I'm unsure of what to do with my 13 year old. She's listening to rap music with explicit language. She has become really into music lately, to the tune of doing homework listen to music, taking a bath with music. When she wakes up and start getting ready she'll put music on. Is really starting to annoying my husband and I.
I've spoke with her about not listening to music while she's doing homework but sometimes I'll catch her doing it. I've also stated that any song that has cursing she is not allowed to hear. Now she just puts headphones on to listen to music.
ANECDOTE! When I was in like the 3rd grade, I made a dance routine that I was going to do for the school talent show to Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
My parents never censored music. My mom did clutch her pearls when she read the lyrics booklet to my Usher CD, but my dad told her to simmer. I also listened to music pretty much every waking moment. I don't understand why it bothers you that she listens to music all the time? Is it just that she's constantly exposed to content you don't condone? Or actually listening to music in and of itself that bugs you? I wouldn't have done NEARLY as well in school if I didn't listen to music while doing homework/studying, and to this day I have to have music on if I'm going to focus (with some exceptions).
Truth be told, I think it's a good thing to be able to do homework with distractions. My parents always had the news on TV while I was doing my homework in the living room. There were a lot of things going on - the TV, dog running around, dinner being made, etc. I think it was really beneficial because when I got to college, my roommate constantly had music playing - like whenever she was awake. It didn't bother me in the slightest and I was able to tune it out and focus.
ANECDOTE! When I was in like the 3rd grade, I made a dance routine that I was going to do for the school talent show to Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
My parents never censored music. My mom did clutch her pearls when she read the lyrics booklet to my Usher CD, but my dad told her to simmer. I also listened to music pretty much every waking moment. I don't understand why it bothers you that she listens to music all the time? Is it just that she's constantly exposed to content you don't condone? Or actually listening to music in and of itself that bugs you? I wouldn't have done NEARLY as well in school if I didn't listen to music while doing homework/studying, and to this day I have to have music on if I'm going to focus (with some exceptions).
What really bothers me is that my 7 year old is now signing the songs with curse words now.
I don't allow my DD to buy any music that has an explicit label. I do let her listen to her music on her headphones while studying/doing homework but nothing with an explicit label. I don't think that's unreasonable but I'm probably a pretty uncool parent.
Post by oliviapope on Apr 24, 2015 11:14:32 GMT -5
I think this is not a battle worth fighting. Sure, turn it down when Grandma's over but if she's in her room alone, studying and getting good grades I see no need to censor her music.
ANECDOTE! When I was in like the 3rd grade, I made a dance routine that I was going to do for the school talent show to Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
My parents never censored music. My mom did clutch her pearls when she read the lyrics booklet to my Usher CD, but my dad told her to simmer. I also listened to music pretty much every waking moment. I don't understand why it bothers you that she listens to music all the time? Is it just that she's constantly exposed to content you don't condone? Or actually listening to music in and of itself that bugs you? I wouldn't have done NEARLY as well in school if I didn't listen to music while doing homework/studying, and to this day I have to have music on if I'm going to focus (with some exceptions).
What really bothers me is that my 7 year old is now signing the songs with curse words now.
Well, the headphones solve that problem. I understand why you wouldn't want your 7-year-old exposed to those lyrics.
Post by tripleshot on Apr 24, 2015 11:16:05 GMT -5
I wouldn't qorry about her listening while she studies. I couldn't study or concentrate without music and I was a straight A student. I also probably wouldn't censor the music unless if she's doing poorly and starting to act out.
So what's the issue here? The lyrics or the always-listening? I can understand not being thrilled with the language - my mom still refers to Fall Out Boy as "devil music", lol, if she only knew! - but for another anecdote, I didn't really listen to anything explicit at that age and I still had a filthy mouth, so I'm not sure urging her to listen to cleaner things may do any good if that's what you're worried about.
I can't relate to being annoyed with how much she's listening to music, though, and I agree with the others that listening while she does her homework might help keep her in the zone.
ETA- Should have refreshed.
This wouldn't be my hill to die on; I'd focus on trying to get the 7yo not to repeat what she hears/keeping the 13yo from playing what she listens to around the 7yo.
ANECDOTE! When I was in like the 3rd grade, I made a dance routine that I was going to do for the school talent show to Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
My parents never censored music. My mom did clutch her pearls when she read the lyrics booklet to my Usher CD, but my dad told her to simmer. I also listened to music pretty much every waking moment. I don't understand why it bothers you that she listens to music all the time? Is it just that she's constantly exposed to content you don't condone? Or actually listening to music in and of itself that bugs you? I wouldn't have done NEARLY as well in school if I didn't listen to music while doing homework/studying, and to this day I have to have music on if I'm going to focus (with some exceptions).
What really bothers me is that my 7 year old is now signing the songs with curse words now.
Okay, so the problem isn't the 13yo listening to the songs; it's the 7yo repeating what he hears. So you have 2 options as I see it -- 1) tell DD that you don't want DS exposed to language like that, so if she's going to listen to songs with explicit lyrics, she has to use headphones. If she won't do that, then she loses music privileges. 2) If you feel DS is ready for it, talk to him about how some words are for adults and just because he hears them in a song doesn't mean it's okay for him to say them, even just if repeating the song.
Post by compassrose on Apr 24, 2015 11:17:25 GMT -5
My parents did not censor music. I paid very little attention to what lyrics meant as a teenager. When my parents heard me singing or listening to something inappropriate, my second mom would say, "You know what that means?" and then she would tell me whatever innuendo (sex or drug) or misogynistic crap it meant. I never replied much (and was generally horrified at any conversations about sex or drugs with my parents) but I remember and dislike those songs to this day. Just make her pay attention to what they are really saying.
If her grades are good and she's actually getting her homework done, I really don't see why she can't keep doing the head phone thing. Some people really do work better while listening to music.
Honestly, I'd let her continue to listen to the music as long as she doesn't use the crass language when she's speaking. As for music during homework, maybe allow instrumental music? Depending on what I'm doing, I think it helps me get things done. As long as her grades aren't suffering I don't think it's an issue.
What really bothers me is that my 7 year old is now signing the songs with curse words now.
Okay, so the problem isn't the 13yo listening to the songs; it's the 7yo repeating what he hears. So you have 2 options as I see it -- 1) tell DD that you don't want DS exposed to language like that, so if she's going to listen to songs with explicit lyrics, she has to use headphones. If she won't do that, then she loses music privileges. 2) If you feel DS is ready for it, talk to him about how some words are for adults and just because he hears them in a song doesn't mean it's okay for him to say them, even just if repeating the song.
Thank you. We had the talk with her about not repeating the language. I do think the problem is my 7 year old listing to it. My daughter blast the music on her speakers I'm going to have her use headphones.
My parents did not censor music. I paid very little attention to what lyrics meant as a teenager. When my parents heard me singing or listening to something inappropriate, my second mom would say, "You know what that means?" and then she would tell me whatever innuendo (sex or drug) or misogynistic crap it meant. I never replied much (and was generally horrified at any conversations about sex or drugs with my parents) but I remember and dislike those songs to this day. Just make her pay attention to what they are really saying.
haha my mom was like "do you know what that means?" and then I'd say no. And then she'd say "Good." lol
There could be any number of reasons her grades went down this year - adjusting to harder classes, social issues/peer pressure going on at school, etc. I wouldn't automatically assume it's the music. I think the best approach is to talk to her about her grades and what's going on at school (though I'm not a parent, so take with a grain of salt I guess).
Can she listen to the same songs if there were the edited/cleaned up version?
If she is doing her homework while listening to music, what is the big deal?
Yes she could.
The deal with homework and music is I feel she's not really concentrating on the homework.
Is her homework graded? Make her show you the graded work from the last week (or however recent) to prove she's getting good marks. If she isn't, then no music. Make her earn it.
The deal with homework and music is I feel she's not really concentrating on the homework.
Is her homework graded? Make her show you the graded work from the last week (or however recent) to prove she's getting good marks. If she isn't, then no music. Make her earn it.
The homework is graded. She does good in her homework bad on test.
Hmm, if she's doing well on homework but not as well on tests, it could be related to test-anxiety. Or maybe she just needs to develop her study skills. I had to learn how to study to do well on tests, it didn't come naturally.
Post by adhdfashion on Apr 24, 2015 11:50:23 GMT -5
This is not a battle worth fighting. 13 year olds the world over , are listening to music their parents hate and disapprove of. There are bigger fish to fry. Stick to no drugs and drinking battle. Music is not worth it.
Is her homework graded? Make her show you the graded work from the last week (or however recent) to prove she's getting good marks. If she isn't, then no music. Make her earn it.
The homework is graded. She does good in her homework bad on test.
If that's the case then the music isn't distracting her from homework.
I would caution her about sharing the music with her brother though if there is explicit language.