Mother's Day WWYD

[Deleted]

I'd stay home and let DH smooth it out with his family.

[shamrockshake]

I would stay home for sure and I wouldn't care about what my IL's thought about it. At some point during the day H takes our girls over to visit his mom and I don't go, it's my day too, I'm doing what I want

[mellimel19]

If it's not what I wanted to do, not I wouldn't suck it up and go. As a mother, you get to enjoy your Mother's Day the way you want. Do you want to spend the day alone, or do you just not want to go to the cookout? If it's the latter, I'd tell your SIL that you already have Mother's Day plans as a family.

[SJ]

Well, I would go because having someone else cook & clean a meal is relaxing to me. I also have issues with my IL's so I try to reserve "making waves" for the things that are REALLY REALLY important dealbreakers to me.

However, I think you should do what sounds best to you. What does your husband think? Can you book a massage or something to treat yourself instead?

[krystee]

I would have your H tell them he already planned a special day for you (and/or you and your family), so you (either individually or all of you) can't make it, but would love to get together another day.

[Deleted]

Personally, I like spending the day as just my family of three. I wouldn't want to send DH and DD to the in-laws, but I'd rather the three of us just go do something ourselves. Is that an option? Or do you really want the alone time? I wasn't sure if you were wanting to stay home and send DH and DD because you think thats the only option.

[Deleted]

My answer is colored by the fact that this would be the conversation:
"Where's token?"
"Sleeping."
"Smart lady."

I guess if people would be REALLY PISSED OFF, I might suck it up. It's just not the case of what I have to deal with.

[ECB]

Have DH just tell them you aren't feeling well. If they really can't understand that, then screw them.

I find that these people who will actually turn stuff into WW3 are just really selfish and cna't think of anyone but themselves. I usually get to a point where I stop worrying about their feelings when they clearly don't care about mine.

[sugarbear]

It's YOUR day. It's not your family's day with your kid. They are not her mother. You are. I think it's weird that they insist on spending Mothers Day with your kid.
(So, no. I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't send DH and my kids, either.)

[osulori]

Do your H and E have to go?

[momin2013]

Could you spend the day just the three of you somewhere, then swing by their place on the way home, say for an hour? You could tell them you have plans as a family, so don't hold lunch/dinner for you, but that you'll be sure to stop by on your way home.

Or would that piss them off too?

[meltoine]

If I lived near family and saw them frequently I would have no problems sending H and LO alone.

[pinotgrig]

I would try to do what you want if it's not going to be a huge thing. If it's going to cause more grief down the road I would probably suck it up and have H give me a do-over day to do whatever you want.

[bella427]

If it's going to involved drama to be up front, I'd probably just send DH and the kiddo and when they ask about you say you aren't feeling well.

[osulori]

Apr 29, 2015 12:07:40 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

Apr 29, 2015 12:01:18 GMT -5 osulori said:

Do your H and E have to go?

Yeah - I can't figure out if you'd rather be alone, or if keeping your family home to do something alone would start WWIII, so you don't feel like that's an option?

If you want to do something just the three of you, have your H call them and explain.  You can be all "new tradition - whee!" about it, and if they want to bitch, hang up.  If they talk shit about it while you're not there, who cares, you'll never know.

If you truly just want to be alone AND don't want the drama just have your H take E and say you're not feeling well/extra tired/whatever.  I feel like this is once a year and you can get away with this for a few years before they notice :-)

pennypenny this is exactly where I was going with my question so I'm just going to ditto.

[cjeanette]

Apr 29, 2015 12:20:00 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Apr 29, 2015 12:01:18 GMT -5 osulori said:

Do your H and E have to go?

Yes.

They actually don't.  It's Mother's Day and if you want it to just be your little family there is nothing wrong with that.

If you are cool with them going and prefer to stay home then do it.  I don't think that the fear of WWIII is enough for me to give in to something when I really don't want to do it.

[ECB]

Apr 29, 2015 12:49:20 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Apr 29, 2015 12:20:00 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Yes.

They actually don't.  It's Mother's Day and if you want it to just be your little family there is nothing wrong with that.

If you are cool with them going and prefer to stay home then do it.  I don't think that the fear of WWIII is enough for me to give in to something when I really don't want to do it.

To what swizz said, I do realize that people outside of the situation can be a bit more staunchly "just say no". And sometimes it may really be a situation where you can't. 

BUT at the same time, I also really do believe that if you do say "no" sometimes, while at first, they may react negatively, given time - they'll realize that this is how it's going to be.  Part of the reason "WW3" happens is that people learn that if they react like that, they'll get what they want. 

You shouldn't feel that you "have" to send your DD to them EVERY holiday.  Holidays are about building memories that YOU want to build too and if you want, for your little family, to do something different, you actually can do that.   Your wishes and your happiness matter JUST as much as theirs does.  And really, when it comes to YOUR child and (in this case)  YOUR Mother's Day, your wishes and happiness should actually matter more than theirs.

[shellbear09]

Why do they have to go? If you want to truly have alone time then send them and enjoy your day. But I don't see why your H can't say that you guys are going to do your own thing that day. If this were me we would probably go for a short while and bonus is that she is doing the work of the gtg and not me.

You saying they don't care about seeing you makes it seems like there is a lot more to this story. Both of our families seem to care more about doing stuff now that we have dd but I don't equate that to them not wanting to see me ever.

[waterchurch]

Can your H and E go earlier, and you go have some alone time but then make an appearance later?

[undecidedowl]

I'd go and tell DH he can make it up to you on another day. Then plan a spa/relaxation day for a different day.

[aspentosh]

Apr 29, 2015 11:37:29 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Apr 29, 2015 11:36:03 GMT -5 swizz said:

It would cause WWIII in my family to not attend a family function like this.

Hard to judge without really knowing the family dynamic and how big a "thing" it would be.

Yeah I am thinking the same thing.   But I don't wanna go. It's myyyyy day. 

For this reason exactly, I wouldn't go. Mother's day is about what the mother wants. You're a mother, too. Screw them

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2015 11:45:23 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Apr 29, 2015 11:41:37 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

Personally, I like spending the day as just my family of three. I wouldn't want to send DH and DD to the in-laws, but I'd rather the three of us just go do something ourselves. Is that an option? Or do you really want the alone time? I wasn't sure if you were wanting to stay home and send DH and DD because you think thats the only option.

I have to send DD. That would be bigger than WW3. There is no other option there. This is an issue every damn holiday because both of our families are local. Now Mother's Day is just added to the mix and both sides of the family want to see us more on any holiday because of DD. But she is with my family every day, so I don't feel so bad about them not seeing her 1 day.

I get it. I really, really do. I know as an outsider its easy to say "put your foot down!", so I'm just going to send hugs, and wine, and hope it doesn't escalate too bad and you reach a decision that works for you.