"No gifts, please"

[muppetinma]

What are your feelings on this?  We wrote it on Andrew's invitations and it seems like nobody is listening.  I was hoping that if somebody felt the need to buy something, it'd be something small, like a book.  But people keep calling me, texting me, sending me facebook messages, asking for gift ideas.  I remind them all that we're asking for no gifts, but they don't care.  Guise, we somehow managed to have a confirmed guest list with 40 kids!!  FORTY!  And just as many adults.  I DON'T WANT ALL THAT STUFF!!!  

So do I have to plan for a gift table now?  I don't want to make people feel bad for not bringing a gift.  Ugh.  I think that next year, I'll ask for animal shelter donations.  That way, people can bring stuff, I don't have to add more stuff to this overflowing house, and the animals get something out of it too.

[browneyedhunni85]

I just think people feel weird about not bringing a gift to a child's party. I know that I would. If I received an invitation requesting no gifts, I'd just do a nice book but I would check with the parents first.

[ktstorm]

I'd feel bad not bringing anything. I'd probably bring either a book or a gift card, but I'd check with the mom first. Like - I noticed you said no gifts, but I'd really like to bring something for Andrew. Could we give him a gift card to a favorite restaurant or toy store? Or is there a book you think he might like?

But then again we've only ever been invited to family birthday parties, so I have no experience with the social scene rules of toddlers and birthday parties.

[claralou]

I really hate this conundrum. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, and understand that people really want to bring something, but when I say "no gifts" I mean it. I wouldn't do a gift table, because it feels presumptuous after specifying. And people who actually adhere to the invitation might feel bad. ugh.

[greenkitty98]

We tell people we don't need anything, and then we end up setting stuff in an out of the way location when things are brought anyway. We open gifts after the party is over, so no one feels bad if they didn't bring anything.

Eta: I always bring at least a book (I believe you can never have too many....probably why my house has tons of books in every room), but I put a gift receipt in so it can be taken back if they want.

[muppetinma]

Apr 18, 2015 7:25:52 GMT -5 greenkitty98 said:

We tell people we don't need anything, and then we end up setting stuff in an out of the way location when things are brought anyway. We open gifts after the party is over, so no one feels bad if they didn't bring anything.

Eta: I always bring at least a book (I believe you can never have too many....probably why my house has tons of books in every room), but I put a gift receipt in so it can be taken back if they want.

We're absolutely not opening gifts there.  But, the space we rented is a big, open room.  There really isn't an out of the way location, unfortunately.  I guess I'll just put them in a corner?  It seems rude to put them under a table.  

I knew we'd get some gifts.  It's just a given.  But I have a feeling it's already out of control.  

[greenkitty98]

We had P's party last year in a big, open room, and we had a table behind the drink table so it was out of the way. (Food, drinks, and favors were laid out on a few tables in a line, and the gifts were kind of behind it a bit.)

[jg183]

I said no gifts and if you must bring something we took food donations for my school (we send home backpacks of food for the weekends). It worked mostly- he got 2 gifts and 2 people brought food and about 10 listened

[shevacc]

I feel weird coming to a party empty handed so if "no gifts" is specified I usually bring a book or a practical item (like a cute toddler backpack). Nearly all parties around here specify no gifts and few listen so I don't want to be the only one who brought nothing.

Also, while as a parent I get it why people do it, I like picking out something for the birthday kid and don't like being told not to. Especially since it's not the kid saying no presents. So I see both sides but don't happen to like the no gifts thing.

[Dorothy Zbornak]

Bring booze if you feel like you have to bring something! Even a backpack would be too much here ... we have a million of them.

But booze? Sweet, healing booze? Never too much.

[muppetinma]

Apr 18, 2015 8:52:12 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Bring booze if you feel like you have to bring something! Even a backpack would be too much here ... we have a million of them.

But booze? Sweet, healing booze? Never too much.

I have several friends who are doing that.  They decided on bringing a book for Andrew and booze for me.  I mean, the party is absolutely not about me, but if they want to bring booze?  I'm not going to argue that.

[bigapple]

I see this on invites a lot here and always respect it. We wrote it on C's last year and only got a few gifts from 40+ guests, and those were gift cards or books.

[onehitwonder]

It's always a tough call because I hate to respect the request and show up empty handed when nobody else listened and all brought presents. I like the book idea. A friend requested that everyone bring a book that could be donated to the local children's hospital.

[eddy]

I love it. Almost all parents around here do this. It makes life so much easier.

[fusion]

I love the alcohol for the parents suggestion! I think I'll do that from now on when it says no gifts. I didn't even have a party for Anna, just made cupcakes and invited some friends over and they all still got her gifts! I'm just purging old toys now and donating.

[lolaburns]

It makes me uncomfortable to show up at a party empty handed, especially for a child. I get why people want the "no gifts", policy but I feel like you can't dictate people not giving you gifts just like you can't dictate people giving a gift? Idk it's so hard. I am so overwhelmed by all the baby stuff and L's toys.

[Deleted]

I agree I feel uncomfortable not brining a gift, but I still won't bring one because I wouldn't want a ton of gifts either. That is part of why we don't do parties. I'm guessing next year we will. I like the idea of saying if they want to give a gift it can be a donation to something.

[mabillon]

Just ran into this today at DD's party. When parents RSvp'd I said no gifts am tried to steer them to cards ("DD loves cards!). Some brought gifts anyways but luckily nothing over the top. The patents I know well didn't bring gifts at all, just a handmade drawing or store brought card, that was probably 60%.

We will do that too, a sticker or musical card with a dd original drawing for "no gift" parties. I love it and hope we can get away with it for another year or two!

[carawestt]

I always bring a gift card in these situations. Then it can 've used on other things. I wouldn't do a gift table because then the people who actually listened may feel weird.

[laurack]

Gift card is the way to go if you want to bring something. Or a book, or something "functional" like a lunch box, tash guard swim suit, box of diapers for a one year old party ...

I know for us, we just don't have room for a ton more toys. One big reason we aren't having a proper party this year, I don't want 30 new toys

[PatBenatar]

Ugh how frustrating. We're having a small party and while we didn't say no gifts, I'm trying to get the grandmas to tone it down. They both feel like they have to get her a lot of stuff. She has so much already.

But if I was invited to a party that said no gifts, I would still feel weird coming empty handed so I'd give a gift card or money (depending who it was)

[katfco]

I definitely wouldn't do a gift table. You said no gifts, and to do a gift table would make people who actually respected that wish feel bad.

[jg183]

For family and very close friends I wouldn't want to show up empty handed but kid friends and school friends I respect the no gifts

[bigapple]

Apr 18, 2015 13:25:18 GMT -5 PatBenatar said:

Ugh how frustrating. We're having a small party and while we didn't say no gifts, I'm trying to get the grandmas to tone it down. They both feel like they have to get her a lot of stuff. She has so much already.

But if I was invited to a party that said no gifts, I would still feel weird coming empty handed so I'd give a gift card or money (depending who it was)

We told the grandparents at Christmas that gifts had to take less than 2 square feet of space. That reined them in

[devotchka]

Max was invited to a party where the hosts specified "please no gifts - we have a lot of toys., etc." and we didn't bring one (well, I was sick and couldn't go but H and Max didn't bring one.) I don't really see the point of bringing one when someone specifically asks you not to :/ I think it's another story if you ask for suggestions and they say "We have so many toys, etc. but if you really want to bring a gift, a book is fine" - then I would bring a book. I once had a Mom tell us no stuffed animals bc they have a closet full. Anyway, I'm sure someone will still bring something but I don't think you need a table for it.