This is not acceptable, correct?

[FastHands]

One of my good friends from college is getting married. We were super close freshman year, and remained close despite not really having overlapping groups of friends the rest of college (this is relevant later). We live far apart and honestly don't talk a whole lot, but she's definitely one of those people where the friendship is just easy, and we can pick up where we left off. I've only seen her like 3x since we graduated, one of which was my wedding, in which she was a bridesmaid.

I don't think that there is any way, logistically/financially, that makes sense for my 3-person family to attend. But I love her to bits and am so happy for her and would love to be there, so I'm considering going alone. BUT, see note about non-overlapping friend groups -- I will almost certainly know NO ONE. And I'm not the type of person for whom this sounds like a lot of fun without someone with me.

There is no acceptable way for me to ask if I can bring my BFF (lives within driving distance of the wedding), who was MOH in my wedding and got along swimmingly with the bride, as my plus one, right?

I'm 99.99999999999999999999999999999999% sure that the answer is no, but POOP. It would make things so much easier. I could also justify the time/expense for the road trip time with BFF alone, which NEVER happens these days now that we both have families...

[Bernadine]

Why not? I'm sure you'll be invited to bring a guest. I don't see what the big deal would be about bringing bff rather than your h.

[partiallysunny]

Did your invite say plus one? if it says plus one, you can invite anyone you want without clearing it with the bride.

[msmerymac]

May 22, 2015 8:21:15 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Why not? I'm sure you'll be invited to bring a guest. I don't see what the big deal would be about bringing bff rather than your h.

She'll probably be invited to bring her H, not just a random guest.

[lexxasaurus]

I assume she will invite you "and guest" or "family". Tell her the situation, and she may very well understand.

[katb]

Were you and a +1 invited? If a plus one was invited, I don't see a problem with it. If your husband specifically was invited, I would probably go alone. You can always email/call and ask.

[Kit]

Certainly she invited you and a guest. It shouldn't matter who you bring.

[shamrockshake]

eh. I'd ask. if she's that good of a friend I'm sure she'd understand. I would not have cared if someone brought a friend to my wedding if their DH could not attend for whatever reason

[lexxasaurus]

May 22, 2015 8:22:39 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

May 22, 2015 8:21:15 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Why not? I'm sure you'll be invited to bring a guest. I don't see what the big deal would be about bringing bff rather than your h.

She'll probably be invited to bring her H, not just a random guest.

She wants to bring her MOH that got along great with the bridesmaid-now-bride. This isn't a weird rando-guest.

[FastHands]

May 22, 2015 8:22:39 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

May 22, 2015 8:21:15 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Why not? I'm sure you'll be invited to bring a guest. I don't see what the big deal would be about bringing bff rather than your h.

She'll probably be invited to bring her H, not just a random guest.

That's what I'm not sure if that's tacky. I haven't gotten the invite yet, just the Save the Date. But she did tell me that it was family friendly and I was welcome to bring the baby (I had to ask in order to start thinking logistics). So it's definitely not a solo invite.

[Kit]

Even if she is invited with her H, that's usually just a formality and the bride and groom are just expecting "2 people." I highly doubt they care who the extra person is, really.

[Deleted]

I think it's ok, as long as you can bring a +1. Reach out to the bride, but if she's planning on feeding/seating two people (you and your husband) I don't see why she'd care if you bring BFF in stead, especially since she sort of knows BFF already.

[jellymankelly]

If you have a +1, I find this completely acceptable. Just make sure she knows who is coming with you. I learned here the other day that knowing who the guest is bringing as their +1 is a big deal to some brides.

[FastHands]

May 22, 2015 8:23:52 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

May 22, 2015 8:22:39 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

She'll probably be invited to bring her H, not just a random guest.

She wants to bring her MOH that got along great with the bridesmaid-now-bride. This isn't a weird rando-guest.

I mean, it's kinda rando. They emailed a lot and met like 3 days before my wedding... but at least I know they get along! lol

[Bernadine]

May 22, 2015 8:24:19 GMT -5 Kit said:

Even if she is invited with her H, that's usually just a formality and the bride and groom are just expecting "2 people." I highly doubt they care who the extra person is, really.

This is where I am.  They are counting on paying for two people, and your sitatuation is understandable.  I'd judge your friend hard if she wasn't ok with it.

[FastHands]

OH and they are still FB friends and "like" each other's posts! So practically related!!

OK, thanks guys. I'll give this some more thought but won't rule it out as the worst idea in the history of ever.

[rosiebear]

Presumably your H will be invited by name, not just OP and a +1. Still, under the circumstances you describe, I do think it's fine to say that H is staying home, and can you bring a different guest.

The bride won't mind, and you'll have a lot of fun.

[Deleted]

I don't see any issue with this at all.

[lexxasaurus]

May 22, 2015 8:26:30 GMT -5 FastHands said:

May 22, 2015 8:23:52 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

She wants to bring her MOH that got along great with the bridesmaid-now-bride. This isn't a weird rando-guest.

I mean, it's kinda rando. They emailed a lot and met like 3 days before my wedding... but at least I know they get along! lol

Damnit FastHands I'm trying to help you!

I'm pretty laid back but still. I'd be way cooler about your BFF, a girl I'd already met and enjoyed, as opposed to you being all "yeah this girl I know in the area..." lol.

[readyin07]

I tend to be pearl clutchy and I see no issue with this as long as it's cleared with the bride. Just say "I really want to be there for your big day, but DH is unable to make it. Would it be ok with you if I brought X as my plus one" I can think of 0 reasons why someone would have a problem with this unless there was an issue with the specific person.

[Deleted]

I doubt your friend will mind you substituting and it's someone she knows and gets along with +++++.

[FastHands]

May 22, 2015 8:29:13 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

May 22, 2015 8:26:30 GMT -5 FastHands said:

I mean, it's kinda rando. They emailed a lot and met like 3 days before my wedding... but at least I know they get along! lol

Damnit FastHands I'm trying to help you!

I'm pretty laid back but still. I'd be way cooler about your BFF, a girl I'd already met and enjoyed, as opposed to you being all "yeah this girl I know in the area..." lol.

yeah, I don't think that I could ask for a true random friend of mine that she didn't know. Though to be totally honest, she probably wouldn't care even then. I don't tend to have high maintenance people in my inner circle. lol

[bex1973]

I see no issue with this. I mean, I would still ask the bride because otherwise it would feel weird but I can't imagine her having a problem with it.

[FastHands]

I just talked to my bff to see if she'd be up for it before I ask the bride. She is running a half marathon 6h away the next morning.

[nomad100]

I think it is fine to bring friend, even if they don't know the bride. But then again, we had a couple of people whose spouses were OOT for our wedding and they ended up coming with one of their adult children. 1 we knew, 1 we didn't. They asked if it was OK and there was no way we would say no since they might not have come otherwise. (Now if they had asked to bring their 5 yo? Yeah, that would likely have been a no since we had a kid-free evening wedding.)

[aliciaflorrick]

I seem to be in the minority but I would clear it with the bride first. I realize you would be doing a one for one swap but I would at least want to be asked if only as a courtesy in this scenario.

[bittybomb]

I actually think this is totally acceptable.

eta - I would probably tell her the plan beforehand.  I've been the plus one for one of my friends on two occasions for similar reasons.  One time I knew the bride and groom, though obviously not as well as her, and the other it was a childhood friend of hers that I had never met. 

[FastHands]

May 22, 2015 8:55:22 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I don't think wedding invitations are transferrable tickets. If she invites you and your husband, specifically, I don't think you can hand off his invitation to someone who's a stranger to her, and frankly, I think it's rude to ask. A lot of people really sweat over their guest lists, and get in disputes with parents or other family over not inviting Aunt Lucy or someone's kids, or the cousins,or whoever because there's not enough room or money, to accommodate every aunt and uncle, and then someone shows up with a stranger to the couple at what is really a very serious, intimate event and everyone's pissed because Sally brought her friend, why couldn't we have Aunt Lucy and Uncle Berthold? This isn't a fraternity party; it's a wedding, about the most solemn thing two people can do, pledging their love and devotion to each other for their lifetimes.

The I don't know anyone there line cuts no ice with me. Presumably you like this person, and can manage to make small talk with others you don't know who are invited to the wedding; they're invited because they know and love the same person you do. "How do YOU know the bride/groom?" is a perfectly acceptable conversation opener, and if you ask this of 20 people at the reception you'll be talked out and ready to go in a couple of hours.

If she sends you an invitation that says Bring your husband or a friend! the more the merrier! by all means bring your friend. She may, however, not care much for your MOH, or be interested in her (as they are not friends, even though they live near each other). This is her wedding; most people want nearest and dearest at their weddings.

Oh good lord. How do you see the ground from way up there on that horse?

[isabel]

Eh, I would ask. No big deal. It wouldn't have bothered me a bit for my wedding.

[FastHands]

May 22, 2015 8:46:49 GMT -5 aliciaflorrick said:

I seem to be in the minority but I would clear it with the bride first. I realize you would be doing a one for one swap but I would at least want to be asked if only as a courtesy in this scenario.

Yep absolutely. In my OP I was asking if it was okay to ask. I would never show up anywhere with an unexpected wingman without clearing it with the host.