HuffPo blog post on co-sleeping

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 7:27:14 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Both times I set out to not bed share but was open to it. As everyone knows I bed shared with all my kids. It's What worked for us.

Even now, with the girls in their cribs I am finding waking up with them to nurse is far more jarring and disruptive because our sleep patterns are no longer in sync the way they were when we bed shared. But, now bed sharing is no longer working for us because they are older and crawling all over each other resulting in little sleep for everyone.

I appreciate articles like this because I do feel as though bed sharing is often very frowned upon in this country even though I believe it is sort of a natural extention of nursing. We talk about it here often, but I reality it's a very hush hush thing most don't want to admit to.

That said, if I weren't nursing I likely would not have fallen into the pattern of bed sharing because I would have been able to split up night time duties and side lie nursing wouldn't have been such a glorious tool for me.

This is kind of where I was coming from. I don't think this article was written to people who are happy to sleep apart from their babies. I think it is written for those of us who bed shared and are made to feel like we are going to kill our kid. I mean how many times have we seen posters on here asking if this is okay, how they feel shame for doing it? How it is somethign they can't mention to their doctor or friends or family or whatever. Anyway, I guess I just read the article as him saying hey look, it is okay, biology says so lol.

[vmars]

I could not cosleep and even if we bring him to bed with us now at 16 months my sleep is shit. DH was the only one who could do it and get some sleep when he was DS was a baby, but he wasn't BFing him so I guess we fail at co sleeping. I always get annoyed when the men aren't allowed to co sleep or are told it's not as safe. DH is way more paranoid and aware when he's sleeping. I am a pretty heavy sleeper and have been known to sleep walk in the past. Now that we are in seperate rooms my sleep has vastly improved (we stopped room sharing at 4 months) and I definitely think I am a better parent for it.

[Ashley&Scott]

Apr 24, 2015 7:27:14 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Both times I set out to not bed share but was open to it. As everyone knows I bed shared with all my kids. It's What worked for us.

Even now, with the girls in their cribs I am finding waking up with them to nurse is far more jarring and disruptive because our sleep patterns are no longer in sync the way they were when we bed shared. But, now bed sharing is no longer working for us because they are older and crawling all over each other resulting in little sleep for everyone.

I appreciate articles like this because I do feel as though bed sharing is often very frowned upon in this country even though I believe it is sort of a natural extension of nursing. We talk about it here often, but I reality it's a very hush hush thing most don't want to admit to.

That said, if I weren't nursing I likely would not have fallen into the pattern of bed sharing because I would have been able to split up night time duties and side lie nursing wouldn't have been such a glorious tool for me.

I completely agree. I never thought we would bed share before M was born but I was wrong. It has worked really well for us.

I also appreciate articles that tell me that my kid isn't broken/bad/doomed because he didn't STTN or in his own room. 

[shelbyann]

Apr 24, 2015 7:31:23 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Apr 23, 2015 19:50:17 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I also couldn't figure out the "whole put your arm over the baby like so" while bedsharing thing. How do you sleep like that?

This really becomes a very natural position when side lie nursing. Like I said, I likely wouldn't have fallen into the pattern of bed sharing the entire first year if I weren't nursing.

I agree. When we started bed sharing I didn't even think about position and realized I was doing the arm thing exactly after reading about it later. It happened naturally.

[Deleted]

I fucking love James McKenna.

He was a voice of reason, telling me how to do something I was bound to do anyway in the safest way.

Always fun to read about how I was wrong and should be judged! Thanks, board, for reminding me it's really time to spend muuuuch less time here.

[tigress]

I didn't barely at all bedshare with DD1 but she was a crap nurser and stopped nighttime feedings by 4 months.

DD2 didn't sleep through the night until 9 months when I finally let her CIO but she did sleep in her crib the majority of the time. I would do side lying nursing when she woke up and often pass out but it was on a bed in her room and when I woke up I would put her back and then go to bed.

DS doesn't sleep well. I bedshare and cosleep with him often. I have been trying to not do it but I have moved to just accepting it and trying to make it as safe as possible. Normally I am by myself in bed with him. Its just how it is and I get SO much more sleep and snuggles.

[rbp]

Apr 24, 2015 8:59:18 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Always fun to read about how I was wrong and should be judged! Thanks, board, for reminding me it's really time to spend muuuuch less time here.

Huh?

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 9:14:02 GMT -5 rbp said:

Apr 24, 2015 8:59:18 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Always fun to read about how I was wrong and should be judged! Thanks, board, for reminding me it's really time to spend muuuuch less time here.

Huh?

I think she is referring to the fact that she didn't view the article as some judgy parenting piece, but rather just a piece of how bedsharing/room sharing has some biological basis and how it can be done safetly (and is all over the world). That compared to many posters who took this as an article that shamed them for chosing not to bedshare.

It hink when reading articles like this it is important to realize that not all articles are meant to reach and address all audiences. If an article supports one thing that doesn't automatically mean it is shaming another.

[Deleted]

Apr 24, 2015 9:16:16 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:14:02 GMT -5 rbp said:

Huh?

I think she is referring to the fact that she didn't view the article as some judgy parenting piece, but rather just a piece of how bedsharing/room sharing has some biological basis and how it can be done safetly (and is all over the world). That compared to many posters who took this as an article that shamed them for chosing not to bedshare.

It hink when reading articles like this it is important to realize that not all articles are meant to reach and address all audiences. If an article supports one thing that doesn't automatically mean it is shaming another.

Ding ding! Doing the mainstream, supported by every major piece of medical advice giver out there thing... it's not something you need to have support for. I'm sorry. It's pretty easy.

When that doesn't work for you and you're really struggling, finding someone that is reasonably educated and reputable that helps you feel like you're not completely failing as a parent is a big deal. 

[Deleted]

Apr 24, 2015 9:18:00 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I was too anxious to do it because of all the people (the nurses at the hospital espcially, the pediatrician, and just people in general) who make it sound like it's really common to roll over on your baby. Outside of being drunk/high, is it really that common to roll over on the baby and not wake up?

No.

It's pretty much unheard of. 

[cjeanette]

I sort of miss the days when my kids slept in the snuggle nest in our bed.

Now they sneak in bed with us in the middle of the night and proceed to starfish.

[rbp]

Apr 24, 2015 9:19:42 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:16:16 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I think she is referring to the fact that she didn't view the article as some judgy parenting piece, but rather just a piece of how bedsharing/room sharing has some biological basis and how it can be done safetly (and is all over the world). That compared to many posters who took this as an article that shamed them for chosing not to bedshare.

It hink when reading articles like this it is important to realize that not all articles are meant to reach and address all audiences. If an article supports one thing that doesn't automatically mean it is shaming another.

Ding ding! Doing the mainstream, supported by every major piece of medical advice giver out there thing... it's not something you need to have support for. I'm sorry. It's pretty easy.

When that doesn't work for you and you're really struggling, finding someone that is reasonably educated and reputable that helps you feel like you're not completely failing as a parent is a big deal. 

Weird. I see BF articles posted here all the time, even though BF is mainstream and supported by medicine. It just seems like parenting advice is bound to be taken as a personal affront: either it's not something that works for you and that's offensive, or it is something that works for you but you're annoyed at people who are offended by the advice? 

[aqualuv]

I liked this article, we have been co-sleeping since 8 weeks and we really don't see a end in sight as of yet. Prior to having L I never thought I would have him sleep in our bed, I actually thought I would have him in his crib from the first day we came home from the hospital. We've tried on a few occasions to move him to his crib, but he wasn't having it, and honestly my day is long enough to fight with him to sleep in his crib. I feel pretty rested most nights, even though he doesn't STTN. Due to all the negative press I think co-sleeping and bed sharing receives I have lied to our pediatrician about L sleeping in his crib. It's a choice I feel I do not need to debate with our pediatrician about what is right for our family. It works although family and friends think we are setting ourselves up for failure later when he transitions to sleeping in his own bed.

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 9:24:54 GMT -5 rbp said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:19:42 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Ding ding! Doing the mainstream, supported by every major piece of medical advice giver out there thing... it's not something you need to have support for. I'm sorry. It's pretty easy.

When that doesn't work for you and you're really struggling, finding someone that is reasonably educated and reputable that helps you feel like you're not completely failing as a parent is a big deal. 

Weird. I see BF articles posted here all the time, even though BF is mainstream and supported by medicine. It just seems like people take all parenting advice personally: either it's not something that works for you and that's offensive, or it is something that works for you but you're annoyed at people who are offended by the advice? 

I think I get annoyed at folks that are offended by articles lol that aren't meaning to be offensive. Like there are CLEARLY some inflammatory stuff that is written. That IMO wasn't one of them. So it is kind of frustration to take an article that makes a claim and then backs it up with scientific data (and personal studies the author did) and have people assert that it is shaming them. I feel the same way if folks accuse the AAP of shaming by issuing it is breastfeeding statement.

Now, crazy blog posts that say that your kid is doomed to be the village idiot if you feed them formula? yes, those can be accused of being mean or shaming or whatever. BUt it is 100% possible to have an article side on the issue of something w/out it shaming other choices...merely pointing out pros and cons is not shaming IMO. It jsut gets frustrating. Like I come across some really interesting articles re: breastfeeding that are scientific study related adn I am afraid to post them, because I don't want to upset people. I think that lack of a willingless (or ability) to read other opinions (expecially when those opinions are supported by real science)  w/out feeling personal judgment is a real detriment to our society as a whole.

[Deleted]

Apr 24, 2015 9:24:54 GMT -5 rbp said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:19:42 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Ding ding! Doing the mainstream, supported by every major piece of medical advice giver out there thing... it's not something you need to have support for. I'm sorry. It's pretty easy.

When that doesn't work for you and you're really struggling, finding someone that is reasonably educated and reputable that helps you feel like you're not completely failing as a parent is a big deal. 

Weird. I see BF articles posted here all the time, even though BF is mainstream and supported by medicine. It just seems like parenting advice is bound to be taken as a personal affront: either it's not something that works for you and that's offensive, or it is something that works for you but you're annoyed at people who are offended by the advice? 

True, but no one argued you are going to kill your child if you bf or ff for that matter. Yes, we get into debates about the benefits of bf but no one says ff will KILL your child (Even if it feels to some like that's what pro bf articles are saying)

[kdubs923]

We never bed shared (because I sleep in a cocoon of 3 blankets & 5 pillows, lol), but I found this very interesting. Some of the information was new for me.

DS didn't start STTN until over a year and still doesn't 100% of the time. I agree with PPs that just accepting that your night will likely suck was easier than hoping for a good night & being so disappointed.

When people would ask if DS was a good baby, I'd usually answer that he was OK and we've decided to keep him. Or that the 30 day warranty was up and we've lost the receipt, so I guess he's with us for the long haul.

[laurack]

I guess overall I liked the article. There were some "Wut?" parts like tamb said, but I agree that when you are going against the grain I guess it can be necessary to be extra vehement.

I'm not a big fan of co-sleeping but I did it often out of desperation. I still do now sometimes. I did worry some when he was very little but I don't think I ever moved in my sleep when he was there. Even asleep I was aware. I think it resulted in less good sleep for me because I couldn't sleep deeply HOWEVER physically getting out of bed and sitting in a recliner for 20 min out of every hour during the bad nights.. was just not possible. Side lying nursing just had to happen.

I would not be comfortable with my H cosleeping with him without me. He sleeps like the dead.

[irishbride2]

I will say that I LOVE that I gave birth the first time at the hospital associated with this article. They encouraged me to sleep with DD in my hospital bed. It was awesome and so much easier than having to get up and down so often right after birth to get her from the bassinet. It gave me the confidence to be able to tell the other nurses to leave me alone the second time around when I did so with DS.

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 9:39:08 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:31:11 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I think I get annoyed at folks that are offended by articles lol that aren't meaning to be offensive. Like there are CLEARLY some inflammatory stuff that is written. That IMO wasn't one of them. So it is kind of frustration to take an article that makes a claim and then backs it up with scientific data (and personal studies the author did) and have people assert that it is shaming them. I feel the same way if folks accuse the AAP of shaming by issuing it is breastfeeding statement.

Now, crazy blog posts that say that your kid is doomed to be the village idiot if you feed them formula? yes, those can be accused of being mean or shaming or whatever. BUt it is 100% possible to have an article side on the issue of something w/out it shaming other choices...merely pointing out pros and cons is not shaming IMO. It jsut gets frustrating. Like I come across some really interesting articles re: breastfeeding that are scientific study related adn I am afraid to post them, because I don't want to upset people. I think that lack of a willingless (or ability) to read other opinions (expecially when those opinions are supported by real science)  w/out feeling personal judgment is a real detriment to our society as a whole.

You seem to be unique in your ability to not take anything personally.

Ha ha. I just can't take stuff personally when it was something I made a choice to do. I figured I did the research and obviously I am right ha ha.

[laurack]

I remember when I was in the hospital with william and I fell asleep with him in the bed and they came in and gave out to me. Jerks! the child wouldn't sleep unless I was holding him and I was very tired! ugh.

[rbp]

Random logistical question for those who co-sleep: Does your child go to bed at the same time as you? If no, do they sleep in your bed alone until you go to bed, or do they start the night somewhere else?

[jeaniebueller]

Apr 24, 2015 9:20:12 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:18:00 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I was too anxious to do it because of all the people (the nurses at the hospital espcially, the pediatrician, and just people in general) who make it sound like it's really common to roll over on your baby. Outside of being drunk/high, is it really that common to roll over on the baby and not wake up?

No.

It's pretty much unheard of. 

This is absolutely not true. I don't want to get into what I do for a living, but I am very involved in child death investigation cases and the majority of bedsharing/unsafe sleep environment deaths I have reviewed have had nothing to do with alcohol or drugs. That is a huge, huge misconception perpetuated by many.

[Ashley&Scott]

Apr 24, 2015 9:49:35 GMT -5 rbp said:

Random logistical question for those who co-sleep: Does your child go to bed at the same time as you? If no, do they sleep in your bed alone until you go to bed, or do they start the night somewhere else?

Usually we go to bed at the same time - one benefit of a kid that goes to bed at 9:30 is that I'm ready for bed by then too. 

If he went to bed earlier than us I would just get safety rails for the bed. 

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 9:49:35 GMT -5 rbp said:

Random logistical question for those who co-sleep: Does your child go to bed at the same time as you? If no, do they sleep in your bed alone until you go to bed, or do they start the night somewhere else?

We only bedshared till 2.5 months and room shared till 5, so at that time we all went to bed together. Meaning I turned off the lights and tended to watch TV On mute. Although in the begining I just fell asleep lol. NOw that DS is older, we occasionally bedshare if he has a bad night. He starts in his room and winds up in our bed. When we go on vacation and are forced to bedshare he just goes down in our bed earlier than us and we go in later.

[Deleted]

Apr 24, 2015 9:49:35 GMT -5 rbp said:

Random logistical question for those who co-sleep: Does your child go to bed at the same time as you? If no, do they sleep in your bed alone until you go to bed, or do they start the night somewhere else?

Mine all started the night in their cribs or rnp. Then I brought them to bed at first wake up.

[matildasun]

Apr 24, 2015 9:49:35 GMT -5 rbp said:

Random logistical question for those who co-sleep: Does your child go to bed at the same time as you? If no, do they sleep in your bed alone until you go to bed, or do they start the night somewhere else?

When M was a newborn, I would put him in the bassinet, the bouncy seat, or on a blanket on the floor until I was ready to go to bed. If he was in the bassinet, I would wait until his first wake up to bring him to my bed. If he was someplace else I would bring him to bed when I went.

As he got older I would put him to bed in the bassinet, and later the pack and play until his first wake up. 

[matildasun]

Apr 24, 2015 9:54:09 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:20:12 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

No.

It's pretty much unheard of. 

This is absolutely not true. I don't want to get into what I do for a living, but I am very involved in child death investigation cases and the majority of bedsharing/unsafe sleep environment deaths I have reviewed have had nothing to do with alcohol or drugs. That is a huge, huge misconception perpetuated by many.

But do they involve the mother rolling on the child, or do most of them involve suffocation from other sources? Or things like falling asleep in a chair or on a couch? Not being argumentative, I am really curious.

 

[karinothing]

Apr 24, 2015 9:54:09 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:20:12 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

No.

It's pretty much unheard of. 

This is absolutely not true. I don't want to get into what I do for a living, but I am very involved in child death investigation cases and the majority of bedsharing/unsafe sleep environment deaths I have reviewed have had nothing to do with alcohol or drugs. That is a huge, huge misconception perpetuated by many.

Interseting. Is it parents rolling over on kids or kids getting caught up in bedding? I 100% believe that kids get caught up in bedding, the rolling over thing just always struck me as odd. It isn't like I roll over on my cat you know? Heck, most of the time I wake up because I will be trapped between kid and cat lol.  It just seems hard to roll over on a kid and not notice. Not saying, I doubt you, I just don't understand how it happens.

Anyway, that is all very sad. One thing I wish is that SIDS and unsafe sleep environment could be seperated out, because in the latter you have an explanation even if it is easier on everyone emotionally to write SIDS vs accidental suffocation.

[Queen Mamadala]

Apr 23, 2015 20:22:55 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I do think he is dead on about parents who are less ridged about how and where their babies sleep are happier. And by that I just mean accepting your kid is a crap sleeper vs fighting it or feeling like your kid is broken (or that you are a bad parent) can be freeing. DS didn't STTN till 18 months. Accepting it as his normal really helped me

Ah, yes, the "bad sleeper" stigma, which almost always means the reverse of a "good" baby. My dd2 was what many label a "bad" sleeper. It irks me how STTN a lot 8-10 hours is such a "thing" in this culture. It turns many parents into a frenzied state trying to "fix" their baby's sleep when frequent waking is totally normal for many infants. Dd2 woke practically on the hour until 8 months. She just didn't sleep much and was colicky. Then she stretched out to two hours between wakings, and it wasn't until 12ish months that it went from two to six or so. 

It was a very tough year. My PPD was horrible and co-sleeping was how I was able to get some sleep. I co-sleep/bed share from birth by choice. I have since my first daughter. It was something I chose to do before discovering it was a "thing" or whatever. I didn't know it was part of AP. It simply came natural to me. My sister slept with my mom and she nursed for just over a year. Seeing that totally made sense to me. She co-slept for, gosh, 4-5 years, if not more. And guess what, she didn't turn into a clingy or spoiled kid (like my grandma thought she would).

Dd1 had severe GER. She spit up so much that she nursed all the time. She nursed every hour to hour and a half during the day and two hours at night until 7 months when she started outgrowing it. Then she started sleeping 6-7 hour stretches. My ds2 was the longer sleeper, but he didn't have GER issues at all. He was sleeping 5-6 hour stretches, which is considered STTN for infants, from 4-5 weeks. Dd3 started sleeping 4-5 hour stretches at 4 weeks, and then 5-6 around 5-6. It went down to 3-4 during the 4 month sleep regression, but it was no biggie. Bed sharing allows me to get sleep and go back to sleep easily when she stirs. I pop my boob back in her mouth and go back to sleep.


I will say this, bed sharing works gloriously for me and my family. My other kids co-slept nightly for 21-22 months, and on occasional or semi-regular basis thereafter. Heck, I asked my 10 year old to sleep in bed with me when H stayed over at the hospital with dd2. I'm a light sleeper and don't move much, so it works for me. I'm also lazy and don't feel like actually waking/getting up or whatever. When I was pregnant with LO my MIL was talking about registry/baby stuff and mentioned getting a crib, which I explained was necessary because I don't use cribs, never. The look she gave me. 

[jeaniebueller]

Apr 24, 2015 9:59:04 GMT -5 matildasun said:

Apr 24, 2015 9:54:09 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

This is absolutely not true. I don't want to get into what I do for a living, but I am very involved in child death investigation cases and the majority of bedsharing/unsafe sleep environment deaths I have reviewed have had nothing to do with alcohol or drugs. That is a huge, huge misconception perpetuated by many.

But do they involve the mother rolling on the child, or do most of them involve suffocation from other sources? Or things like falling asleep in a chair or on a couch? Not being argumentative, I am really curious.

 

It runs the gamut, really. Typically the parent rolling over. Several have involved mother nursing/bottle feeding and falling asleep. Usually caused by fatigue more than anything. That said, bedshare, don't beshare, I don't really have a dog in this fight. My DD slept in the RNP the first 8 weeks and that isn't safe sleep approved either. I just cringe every time I hear someone say "well, unless you are impaired by drugs or alcohol, you will wake up before you roll over!" Its just not true for everyone.