Wills and other grown up stuff

[cincodemayo]

My H and I are trying to get our lives together slowly but surely. We are getting 30 year term life insurance policies on ourselves and looking into estate planning. We want a will asap but the sticker price seems high. There is a community ed class that helps you prepare one but I don't know if the hassle is worth it either.

Do you have a will?
Who prepared it?
If you don't mind sharing, how much did cost to prepare?
Who will handle the finances if you are to pass? Is it different than the person who will take care of your child?

[motzie]

Yes, we set up a will right after we had DD1.

It was prepared by a lawyer. Someone my husband knows through his sports team.

I believe it was +/- $800 (this might have been at a discount)

My FIL is the executer, with my older sister as co-executer. The kids would go to my younger sister. FIL and older sister would manage the trust as well.

[caramia17]

We have a will, trust, and durable power of attorney/medical directive.

They were prepared by a wills/trust attorney


They were $1800 to prepare, set up the trust, but the attorney is a friend and gavee a discount, so I paid $1300.

We have a separate guardian and trustee.

My cousin is the guardian, but H's sister is the trustee.

[ssmjlm]

We need to update ours, but DH has a legal plan through work, so we just used a lawyer through that (who sucked, so we need to find a different one.)

My parents are our guardians for E. They will also handle the finances. But we trust them and they are financially secure, so we have no worries.

FWIW, before E when we had our first wills done, we left some money to DH's niece and nephew, but had MIL in charge of it until age 25 b/c we don't trust BIL.

[MNH2013]

Our employee assistance program gave us each a will for free, a lawyer drew it up and we signed.

I did get quotes for 500-700 before I realized we had a free option.

ETA: For us BIL will care for M if we both pass. My sister is backup. We originally thought my sister would handle finances but lawyer said in our case let BIL handle it (since he will have M) and Sis be back up as well.

[linz]

H and I were just talking about this. I had no idea it was that much!

[zarapipe]

I'm doing this. Soon. My EAP offers an online program for very little money. Is that ok or do you think I need a lawyer?

Did you guys add anything about special instructions on burial or instructions after death?

eta- the webpage is Estate Guideance, hosted by Comp Psych GuidanceResource Program.

[simpsongal]

[hangs head in shame] - just about everyone on DH's side is a lawyer (including DH and me) and we don't have a will. In our defense, one of the reasons is we don't want to appoint a guardian at this point. We're also planning on more kids. We'll likely set up a trust one day b/c it's easier than going through probate with a will.

We do have $750K 20 year term life insurance policies for each of us.

An attorney will typically charge $500-1000 to prepare a will.

[countthestars]

Apr 23, 2015 7:44:10 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

[hangs head in shame] - just about everyone on DH's side is a lawyer (including DH and me) and we don't have a will. In our defense, one of the reasons is we don't want to appoint a guardian at this point. We're also planning on more kids. We'll likely set up a trust one day b/c it's easier than going through probate with a will.

We do have $750K 20 year term life insurance policies for each of us.

An attorney will typically charge $500-1000 to prepare a will.

Can I ask why? Not to be morbid, but something bad could happen at any time.

[simpsongal]

Apr 23, 2015 8:01:31 GMT -5 countthestars said:

Apr 23, 2015 7:44:10 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

[hangs head in shame] - just about everyone on DH's side is a lawyer (including DH and me) and we don't have a will. In our defense, one of the reasons is we don't want to appoint a guardian at this point. We're also planning on more kids. We'll likely set up a trust one day b/c it's easier than going through probate with a will.

We do have $750K 20 year term life insurance policies for each of us.

An attorney will typically charge $500-1000 to prepare a will.

Can I ask why? Not to be morbid, but something bad could happen at any time.

It's not exactly obvious who we would pick.  I guess DH's folks would probably be the ones now, because they're not that old.  They're down the street so it would be less disruptive to DS.  But I suppose it could be my folks.  IDK.  Is it "cruel" to let them all figure something out if the worst (extremely remote) happened - ya know?  It's hard to say, maybe my folks would move here into our home and take over and then share responsibilities with DH's folks.  They all have a good relationship.

[meltoine]

We have wills. The legal office on base prepared them for free. Right now ILs will get the kids and the money to cover their expenses. In a few years when BIL is more settled (hes in a job that requires a lot of travel right now but is quitting to go to grad school, so I guess maybe after he graduated) we will change our wills to reflect that BIL gets the kids and the money, because ILs will be 70ish by then. 

I would like to add in a stipulation about visitation with my family, because I can see MIL being stingy about it. But we haven't yet. 

[sjh722]

Apr 23, 2015 8:12:44 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Apr 23, 2015 8:01:31 GMT -5 countthestars said:

Can I ask why? Not to be morbid, but something bad could happen at any time.

It's not exactly obvious who we would pick.  I guess DH's folks would probably be the ones now, because they're not that old.  They're down the street so it would be less disruptive to DS.  But I suppose it could be my folks.  IDK.  Is it "cruel" to let them all figure something out if the worst (extremely remote) happened - ya know?  It's hard to say, maybe my folks would move here into our home and take over and then share responsibilities with DH's folks.  They all have a good relationship.

I have been told (not sure if it's true) that if there's disagreement over who gets your kids, they could end up in foster care while it's all sorted out. 

That said, we really need to do this and have been putting it off because we don't have a good choice for guardians.

[ssmjlm]

Apr 23, 2015 8:25:06 GMT -5 sjh722 said:

Apr 23, 2015 8:12:44 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

It's not exactly obvious who we would pick.  I guess DH's folks would probably be the ones now, because they're not that old.  They're down the street so it would be less disruptive to DS.  But I suppose it could be my folks.  IDK.  Is it "cruel" to let them all figure something out if the worst (extremely remote) happened - ya know?  It's hard to say, maybe my folks would move here into our home and take over and then share responsibilities with DH's folks.  They all have a good relationship.

I have been told (not sure if it's true) that if there's disagreement over who gets your kids, they could end up in foster care while it's all sorted out. 

That said, we really need to do this and have been putting it off because we don't have a good choice for guardians.

We don't either.  I mean I love my parents and they're awesome, but they've raised their kids, you know?  So I feel like we're burdening them by making them, even though they've said they're fine with it.

I wonder if DH has told his parents they're not even a possibility.  I doubt they would even fight for rights and my parents could lawyer up in no time.

[oswin]

We almost have a will. As in, we went to a lawyer to have it drawn up, and she said it would be about four weeks, except that she was also due to have her baby in something like 4-5 weeks. It's been like 2 months and we haven't heard anything, so I assume she had her baby and we'll hear back eventually.

Cost-wise it'll be almost free because we're doing it through DH's company legal plan (which he does pay for out of his paycheck - we'll probably cancel it once we have our will and trust finalized).

All of the money and the kids will go to our good friends (married couple with one kid of their own), or to my parents as a backup.

[mrshandy]

We used Legal Zoom (I know it's terrible, but better than nothing) right after DS was born, then H found out he had legal benefits through work so we just did that. We actually changed the guardian from my parents to my sister. Since my parents aren't the best health or energy wise.

[crazygame]

We have a will. A coworker (estate planning attorney) did it and charged us about $250. We got a good deal. We have wills, a trust and powers of attorney.

We've left our children to my husband's sister and her husband. My father will be in charge of finances, including the trust proceeds and life insurance proceeds. We have $1.5M in life insurance. By having one side handle custody of the children and one side handle the finances, neither side can be excluded from my kids' lives. It was hard not to leave my kids to someone on my side, but the sibling we chose has a house that could accommodate two kids with no renovations. Everyone else would have to move. We only looked at siblings, because our parents are too old to be full time caregivers.

simpsongal- Yes, it is a bad idea to just let them figure it out if something happens to you. Although we would all hope that our families would be civil in these circumstances, that is not always the case. By not designating a guardian, a court will decide who gets your children. Even if everyone agrees, it will cost your family more money to go through that process than it would to just get a will done. And if they don't agree, the cost will be enormous and your kids will be in limbo during a period of time that stability will be so, so necessary. I know that choosing a guardian isn't easy, but it is important.

Also, wills do not have to be changed when future children are born. It can just designate that the same guardianship, etc, applies to all future children.

[glitzy07]

Ugh, we need to do this too. We both have term life insurance (approx 10X our individual annual incomes at the time).

My mom has a program that she used to write a simple will for my grandpa after my grandma passed. I'm thinking I might have her do the same for us until we can afford to do the whole will/estate shebang with a lawyer.

[cincodemayo]

Maybe I should look into a legal plan at work! Good suggestions.

[jene]

cincodemayo and glitzy07, if you are interested, I can PM you the name of the lawyer that we used for our wills/trust.

[kitty]

Do you have a will? Yes
Who prepared it? A local attorney
If you don't mind sharing, how much did cost to prepare? $500 for 2 wills/POAs/medical proxy
Who will handle the finances if you are to pass? Is it different than the person who will take care of your child? Yes we didn't want to put the entire burden on one person. BIL gets custody and DH's aunt is in charge of the $$$.

[hermione]

My brother is an attorney and prepared our will. He and his wife are also the ones getting the money and the kid. The reverse is true as well - we get their kids and the money should the need arise.

[cjeanette]

We have trust.

I had legal insurance at the time I set it up but if I didn't it would have been $3500.

My mom is the successor trustee and their guardian. I know people like to make that separate but there is really no one else I would ever trust as much as my mother. She would always do the right thing. It's just who she is.

If something happens to her they go to my eldest SIL. Who will also control the money and have the kids. I suppose I could split up the duties between the two SILs now that the youngest is older. I am not too worried about it though.

[hocus2]

Yes we have a will.

It was prepared by a lawyer and I think it was $1000 for the package he did (which had other legal documents as well).

If both of us die all our assets pass into a trust which would be managed by my sister, our children would be raise by my inlaws. We were strongly advise to keep guardianship and money separate.

[jln]

Ugh. We need to do this. Everything and the kids would go to my in-laws, which they know, but we need to get it in writing. I just hate even thinking about it.

[6fsn]

We had a will, estate, and durable power of attorney prepared by a local attorney in BFE Ohio in 2008. It was ~$1,000 for both of us.

Banker brother will cover the money.
Doctor brother makes medical decisions.
Mom sister gets the kids. She a doctor too, it just didn't fit with what I was doing there.

[rosebud]

Just fyi, my mil was chosen for her niece and nephews when the kids were little , however someone from the other side of the family was chosen to administer the trust. My mil was worried about the way everything was worded since basically she'd have to ask monthly from this person she briefly met at the wedding for $$ to pay for the kids expenses. Luckily nothing happened, it's something to think about if you are thinking of splitting the kids and the money...how is everything set up to keep the kids cared for? What if the 2 sides don't know each other/can't get along/etc.?

[coffeebean]

We have wills. We took a two session class through our local community ed. taught by a local lawyer. The first session, he walked the class through what is needed in a will, gave us samples to follow, and during the week we were to write our own wills, and email him with any questions we had.

The second and final session of class, he looked over our wills, and we signed, and witnessed each others will, and he notorized them. All we had to pay was the $40 class fee per person ($80 total), and received the one on one professional help with any questions we had.

[leonard131]

Apr 23, 2015 6:42:45 GMT -5 cincodemayo said:

My H and I are trying to get our lives together slowly but surely. We are getting 30 year term life insurance policies on ourselves and looking into estate planning. We want a will asap but the sticker price seems high. There is a community ed class that helps you prepare one but I don't know if the hassle is worth it either.

Do you have a will?
Who prepared it?
If you don't mind sharing, how much did cost to prepare?
Who will handle the finances if you are to pass? Is it different than the person who will take care of your child?

Yes we have a will.  An attorney in H works with sometimes.
I can't remember- couple hundred. He didn't charge the full amount out of professional courtesy since they send work back and forth to each other.

H's brother will handle the finances and our friends are M's guardian should anything happen.  We did this because our parents are too old and both our siblings are done raising their children so wasn't fair to make them start over again.  

[jena]

We did an online will. It's probably not perfect, but it's something. We have a guardian and backup guardian listed, and they know who they are. We also had my mom and mil as our 2 witnesses and they know what it says. They would be the only ones who would try to challenge anything I think so I was happy they have seen it and signed it.

[winemaker06]

We got our wills all set up in the past few months. It cost about $500 including a trust for the baby.

What I don't know now is, what do I put as a beneficiary on all of our investments/401k/etc? Obviously spouse first, but then DS, or his trust somehow? We don't have an actual name for the trust so I got stuck and didn't update our accounts yet.