Family drama. I seriously need some insight.

[hallows]

Thanks everyone.

[madDawg228]

Your family is asking way too much with that request. Why can't your parents raise the baby? Your sister's choices are not your responsibility, I'm so sorry you are having this pressure put upon you

[InBetweenDays]

Wow. I am so sorry you family is putting this on you. Your parents are enabling your sister and are trying to strong arm you into doing it too. This pregnancy and whatever becomes of it is no ones responsibility/fault except your sister's (and the unknown father's). I am pro-choice so I'm sure that skews my view some, but there is no way I would take on the responsiblity of a child in a situation like that. There are certainly more options than just abortion or forcing you to raise the baby. Would she not consider putting the baby up for adoption?

[Deleted]

Ditto Spun x 10000000000.

This is totally ridiculous that they're asking you to do this. If your parents want her to keep the baby that bad then they can take care of it.

[dawnyp]

If you wanted children that would be different. This is your sisters decision to make and your parents and sister should not guilt you into taking on this responsibility.

[Deleted]

Your family is asking ridiculous things of you! Her poor choices should not be thrown on you ever.

[Deleted]

Wow. Stand strong! It is WRONG of your parents to try and force you to take it, especially since you don't want children. Ditto PP, they can raise it if they feel that strongly.

Is there a reason why, in her opinion, the only options are for you to adopt it or abort? What's the difference between you adopting and some stranger who WANTS children adopting?

[sarack]

that is ridiculous. she should abort if that is what she wants. know that this is not your fault.

this is the worst situation ever.

[hallows]

*poof*

[Deleted]

Don't let them bully you into taking care of a child you don't want! It's not your job to bail your sister out of this. She is being ridiculous and if she can't see strangers raising her child than she really needs to abort this child. You are not being selfish!

[Deleted]

No, you have to stand firm and say no, especially if this is something that neither you nor your H wants. It's going to be a shit show, but this is your life too. You can't put aside your needs and wants for someone else when it's this big.

[amandasw]

Is adoption not an option? that would seem to be the best solution here...

ETA: I see your response, that's tough. honestly, how far along is she? she has some time to think about it probably so maybe tell her to really consider what the realistic options are and think about what is best for herself.

[FrozenSunshine]

Spuns original post times a million.

Nothing good could come out of this. Nothing.

[hallows]

*poof*

[Deleted]

Hallows, I'm so sorry, but please don't feel guilt over this. You didn't get knocked up. You don't have to save her. You don't have to do this unless you want to. This is not your responsibility at all. This is not your mess to clean up.

[amandasw]

Aug 14, 2012 15:24:18 GMT -5 hallows said:

She's 9 weeks. She didn't tell anyone when she found out 3 weeks ago.

I'm trying to sort out some of my feelings with this. On the one hand, It's not right for a child to be brought into this situation. I'm obviously pro-choice, but I know I'd be pro-life if it were me, and since it feels she's making it my decision, I'm torn. I just know I'm going to feel terrible for a long time, especially if my mind changes about kids one day (not likely, but I'm only 24, so it could happen). This sucks so bad.

I totally agree with UW on this, but I also want to say that I really understand what you're saying. I'm personally pro-life, and whether or not it was my fault, I would have a VERY hard time making this decision. It is totally unfair that she is forcing you to make a decision like this, but it is what it is.

Have you talked about the possibility of you supporting her to raise the baby? Not just like "we're there for you" but like, we will help you parent this baby if you want to keep it.

[FrozenSunshine]

I'll second UW's comment above. This is not your problem to fix.

I'll also throw this out, since I said nothing good could come of this. Is your sister really going to let you adopt her child no strings attached? As in never once question how you raise the child, what schools you put the child in and where you raise the child?

Also, is s the baby's father in the picture?

[Deleted]

I'm going to third UW's comment and also second Kari's comment!

[hallows]

*poof*

[Deleted]

Stand firm. At this point, I say that it's time that you do what is best for you and your family (meaning you and your H).

We're here to listen any time you need to vent.

*hugs*

[mkate710]

Aug 14, 2012 15:27:04 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Hallows, I'm so sorry, but please don't feel guilt over this. You didn't get knocked up. You don't have to save her. You don't have to do this unless you want to. This is not your responsibility at all. This is not your mess to clean up.

This times a hundred million. Her poor choices and irresponsibility are Not your fault. My family tries to strong arm me into enabling my little brother's irresponsibility and being the older sibling does NOT mean you have to assume the role of a third parent and bail them out. I am so sorry you are going through this, but if you and your DH agree that this is not the right course of action then you are definitely doing the right thing by saying no.

[FrozenSunshine]

*hugs* I know it's not easy.

And just because she doesn't know who the father is now, she would have to make a decent effort to find him, before she could legally adopt the child out.

Just keep telling yourself what you said above "but this battle is not mine."

There are other adults more directly linked to the situation, like your sister, and your enabling parents that holding this over you, is bullshit.

[jena]

I'm sorry that your family is doing this to you. It is not your decision. It is not your responsibility.

If you really want to help your sister, then you can offer to pay for her to get an IUD when she is no longer pregnant. THAT would be helpful.

[picksthemusic]

Wow, talk about avoiding responsibility (not you - your sister). I think it's time she has a Come to Jesus meeting with your parents (if they're willing to put the smack down) and tell her how it is.

She got pregnant, she needs to deal with the consequences. Not put her own guilt on you by saying it'll be your fault if she decides to have an abortion. That's something she'd have to live with the rest of her life - not you. And if your parents are the ones making you feel guilty for not taking a baby that you didn't want (regardless if it's your niece/nephew or not), then that's even more horrible than your sister doing it to you!

Like Spun said, if they want the baby so bad, they can raise it for your sister. They're the ones who've allowed her to be the way she is in the first place.

[jennlin]

holy sht. i'm sorry. pp's have it covered. you should not take on this child unless it's what you planned on doing in your life plan.. you are absolutely not being selfish. your sister needs to grow a pair and either abort or give the baby up. it is in no way your fault/responsibility and 100% hers. (yes, some would argue the man is responsible, too, but as a woman, i think she should've known better and been using some form of protection. exceptions if she was assaulted).

[ninasc]

So your sister gets away scott-free and you get to have a life-long consequence for her actions? That is ridiculous! She needs to either have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, those are the only two real options.