Working full time with two under 2

[Odonata]

I'm expecting #2, which came as a total shock to us, this December.  DD will be 15 months at that point.  

I fully intend to keep working, especially since I make 50% of our income and can't see how we can survive on just my husband's salary.  We both teach, so one cannot fully support the other.  

I've told work already since it's the end of the year and they need to start looking for a ML sub. (I didn't need to, but I felt it was right to do) But now I'm getting comments like "you're not going to come back" or "TRUST me, from experience, you're not going to be able to do it."  (BTW, this is not coming from admin, but from coworkers who I've told).  

So, I ask you guys, how realistic is it for me to expect to work full time with two kids under two?  My bro and SIL have 4 kids under 5 and they both work full time.  My mom had 3 of us in a span of 4 years and worked full time.  I expect to work full time (and can't go to part-time).  

I get it'll be hard, but it's not impossible, right?  How do you manage?

(Also, daycare will still not be to the point that it is not worth working, I already looked into that)

[Deleted]

Wow, congrats!

I don't have 2 under 2 yet (and mine should hopefully be 25 months apart so maybe never) but I'm sure it will work out. Like you said, people do it all the time. And the thought of staying home all day with two very small children makes me crazy so it better.

[Odonata]

Apr 28, 2015 12:20:40 GMT -5 @peggyolson said:

They're full of shit.

It's hard, but not impossible!!

ETA: CONGRATS! 

I'm also a little annoyed...I'm like "well good for you that you have a husband that makes enough to support everyone.  Don't assume every family is like that."  

and thanks  It's still really early but I feel like total shit already so that's a good sign.  

[zarapipe]

congrats!!! You can do it!

Since your both teachers I assume you have off major holidays, school breaks, summer, etc? that will be so helpful as kids get older. Mine are not very close in age but as dd1 gets older it is getting holder with school closings, early dismissals, etc.

We manage by-
lowering expectations
lowering expectations
lowering expectations
settling limits to our time and what we commit to. I am the default parent. I right now am starting to look into getting back to volunteering, getting out of the house, etc.

[Odonata]

Apr 28, 2015 12:21:48 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Wow, congrats!

I don't have 2 under 2 yet (and mine should hopefully be 25 months apart so maybe never) but I'm sure it will work out. Like you said, people do it all the time. And the thought of staying home all day with two very small children makes me crazy so it better.

I don't like to admit it, but besides the finances, I just don't think I can be a SAHM.  I couldn't wait to get back to work with DD.  

I also LOVE my job and don't want to give up that identity.  I want to be both a mom and a teacher, you know? And I like getting a paycheck and not having to live too close to paycheck to paycheck, though we aren't rolling in dough, either. 

[dcrunnergirl52]

Yes, you can definitely do it. I have worked full-time since my kids were 4 months old, and at one point, I had 2u2 and 3u3. It's tough but you'll definitely manage.

[vtdiamond]

Congrats!

I've survived working full time with 2u2 (twins)! I'll say one of the hardest things with working full time has been handling staying home with the kids when they're sick. I had to use most of my sick time for my maternity leave so didn't have a lot when I came back to work and the kids seem to like to alternate getting sick, they're never sick at the same time!

[egishere]

I went back FT when my triplets were four months old with occasional travel included. It can be tough sometimes but doable and I always try to remember it is just temporary! Just try and be organized. Is a nanny an option for you?

[kdubs923]

No advice, but congratulations! I'm sure you'll do great!

[pinotgrig]

Congrats!! No advice from me, but I'm sure it will get be a new normal for you guys once you get into a routine.

[spk926]

No advice but congratulations!

[Deleted]

Congrats! Just start replying with "Well, until we're ready to live in a cardboard box, I guess I'll keep working and paying the bills."

It's so rude to assume you work just for funsies. (Not that there's anything wrong with working just for blow money.)

[kk]

Tell them to shut it.  My kids are 17 months apart and I work 40 hours a week.  Yes it is crazy, yes you have to learn to let certain things slide, yes you may even need to outsource some things to keep your sanity but it is totally doable.  Millions of people in this world do it and we are not even considered superheros.  It is called life.  

[pescalita]

It's hard, but it's not impossible. It's a short time in the end. We usually have loads of dishes on the counters and laundry on the couches; nothing is perfect, but we love each other.

[osulori]

Congratulations!

[Brie]

I like working MORE now that I have two small children at home. I'm all, "peace out!" on Monday morning and skip to my office.

Daycare 4 lyfe!

[anna7602]

No advice, but congratulations! Just KOKO, people find rude, insensitive things to say about any situation.

[loreleigilmore]

Meh, it will be hard. No doubt. But it takes some budgeting and extra understanding from each spouse. We have three kids ages 6,3,and infant. Some days we struggle. The best thing we do is divide and conquer. Also weekend planning. We take the time to make little bags of snacks for kids to grab. We pick outfits out the night before. We keep the diaper bag packed and ready to go. Lots of planning. We both have full time professional jobs.

[simpsongal]

Um, based on my experience with one, having 2 under 2 would make me want to work outside the home even more

[jene]

Congratulations!

[oswin]

Congratulations! My second kid isn't here yet, but I'm expecting to feel about like Brie does. Financially we could swing it for one of us to quit working (we make about the same amount), but I don't think either DH or I have the temperament to stay home with a baby and a toddler.

[SJ]

Congratulations!!

I have no advice on 2u2 or whatever, but I have certainly gotten plenty of comments & unwelcome opinions about working. It makes my blood boil.

Basically, if someone says something to me that they wouldn't say to a man, I ignore it or tell them to GTFO.

I mean, no one says to men "Oh it's so sad that you can't stay at home" or "You will never be able to work with 2 children" or "I can't believe you are only taking 12 weeks off!" SO WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OK TO SAY TO WOMEN. I can't even with this shit.

[brady2012]

You can absolutely do it.  I actually think it is ridiculous that people in your life are telling you that you cannot.  Where I live, most of my friends have 2U2 and work full time.  My kids are 22 months apart and I have a job that requires me to have late nights and some weekend work for the first 3 months of the year. My husband has to travel 1-2x per month and for the first 2 years our kids are in 2 separate daycares. We have no family around to help us and are pretty darn happy most of the time.

We are approaching the youngest turning two and things are much easier then they were in the beginning.  But everything is manageable.  Just take it day by day and be as organized as you can.

I always get annoyed when people tell others they "can't" do something.  Every person and every family is different.  You can and will make it work.

Congratulations!

[Deleted]

Congratulations!!!!

People say stupid shit all the time. You will be fine. It will be hard sure, but going from 0 to 1 kid was hard too, right?

[Deleted]

Apr 28, 2015 12:54:38 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Um, based on my experience with one, having 2 under 2 would make me want to work outside the home even more

x2 
I don't have the energy or patience to be a SAHP. On Mondays I'm thinking "Peace out DS, momma needs coffee and adult conversation!"

[mrsfarmer]

Our DDs are 361 days apart in age, at the time they were both placed with us, DD1 was 14 months old and DD2 was 9 weeks. I got 6 weeks off total and was able to find daycare. Yes, it was hard but I'm also not cut out to be a SAHM. Even during my adoption leave, either DH or MIL watched the girls so I could get a break and go to the office.

[Odonata]

Apr 28, 2015 12:46:52 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

Are you still planning to move in with your parents?

Uggg. YEP.  We're doing the final touches on the house and then plan to list it soon.  

That plan is still on.  I was thinking of just staying put but we'll never save up in our house.  If we wait for the market to rise enough that we'll make ANYTHING on the sale that is a decent down payment, the market will be too high for us anyway.

My parents are on board for us to still move in, baby, big belly, and all.  I'm not sure if we'll be in our new house by the time the second one gets here, but they've already said it was worth it to save the money we lost on our money-pit house.  

Besides, they did that with me.  I was maybe a year old when they were living with my grandmother and my brother was born.  They were trying to save money for a down payment as well.

[Odonata]

Apr 28, 2015 12:54:38 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Um, based on my experience with one, having 2 under 2 would make me want to work outside the home even more

bingo.  haha.

[Deleted]

Ditto Brie, with two kids under 2 (or 3 or 4), I would need to work at least part time for my own mental health!

Congratulations!

[Odonata]

Apr 28, 2015 13:17:52 GMT -5 @republicrat said:

Apr 28, 2015 12:54:38 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Um, based on my experience with one, having 2 under 2 would make me want to work outside the home even more

x2 
I don't have the energy or patience to be a SAHP. On Mondays I'm thinking "Peace out DS, momma needs coffee and adult conversation!"

On my first day back from ML this year, everyone was all nice and asking me "how are you doing today?", often with a look of concern.

I was like "Shit, I'm GREAT! I just drank an WHOLE cup of coffee...while it was still WARM A N D I ate lunch today!  A whole lunch!!!" 

I guess it was shocking to everyone....I felt like a bad mom....for maybe a second.