Spacing of third kid

[nowa]

I really appreciated the responses to my other thread about a third kid so here's another question. What's the spacing of your third. My first two are 2.5 years apart. I need/want to go back to work and feel like for this reason sooner rather than later is ideal. But also, I feel like our family needs time to breath and just be. The last year has been really stressful. I know DH isn't ready for a third right now so this might be a moot point. But then I'm worried the spacing will be too much, probably 3.5 to 4.5 years. DH is 4 years younger than his brother and I'm 5 years older than mine and both of us felt like it was too much. I know some of you have kids spaced like that and I'm wondering what their relationships are like at this point.

[NandaB]

I think you are going to get sooo many different answers here. Its totally a "whatever you do works for you" situation, ya know? That being said my first 2 are 23 months apart. And it really felt perfect. Of course, we did it on purpose, lol. N and W are almost 21 months apart and it felt too close BUT since we weren't trying to have a third (yet? ever?) its a little different

I feel like N got cheated out of being my babyyyyyy and pushed right into being the midde child, but I'm not sure how much of that is guilt relayed to accidently getting pregnant, or having a baby that requires extra care.and how much is related to the actual age gap because its only 2 months less than the first 2.

[ashb62]

1 minute ;-)

Seriously, though, I think any gap has it's advantages and disadvantages. We were shooting for about 3-3.5 years between the first and second. We ended up with an almost 6 year gap. It's nice that DD was pretty independent and able to help out when we did the newborn thing, but it really felt like completely starting over. As the boys get older, I think it will be difficult keeping everyone happy and entertained when we do things as a family. Since DD is in school, I've gotten extra one on one time with the boys that I wouldn't have with a closer gap.

I think you just do what works for your family.

[scattered]

Jack and Ava are 3.5 years apart. Ava and Ella are 19 months apart.

I'm only 17 days in but 2u2 is no joke.

[scattered]

Also, we weren't trying for a third. It was a total surprise especially after spending over two years TTC Ava. I think that also plays into this being a little harder on me.

Like Nanda said, Ava never got to really be my babyyyyy. She was 10 months old when I got KU again. It's hard not to feel like I cheated her.

Sorry that got heavy.

[andrewsgal]

Honestly I wish mine were closer but it is what it is. My third is 5.5 years younger than my second.

[trizzie]

My first two were 2 years 9 months apart. My 3rd is 4 years younger than my 2nd. I wanted them closer, God had other plans. Honestly, it works. The big kids are a little more independent and can "help" me. And they adore their baby sister.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

I think it goes with what works best for you. Really there's pros and cons for closer/further and ultimately personalities will drive whether they're close/distant as adults. I adore having my kids so close. My cousin had kids eight years apart and they're still close. Of course they don't have much in common in the way of playing together but my cousin loved getting 1:1 time with her youngest and her youngest child loves going to big brothers sporting events, watching movies, having tickle wars with him. I wouldn't rush to have a third kid if it will take your sanity with it.

[justbecause]

My boys are two years apart. We are thinking of TTC another once the housing situation is resolved but I don't want them too far apart and I want to kind of be in the baby stuff and then be done.
We are hoping for a 3-4 year gap between ds2 and possible third kid.

My younger brother and I are 4 years apart and I am actually closer with him than my older brother.

[goillini823]

DD and DS are 2 years 9 months apart. DS1 and DS2 are 2 year 8 months apart. It's worked out for us. The kids were potty trained by the time new baby arrived, and they were getting ready to go to school part time.

[dizzycooks]

I think between 23 and 25 months is perfect. Because for me it's gonna have to be. Honestly, if we add a 4th (not off the table) I told dh we need a bigger gap. I can't with the needy baby phase for years on end. This is the end of that for me and I need a breather. I completely understand when you say your family needs to 'breathe' and I think that's worth considering. There's no way you can go back to work and have a 3rd later?

[ashb62]

FWIW, I'm the oldest and I'm closest to the youngest of my siblings. There's a 10 year gap and three siblings between us. I think personality plays a bigger part than age.

[nicolewi]

First, I meant to respond to your other post but didn't yet. I had the same fears about the third, especially b/c we are older (I am now 40). I wondered if we were "pushing our luck", but we went for #3 anyway. Strangely, I felt LESS worried about #4 than I had about #3. We were incredibly lucky and all turned out well. I also think it's harder as you get older b/c you hear more and more sad stories from other people, so you are more aware of all the things that could go wrong. The scary thing about pregnancy is that every time you are on a new adventure with no idea what's ahead.

Anyway, mine are all about 2 years apart and I do like that, although it's hard right now that nobody is totally self sufficient and there are four of them! It's tough now but I do like the spacing. I'm 4.5 years older than my first brother and 8 years older than my second. We always got along well and we are close now as adults, too, although I would have preferred a smaller gap. I still would prefer a smaller age gap, really. My second brother married someone younger, so it's just kind of weird that I am 40 and she's like 27 or something. And I was in college when my youngest brother was still a little kid. Also, my youngest brother has no kids yet. It would have been nice to all be closer to the same life stages at the same time. I would have liked that both then and now, but we are close in spite of the age gap.

[lala]

I have gaps of 2y8m and 2y11m. I like that 2.5-3 year spread. I know I could do whatever was "given" to me but 2u2 was not a hope or dream or anything I would have initially been happy about. I didn't TTC with either until they were almost 2.

[amynumbers]

2U2 is it's own unique kind of heaven and hell.

I wish DS1 would have been more self sufficient and maybe more "aware" of the baby.  He was 22 months old -- it was like something just showed up one day and that was that.

That being said I love that the phases kind of roll together, and when they are done, they are done.

Whenever I have fleeting thoughts of a third, one of the main things that stops be is the starting over.  I feel like I would be hitting the pause button on some stuff I want to do with kids, and we would all be waiting for #3 to "catch up" if that makes sense.

[dizzycooks]

May 18, 2015 12:06:44 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Whenever I have fleeting thoughts of a third, one of the main things that stops be is the starting over.  I feel like I would be hitting the pause button on some stuff I want to do with kids, and we would all be waiting for #3 to "catch up" if that makes sense.

I use to feel this way.  Now I am ok with it  Waiting for one to catch up that is, at least I would only be waiting on one.  Right now I'm just praying they sleep until 7am!

[trizzie]

May 18, 2015 12:46:07 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

May 18, 2015 12:06:44 GMT -5 amynumbers said:

Whenever I have fleeting thoughts of a third, one of the main things that stops be is the starting over.  I feel like I would be hitting the pause button on some stuff I want to do with kids, and we would all be waiting for #3 to "catch up" if that makes sense.

I use to feel this way.  Now I am ok with it  Waiting for one to catch up that is, at least I would only be waiting on one.  Right now I'm just praying they sleep until 7am!

Honestly (at least in our case) - the third just has to go with the flow. And thankfully she is really, really good at it. We just got back from 8 days at Disney and she was a champ.

[penguingrrl]

I have been happy with our spacing. The girls were 5.5 and 3.5 when Drew was born. I originally had hoped to have #3 sooner and have about 2 years between each birth, but the break has been really good. The girls have a wonderful relationship with each other and each has a great relationship with Drew as well. Julia is more motherly with him in a lot of ways, which is part age difference and part personality. Emma and Drew are total partners in crime and H and I have long been convinced that if we ever have to pick any of our kids up from the police station it will be Emma and Drew at 21 and 18 and likely involve something off the wall silly (thinking caught doing some sort of prank).

H and I actually were influenced by our own families in planning our own. I am close to my sister who's 17 months older and didn't appreciate my younger brother until I was an adult (when he was born I was 5.5 and my sister was 7) and H had a huge spread (his sisters were 11 and 7 when he was born) and loves his sisters but sometimes wishes he had had a shared childhood with someone. We felt like closer in age increased the chances of being close and so far it has seemed to work out well. But I would consider 3.5-4.5 years close in age.

[lala]

May 18, 2015 20:38:53 GMT -5 trizzie said:

May 18, 2015 12:46:07 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I use to feel this way.  Now I am ok with it  Waiting for one to catch up that is, at least I would only be waiting on one.  Right now I'm just praying they sleep until 7am!

Honestly (at least in our case) - the third just has to go with the flow. And thankfully she is really, really good at it. We just got back from 8 days at Disney and she was a champ.

This is absolutely true. 

[arnegard]

Our girls are 26 months between #1 & #2 and 29 months between DD#2 & DD#3. I also, like others, had miscarriages in between each gap. We didn't avoid pregnancy at any point (until DD3 was 10 month), so the gap wasn't our choosing, but it works for us. There is 2 years difference in school between each of the girls and we are getting to the point that they are all in school, all riding bike, all able to do crafts and games. We also knew from early in my pregnancy with DD2 that we were not done having kids. I think you and DH need to be on the same page and decide as a team what to do.