Please critique my cover letter!

[glitzy07]

I am applying for an internal job posting.  I sat down with my current boss today (who is on the interview panel for this position), and we made improvements to both my resume and internal job application.  She suggested that I include a cover letter, but to be careful not to be too repetitive of the content found in the other two documents.  Below is my first crack at it.  Please give me ANY and all feedback!  I chose to be brief in this letter because the internal job application is quite thorough.

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To Whom It May Concern,

In response to the posting for Category Manager II at ABC Company, please find enclosed my resume and internal job application for your review. With nearly 14 years of experience with ABC Company, including seven years of category management specific experience, I think you will find I am a perfect fit for this position.

In my current position as Category Analyst, I am responsible for providing analysis and key insights for all Non-Perishable categories. I also successfully manage all aspects of eight categories worth more than $17M in annual sales. I am a results-oriented individual, with the excellent interpersonal skills required for this position. Evaluating my resume and internal application will further acquaint you with my educational background and qualifications.

I would be grateful for the opportunity to further discuss my credentials and how they make me the ideal candidate for the Category Manager II position. I look forward to the opportunity to speak with you soon.

Sincerely,

Glitzy07


Enclosure: Resume, internal job application


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Give to to me, please!  

[jene]

Do you know who the hiring mgr is? When applying internally, I address my cover letter to them.

[glitzy07]

Apr 24, 2015 13:34:43 GMT -5 jene said:

Do you know who the hiring mgr is? When applying internally, I address my cover letter to them.

I don't yet, but I am going to ask the question before I submit the application et al.  It's one of two people and I don't know who is considered the actual hiring manager.  I have a friend in HR who will tell me.  

[jeaniebueller]

I am a results-oriented individual, with the excellent interpersonal skills required for this position. Evaluating my resume and internal application will further acquaint you with my educational background and qualifications.


I know you are trying to be brief, but can you cite a specific example of something you have done in your current position that would demonstrate these abilities? And I am kind of not sure about the phrase "results-oriented." I don't really know what that is supposed to reflect.

Instead of that last sentence, I would include some specifics.

[Deleted]

No critiques but I am working on my own cover letter right now, so thanks for the inspiration

[glitzy07]

Apr 24, 2015 13:42:39 GMT -5 page said:

No critiques but I am working on my own cover letter right now, so thanks for the inspiration

Haha, I googled "category manager cover letter" and got a bunch of results.  I essentially modified/merged a few of them to get this.

[glitzy07]

Apr 24, 2015 13:37:40 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

I am a results-oriented individual, with the excellent interpersonal skills required for this position. Evaluating my resume and internal application will further acquaint you with my educational background and qualifications.


I know you are trying to be brief, but can you cite a specific example of something you have done in your current position that would demonstrate these abilities? And I am kind of not sure about the phrase "results-oriented." I don't really know what that is supposed to reflect.

Instead of that last sentence, I would include some specifics.

I deleted the bolded line and added the following where it was: In addition, I have held a leadership role in managing and improving the ABC Company's customer-facing feature sign program.

I think I just need one more line after that to sort of sum thing sup before moving into the closing.  Any ideas?