Am I being silly about this?

[summer]

My MIL is in town with us for a couple days.

MIL/FIL live a 6 hr drive / 4-5hr train ride from us. Every time she comes she puts the pressure on for us to come visit which we do about 3x a year. Honestly I don't want to do more than that because they live in boofoo and it's boring, and it takes a lot to schlep all the stuff there and I'm lazy as hell.

She also asks often if DD could come alone. We did that once for 6 days when DD was 2 and it went ooookay. DD did scream like she was being sold when we left and gave us the sideeye for about a week after we picked her up, and prob for sometime referred to us "leaving her there".

DD and the grandparents get on fine. My FIL is coming through here for business next week and says he would pick her up and take her back with him and we could pick her up in a week or so.

1. A week is too long to me. MIL threw me the line about things like this being fine for kids, it's the parents that get in the way, which may be true, but DON'T try to guilt me into giving my kid to you for a week. I don't appreciate passive-aggressive taunts like that.

2. I don't think my FIL appreciates what it will be like to be alone in a car for 6 hours with a 4 yr old in the backseat.


3. I don't want to go all the way there and pick her up. It's 5 hrs and I'm lazy (we said that already, no?)

Am I being unreasonable? I may very well be as I tend to be unreasonable about things having to do with my kid.

[EloiseWeenie]

I wouldn't want to leave my kids for a whole week, either. I would do a long weekend, and I'd drive halfway to meet them.

[NitaX]

Meh. I'd let her go. A week with no kid. HEAVEN!!!!!
FWIW, my friend's kids routinely fly from Memphis to California every year. She flies to pick them up at the end of the summer.

[ttt]

We've left SST alone for a week with both grandmas at various times when she was 2 or 3, and she's been fine, so I don't think a week is necessarily too long. But, critically, in all of those situations it was our idea, not theirs, so I think that makes a difference. I wouldn't want to drive 5-6 hours to pick her up just for the heck of it.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to say no, but I don't think it's unreasonable for them to ask either.

[cookiemdough]

DS just had his first trip away from home with his grandmother. He loved it and had a great time. He is 4. Also my nephew was there as well and they love spending time together. My MIL had activities for them everyday so time went by fast. They spent a total of 8 days. I was a little nervous at first but I am all about them doing 2 full weeks next year!

Are you concerned because you think they will just have her sitting around the house? If it is just the amount of time, I think you will be okay. We (well my husband) was prepared for the fact that we may have to go out early to get him if it seemed like it was too long, but like I said it worked out great.

[copzgirl1171]

What does little bit think?

[ECB]

This is your child, not theirs. If you don't want her to go to them for a week (AND have to pick her up), then it's your right to say "no".

It's great that they want to do this, but that doesn't mean you have to go along with it.

[crazytalk]

Aug 14, 2012 13:20:01 GMT -5 summer said:

We did that once for 6 days when DD was 2 and it went ooookay. DD did scream like she was being sold when we left and gave us the sideeye for about a week after we picked her up, and prob for sometime referred to us "leaving her there".

I'm sorry, but I'm LOL at this whole part.

What's hubs think? And are there other kids for her to play with at grandparents house, or lots of fun stuff for them to do?

I'd probably ask the kid .... 4 (or did you say 5?) is old enough to weigh in on this kind of thing, if you're inclined to letting it happen. I can see a reaction at 2 being way different than the reaction at 4.

[ECB]

Aug 14, 2012 13:37:15 GMT -5 crazytalk said:

I'd probably ask the kid .... 4 (or did you say 5?) is old enough to weigh in on this kind of thing, if you're inclined to letting it happen. I can see a reaction at 2 being way different than the reaction at 4.

This is the one thing that I wouldn't let color your decision. How she acted at 2 may not mean anything about how she feels today about it. That really was a "lifetime" ago for her.

Or if at 4 you don't know that she's able to make that decision, perhaps in another year or two.

I do agree that her relationship w/ your IL's plays a role in this, and what kind of things they'll do with her. If it's just sitting around the house - no. But if they actually have plans and want to do fun things w/ her, it could be a good memory building/ relationship building experience.

BUT I still stand behind that you don't OWE this to them. It's ultimately your decision and if you don't want to do it, you don't have to.

[summer]

Copz - it depends on when you ask her. She switches hourly between "YES! I WANT to go, mommy!" and utter fear. So it's hard to tell.

I'm torn on it.

I'll obviously be a hot Dynasty mess when she leaves for summer campmor something.

[copzgirl1171]

Aug 14, 2012 13:55:36 GMT -5 summer said:

Copz - it depends on when you ask her. She switches hourly between "YES! I WANT to go, mommy!" and utter fear. So it's hard to tell.

I'm torn on it.

I'll obviously be a hot Dynasty mess when she leaves for summer campmor something.

Her waffling would be enough for me to put the breaks on it.

Maybe they could come and stay at your place and you and DH could take off for a few days?

[Melissa W.]

My mom pulls the same stuff with me. I just say no.

[cookiemdough]

How is their relationship with your DD? Also are they active and will the plan stuff?

[pixy0stix]

I can't wait to ship ZB off to the gmas, so I'm really no help in this matter.

[cookiemdough]

Aug 14, 2012 14:11:18 GMT -5 Melissa W. said:

My mom pulls the same stuff with me. I just say no.

Wait, why is it shady to want to keep the grandkids?

[crazytalk]

Aug 14, 2012 14:01:30 GMT -5 @copzgirl1171 said:

Maybe they could come and stay at your place and you and DH could take off for a few days?

this is a GREAT idea. I like to keep the kids in their own habitat as much as possible at this young age; I feel like it's easier for everyone involved. (Plus you don't have to travel to pick her up. Win/Win!

[jena]

Eh, the waffling would actually make me think it's a good idea to send her. She WANTS to, she's just nervous. Which is understandable with a new experience (not to mention she's probably picking up on your ambivalence about it).

1) I don't think a week seems too long at all; 2) I'm sure your FIL doesn't appreciate what it's like, but this would make me laugh at FIL's pain. But really, is your DD that bad on long trips?; 3) That's the kicker, but I'd make the drive for a week of silence and peace. Any chance they'd meet you halfway?

[Deleted]

I can't WAIT till Ds is old enough for sleepovers!!

[2vermont]

Honestly, that passive aggressive crap would piss me off so much. It would take alot for me to get past that.

Good thing I don't have kids because I suspect my MIL wouldn't have the good relationship we have now.

[aw]

Aug 14, 2012 13:22:21 GMT -5 EloiseWeenie said:

I wouldn't want to leave my kids for a whole week, either. I would do a long weekend, and I'd drive halfway to meet them.

This exactly.

[2vermont]

Aug 14, 2012 14:15:40 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Aug 14, 2012 14:11:18 GMT -5 Melissa W. said:

My mom pulls the same stuff with me. I just say no.

Wait, why is it shady to want to keep the grandkids?

I'm going to guess that she's referring to the passive aggressive BS.

[ECB]

Aug 14, 2012 14:38:15 GMT -5 2vermont said:

Aug 14, 2012 14:15:40 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Wait, why is it shady to want to keep the grandkids?

I'm going to guess that she's referring to the passive aggressive BS.

Yeah, this. I don't see where she's saying it's shady.

[cookiemdough]

Oh okay. I actually had to go back and read the op to pick up on the passive aggressive stuff. I guess this depends on the tone used and the relationship she has with in-laws. I initially didn't read it as anything different than when people say the first day of daycare is harder for parents than it is on the kids. But dynamics can certainly influence the way it is intended.

She definitely shouldn't feel pressured to do something she doesn't want, but I think the first time away will always cause a little anxiety, and I guess I was moreso responding to that feeling as kind of normal. If you are waiting for a time where you never have a second thought it just won't happen.

[MrsAxilla]

I would do it in a heartbeat! Four is plenty old enough and you probably need some alone time with your DH - who doesn't?