Planning question

[anna7602]

What is a reasonable lead time if you're inviting people who need to travel (mostly driving, but a couple of long train hauls and some flyers) for a family event? DS's birthday is at the beginning of August. We won't have a party on the day of his actual b-day because we're flying back internationally the day before. No thank you to partying with a jet-lagged baby. 

So we're in May now and people are asking already. I'm trying to check different people's schedules, but also just haven't had time, honestly, to think much about life post-my-July trip. I think I'd like to have at least one weekend after we're back to relax with DH (since the kids and I won't see him for all of July), with no visitors, but I haven't even had a chance to discuss that with DH. 

So, what says MMM? Am I the difficult one who can't pin down a date yet for my 9-month-old's 1-year-birthday party or does everyone I am related to just need to back off and accept they might not be able to make it if they choose to make other vacation/travel plans the same month I have the party? 

[mpc]

I think if some people are flying then asking for 3 month's notice is not unreasonable. That is, assuming you want them to be there. It's not so bad to pick a date now, then you can put off all other planning as long as you want.

[kershnic]

If you expect people to travel in August right now is the time to plan. We have plans for probably 1/3 of summer weekends right now and I would absolutely expect to know now if family wanted me to be somewhere in August. Obviously if you don't want them to come that's one thing, but it sounds like these are family who care enough to save a weekend and travel if you plan ahead.

[kershnic]

Also I bought plane tickets to a family event at the end of July back in February.

[anna7602]

May 22, 2015 10:32:10 GMT -5 kershnic said:

If you expect people to travel in August right now is the time to plan. We have plans for probably 1/3 of summer weekends right now and I would absolutely expect to know now if family wanted me to be somewhere in August. Obviously if you don't want them to come that's one thing, but it sounds like these are family who care enough to save a weekend and travel if you plan ahead.

Totally agree. I think I am just a super basket case about this whole thing because of how downright unpleasant my ILs were about the fact that we didn't have a family party for DD this year. Sure, I could just say "this is the weekend that works best for us, we'd love to have you, but sorry if you can't make it," but I know that there will be absolute hell to pay if it turns out my ILs, of all people, can't come. So it's easier to be an ostrich about it... 

[anna7602]

May 22, 2015 10:36:48 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Also I bought plane tickets to a family event at the end of July back in February.

Sorry to keep quoting you! I am actually purchasing/paying for tickets myself for one of the flyers and the others are my ILs, who rarely buy tix more than 2 or 3 weeks in advance, so I'm not screwing with anyone's budget by not having set a date yet. I'm more concerned about weddings/other summer event conflicts. 

[kershnic]

May 22, 2015 10:38:33 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

May 22, 2015 10:32:10 GMT -5 kershnic said:

If you expect people to travel in August right now is the time to plan. We have plans for probably 1/3 of summer weekends right now and I would absolutely expect to know now if family wanted me to be somewhere in August. Obviously if you don't want them to come that's one thing, but it sounds like these are family who care enough to save a weekend and travel if you plan ahead.

Totally agree. I think I am just a super basket case about this whole thing because of how downright unpleasant my ILs were about the fact that we didn't have a family party for DD this year. Sure, I could just say "this is the weekend that works best for us, we'd love to have you, but sorry if you can't make it," but I know that there will be absolute hell to pay if it turns out my ILs, of all people, can't come. So it's easier to be an ostrich about it... 

The thing is, if you pick a weekend now and they can't come it's on them. If you tell them in June or July and they already have plans then it's on you for waiting. Just pick a weekend and tell people then save planning the details for whenever you're ready to attend to them.

[Deleted]

I think 8-10 weeks would be acceptable.

I pretty much had this exact scenario (people coming from the same distances as you describe) for my graduation party and I know my mom spread the word to family members about 2 months ago to save the date if they could and then we sent out the official invites a month ahead of time.

[anna7602]

Oh, man. Joke is on me. I got almost everyone's vacation/wedding schedule. I call my parents to see if the one weekend that seems to work for everyone else works for them. They're trying to get in with a specialist in Miami who doesn't have his August calendar available yet. To quote my father, "why do you have to decide this now? We won't have a better idea of when we will be free to travel around then until next month."