Ok help me, aging parents related

[1confused1]

Sounds like he needs a hobby. what types of things is he interested in?

My dad joined a men's golf group, he travels, etc.

[motzie]

Maybe he could volunteer at an animal shelter? Or foster? Plant a vegetable garden?

[adhdfashion]

Volunteer to be leader for 4-H or at the local commmunity center. Maybe the boy scouts?

[Deleted]

It's rough.  When some people first retire, they have no clue what to do with themselves. When my stepdad retired, my mom was still working.  He got a dog, which kept him busy.  Then my mom would try to leave him stuff to do around the house..laundry, food shopping etc. he made a routine for himself..he'd go out weekday mornings, buy the paper and breakfast etc. 

[lime]

Oh god, my mom did some of this at first.

Long story, short: she got better about it over time. It's very possible your dad will, as well.

[eb777888]

FIL changed so much after retirement. I honestly cannot stand to be around him. All he does is watch youtube videos and fox news and rant on FB. SIL recently told me there's some depression going on there and I guess it makes sense. IDK, I wish I had some advice for you. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period but damn. It's been a couple of years now.

[MixedBerryJam]

LOL that 63 is "aging parent." Your dad is 4 years older than I am.

Is he married? Do you have a picture?

[stellas]

I guess I don't see what's so weird about him stopping by on the weekend?

[05heel]

May 3, 2015 13:00:19 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

LOL that 63 is "aging parent." Your dad is 4 years older than I am.

Is he married? Do you have a picture?

Lol. "Looking to get keep busy?  I'll give you someone something to do."  

I'm not really seeing the problem with this situation though. 

[Deleted]

May 3, 2015 13:01:34 GMT -5 stellas said:

I guess I don't see what's so weird about him stopping by on the weekend?

I agree. Doesn't sound like he's doing anything super crazy.

There must be more story.

If you don't want him to stop by unexpected I'd just tell him that you'd like a heads up and see if that curbs the behavior.

[cville]

May 3, 2015 15:14:01 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

May 3, 2015 13:01:34 GMT -5 stellas said:

I guess I don't see what's so weird about him stopping by on the weekend?

You drive 30 miles on traffic just to drop off a dog kennel unannounced? He's never done this until the past month. I'm not around the corner.

He's bored and at loose ends. The year he retired my dad sent us more shit from Amazon and tortured me on Facebook more than all other years of our lives combined. It gets better when they figure it out.

[Deleted]

May 3, 2015 15:14:01 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

May 3, 2015 13:01:34 GMT -5 stellas said:

I guess I don't see what's so weird about him stopping by on the weekend?

You drive 30 miles on traffic just to drop off a dog kennel unannounced? He's never done this until the past month. I'm not around the corner.

30 miles isn't far in my opinion.

I agree that unannounced is rude even if it's your parents, but have you asked him to call before he leaves?

I assume he does it more now since he's retired and doesn't need to "rest up" for work during the week and can do things whenever he feels like it, but it doesn't sound like he's acting super bizarre from what you posted.

But obviously you know your family the best so if you feel there is something wrong then there might be, but your OP didn't present info that seemed that odd.

[cville]

May 3, 2015 15:17:14 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

I don't know how to put this. But I'm worried. It's like he wants to be old. Does this make sense? I feel like others hang on to their youth.

My dad did this too. It pisses off my mom. This too got a bit better, unfortunately only after a health scare (aka secret heart surgery) when he realized he didn't ACTUALLY want to be dead. My mom retiring the following year and making it work like a champ helped too.

[Deleted]

May 3, 2015 15:17:14 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

I don't know how to put this. But I'm worried. It's like he wants to be old. Does this make sense? I feel like others hang on to their youth.

Can you give an example?

I mean, my mom embraces the fact that she's 60. She doesn't want to go out to rages anymore lol.

Do you think he's depressed or something?

[2boys2danes]

Oh yes…totally normal. My dad is 77 and he was a workaholic until he retired in 2002. I honestly had no idea how he would do retirement because I didnt think he had any friends when I was growing up because all he ever did was work (and travel for work!). The first few years our kids were young and I think he enjoyed us "needing" him to help with them when someone was sick or had to be picked up from school etc. Now he says all the time he's busier in retirement than he ever was when working, He plays golf twice a week with some old geezers, cares for my homebound mom, is active in church etc. Just give him a little bit to figure it out.

[meowmaps]

Maybe he could get involved in team sports or take classes at a community center? My dad swims, bikes, takes yoga classes, goes fishing, takes long walks, and plays pickle ball (very popular among seniors though anyone can play it). He even goes out of town a couple of times a year to attend pickle ball tournaments. All of the physical activity tires him out so he goes to bed fairly early but I don't think that's abnormal or makes him "old". He also picks my mom up from work in the afternoons (she'll be retiring in the next two years or so) and he does crossword puzzles. I have dinner with my parents about once a week. He also does gardening in the warm months and I almost forgot, he's got his own wood-working shop in the basement. He made bookshelves for my parents' living room, the base for a table tray, a stepping stool, etc. My dad is busier than I am!

I think your dad is probably just figuring things out. My dad's been retired for over ten years so he's had a lot of time to perfect his schedule.