I'm sorry you have to deal with that, and with your own mother. I'm glad you've found a way to deal with it, but it's just so unfair. Good for you for sticking up for yourself! And you're right, the kids likely won't think it's strange, since that's what they'll grow up with.