House - buying enthusiasts and professionals (and anyone)

[BunnyMacDougal]

So we are putting an offer in on a house.  And I am STRESSED about it.

We have a realtor and MIL is a retired realtor and they aren't making me feel any better.  Here's why we want want want this house:

1.  Its the PERFECT house for us.  Layout-wise, it suits H's mobility issues without modification.
2.  Its within our price range.
3.  Its in our ideal neighborhood.  Walking distance to probably six of our family friends - with parents we socialize with who have kids DD's age.  Also walking distance to the school where I teach and DD goes.  This is also the site our of our church.  
4.  Exterior is fully limestone and has tons of curb appeal.
5.  House more than doubles our current square footage and brings the idea of storage space into reality (nothing to double - we have none). 


I'm stressed because the house is "not officially on the market".  Apparently some shady bullshit is afoot where the people have to "get back from a trip to Dallas to house shop where they have to relocate" and the realtor can't show the house "until they get back".  The sign out front says "coming soon" above the traditional for sale sign.

We're the third party to call about being interested in the property.  We got a preview to see if it could accomodate H but we can't put in an offer until "third" - the other two parties get a crack at it first I guess.  The sellers get home tomorrow.  Our appointment is on Wednesday.  


I can't even fucking take it.  Anybody know about this?  I guess I understand that the first two people get "dibs" in making an offer, but how does this really play out?  Bidding war?  Does NOT sound like fun.  Also sounds a lot like our dream house going out of our price range.  

Did I mention that we haven't sold our old house yet?  We only get a "chance to make an offer" because we're set up to rent it out and/or my mom offered to buy ours from us and wait out the sale of it.    We have two showings here tomorrow.   Hope the FUCK one of them makes an offer.


I haaaaaaaaaaate this.  Somebody talk to me.   Talk me down, share your experience.  I'm wired and can't even think about sleeping.  And I drove by the dream house twice today.  Once yesterday.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Why stress about stuff you can't control? Just deal with it as it comes and go from there. If you don't get this house, it wasn't supposed to be yours. Does it suck? Sure, but what can you really do about it if you can't offer x amount of their asking price just to get it?

[Deleted]

My best advice is don't get too attached to a house before you buy it. You have to be willing to walk away, so just take it as it comes. In the meantime keep looking

[lilac05]

Breathe!

First, I've been in that situation where we were relocating, we were going to list, the house was technically on the MLS on a Friday, but they weren't supposed to show the house until Monday. My reasoning was simple: I wanted people to see it was for sale, but I still had the professional cleaners coming, the painter was finishing in the basement, and my H and I had some things we planned to do that weekend to get it show-worthy. As it was, my agent called me within hours with a buyer who was in from out of town. They saw it while the cleaners and painter were still there!

As far as the other offers, talk to your agent more. See if he/she can get any more info on the sellers.

We were recently in a multiple offer situation (but it was a foreclosure). The way it worked for us was that they accepted offers until the house had been on the market 5 days (I think). Then, on day 6 (a Friday), they called everyone and said we had until 5PM on Monday to give them our highest & best offer. At that point, they took all offers and compared them. They had until Friday at 5PM to make a decision. They would start on Tuesday and talk to their first preferred buyer. If they could come to an agreement, then done. Let everyone else know the house was under contract. If they couldn't agree, the bank would move on to the next preferred offer. Since it was a foreclosure, the bank was concerned about money, a well-qualified buyer (so they knew the loan wouldn't fall through last second), and the earliest closing date possible.

In your situation (of course talk to your agent first), I'd write a personal letter. Let them know pretty much exactly what you've said here. I know some people see real estate as a strictly business decision, but not everyone does! If I got two similar offers on a house, I would be very likely to make a decision as much on personal reasons as financial. If I knew that finding an accessible house was difficult for you, but my house fit the bill, it would definitely work in your favor.

Try to make your closing date as open as possible. If they can close on their timeline, that will be VERY appealing, too!

[BunnyMacDougal]

Apr 26, 2015 22:31:17 GMT -5 @booby said:

What do you mean the first two buyers get dibbs? That doesn't make any sense.

What it sounds like is that they're holding back offers until X date. You will be able to present your offer with the other two (and anyone else's) a la a bidding war.

So you think it could be that they "take" a stack of offers (ours and whomever else's) and then just pick?  
If they're all asking-price offers with no differences (like asking closing costs) how do they pick?  Order of who called first?


I needed your advice about my game face.  I set it aside because of how perfect this house is - and rare in the area.  It has three bedrooms on the first floor.  H was sad that we might have to go with a house where DD's room (or the one I sleep in when there's mobility stuff) would be on a different floor.  Not to mention the fact that having a first floor bedroom is really rare in the area we want to live.  

I really want to buy in this area and I know anything could come onto the market at any time.....in this area.   But I'm blinded by all the perfections of this house.  I could go home and walk my damned dogs during study hall.  Like if we're in in the next few weeks, that means it could apply to THIS school year.  And if not, I could use the umpteen middle school/high school babysitters in the neighborhood to play at the school playground during my teacher plan days (summer) and they could walk to our house to eat lunch or to walk to the neighborhood pool.  I'm definitely not as detached as I should be.  

And I definitely didn't make a video where I drove from that house to a friend's house to show the ridiculous proximity on film....then text it to her.  Omg.  More talking down.  I need that.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Apr 26, 2015 22:35:43 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Breathe!

First, I've been in that situation where we were relocating, we were going to list, the house was technically on the MLS on a Friday, but they weren't supposed to show the house until Monday. My reasoning was simple: I wanted people to see it was for sale, but I still had the professional cleaners coming, the painter was finishing in the basement, and my H and I had some things we planned to do that weekend to get it show-worthy. As it was, my agent called me within hours with a buyer who was in from out of town. They saw it while the cleaners and painter were still there!

As far as the other offers, talk to your agent more. See if he/she can get any more info on the sellers.

We were recently in a multiple offer situation (but it was a foreclosure). The way it worked for us was that they accepted offers until the house had been on the market 5 days (I think). Then, on day 6 (a Friday), they called everyone and said we had until 5PM on Monday to give them our highest & best offer. At that point, they took all offers and compared them. They had until Friday at 5PM to make a decision. They would start on Tuesday and talk to their first preferred buyer. If they could come to an agreement, then done. Let everyone else know the house was under contract. If they couldn't agree, the bank would move on to the next preferred offer. Since it was a foreclosure, the bank was concerned about money, a well-qualified buyer (so they knew the loan wouldn't fall through last second), and the earliest closing date possible.

In your situation (of course talk to your agent first), I'd write a personal letter. Let them know pretty much exactly what you've said here. I know some people see real estate as a strictly business decision, but not everyone does! If I got two similar offers on a house, I would be very likely to make a decision as much on personal reasons as financial. If I knew that finding an accessible house was difficult for you, but my house fit the bill, it would definitely work in your favor.

Try to make your closing date as open as possible. If they can close on their timeline, that will be VERY appealing, too!

Is this acceptable to do???  I would TOOOOOTALLY do it if it fell within the realm of normalcy in real estate.   I'll be asking my agent about it tomorrow.   

[lilac05]

Apr 26, 2015 22:47:52 GMT -5 BunnyMacDougal said:

Apr 26, 2015 22:35:43 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Is this acceptable to do???  I would TOOOOOTALLY do it if it fell within the realm of normalcy in real estate.   I'll be asking my agent about it tomorrow.   

Every market is different!  

In our market, our agent had us write a SELLERS letter.  (I'm not sure how often a buyer writes them here, but I know it happens!)  In our letter, she asked us to talk about what we loved about the house, neighborhood, etc.  It's in the booklet of information available for people to take during a showing, which also includes the property disclosure and school info.

[janegold]

If you really want it and there are other offers (or other likely offers), I would consider offering above asking if financially feasible and if it makes sense in your market. Your realtor should be able to advise you on ways of making your offer more attractive.

[my3boyz]

Ok, first, I guess I'm unclear as to whether you did actually get in to see it. In our area when a house is "coming soon" no one is supposed to see it. However, once it hits the market it's fair game. Not sure why all 3 parties can't have showings on the same day.

Also, you have a unique set of needs that makes this house "perfect" for you. That doesn't mean that everyone else is going to want it. You are looking at this through your own perspective but it may not be that serious. Calm down, don't let the listing agent know how bad you want this house.

There are a lot of factors that go into making an offer strong if you do end up competing for the house. In order of importance it's price, closing cost assistance, home sale contingency(none is better), type of financing (conventional is better), flexibility with closing (either quick or longer depending on sellers situation). If you are weaker on one or more of these than make up for it in price. Another option is an escalation clause. See if that is done in your area. You can agree to escalate x amount over the last offer with a cap. Only add that if they confirm other offers. They would have to provide you a copy of the other offer to enforce.
If you do end up competing you can write a letter. Sometimes it helps if other factors are equal. Again, I wouldn't do that unless you were positive there were other offers.
And know, if this doesn't work, it wasn't the perfect house and you will find something better. Good luck!

[pink]

Others have chimed in on not getting attached, but I know the feeling.

When we bought our current house, we wrote a letter and included a picture of DH and I (talked about how much we loved the neighborhood, fell in love with the house, loved the architecture, wanted to raise a family, etc.). We are now friends with the sellers and they've told us that the letter was the core reason they accepted our offer (there were multiple other full price offers). There are templates online for guidance. If you have any info on the owners, use that for guidance on what to emphasize.

ETA: we (well our agent) gave the letter with the offer. we also included details on our ability to qualify, had two mortgage pre-approvals.

[lilac05]

Be careful with an escalation clause. I know they're common in some areas, but they're really frowned upon in other areas. Someone did this when my friend was buying her house. His offer was a flat "I'll give you $5K over the best offer" (on a mid-100s house). It resulted in the seller instantly declining the offer. It's a very tight neighborhood, and the sellers didn't like that he was basing his offer on getting ahead of someone else instead of just making an offer of what it was worth to him.

I'm sure your agent will have advice that will fit your market and what is already known about the sellers.

[stackingtens]

Write your strongest and best offer and submit it with a letter to the sellers about what the house would solve for your family/husband.

Setting a date to accept offers is not that unusual and does typically mean that they will review all offers received on that date at once.

[idoinjuly]

We just had an offer accepted on a house with an escalation clause. We said we'd pay $750 over the highest offer. We noted that we wanted them to call us before they accepted the offer to make sure we were willing to pay the price. They had six solid offers on the house.

I would definitely write them a letter outlining what you said here. Especially your husband's mobility issues. Good luck! This past week has been one of the most stressful of my life!

[compassrose]

I was in two bidding wars as a buyer last fall. Both went 5K over asking, but after we were under contract the house only appraised for the asking price, so make sure you don't overshoot what the market can bear.
The offers will be different even if they are all technically the same amount-- in my area, some people offered more but asked the seller to pay part of the closing costs, some people have VA or FHA loans, some people have contingencies, and some can pay cash.

[rugbywife]

Apr 27, 2015 6:34:49 GMT -5 @booby said:

Apr 26, 2015 22:43:42 GMT -5 BunnyMacDougal said:

Well, it'ss not like buying a pack of gum. When buyers know that there are competing offers, no one just offers the asking price. There will be a range of offers: some people will stay around asking price and others will shoot higher in hopes of being chosen. The seller will pick the best offer.

And best offer can look like a lot of things to a lot of people...some people just care about the $$ bottom line, others want a specific closing date, no inspection, sale not contingent on sale of buyer's home, larger down payment, etc...

When we bought out house it has been on the market officially for 2 hours. We knew there was another offer (we were lucky it was only one) so we offered 10k more than asking, hoping that was enough. 10 days previously we had missed out on a house that ended up going for 25k over asking and we had only offered 3 k over when there were 3+ offers. 

[underwaterrhymes]

BunnyMacDougal- yes, it sounds like they'll hold back on accepting an offer until a certain date at which point all best offers should be in.

On our case we had three offers for our house. The first one came in $10,000 over list and had a very nice letter with it about how much they loved our house. It made me cry. We had another $10,000 over list and one that was under list.

We accepted the first, because it was the highest and the first, but if the other $10,000 offer had been first, I would have gone with the family that included the letter because I'm sentimental.

When we offered here on a house, we knew there was another offer, so we went about $6,000 over list and Also wrote a letter. We were also flexible about move in date. We got the house, but although we did have the higher bid and I don't think the other bid included a letter, the winning factor was our willingness to wait until the end of April to close, whereas the other bid wanted a three-week turnaround time.

So every seller has different priorities. (But I would say that putting your strongest bid forward is the most important knowing there are other bidders because you can't really know what other factors are at hand.)

Good luck!

[stellas]

I think the key to not being stressed is to not marry yourself to the house. Keep looking for alternatives. Tell yourself this one is good, but let's looks for more good options. Tell yourself houses go up for sale every day. There will be new opportunities every day.

[wambam]

My house was not on the market when I offered on it. It had a "coming soon" sign as well. We got in early because the realtors knew each other and we offered before it went on the market. Our offer was verbally accepted in 45 minutes.

The other people haven't even seen the house, correct? They may hate it. You just never know.

[wambam]

Apr 26, 2015 22:33:49 GMT -5 @bk said:

My best advice is don't get too attached to a house before you buy it. You have to be willing to walk away, so just take it as it comes. In the meantime keep looking

Yes.

But, uhhh, I know this is extremely difficult. Remember me sobbing in a grocery store parking lot because I got attached to a house we didn't get? Don't do that.

[isabel]

Write a personal letter. Talk up how much you love the house and what a perfect home it is for your family. Butter them up. Back that up with your highest and best offer.

I'm not sure about the first two parties getting dibs. I would ask your agent to clarify with theirs when they will be looking at offers and I would submit one at that time. Don't wait until they come to you after dismissing the first two. Make yourself competitive by putting your offer in with the others.

[vanillacourage]

If the sellers are relocating then a long escrow (or being willing to rent back to them) could be what sets your offer apart from others. 

[Deleted]

I am pretty sure in a multiple offer situation a seller can reject ALL offers and then have their agent call for a highest and best from all parties. My H does this all of the time.


Many things can happen in real estate.

[cabbagecabbage]

We lost a great house where we included a letter and pictures and at the time I was heartbroken. In our case the market was crazy but not hot (full of foreclosures and short sales and prices all over, 2009) and it was an estate sale owned by the kids out of state that was simply priced way too high. The agent told our agent to throw anything at them and they needed offers and would go down. We offered what we felt it was worth, about 40k under asking and included the letter and pics. They countered at full price! Obviously we walked and the house was on the market dropped to nearly our offer months later. In this case, I think the owners were out of touch and their agent was trying to talk sense into them. That house would have been awesome but it wasn't meant to be. We found our house soon after and I'm so glad we are in this suburb and school district now. It really works out in the end. I promise!