Toddler questions, 4/27

[niq]

Sometimes I feel like I'm the dog here.

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
• How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?
• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?
• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?

[Velar Fricative]

I'll answer what I can answer. DD is (almost) 19 months.

- How we handle distractions involve lots of conversation about doing what we want her to do. So, if we're heading to daycare and she's budging, I'll just talk up how she'll see her friends and teachers (and name they by name), and how she'll see Elmo there (she's obsessed and luckily they have an Elmo figure in one of the rooms), etc. She loves bubble baths so that's an easy one for us. Eventually she gets it after some conversation, in general.

- I give in too when she whines, unless I really can't give in for whatever reason. I figure she's still young enough where I'm not spoiling her by doing this? Maybe? I hope so?

- DD is fine with flexible eating. But she's picky and sometimes barely eats anything, so yay for the silver lining? She just doesn't get hangry like I do.

- We do go out on weeknights if we're feeling up for it, but usually we don't. Today's my birthday (AW!!!!!) so we are going out for dinner after work. We're going nearby but she's pretty good when we eat out and is happy with a small toy and a couple of books if I think she will get antsy wherever we go (restaurants or not).

- More often than not these days, it's me who has to stay a little late but whoever gets her from daycare will just solo parent and the other parent will eat when they get home even if it's not with the rest of the family.

[dcn]

Apr 27, 2015 14:56:19 GMT -5 niq said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm the dog here.

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want? I try to put something on his plate that I know he likes.  Now at 2.5 if he asks for a pouch or something at dinner I tell him maybe later, or ask him to take 2 more bites of dinner.  If he asks for candy or ice cream, he can have some after dinner, IF he does a good job eating most of his dinner. 
• How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down? I give lots of warning ahead of time, and use a timer frequently.  So, when the duck quacks it is time to xyz and he complies for the most part.  We also take a lot of things into the car in the am to get out the door.  That toy or pad of paper he picks up on the way to put his shoes on and won't put down?  Fine, bring it with you.  Sometimes we have to carry him crying to get into the car or move to the next thing if we've given lots of warning.  It is usually short lived.
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• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right? Pick you battles and only say no to the things you really don't want or can't do.  If he is especially whiny sometimes I will bargain with him - if you do abc then we will eat/do xyz.
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• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case? Ha, still waiting! 
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• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?No, not generally - he tends to meltdown in the evenings during the week if we try to go out. I think he needs to just chill out and decompress after his day at daycare. Sometimes we walk to the park but that's about it.
• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?  Yes, dh frequently has an early evening activity/works later.  I solo parent and do dinner.  We don't ever attempt to eat out during the week - it would only work if Ds ate beforehand.  Feed him at like 5:30 and then meet out for dinner.   He goes to bed by 7:15 or so, so a late dinner wouldn't really work anyway.

[bearbaby]

Apr 27, 2015 14:56:19 GMT -5 niq said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm the dog here.

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
•        Not a battle I pick - but I do try to give options where I would be pleased with either selection.  I also use distraction/re-direction/"oh, we're all OUT of fruit snacks!" type pushback when he's crossed my "ok, that's too much junk in one day" line.  He ate hummus with a spoon directly from the packaging for dinner the other night - I figure, meh - could be worse.
  
• How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?
•     I build in the time when I can, otherwise carry his tantruming butt out to the car and go.  He has developed an ELABORATE bathtime stalling technique that requires him to carry each individual article of removed clothing, one at the time, from one end of the house to hand to me in the bathroom.  There is also a step stool in the middle of his path that is climbed over in BOTH directions and he takes "tiny penguin steps!" while doing this whole rigamarole.  Therefore - bathtime now starts 15 mins earlier and everyone's happy.
  
• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?
•     I give in on the little stuff, I stand my ground on the big stuff.  So - sometimes he 'wins' (so - maybe this isn't good advice?  I don't know what I'm doing ) and other times, he loses.  He loses on the big stuff every.single.time.
  
• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
•     TBD
  
• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
•     We like to go out to dinner early - like 5 or so - any time we go out.  We tend to go with other daycare families we like.  Pizzeria's and places with live music have been key to our success.  Also: french fries ordered immediately upon being seated
  
• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?
•     I take music lessons at 7 every Monday night - so I go home, but am gone again before DS is asleep.  DH handles dinner/bath on those nights.  We are not yet prioritizing eating as a family.  That's something we will prioritize as DS gets older/grade school - but for now, we mostly eat separately anyway.  We each do a good job of just pitching in when necessary on weeknights based upon work/other obligations that come up.
  

[Deleted]

Don't have a toddler but DH and I only do our early evening activities (him mainly, rock climbing 4:45-6:30ish Mondays) on MWF if my mom or his mom is there. This lets me cook dinner while mom entertains baby.
I have to be in an exceptionally good mood to ok his extracurriculars on a T/Th after being on solo baby duty since 6:30AM. Last week was not one of those times and he went anyway.

[ssmjlm]

1. We basically make her sit and eat with us until we're done.  Then if she still hasn't eaten anything we'll offer something we know she'll eat.  Like cheese or an apple pouch.  Our goal is also to fix at least 1 thing we know she likes and then have cheese or fruit also on her plate.
2. All.the.time.  Counting to 3 generally works.  I also will just walk away and that gets her attention.
3. I try not to negotiate with the little dictator.
4. In the last couple months we've been able to stretch dinner from 5:30 to closer to 6.  It works better on weekends vs when she's tired from daycare though.
5. Rarely, it's usually take-out I pick up on the way home.
6. DH single parents through dinner and bed if I'm too late. 

[litasail]

On food, he doesn't really get to ask for things. What I serve/offer is what he has as his options. I usually try to make sure that there's something he really likes in there, and then leave it up to him to eat as much as he wants of what's there.

On distractions, we do a couple of different things. If it's something like starting to play with toys when we're supposed to be heading out the door, we keep him upstairs until just before it's time to go and then take him to get his shoes on and then directly out, so we don't give him an opportunity to start playing. For stuff like going upstairs, we let him know that it's coming (in five minutes we're going to go upstairs), give him a choice that gets him involved (do you want to walk upstairs yourself or do you want daddy to carry you?) and try to make it a game (let's race upstairs - I bet I'll win!). These are all Positive Discipline techniques that have worked pretty well.

On whining/toddler wants this, I typically say one firm no and then try and move him on to the next thing. "No, we can't go to the park right now. But we can play this puzzle. Will you help me put your trucks where they go?" So distraction to avoid a power struggle.

We live in close walking distance to some restaurants, so we do sometimes go out on weeknight evenings. Basically we try to keep it as simple as possible. We don't really order appetizers - just entrees to help make it quick. We also bring toys for DS to play with at the table when he gets bored/is done eating before we do. And if all else fails, we know that we're close enough to home for one of us to go ahead and leave with him while the other pays the bill and gets boxes, etc. He usually does ok, though - and he doesn't really have much of a problem with eating a bit later than usual.

With after-hour activities, the person who's home solo-parents and tries to stick to the normal schedule as much as possible. Usually we'll try and do some pre-planning so there's something that can just be heated up ready for dinner, vs. them having to actually cook and balance the kid. Whenever the other parent gets home, they just join in to the routine as usual.

[Deleted]

lol niq. I'm so glad you're here.


If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
Well I have a very picky eater who subsides on crackers and pouches and fruit so I'm not really sure what I'd do in that scenario. I think I'd try to get an 80/20 ratio of my choice vs their choice.

How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? All. The. Time. I feel like he chooses to listen whenever he wants and then just ignores me the rest. 

How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?

Well we deal with a lot of tantrums and don't really back down. Redirection sometimes works to get him back interested but basically I am totally failing at avoiding meltdowns.

Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?

I do this too once in a while but in general I'm pretty immune to toddler tantrums. If it's something like food though I typically give in. 

At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?

No clue. I push dinner out to 6-6:30 most nights just out of necessity but there is typically snacking involved if he sees any food preparation. 

Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?

Actually DS does really well out as long as there's a lot to look at and he gets food at the same time as us. We have success at places that cater to families which are not my favorite but they work - Ex, Red Robin or California Pizza Kitchen.

Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?

DH rarely gets home before 7 because of long hours/commute. This means I'm almost always the solo parent. Since bedtime routine usually starts a little after 7 there's no way we could meet out. I occasionally go out alone with DS to someplace like Chipotle or Chick Fil A just for a change of scenery. 

So TL/DR version - I also have no idea what I'm doing. *fistbump*

[ladygrey]

"Have a bite of x [protein or veggies] and then you can have some y [fruit, carbs, yogurt, etc.]" works 90% of the time. If she absolutely refuses to eat, we give her a healthy alternative (string cheese, almond butter on toast, fruit smoothie with yogurt).

I will ask her to be my helper ("help me find the car in the garage; help me find the towel/shampoo/bath toys"), which she usually jumps right on. Also making things into a race ("let's see how fast we can get your shoes on") is a fun challenge.

I try to pick my battles. Unless it's something serious and non-negotiable (carseat safety, running into the street, etc.) I try not to make a big deal of it. 

Right now at 22 months, she does okay with eating later - most nights we eat dinner together around 6:00-6:30, and on Mondays we go to a dinner party with friends where the meal isn't served until 7:00-7:30. As long as we plan accordingly and do a late afternoon snack (or have some munchies during dinner prep), she's okay.

See above re: dinner party. 

DH plays in a summer softball league on Wednesday nights. I either solo parent, bring DD to the game (if it's not too late), or meet up with my parents for dinner

[mswax]

Apr 27, 2015 14:56:19 GMT -5 niq said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm the dog here.

3 kids later I feel the same way!

• I give them food (or at least some food) I know they like.  They NEVER have to eat anything on their plate, but I'm not going to give them/make them anything else either.  It's their choice to eat it or not.  And if they eat enough healthy stuff I'll let them have a treat.
• If I'm not pressed for time I'll continue to redirect until we actually accomplish the task.  Sometimes there isn't enough time for that, so I'll pick him up and force it upon him.  Cue screaming, but sometimes there is no other choice.
• Not sure where you are going with this, but I try not to say no "just because." I'll say something like, "Mommy really doesn't want to clean up play-doh today (giving a reason).  Let's play with X instead."
  
• Never. Snacks for the win.
  
• Never. It's too stressful and we wouldn't enjoy it.
  
• We each solo parent it at least 1 or 2 nights a week.  Always feed the kids at home. Sometimes the "late" spouse will bring take-out home for the grown-ups.
  

[Deleted]

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?

I am terrible at this.  B eats SO much fruit.  Or yogurt.  I mean, nothing BAD for him but I would like him to also eat meat and veggies etc.  But he sits down and says "strawberries!" and I'd rather him eat that than starve so I give in.  Apparently he always eats anything in front of him at daycare so at least ten meals a week are more balanced.


 How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?

Every single time?  I just pick him up and deal with the whining.  Also milk. He always gets a to-go cup.

• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?

Pick your battles.

• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?

Only very recently, so 23 months?  He loves going to the park after work so he won't need food or meltdown if we are out and about.  If we are home he needs a snack (banana) but has recently been able to wait for family dinner which we like to eat 30-45 minutes after his usual dinner time.

• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?

Rarely but on Friday we had a successful excursion to Chuck E Cheese so I'm hoping this will turn around, especially now that the weather is nicer. We do go for walks but usually after dinner.  A week or so ago we went to Home Depot and he melted down so maybe the more toddler friendly the better? There's a bunch of free shows near us that will be starting up soon so we will try a few of those and assess.

• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?

Yes, if I have a volunteer obligation or if one of us has to get to a store that closes at 7 etc we usually do pick up together and then leave the other to handle dinner and bedtime solo. Haven't tried meeting for dinner under those circumstances.

[niq]

I suppose I should answer with what I do now, in case anyone finds any of it useful. But remember I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

Apr 27, 2015 14:56:19 GMT -5 niq said:

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want? There's usually something on his plate that he likes. If he asks for, say, more pasta before touching his fish, we ask him to try it and sometimes that succeeds. If he asks for fruit and says please we'll give him some after it looks like he's made a good effort on dinner. We really ought to move the owl crackers (basically goldfish) and animal crackers so they're not in his line of sight.
• How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down? All the f***ing time, it feels like. If I am not in a hurry I let him play with whatever. If I am in a hurry I sometimes say "V, do you want to go do X, or do you want daddy to put you in your rocket ship and we can go together". Then I count down "3, 2, 1 ... blast off!" and pick him up. But there is still a lot of fussing and minor tantrums. Probably a normal amount. I haven't tried the "just start walking away and see if they get the picture" technique.
• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right? Yeah, I need to make this stop. It's on me.  (wilted)
• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work? What everyone is saying is that the only thing that works consistently is having the non-busy person solo parent. So I need msniq to pick up an outside the house hobby before I tack on more solo parenting. Which is kind of what I figured.

[cincodemayo]

If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
This is N/A because I have a picky eater. This is my biggest kid complaint right now, I have no idea how to get him to eat anything healthy. I just keep putting it on his plate, asking him to take a bite, then either eat it myself or toss it after he throws a huge fit.


How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?
All the time? I usually just keep saying, "Alright, buddy, we have to keep walking/put your shoes on/get in the car. If he cries, he cries.


Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?
Working on this as I tend to give in too, as long as it isn't dangerous or something. But I dont' want to create a habit.


At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
He doesn't seem to care about what time dinner is.

Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
We don't typically go out on "school nights," but if we do, we keep it fast. DS is typically better in public than at home, though.

[hermione]

1) Well, I have a picky eater. I can't make this my hill to die on or I will not live to see Thursday. I offer her whatever i want to offer her. If she doesn't eat it or doesn't eat enough of it, I wait a while and give her a protein pouch. That's it. That's what she gets. Occasionally this means she lives off of pouches for a day but for the next couple of days after that, she's a better eater. I do not cave and give "wafees" every time she asks - she'd live off of 'Nilla Wafers if we did. If she asks for something moderately healthy, I usually give it to her. Oh, you want hummus and red peppers? Great.

2) C doesn't get terribly distracted when she has a set task. When she does, how I handle it depends on the situation. Oh, you want to try and pet the cat before bath? No problem. Oh, you want to practice putting shoes on and off when I need to go to work? Sorry, I am now carrying you out to the car as is. Hope your feet aren't too cold. If she melts down, I just say, "I know you're upset. It's hard to not get your way but mommy has to __________." The blank is whatever the actual reason is, like go to work.

3) I try to explain things on her level and if she's still going strong, I walk away and tell her "it's not negotiable." Sometimes she cries for a minute or so, sometimes she just gives up. If her request is reasonable, I give it to her. I try really really hard not to say no just for the sake of saying no. Like, I'll ask myself why can't we do bubbles right now? If the answer is just that I'm being lazy or something, I do bubbles. If the answer is because I'm making dinner, i tell her that.

4) C has never once asked for dinner. Like if we didn't offer, I'm not sure she'd notice. None of us have a set dinner time (and, yup, I know we're lucky).

5) We go somewhere close to home and kid friendly. I don't know how to answer how we make it work because I'm not sure of why it's not working for you - are there specific issues?

6) The non-busy person stays home and solo parents. Or goes out and solo parents. For instance, I'm teaching a class tonight at 6. I imagine my husband will take C out to dinner instead of making something. On nights he works late, I sometimes go out but more often just stay home and follow our usual routine. We don't really do late dinners out unless C had a late nap and is still going strong.

[thebreakfastclub]

Dinner - Nobody really cares about dinner in my house.  H and I don't sit down to eat a meal, so I am making something specific for DS.  He will eat some yogurt, cheese and crackers, mac and cheese, soup, etc.  It's pretty basic.  No cookies until dinner is attempted is my only rule.

Distractions - everything is a battle.  Doesn't want to come downstairs in the morning or upstairs at night.  Keep herding, ignore the tantrums.  Ask for help along the way - ex: help me wash my hands, please...that gets DS to the sink every time.  Asking him to wash his hands does not.

Bedtime - it's 8-8:30 now, but I can keep him up until 9:30 if needed without issues.   This has been true since about 18 months.

Weeknights - I don't really want to go out on weeknights.  We may go out to eat on a Friday.   Or, if it's nice, to the park.   The most I usually do is the grocery store right after pick up.  I would not meet my spouse for dinner.   I want to put my sweatpants on and be done with the outside world.

[niq]

Apr 27, 2015 16:47:40 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

niq, the solo parenting thing is something we deal with - H is out more than I am and I have struggled at times because I don't want to have to leave the house to "earn" a break.

Yeah, I get you. Or rather I bet msniq does. At the moment she is on her own with him for Tuesday morning, Thursday night for 9-10 months of the year, and every other Saturday. "In exchange" (we do not keep score in a spreadsheet, but if things got really out of hand we'd notice) I do daycare pickup (which means biking uphill with a trailer for about 2.5 miles), and I'm the first line of defense if V is sick, someone has to stay home for a contractor, etc. She goes out to knitting night/whatever sometimes. Maybe once every two weeks tops.

[water*drop]

• If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
• We always offer cottage cheese, which DD likes but doesn't love, with every dinner. If she eats her cottage cheese and at least tries the other stuff, she can request other stuff. If we're having something that she consistently hasn't liked but has tried multiple times, we'll offer her PB&J or something instead, but in this case, we're talking stuff that she's tried enough times over several months for us to legitimately feel like she doesn't like it and isn't just being picky. We offer choices for snacks, but we're pretty flexible on those.
  
  
• How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?
• All the time. We deal with this by A) allowing about twice as much time as we feel like a task SHOULD take, and B) making sure DD is very aware of the plan. We do a lot of "do you want to take a bath now or in 5 minutes?" style of choices. At the end of the X minutes, we tell her it's been X minutes, so now it's time to do whatever. Sometimes she cooperates; sometimes she melts down. If she melts down, we remind her that she got to play for X minutes and then just deal with the meltdown as patiently as possible while counting down until the next time that drinking will be socially acceptable.

• Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?
• I try to only actually say no when it really matters. If DD wants to play and I don't, instead of just saying no, I'll tell her that I'll play with her after lunch, or I'll play magnatiles or read books but don't want to play playdoh right now, or whatever.

• At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
• I don't remember. Maybe 2ish? I feel like DD got SO MUCH more pleasant sometime around then. (She must have since we were OAD prior to her turning 2 and then decided to TTC a few months after she turned 2...)
  
  
• Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
• Rarely during the winter, but we do go out more frequently during the summer. When we do, we do it ASAP so we can make it home in time for the normal bedtime routine. We also play it up as big adventure to DD so she's excited.
  
  
• Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?
• I often don't get home until either right before dinner or right before bedtime. DH solo parents, and we accept that it may very well mean increased screen time on those nights so he has time to cook dinner, clean up, or whatever. We try to plan easy meals or leftovers for those nights to make it easier. I take over as much as possible the second I get home to give him a break.

[halfpint]

I think I'm late responding here, but I started to type this yesterday, and now feel the need to finish and hit "post"

If you have a generally nonpicky eater, once your kid learn how to ask for the good stuff, how hard do you try to get them to eat what's served to them instead of asking for crackers/fruit/pouches/ice cream whatever? I know a lot of people say food is not a hill to die on, it's the one thing they can control, etc., but does that really mean giving them whatever they want?
We put on display whatever he is "allowed" to eat. Usually that means part of what we're eating, and then a few things that I know he'll eat, like fruit, cheese, etc. He can have as much as he wants of what's on the table. We don't go get pouches, bananas, or other things he might ask for, so far that hasn't led to issues or tantrums. As long as he sees some things he likes, he's good.

How often does your kid get distracted when you are trying to get them to do something else, like go upstairs to take a bath, get in the car to go to daycare, etc.? How do you deal with the distractions, especially, how do you keep them headed toward whatever your end goal is without melting down?
I guess I just pick him up if we need to get someplace in a hurry. Sometimes I can get him to do something with direction, but not often. Usually chipper words and maybe bringing along a favorite toy as we plow through getting dressed, shoes, snacks, and in the car work fine.

Generally how do you deal with mom & dad want this, toddler wants that? I feel like I do a lot of saying no the first time, then he whines or says please, and then I give in. This is probably the worst of all worlds, right?
What's an example? I guess right now, we don't conflict much because our together time revolves around him? If we say no, it's because he's trying to stand on something dangerous or play with something he shouldn't be.

At what age could your kid deal with eating a little bit later than usual without becoming a basket case?
We eat pretty late. He naps from 2-4 or later, and we often don't eat until 6:30-7:30. He gets a cup of milk and a snack when he wakes up, and he's fine until dinner. We do bed at 8:30.

Do you ever go out as a family on weeknights? Any tips on making it work, even if it's somewhere very close to daycare or home?
Often. We go to the park, or the children's museum, or out to eat, or for a walk in the time between me getting off work and dinner. It helps that we mostly WFH, and my H is done at 4, I'm usually able to wrap up by 5pm.

Do you and/or your SO ever have weeknights where one of you has an early evening activity (like 5-6 or 5:30-6:30) or stays late at work? If so how do you handle the evening -- does the not-busy person stay home and solo parent? Do you ever try and meet for a late-ish dinner out? Any tips if you somehow get the second one to work?
I am usually the late person. My H is on own from 4-5 for the most part every day, and later on my office day since I have to commute back - on Thursdays I'm usually out until at least 5:30, and if I work a little late, or stop someplace on the way home, it's more like 6 or 6:30. They just hang, go to the park, etc., until I get home.