We invite grandparents and the aunts to the kid centric parties but they live in town. I can't imagine they would care at all about missing it if they had to travel.
We invite grandparents and the aunts to the kid centric parties but they live in town. I can't imagine they would care at all about missing it if they had to travel.
This isn't just a run-of-the-mill kid-centric party. This is a small group of DD and 4 friends going to the AG Cafe. Absolutely no other adults will be there besides me and one girl's mom. DH isn't even going!
Knowing my ILs, they are sitting around imagining my brother driving up from New Jersey or something to take DD out the Saturday before her bday, when that's not the case at all. But I shouldn't have to call and swear to them that no other family member is doing anything with DD.
Again- Grrrrrrrrr! I am so freaking mad right now.
Post by ilikedonuts on Apr 23, 2015 18:10:25 GMT -5
Honestly? I'd ignore them. You told them nicely what the plan was and offered them a weekend to come visit. How they act about that is on them. Let them be babies and throw a temper tantrum.
We don't reward our children when they act out. Adults that act like children get treated the same.
I'm so sorry. I'm expecting a similar reaction from my inlaws when DH tells them DD1's bday party will be friends only. Don't you just love inlaws drama?
I'm sure they will demand we have a party for them as well.
@choco, I work at home. It makes it super hard to enforce "I don't have time for you right now" boundaries when they are visiting. They also seem to have some kind of crazy run-in with a cab driver or something like that every time they visit and act like these things happen when we ask them to manage the big city by themselves.
Stay strong. I'm glad your DH is handling it- but pass on our advice. I agree with basically ignoring it. I'd say "We understand you're upset but we're following DDs wishes on the party she asked for." and then not engage past that.
If it wasn't this year, this would happen next year, or the next.
One of the things about this that pisses me off is that I constantly feel (and post) like a crazy person because of them! I can't make any decisions regarding holidays or vacations with my kids or doing anything that involves my side of the family (my parents, etc.) without worrying about how the ILs will react. Because they pull crap like this all.the.time!!!
You would think this would mean I don't GAF anymore, but the anticipation of their reactions is seriously stressful.
It doesn't help that my own parents are nuts for different reasons. Will one of you sane ladies just adopt me, please?
I'm sorry That is so annoying. And I would be raging even without their sulking if I felt like they were favoring one of my kids over the other.
PS, we accompanied the news of a lack of party for DD with the promise of a huge blow-out for DS's birthday this summer. And the offer that they could stay as long as they liked for that because DD won't be in camp or school around then. There is no mention of that in their "we're so hurt" message.
You've already offered too much.
I give you credit for painting a wonderful, balanced picture. It could have been fun. Fuck her for choosing to be an asshole about it.
What you need to realize is that you can only control you. Their feelings are just that - theirs. Find a way to make peace with this. you know how they are - don't fight it, don't expect differently.
People who are like this- reality will always be that they want things THEIR way and their way only and you will never ever be able to "win". The more you fight this, the more miserable YOU will be. They'll be miserable no matter what, so why make yourself miserable too??
We invite grandparents and the aunts to the kid centric parties but they live in town. I can't imagine they would care at all about missing it if they had to travel.
This isn't just a run-of-the-mill kid-centric party. This is a small group of DD and 4 friends going to the AG Cafe. Absolutely no other adults will be there besides me and one girl's mom. DH isn't even going!
Knowing my ILs, they are sitting around imagining my brother driving up from New Jersey or something to take DD out the Saturday before her bday, when that's not the case at all. But I shouldn't have to call and swear to them that no other family member is doing anything with DD.
Again- Grrrrrrrrr! I am so freaking mad right now.
That sounds like a really fun birthday celebration! I would let them know that she isn't having a party this year- just going out to lunch with friends. If they would like to take her out to eat the next time they visit they are welcome to do so. You'll let them know when is good for you.
Post by DarcyLongfellow on Apr 23, 2015 20:10:46 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, Anna.
My own parents used to be kind of like that. We had to sit them down and have a come to Jesus meeting with them about respecting our wishes for our own family. We had a bit of a rough transition, but now things are 1000% better.
It's so stressful to feel like you're supposed to feel guilty for not making grandchild time perfectly equal between both sides of the family.