Examples of great parents

[Cheesecake]

So, with TTC I'm also thinking about what kind of parent I want to be. Not so much "free range" or "helicopter" as I haven't even really looked into what those ideas entail, but more general ideas of what I would like things to be like in our family, what I would expect from myself and DH, and what I'd expect from our possible future child.

Do you guys do that too?

And do you have examples of awesome parents that you would love you model yourself after?

And examples of people/parenting styles you would like to avoid like the plague?

Discuss!

P.S. (not looking for a debate on superior systems, just wondering if other people are actually thinking about stuff like that and/or have rolemodels)

[Cheesecake]

And I forgot to answer my own questions.

So yes, I think about it. My absolute role models are my cousin and her husband. The way they raise their children (and the way those girls turn out) is just phenomenal. I've talked to them about what they do andhow they do it, and hope to implement what I learned from them, if we ever get the chance.

My anti-role-models are my own parents, yeah, that childhood, not so fun, and a bunch of other family members on my dad's side (various generations actually) that surely screwed their children up good. Right on the road to being completely dysfunctional, welfare check and teen pregnancies here they come!

[VillainV]

Awesome parents: Mine. They didn't have a book, they just did what made sense to them, and worked for my sister and I, and we turned out great (okay, sorry to not be very modest, but she's a doctor and I fly fighter jets inthe Air Force, and we're both happy and successful).

Parents to avoid: I hate to say this, but my SIL and BIL. They do all kinds of things with our niece and nephew that just don't make sense to us -- it's like watching those families on SuperNanny who are inconsistent with their kids and wonder why they act like terrors. I mean, it does no good to ground your 7-year-old for a week for being disrespectful, then lapse and effectively "un-ground" him after a day because he's being a pain around the house when he can't use the PlayStation.

[vivaladiva]

Awesome: Mine; they're not perfect and still have some old-fashioned ideas (but that's also a product of their upbringing and environment) but for the most part, amazingly supportive, affectionate, expressive and encouraging. They were strict, no doubt, but I am so grateful for it now. Also, my dad loves to talk, LOL. He would say the same things over and over again, and I knew as soon as he turned down the radio in the car that he had something he wanted to talk about, and to settle in.

Also, my sister is a phenomenal mother, I would listen to ANYTHING she says, about anything related to child-rearing. She's younger than I am, but because she was determined to make a good life for herself and my niece (single mother at the time) she educated herself, she researched the hell out of everything before buying/agreeing/doing/not doing. She's fun as well, so it's never a "because I said so", never. She gets that from my parents. They explained everything, even if we didn't get it 'til 20 yrs later.

Also - a promise to a child is a sacred thing. If you tell them you're going to have ice cream right, you need to move heaven and earth to get that ice cream. If you tell them that they can't play because they didn't clean up, they can't play. If there's so much as a hint of a tantrum in a restaurant, and they know if they act up they are being taken home, then out the door you go, regardless of where you're at. Being a person of their word is an incredibly important part in earning any sort of trust with a child and that's something I plan to uphold.

Not awesome: I'll get back to you, gotta wrap up work! But basically anybody on reality TV. LOL

[winecheery]

EXAMPLES OF AWESOME:
My mom

A couple with two boys that are family friends

A single mom-friend

WHY THEY'RE AWESOME:
They all are effective disciplinarians
They are honest and playful with their kids, but they don't try to befriend them; they are the parents the kid is the kid...yet somehow the kids think they're friends...very clever!
They were/are present and an active part of their kids lives without smothering
They let their kids fail and make safe mistakes
They are physically affectionate and also verbally affirm their love for their kids
They instill/ed strength, independence, and good manners in their kids
And for the married couple, they balance parenting/family time with married/couple time, which IMO makes such a difference because their sons see what a loving relationship can look like



EXAMPLES OF AVOID:
I can't think of anyone I know personally (which is good), but general broad judgements include...

Parents that don't parent, i.e. let their kids do whatever the hell they want, wherever they want just so they (the Parents) can continue doing whatever it is they are doing like shopping, eating at a nice restaurant, etc, while their child runs around like a nut

Parents that over stimulate their kid with too many electronics and toys and forget that a child's best toy can be a book, a crayon and paper, or their own imagination

Parents that don't want their kid to ever "suffer" and by that I mean not make the school play, not get the top grade every test, and not get the brand new car kind of suffering. These are life lessons that you should learn from; they do not equate with real suffering IMO

Parents that don't support their children as they discover who they are growing up to be, whether it's no longer playing a sport or instrument that they once loved, or they have new thoughts about their religion or sexual preferences. Unless they're planning a mass murder, or they're doing something else that society as a whole would consider unhealthy, they deserve their parents' love and support.

You know, reading what I wrote...I sound like a hippie...but I'm really not! I just have feelings I guess...lol

[statlerwaldorf]

For the most part, I try to stay in the middle. With most things, either extreme don't seem like the best option.

My role model has always been my grandma. It's hard because I have a lot more anti-role models than role models. My family is pretty dysfunctional. I would like to think I've learned a lot when it comes to their down falls at least. I also have a close friend that is an amazing mom. She is a single mom and has a deaf child. I admire her patience and overall demeanor.