balancing things

[lovelovelove]

Not sure if that's the right post title.

I was feeling pretty good about how things were going, but I noticed that things have started to slip in my life, and it's making my anxiety pretty bad.

Between work, dd activities, regular doctor appointments, therapy appointments, and AA or al-anon meetings, every day seems booked from wakeup to bedtime.

I didn't notice at first, but I think I'm burning out. I realized I haven't been keeping in touch with friends, haven't been making plans, and most recently forgetting about plans. And the part that, selfishly, bothers me most is that i feel if I try to explain to friends it will just sound like excuses bc everyone has stuff going on.

I can't even remember to email friends to check in. I don't want to talk on the phone at 830 at night after dd is in bed. I love my friends but I feel this pressure that it's just one more thing to be managing right now.

anyone have any tips or advice?

[malibu]

Is there anything at all you can let go? Can you arrange for someone else to bring/pick up DD from activities, just to get a little free time?

[SwimDeep]

It sounds like you're trying to live up to the expectations of other people. Try not to be concerned about what your friends might think. You don't want to talk after 8:30? Then don't! That's a personal boundary that you need to respect. And if your friends are good friends, they'll understand!

This has taken me a long time to learn, and I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm allowed to tell people "no".

Think about your priorities. Think about how much energy you have. And then go from there. Everything you listed is important, but you can't do ALL of it EVERY day. You have to take care of you!

[lovelovelove]

May 13, 2015 15:56:11 GMT -5 malibu said:

Is there anything at all you can let go? Can you arrange for someone else to bring/pick up DD from activities, just to get a little free time?

We don't have family nearby. I have recently started asking dds friends moms if they can watch her for a bit, but it's difficult to find times that work.

And idk what this means, but I almost don't want to let anything go. That sounds awful, but I don't really want to do anything with other people maybe I need to see my dr too adjust my meds?

[SwimDeep]

May 13, 2015 16:45:17 GMT -5 lovelovelove said:

May 13, 2015 15:56:11 GMT -5 malibu said:

Is there anything at all you can let go? Can you arrange for someone else to bring/pick up DD from activities, just to get a little free time?

We don't have family nearby. I have recently started asking dds friends moms if they can watch her for a bit, but it's difficult to find times that work.

And idk what this means, but I almost don't want to let anything go. That sounds awful, but I don't really want to do anything with other people maybe I need to see my dr too adjust my meds?

I don't think this is a med thing. I think this is something you should talk to your counselor about.

[flex]

May 13, 2015 19:32:02 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

May 13, 2015 16:45:17 GMT -5 lovelovelove said:

We don't have family nearby. I have recently started asking dds friends moms if they can watch her for a bit, but it's difficult to find times that work.

And idk what this means, but I almost don't want to let anything go. That sounds awful, but I don't really want to do anything with other people maybe I need to see my dr too adjust my meds?

I don't think this is a med thing. I think this is something you should talk to your counselor about.

Agreed.  This is what life is all about: juggling your schedule; determining what's important and what isn't, etc.  It's a life skill that has to be learned.

I feel that taking a pill doesn't fix this, but talking to someone about it (a friend, a counselor, etc.) helps to relieve the burden.

[lovelovelove]

flex SwimDeep

Thanks so much for your input. I'll put it as top priority to talk to my therapist about next appointment. I guess I was concerned that it seemed like it blindsided me, but you're totally right that I need to better balance and prioritize.

[kirra]

I also think this is a counselor issue, although ADHD meds have helped me with balancing. But I don't think the meds would have worked nearly as well if my therapist hadn't helped me.

Good friends will understand when life is too busy to keep up often. For me, friends are a priority, and my goal is to talk to, email, or text two a week. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't, but my mental health is better when I feel connected.

[phoenixrising]

When I find myself overscheduling, I think it is sometimes something I use to distract and numb from "feeling the feelings." And that makes me not want to give any of that crazy busy-ness up because it feels like I am being super productive, when really it is an avoidance behavior. So when I become aware of this, I tend to bring it up in therapy because it's definitely something I have to work through with my therapist.