Post by gogreengowhite on May 23, 2015 13:12:47 GMT -5
So this will most likely sound super dumb but this is where I'm at right now.
I have these two great friends; one is a scout in LA and the other has created a magazine, lives in NYC, tours the country doing different podcasts etc.
I visited the one in LA a few weeks back and the one from NYC is coming to stay tonight. They are both super wonderful and I don't think would judge me, but I just feel embarrassed of my "average" life.
Like I need to apologize for being a suburban working mom with the playground in the yard and turning my dining room into a kids play room.
I definitely feel like this from time to time. Like, "interesting" friends will asks what's up, and I never have much to talk about. I'm very happy with my life, but people without kids, or really anyone but my mom, doesn't care about my kid's milestones or the other seemingly mundane things I do.
Post by gogreengowhite on May 23, 2015 13:19:00 GMT -5
Yes, I hate the "what's new?" question. "Ummm, I work then come home to my kids, play until bath and bed then drink wine and watch tv...so nothing? Nothing new at all"
Post by heliocentric on May 23, 2015 13:32:36 GMT -5
Yes, I feel this way. I'm sure my friends don't think that about me, but it does make me wonder if I should be doing something more/better/different. Then I remind myself that I'm happy and also kind of lazy so that life would likely leave me exhausted.
Yes, totally. I live vicariously when those friends post fabulous things on FB and sometimes feel kind of lame that I don't have that kind of life. But then I also know that if I did, I wouldn't have the things I really truly want because they aren't compatible. But I still feel a little, yes, "average" about it all.
I don't even know where to post an intro here! I was on TK/TN/TB since 2003, mostly local boards. I was m_and_m.
"I speak without reservation from what I know and who I am. I do so with the understanding that all people should have the right to offer their voice to the chorus whether the result is harmony or dissonance. The worldsong is a colorless dirge without the differences that distinguish us, and it is that difference that should be celebrated not condemned." -Ani Difranco
I was the single friend with the seemingly fabulous life who travelled to great cities for work, met interesting people, ate out in fancy restaurants on the office's credit card, had the trendiest wardrobe, took expensive vacations and bought what ever she wanted. I was also extremely lonely and unhappy. I now live an average life with a great husband and scarily smart baby girl. I love every minute of it. Your friends may be jealous of your average life too.
Post by marathon55 on May 23, 2015 17:46:17 GMT -5
I love love my average life. Maybe because I grew up in a house where money was tight but my wants are pretty low, our income is high enough that we never have to worry about bills, savings, retirement or unexpected events. To me averag is stability and being with family as much as we can. I'll take it every time and never embarresed.
I also tend to compare my life to the average citizen in this country and average households around the globe and my average life is a blessing so I tend to love seeing what others are up to but never jealous.
No, I guess because I'm almost 40 & generally feel good with how life it turning out.
Don't you have four kids? To me you are not average!
I don't feel bad about being "average" but I do feel the need to rationalize some life decisions when talking with others (particularly my decision to live in the suburbs).
Not at all I love my life. I love living in the burbs. It's not perfect but at my age (40) you start to realize what things are really important in life. I have everything I need and most of the things I want. Although I too would like a nicer car! It's in the plan for 2016.
Post by ellipses84 on May 23, 2015 18:16:17 GMT -5
The grass is always greener. My BFF who is the same age is always traveling for work and fabulous vacations. She has a wonderful career and life, but she is always lamenting that she doesn't own a home, has never been married, doesn't know if she wants kids but is worried the clock is ticking if she changes her mind. Accomplishing the goals you think you should do don't really make you happy. Do what truly makes you happy and don't worry about what other people might think.
I was just also going to say the grass is always greener. I have a "cool" friend who moved to London, was featured on some "hot 30 under 30" list a few years back, is dating a DJ, and has a kickass job for Nissan and they fly her all around Europe. I totally want her life.
I also spent the day today with my "mommy" friend who just bought a bigger ranch house in the burbs, has two kids under 4, and is the image of domestic perfection. I literally almost teared up today seeing her play in the yard with her kids because she is so stinking happy.
Then there's me (and my husband). We're nothing like either of those friends. We're also pretty happy. I'm sure each of my friends could find things in my life to be envious of (just like I feel about parts of their lives). I'm sure your friends feel the same way about parts of yours.
Ultimately, make sure YOU'RE happy, and that's all that matters. There's no shame in being "average," and if you're truly happy that's not average at all.
"Average" isn't really a word I use to describe myself or my friends. Happy, depressed, ambitious, frustrated, overwhelmed, and lucky are the words that tend to come to mind to describe people I know and you can be those things regardless of where you live or what kind of job you have or whether you have kids or not.
If I'm actually going to "judge" someone, it's not for having an "average" life (using your criteria for average). It's typically going to be for something like making a bad decision or putting themselves in a bad situation. And even then, if it's a close enough friend, I probably feel more concern than judgment.
All this to say that I doubt your friends are sitting around thinking of how "average" you are.
Sometimes I'm envious of others or certain aspects of their lives, but I'm not embarrassed about my own life. Especially not with my friends. We're all different and have different lives and priorities, but in the end, our common bonds are what keep us friends. For me, that means that even though I might have a more demanding job and travel more, and they might have kids and a minivan, we are all still reading books to recommend to each other, cooking the same new recipes and watching the same kinds of movies and TV shows to talk about. So we catch up on our differences and then revert back to our commonalities.
Post by imojoebunny on May 23, 2015 20:32:15 GMT -5
I am married to the male version of your friends.,, it isn't that great. Beautiful hotels, he never sees the outside of, he loves coming home to our *boring*. He went tubing with my DD today, made a fire, and cooked some steaks for our friends. That is what makes him happy.
I have 2 BFFs (that met through me!!) and one lives in LA and the other moved to London from NYC. They have "glamorous" jobs and we used to travel together all the time. Last year was the first time they went on a trip without me because I was hugely pregnant. They just left for another trip but I'm not ready to leave my baby for that long yet. I am kind of wistful about it, but obviously I wouldn't trade my baby and life. They never make me feel "average" and I know there are parts of my life that they envy, too.
Post by gogreengowhite on May 23, 2015 23:20:23 GMT -5
Okay, I was definitely being silly thinking they judge me for my "boring" life. We are having a great time together and he commented on how he loves seeing me as a mom.
I am happy with my life even if it's not glamorous.
I never have anything to answer to "what's new?" Well, I guess with new job there's something but generally my life stays the same from year to year. Which is a plus in my book as I am very happy with the status quo!
But don't feel intimidated by your friends who live in cities. There are many, many ways to be fabulous and there's no reason to feel that your happy life is any less fabulous than theirs. It is just different.
"average" just fits our personality well, we always are trying to find ways to cut out extras in our life and create more simplicity to reduce our stress and increase our family time.
Jet setting, on call medical jobs, and super high income worries just wouldn't be compatible with our family.
Post by gogreengowhite on May 24, 2015 7:31:30 GMT -5
@songforyou I agree, I don't need/want him to be jealous I just want them not to think I'm a boring suburbanite.
ALSO, my friend brought a friend with him who has "been in some movies". Okay, whatever. No, they show up and it's the main character from my favorite fucking movie ever. I was dying last night! I'm so glad my friend didn't tell me ahead of time I would have been freaking out for days before they got here.
We have intentionally created the life that we want for ourselves. I am happy and don't care if other people think it is boring or average.
I also don't want my friends to be secretly envious of me. That's a weird sentiment. I hope that they are so happy in their lives that envying mine wouldn't even cross their minds.
I don't think my friends who live in the suburbs and have kids are boring or somehow disappointingly average. It's just a lifestyle that's not for me.
Ditto this.
My life has been somewhat unconventional so far, but I still think I'm a totally average person, so I don't look at other people who have gone the more American "traditional" route as average. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but basically even though I've done some interesting things I feel completely average so I don't sit around judging suburban moms or anything. It's just different choices and a different lifestyle...not better or worse in my mind. So as long as you're happy, there is no need to feel embarrassed or judged.
When I feel boring it's because I've let myself get boring.
I mean, I live in a burb w 2 kids. I'm self employed & my job isn't glamorous. Most days I wake up, feed kids, work, feed kids again, clean, get kids ready for bed & then collapse myself. But I try to keep my life exciting by going after a passion. I love plants and am starting to slowly set myself up for trying out breeding them (probably vegetables) It's probably dorky but it's unusual & makes me happy & makes me feel less like a suburban mom.
When I'm with my family I sometimes feel like a loser. My sister is a lot of fun, goes on a ton of trips, has a bunch of friends, goes to the bar almost every night, and tells funny stories. Dropped out of college because she went out drinking instead of going to class. Works PT because she keeps failing the certification test she needs in order to go FT.
Meanwhile I'm boring and very awkward. I go to work, I go home to my house in the suburbs, I hang out with friends maybe once or twice a month because they're always busy with their kids or other obligations. I feel like I get ignored because I don't have a funny story to tell. I've "got it together" but I'm not interesting so oh well.