We are really close and talk daily, see each other at least twice a week. She is like a second mom to m. She struggles with depression/anxiety though which is sometimes hard for me. I hope my girls and I will have a similar relationship when they grow up.
katie I know what you mean about looking at L and wondering what was going in with your mom at that age. I feel like I'm constantly re-living my childhood by watching K. I don't remember anything from that time, but I know what was going on. I often think about how affectionate I am with him, and how sad it is that that was lacking for me. I try to just be grateful that I'm not repeating those patterns.
Post by pinkpeony6210 on Apr 27, 2015 20:50:35 GMT -5
We have a so-so relationship. I talk to her about once a week, if that, and I have to call her most of the time. I vow to always be there for Ella and Kate, and have a close relationship with them. I envy everyone that has that with their mom.
It's complicated. My mom is always there for me, I know I could call her for help with anything and she would always be there for me. She had me when she was 20 and I know she did the best she could for me and my younger brother. She loves H and E to pieces and whenever she has time off from work she wants to spend it with us. My dad is a difficult person to get along with and and has a lot of issues. He is 17 years older than my mom. They have an odd relationship and its really hard for me to understand why they are still together. It made my childhood sort of rocky and I think that makes it hard for me to have a very deep relationship with her.
I would not be okay at all with having the same relationship with my kids as my mom had and has with me. It's been my main goal in motherhood to not repeat much of my childhood. I could write a whole book right now, but I won't bore you guys. My mom is very toxic and distancing myself from her physically and emotional is what's best for myself and my family.
jfh I am so grateful I am different with Lillian. And I too have been in therapy for issues growing up. After having Lillian and becoming a mom, it brought up so much.
I just want to say to all of you that have had less that stellar childhoods and relationships with your moms, you realizing these issues is great so you can work on not repeating the same mistakes. I realize we are all going to make mistakes as parents, and that is just part of any learning process. The difference should be if you make a mistake that you learn from it and stop doing it over and over again. Hugs ladies!
My mom died when I was 14 and was completely bedridden and unable to speak for a few years prior, so I last had a conversation with her when I was 10 or 11. I'd like to think we'd be really close, but I'll never know. I do know that she would've been an amazing grandmother because kids were her entire world.
She was very funny and like to set up elaborate practical jokes. Once we were at the beach, and she kept picking up rocks and eating them. I was horrified until she admitted that my dad had arrived first and left a trail of candy rocks.
She and my dad were a couple of hippies who fled Southern California independently and met in Maine, where they bought an old farmhouse with no plumbing and happily survived a few Maine winters with an outhouse. They grew huge vegetable gardens and had a home business selling handmade wooden and cloth toys out of our barn.
We spent loads of time exploring the woods behind our house. We'd catch tadpoles in the boggy area and watch them develop into frogs, and we'd climb trees and read books together high up in the branches.
She was really intense about my education, and I could see that being a point of contention if she'd been around when I was older. She taught me to read at three, and made me memorize my times tables before I started kindergarten at 4.
I am very close with my mom. We weren't always that way though, because I just kind of skirted by when I was a kid. I was a middle child and very mild-mannered, while my siblings got in trouble a lot. I didn't need her attention as much as my siblings.
We didn't get close until I sat her down and told her that I wanted to share about my infertility process, but I needed her to just listen and not try to solve my problems. As a mother, she always tried to solve everything, but this was something that she did not have any experience with and couldn't do anything to solve. That conversation was a game changer for us. Now, we are extremely close, talk at least once a day, and spend lots of time together. I feel very lucky to have a mother like her!
My mom and I are ridiculously close. We talk twice a day most days. It's a relationship that has grown as I grew up and I really treasure it.
Of course, this means about once every other week we are annoyed at each other. And that sometimes I have to put on my friend hat and have awkward conversations. But I'll take it.
I feel like steph196 described my relationship with my mother pretty well. I'm the youngest, and didn't need a lot of my parents attention when I was younger. I ended up with an overload in high school when my sister went to college and was desperate to get away and out of the house because I felt smothered. Plus my mom was going through some health complications and was starting to have more serious problems with her hearing and vision, so I would get frustrated with my interactions with her because she either had a hard time hearing me or a hard time reading what I was trying to share with her. She was a great mother in my childhood, the teenage years were just a little rocky.
Since college my brother and sister have distanced themselves from my parents more than I have, so I've developed a closer relationship with her. She is a fantastic grandma, and she is always there to talk when I need her. I feel guilty after reading all these responses because we email once or twice a week and probably see each other every other week? But I'm awful with calling people on the phone so that might be part of it. She is kind of awkward about personal stuff.
I hope I can be a little closer/relate more to personal stuff with my boys when they are older. I feel like my mom rocked my childhood and whenever I try to do fun things - baking! Crafts! Trips to the park! - B acts out and I end up getting frustrated. I desperately need some of her patience with a toddler juju.
My mom is really great. She was a little bit strict, but very caring. She was always taking care of everything and everyone. Looking back now I can see that a lot of that was anxiety and nervous energy, but she was really good at not letting that have a negative impact on us kids.
We still have a really good relationship, but I wish we were closer. I think she would like to be closer too. It's my issues with social anxiety that get in the way. I think if we were physically closer it would help.
I hope I can have as good a relationship with L, but I worry that my anxiety issues will get in the way with him too.
My mother is an amazing person. She was a great mother, I mean she had so many kids and we all get along, are nice people and love each other. That's quite a feat of parenting imo. Of course my dad was a part of it too but he worked and it was the days where when a man came home from work he didn't have four kids flung at him while mom ran out the door to go to yoga. He sat down and read his newspaper. (I love my dad too! He's wonderful!)
Anyway the downsides/bad things. 1. My mother never had her own life/career. Now she definitely has some bitterness I would say mostly towards my dad (not us). 2. We are close but in a way it's very slightly superficial. Like I'd talk to her about anything! But we don't really "fight" or rock the boat. generally we keep the peace so if things annoyed either of us we just wouldnt say anything. If that makes sense ..
Overall I would say if I was as close to all my kids as my mom is I would be doinf pretty great. If we lived there I would see her several times a week and be delighted to do so
Plus she babysits for everyone all the time without a complaint. Even when she had william overnight he screamed for hours and she never even thought of calling me to come home.
My mom and I are close but very different. I talk to her a few times a day and see her every 6-8 weeks even though she lives across the country. She's extremely disorganized and scatterbrained which can drive me crazy but she's extremely caring. She was a SAHM and loves kids and did everything for us growing up. I think she struggles that I work but knows we are very different
I hope my kids are this close to me (she's close to my brother and sister too)
Post by melmon0417 on Apr 28, 2015 10:03:47 GMT -5
My mom and I are very close. She is one of my best friends. We went through a very rough patch, (like when I took off to CO), but have gotten closer throughout my 20's. We actually live in the same house, so sometimes she can drive me absolutely nuts, but she is an amazing person, and the best grandmother I could want for A.
I am lucky to have my mom, she is awesome. Her and my dad divorced when I was 3 and while my dad is great my sister and I mostly lived with my mom and as a result we are more like 3 best friends. My dad used to always say that she was too much of a friend to us but it worked, we talked about everything, sex, birth control, drinking, drugs. We never really got in trouble. Her number one rule was no lying so we always just told her everything. I found out much later in life like only about 7-8 yrs ago that my dad had cheated on my mom with my stepmom. She never wanted us to know so that we wouldn't think any less of him as our dad or her as our stepmom which just speaks a lot of her I think. The only problem I've had with her is she comments on my weight a lot, but her mom and sisters are always calling themselves fat and counting calories. She is always trying to get me to diet and work out which is annoying. She is a great grandma, we moved and she moved and now we are like 2 hrs away which sucks. Esp now since she is a teacher and I know she would love to watch Macy in the summer but it's just too far to drive every day. We call and text constantly. I would love to have the same relationship with Macy although I will never comment on her weight like my mom does!
Post by JuliaGulia on Apr 28, 2015 11:48:30 GMT -5
My Mom is an alcoholic and it has been very rough on our relationship. We get along fine but she is really hard to be around sometimes and is basically in possible to deal with if she has been drinking. My siblings hardly tolerate her and I get stuck in the middle a lot. It's really hard to put into words..
I hope that Alexis and I have a much better/stronger relationship than I have with my Mom.
Post by charlielove on Apr 28, 2015 11:55:51 GMT -5
We have a close relationship. She's someone I turn to when I need to vent, she's always checking on me when I'm sick, and she is a wonderful grandmother to our girls. Of course she has her faults, and there are some things I am/will definitely do differently than she did, but growing up she was always present. She SAH and was always class mom, went on our field trips, was at every sporting event, etc. and I now realize how lucky I was to have that.
My mom is awesome and we're really close. We talk several times a day most days. I wish I could see her more but I don't want to move back to my hometown. She taught me to be kind and considerate of other people's feelings/comfort. She also taught me to be generous -- I wish I could volunteer/donate/sacrifice as much for others as she does. A lot of the time I vent to her when I'm frustrated but also try to share my joys too. She's a really good listener. Sometimes I forget to listen too...we very much have a parent/child dynamic in that she tries not to burden me with her problems/worries and prefers to just listen to mine.
I'm a lot like her, and more so as I get older. I hope to not be quite as shy/socially awkward but otherwise I would be really happy if I had the same relationship with my kids that my mom has with my brother and me. She's generous and loving and overall wonderful. She's even willing to drop pretty much everything and fly across the country when I need help with the kids. It makes me smile thinking about her and I wish I could share her with all of you who had/have rocky relationships with your mothers.
When I was younger I didn't get along with my mom at all. She had zero interest in being a "cool mom", but I swore she hated my because I reminded her of my dad (they were divorced).
Now I consider her to be one of my best friends. I can talk to her about anything, and everything. When I was in Nigeria, I shared a bed with her. It was like I was a kid again.