Oh good lord. How do you see the ground from way up there on that horse?
I know Im the crochetty cane shaker. But you know this too; you know it already because you said "I know this is not acceptable... 99.999999999999 percent sure the answer is no". You know this. Go and have a great time at your friend's wedding.
You're not a crochetty cane shaker, you're being super preachy and condescending. Saying "I don't think it's appropriate" would have been sufficient. I've hosted a wedding and know what it entails, I am familiar with the differences between one and a frat party, etc. I know you love giving advice, but do you *hear* yourself sometimes??
One of my H's friends did this at our wedding, except she just RSVPd with rando sister we had never met. We thought it was weird but mostly because we didn't have any context (her husband was local to the wedding and we had never met sister etc.). I think if you reached out to your friend and asked if it would be okay that would be fine. Rando sister gave us $50 FWIW. But H's friend, despite being married, hooked up with our best man. Awkward.
I don't disagree with suesue that they could be stressed over the guest list and to ask to substitute your DH w/ someone else could be that "thing" they aren't thrilled about.
But honestly, I'd still ask. We were tight on #s and we had 2 or 3 people ask stuff along these lines. I said yes to some, no to others. It all depended. But for a good friend who wanted to bring someone who I actually knew - I'd probably have been fine with it. And as it's not actually ADDING anyone, it wouldn't bother me.
IMO it would have been fine to ask in this case. It would not be fine in many cases, but this one gets a pass from me with no question. Anecdote: one of my wedding guests did this and I was fine with it. Sorry your friend can't make it though! You'll be fine chatting up the people at your table. It's just a few hours.
Thanks guys! As long as I can find a cheap hotel (shouldn't be hard), I'll just go solo. It stings spending the $ on the flight/car/hotel to only interact with her for likely a few minutes or so, but she's my girl!
@cse1960 I'll join you on your horse. If it were me I'd either decline or go alone - there's got to be someone I could talk to there - a relative of the bride that I know or a friend of hers that I met once or even just heard about it during conversation. I couldn't bring myself to ask for a switcheroo. It may be totally cool with your friend, but I'm having PTSD flashbacks to the guest list fights we had and I wouldn't want to inflict some of that ill will on someone else. (Now I'm reliving the day my then FSIL presented me with her wedding guest list and that was highlighted with all the people she thought we needed to invite)
Thanks guys! As long as I can find a cheap hotel (shouldn't be hard), I'll just go solo. It stings spending the $ on the flight/car/hotel to only interact with her for likely a few minutes or so, but she's my girl!
If my stings you mean you're giddy with the freedom of a weekend free of responsibilities and a bed to yourself, then I feel you. Ftr, I would have asked my BFF. I know it's a moot point now, but ML etiquette and real life etiquette are very different.
eh. I'd ask. if she's that good of a friend I'm sure she'd understand. I would not have cared if someone brought a friend to my wedding if their DH could not attend for whatever reason
Same. Since I had budgeted for two people, it didn't matter to me who the other person was. ETA: Never mind, I'm way late.
Post by liverandonions on May 22, 2015 11:27:00 GMT -5
My sister asked a friend if I could be her plus one instead of her husband. I think it's ok to ask and explain the situation. She might say no, but it couldn't hurt to ask right?
ETA: Sorry I didn't realize I went from page one to response. I'm obviously late here. Hope you're able to enjoy yourself!
I know that it's a non-issue now, but I think this is a case where etiquette rules are stupid. If you were my friend, I would 100% want you to ask me this, and I would say "oh, of course!" unless I hated your stupid BFF. One of my childhood friends actually called and asked if she could bring her mom instead of her partner who couldn't make it due to work; it didn't end up happening, but I was more than ok with this and glad she asked. If you have an otherwise good friendship with someone and you don't regularly judge them for their decisions (which if you do, why are you friends anyway?), then who cares if they ask this of you. People focus too damn much on what we're "supposed" to do at the expense of what would actually make us happier as a whole. It's stupid, really.
I agree completely. I would much rather my guest bring someone else if they wanted to. I want them to have a good time and be comfortable, and there's no reason to deny them such a simple request in the name of an etiquette rule that, as far as I was concerned, didn't even apply.
Thanks guys! As long as I can find a cheap hotel (shouldn't be hard), I'll just go solo. It stings spending the $ on the flight/car/hotel to only interact with her for likely a few minutes or so, but she's my girl!
If by stings you mean you're giddy with the freedom of a weekend free of responsibilities and a bed to yourself, then I feel you. Ftr, I would have asked my BFF. I know it's a moot point now, but ML etiquette and real life etiquette are very different.
ALL THIS!
I went solo to a friend's wedding in Colorado. I knew 3 other people there, so not totally the same, BUT, it was absolutely glorious to have a hotel room all to myself. I promise it won't sting nearly as bad when you're starfishing the bed in absolute silence.
If you have a +1, I find this completely acceptable. Just make sure she knows who is coming with you. I learned here the other day that knowing who the guest is bringing as their +1 is a big deal to some brides.
A bridesmaid of mine was invited with a +1 and asked me if she could bring my former roommate who I had purposely not invited because she stole checks from our friends and cashed them in her name. I flat out told her she could bring anyone but that woman who I had intentionally not invited. I couldn't believe she had a gaull to ask.