Childbirth - I'm Nervous (Should I Be?)

[yourmother]

Hi,

I'm currently 34w5d and am just feeling so overwhelmed with body aches.  I'm 5'0" and was a size 10/12 pre-pregnancy.  I've put on about 35 pounds so far and am continuing to balloon up.  Walking hurts very badly due to extreme pelvic pain.  I'm basically just really worn out.   

My baby is measuring VERY big in the 91st percentile for weight and I got a lecture from the specialist on having a "chubby" baby.  He has a "big head and a big belly".  

So, here I am, worried about childbirth.  My OB says that we will try to deliver vaginally, but then went on to tell me the worst case scenario's (baby getting stuck, baby hurting his shoulders coming out, etc.).  I asked her point blank what her best educated guess was on how I would end up delivering and she said "C-Section".

Can someone come in and reassure me that everything will work out ok?  Was anyone in this situation (petite with a massive baby)?  Should I just relax and let the chips fall where they may?  Anything I can do to prepare for this?

TIA for any insight!

[karinothing]

namasteak had an 11lb baby vaginally at home I don't know her size though lol.

A girl at my birthcenter was a 5foot tall 100lb ballerina and had a 10lb baby. I think while it is good to know that complications can happen, it is also good to know that babies are squishy.

Also, I think that growth ultrasounds can be off. Mine said DS was 7.5lbs, he was born a week later at 5lbs 14oz he just had a GIGANTIC head which threw things off. HIs head was 99% and he came out with his hands at his face too (so like diving out of me lol). But yes, I would just relax and let what happens happens.

[countthestars]

Well first, I don't really like your OB and her attitude.

You may end up with a C-section, that's okay. You may end up with a perfectly easy vaginal birth. That's also okay. The weight guesses are notoriously inaccurate. Petite people give birth to average and large sized babies all the time.

I would mentally prepare for anything to happen but just plan to KOKO. If it would make you feel better, I would ask about induction at 39 weeks if the doctor still thinks the baby is large and see what she says.

You will be fine!!

[Deleted]

Do you have any other birth support other than your OB who's planning your c-section? I'd probably try to find a last minute doula.

I loved my doula so much. So encouraging, calm, and helpful.

[Susie]

I'm pretty sure if you're NOT at least a little nervous about childbirth, you're the anomaly.

I'm 5'2, and have an H who is 6'2, bigger boned, and was a huge baby. Hobbes might be pretty freaking big relative to my anatomy. But I figure you prepare for the possibilities as well as you can, and let it unfold as it will. Whether L&D goes as I planned or not, my circumstances will not be an unusual case for my OB, and they will help me deliver one way or another. The only way I envision it not "working out ok" is if I get too wedded to my idea of how I want it to go, and therefore any changes from that plan fall under "not ok." That's in my control to deal with.

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:12:03 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Do you have any other birth support other than your OB who's planning your c-section? I'd probably try to find a last minute doula.

I loved my doula so much. So encouraging, calm, and helpful.

How do I go about finding a doula?  I hadn't thought about this.

[charlotteandwilbur]

I'm sorry your doctors are giving you crap.

Something that helps me is just keeping in mind that L&D is just a short, short blip in my career as a parent. For most people only a day or so (granted, a long day). My baby will get here, one way or another, and then my lifetime of developing a relationship with this tiny human begins. It's kind of like the wedding day vs. marriage -- there's so much energy & focus on that one day but it's the long haul that counts.

And ditto everyone else on ultrasounds being notoriously wrong & petite women being able to birth large babies.

[Brie]

Well, even if a C-section is the worst case scenario, I will tell you that I absolutely preferred my C-section recovery to my vaginal delivery recovery.

I was actually live posting my birth here with my youngest son and there are posts where I confess that I was terrified to have a C-section. Then, things got very hairy and he needed to come out immediately. I had a C-section under general anesthesia at, so I was not even awake for the whole thing. And you know what, it was the worst case scenario I'd built up in my mind, but in the end, it was fine.

I mean, the baby has to come out somehow, but thankfully we live in an era where pain relief is readily available and you don't, like, have to go out and work in the fields the next day.

[matildasun]

Apr 23, 2015 10:05:43 GMT -5 yourmother said:

So, here I am, worried about childbirth.  My OB says that we will try to deliver vaginally, but then went on to tell me the worst case scenario's (baby getting stuck, baby hurting his shoulders coming out, etc.).  I asked her point blank what her best educated guess was on how I would end up delivering and she said "C-Section".

This is bullshit and has me furious on your behalf. I think it is important to know the risks, but your Dr. seems to be fear mongering and that is not okay.

I am sorry you are struggling, the end of pregnancy is hard. Childbirth can be worrisome, but it is also amazing. 

[yourmother]

Thanks everyone! Also, my fear is that I'll try and try and try vaginally and then end up with a C-section and will have double recovery. Is that how it works?

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2015 10:20:10 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Apr 23, 2015 10:12:03 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Do you have any other birth support other than your OB who's planning your c-section? I'd probably try to find a last minute doula.

I loved my doula so much. So encouraging, calm, and helpful.

How do I go about finding a doula?  I hadn't thought about this.

www.dona.org/mothers/find_a_doula.php

There's a drop-down list by state on the side. Costs vary wildly - from free for a doula in training, up to over a thousand bucks for a very well experienced doula. Mine was $600, but that included 3 pre-birth visits, the birth, a hospital visit, and a home visit. I changed two of the pre-birth visits to post-birth home visits with my second.

It was the largest expense for our baby, both times, but both my husband and I would say it was the best money we spent. If you don't have the money to drop on it, call a few and ask about doulas in training or other options - there is usually someone around that wants to help you for what you can afford to spend.

Anyway... I can't say enough about how great having a doula was for us, and I wish it was more widely thought of and available. If you are planning an epidural, make sure you find a doula that's down with that plan. There ARE doulas that won't think it's a bad idea. 

[cobber06]

I hate it when OBs tell people they are going to have huge babies- I don't think it is particularly helpful.

The women in my family are all under 5'2" and vaginally delivered 8-11 pound babies without complications.

My twins were about 7.5 and 5.5 pounds- I needed a vacuum assist for both girls, but other than that I had no major issues with delivery.

[Deleted]

They thought my daughter was a big baby (9+ lbs) and she was just over 7. So those guesses are way off usually.

Just try to relax. And FWIW, I thought the C-section was NBD. My recovery was fine, as long as I had help and didn't try to do too much at the beginning.

I also hate your OB for giving you a lecture about a big baby, and suspecting you'll deliver by c-section. Your size and baby size won't necessarily impact your delivery. My 4'11" 95lb friend delivered a 7lb12oz baby boy vaginally with minimal tearing. Anecdotal, sure, but it's worth knowing I think.

[namasteak]

Apr 23, 2015 10:09:44 GMT -5 karinothing said:

namasteak had an 11lb baby vaginally at home I don't know her size though lol.

I'm 5'4" and prebaby wore a size 8 and have always had medium wide hips. 

I credit a lot of my standard first time mom labor (12 hours total, 2 hours pushing) despite having a huge baby to my midwife who had me change positions to make sure my pelvis opened nice and wide to allow baby to come through. 

[hermione]

Your doctor likely isn't just concerned about overall size. What's more important is if the chest size percentage is significantly different that the head size percentage (I think - I don't remember exactly anymore). This can (doesn't it mean it will!) lead to the baby getting stuck and shoulder dystocia, which is serious. If this is a legitimate concern, your doctor is not wrong to prepare you for a possible C-Section.

I had a scheduled C-Section for this reason and I am 100% certain my doctor wasn't pushing any sort of agenda and legitimately advised what was the best course of action of both my child and me in our specific situation.

As for your fears - that's normal. I was TERRIFIED of birth but I found it helpful to tell myself that millions of women do it and then choose to do it again. If they can do it, so could I! And so can you!

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:25:02 GMT -5 cobber06 said:

I hate it when OBs tell people they are going to have huge babies- I don't think it is particularly helpful.

The women in my family are all under 5'2" and vaginally delivered 8-11 pound babies without complications.

My twins were about 7.5 and 5.5 pounds- I needed a vacuum assist for both girls, but other than that I had no major issues with delivery.

What is it like delivering with a vacuum?

[namasteak]

Apr 23, 2015 10:05:43 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Hi,

I'm currently 34w5d and am just feeling so overwhelmed with body aches.  I'm 5'0" and was a size 10/12 pre-pregnancy.  I've put on about 35 pounds so far and am continuing to balloon up.  Walking hurts very badly due to extreme pelvic pain.  I'm basically just really worn out.   

My baby is measuring VERY big in the 91st percentile for weight and I got a lecture from the specialist on having a "chubby" baby.  He has a "big head and a big belly".  

So, here I am, worried about childbirth.  My OB says that we will try to deliver vaginally, but then went on to tell me the worst case scenario's (baby getting stuck, baby hurting his shoulders coming out, etc.).  I asked her point blank what her best educated guess was on how I would end up delivering and she said "C-Section".

Can someone come in and reassure me that everything will work out ok?  Was anyone in this situation (petite with a massive baby)?  Should I just relax and let the chips fall where they may?  Anything I can do to prepare for this?

TIA for any insight!

Have you considered going to a webster method chiropractor to help with the pelvic pain? That was amazing in the second half of my pregnancy with DS. 

Don't listen to your OB about having a baby too big to deliver vaginally. I would encourage you to find a doula to help you get through it and to help advocate for you if your doctor tries to push you into a csection early. 

Honestly, unless you LOVE your doctor I would switch doctors. 

[Deleted]

I echo what everyone else has already said so thought I would add something else. To help relieve the pain you are feeling, swim. If you have a pool available, give it a try. It helps so much!

Also, I had a c section after induction and long, hard labor. Recovery was a breeze so you just never know.

[namasteak]

Apr 23, 2015 10:26:10 GMT -5 @mrswindycity said:

Your OB is definitely rubbing me the wrong way. There is no way for her to know you will end up with a CS and even for her to make that assumption isn't right. Obviously there is NOTHING wrong with a CS if that's what happens, but women have been delivering big babies vaginally for years and years and there's no reason to think you won't be doing the same.

I was measuring big with both pregnancies and the babies were not huge (8 lbs.), so scans are not always accurate. I had both babies vaginally without issue.

I think it's completely normal to be nervous about childbirth. It's a huge thing and obviously one you haven't done before - it's hard not to get nervous about any event like that! Just try your best to relax, and try to find someone else to talk to (even if it's us!) and comfort you about your delivery.

So much this. 

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:27:13 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Apr 23, 2015 10:09:44 GMT -5 karinothing said:

namasteak had an 11lb baby vaginally at home I don't know her size though lol.

I'm 5'4" and prebaby wore a size 8 and have always had medium wide hips. 

I credit a lot of my standard first time mom labor (12 hours total, 2 hours pushing) despite having a huge baby to my midwife who had me change positions to make sure my pelvis opened nice and wide to allow baby to come through. 

Did you do specific exercises pre-birth to help with widening of the pelvis?

[mcfelix]

I completely agree with the suggestions to get a doula. I had one and it was SO helpful to have someone there to interpret and explain the options for me. My water broke at home but my contractions weren't progressing, so when the dr and nurses were asking to induce with pitocin, and it was very helpful for the doula to explain the options to me. I ended up waiting an hour or two, things still weren't progressing so then I got pitocin.

I don't have any advice about being petite and expecting a large baby, but I will encourage you to try not to stress out about it. In the end, no matter what happens, you will have a newborn baby in your arms! Things may not go as expected, but they could also go perfectly smoothly. It's not something you have complete control over, so you just have to roll with it. Easier said than done, but I would just go into it with few expectations about how things "should" go. Good luck!!

[Deleted]

Everybody is nervous. Even with the worse case scenario of a c-section though, odds are you will have a perfectly healthy baby afterwards so we just wait and hope for the best.

[karinothing]

Apr 23, 2015 10:29:13 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I don't have any experience with the size issue,  but I had a ton of pelvic pain during my last pregnancy and could barely walk towards the end, and a lot of it was just that the baby was so low. Which is a good thing when it comes to labor! Those ultrasound measurements are often way off. I know several people who were predicted big babies and had averaged size ones. I was predicted an average baby and had one in the 90th%. I know it is hard, but I would try not to worry about the baby not being able to fit through unless/until you have to. Your doctor is willing to try a vaginal birth, and there is a good chance you will be able to deliver that way.

I think this is a good point. I don't have any scientific proof to back this up, but I do think "easier" vaginal births happen if the baby is low and engaged prior to labor. DS was at like 0 station prior to birth, meaning fully engaged. I think if your baby is high and not engaged at labor seems a lot more difficult (because a lot of your pushing energy is expended just getting the baby to engage).

ETA: I also had a TON of pelvic pain and by 38weeks it took me like 30 minutes to walk to my car from my house lol.

[isabel]

I'm 5'0", normally 120 pounds. I gained over 40 with my son, but did lose a few pounds right at the very end. He was 8 lb, 7 oz, so pretty darn big for someone my size.

I'll be honest with you, I was in labor for 27 hours. My cervix wouldn't dilate past 9.5 cm and they finally took me for a c section. This is unlikely to happen to you.

I don't know what it would have been like to try to push him out since I never got to that point, but I honestly think it would have been fine. I felt pretty good with the epidural (minus being exhausted). That said, the c section went really well and my recovery has mostly been a breeze. I'm two weeks out and feel pretty much normal already. I'm actually a little thankful things went the way they did even though I was adamant that I did not want a c section.

Anyway, whatever happens, happens. Don't stress yourself out about it. You'll get through it in the best way possible and come out the other side with a beautiful baby. And don't let your doctor shame you on your weight gain. There's nothing you can do about it and I bet you'll lose a ton of weight very quickly. I look almost normal already.

Good luck and think positive!

Eta: DS was 95% at birth and they tested him for GD because he was so big. He was negative and the pedi had said several times what a healthy baby he is.

[namasteak]

Apr 23, 2015 10:33:07 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Apr 23, 2015 10:27:13 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I'm 5'4" and prebaby wore a size 8 and have always had medium wide hips. 

I credit a lot of my standard first time mom labor (12 hours total, 2 hours pushing) despite having a huge baby to my midwife who had me change positions to make sure my pelvis opened nice and wide to allow baby to come through. 

Did you do specific exercises pre-birth to help with widening of the pelvis?

Not really. I did plie squats (you can hold onto a door knob or back of a chair for stability) as part of my prenatal exercising. 

It was more my midwife encouraging me to go into different positions during labor and pushing. Squatting, all fours and on my back with my knees way the hell up by my chest (so basically squatting but on my back) helped the most. 

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:27:39 GMT -5 hermione said:

Your doctor likely isn't just concerned about overall size. What's more important is if the chest size percentage is significantly different that the head size percentage (I think - I don't remember exactly anymore). This can (doesn't it mean it will!) lead to the baby getting stuck and shoulder dystocia, which is serious. If this is a legitimate concern, your doctor is not wrong to prepare you for a possible C-Section.

I had a scheduled C-Section for this reason and I am 100% certain my doctor wasn't pushing any sort of agenda and legitimately advised what was the best course of action of both my child and me in our specific situation.

As for your fears - that's normal. I was TERRIFIED of birth but I found it helpful to tell myself that millions of women do it and then choose to do it again. If they can do it, so could I! And so can you!

This is more or less where I'm at.  I don't think my OB has a c-section agenda.  Vaginal delivery has always (and still is) the plan.  As a matter of fact, after she made her educated guess about the c-section, I asked her if she thought scheduling the c-section was the way to go and she said no.

I really think her telling me about the possibilities of what could go wrong was just her being pragmatic about the situation and laying out the potential reasons why we may have to change our route to a c-section.

BTW - for clarification (for everyone).  I have two doctors.  The OB and then the baby's specialist.  The specialist is the one who gave me a hard time for Baby's size.  

[isabel]

Apr 23, 2015 10:12:03 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Do you have any other birth support other than your OB who's planning your c-section? I'd probably try to find a last minute doula.

I loved my doula so much. So encouraging, calm, and helpful.

I completely agree with this. My OB was awesome, but I loved having my doula, too. She helped me feel so mentally relaxed.

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:31:35 GMT -5 freshsqueezed said:

I echo what everyone else has already said so thought I would add something else. To help relieve the pain you are feeling, swim. If you have a pool available, give it a try. It helps so much!

Also, I had a c section after induction and long, hard labor. Recovery was a breeze so you just never know.

This is very comforting, thank you!

[cobber06]

yourmother the vacuum was nbd in my experience- I had an epidural and really couldn't feel anything other than a bit of pressure.

I remember a nurse telling me that some people just weren't built to have children... She wasn't trying to be rude, but that was not a helpful comment.

[yourmother]

Apr 23, 2015 10:30:13 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Apr 23, 2015 10:05:43 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Hi,

I'm currently 34w5d and am just feeling so overwhelmed with body aches.  I'm 5'0" and was a size 10/12 pre-pregnancy.  I've put on about 35 pounds so far and am continuing to balloon up.  Walking hurts very badly due to extreme pelvic pain.  I'm basically just really worn out.   

My baby is measuring VERY big in the 91st percentile for weight and I got a lecture from the specialist on having a "chubby" baby.  He has a "big head and a big belly".  

So, here I am, worried about childbirth.  My OB says that we will try to deliver vaginally, but then went on to tell me the worst case scenario's (baby getting stuck, baby hurting his shoulders coming out, etc.).  I asked her point blank what her best educated guess was on how I would end up delivering and she said "C-Section".

Can someone come in and reassure me that everything will work out ok?  Was anyone in this situation (petite with a massive baby)?  Should I just relax and let the chips fall where they may?  Anything I can do to prepare for this?

TIA for any insight!

Have you considered going to a webster method chiropractor to help with the pelvic pain? That was amazing in the second half of my pregnancy with DS. 

Don't listen to your OB about having a baby too big to deliver vaginally. I would encourage you to find a doula to help you get through it and to help advocate for you if your doctor tries to push you into a csection early. 

Honestly, unless you LOVE your doctor I would switch doctors. 

I will look into this.  My pelvic area hurts SO MUCH.  I explained in response to someone else that I don't think my OB was trying to discourage me from a vaginal birth.  That is actually our plan, but she was giving me the facts of my situation.  The baby's specialist is the one that was giving me grief about having a big baby.  My OB still guessed that it would be a c-section, but that's all it was, an educated guess.  I actually do like her a lot.  Her straight-forwardness is what I like, but this situation is just scary all around for me as I've never experienced childbirth (at it's just scary to begin with).