S/o picturing yourself single

[doriswe]

I realize I'm a little weird, but I have to say I've never pictured myself single (while married) or married (while single). I knew when my marriage was shitty that I was unhappy and I wanted to be happy again but I didn't do the "I'll be this, that and the other thing when I'm single".

I'm like this in other aspects of my life as well....I have a hard time making 5 year plans and all of that because I have no idea what curve balls life is going to throw at me down the road. And I'm constantly changing and evolving.

I guess I've always been pretty focused on dealing with the here and now vs. what could be future. So I'm curious to see if I'm in the minority on this....thoughts??

[gozf]

I'm with you. I've gotten too little sleep to form a more coherent thought on this, but I agree.

[hobs209]

Nope, I'm the same way. I was actually talking to my sister about this on our way back from NC yesterday. I've never really been one to envision my future, especially when it involves other people. I can come up with career plans and personal goals, but picturing myself married (for example)? Not at all.

[udscoobychick]

I'm very much a planner--I do have goals and an image of where I want to be, what I want to be doing, etc. for my future. They tend to be very self-centric, though--they're my goals for me and rarely involve another person. I tend to think of having another person there as a happy bonus.

[howardandbear]

I am a planner. But I'm also a day dreamer. I didn't plan on leaving our marriage. I had to for safety issues one night and I found myself suddenly separated. Once I knew I wasn't going back I began to daydream/plan a lot. In the end most of the daydreaming became very unhelpful and unhealthy. Now I'm at the other end of the spectrum where everyone kept telling me just take it one day at a time. Don't try and plan/think ahead and bring unnecessary stress on. That's all great until the same people who gave you that advise want to know what your plan is five minutes later.
This is obviously a day to day struggle with me right now. I know I'm moving forward everyday. I stopped daydreaming bc it was causing more depression than help. But I'd like to have more of a plan set up.

[jade28]

I day dream a lot. I never thought it was harmful until I realized it really does prevent me from being in the present. I tend to not appreciate the here and now has much. I am just an imaginative person and my brain defaults to thinking up various futures and lives.

I used to be more of a live in the moment person but I feel like that can get you in trouble too. Since I had no clear vision for my life and where I wanted to be, I sort of just ended up in a less than ideal life. I think it's important to stay present but also plan for the future - know what you want and what you need to do to get there. Same goes for who you want in your life.

[heavenly]

Aug 15, 2012 9:16:18 GMT -5 jade28 said:

I day dream a lot. I never thought it was harmful until I realized it really does prevent me from being in the present. I tend to not appreciate the here and now has much. I am just an imaginative person and my brain defaults to thinking up various futures and lives.

I used to be more of a live in the moment person but I feel like that can get you in trouble too. Since I had no clear vision for my life and where I wanted to be, I sort of just ended up in a less than ideal life. I think it's important to stay present but also plan for the future - know what you want and what you need to do to get there. Same goes for who you want in your life.

I resonate what you say through my own personal experiences.

As for me picturing myself single.. I guess I am the odd one here. I never imagined myself to be single again after marrying my last husband. I took time for myself prior to meeting him and was very careful about getting into a healthy relationship and etc. knowing this was my second marriage and desiring to never get a divorce again. I was happy in that marriage so no, it took me awhile to get used to the idea of being single.

I still desire a companion; I have always been the sappy romantic type. With that said, I am actually pleasantly surprised how single life is treating me. Though, I created some strong boundaries for my single life like no sex unless I am in a relationship and so on... I feel like I am not getting all my needs met and put them on hold for a better time so that makes some aspects of single life more challenging.

I love the family dynamic that I have with my son, having my own place to decorate, making plans with several friends and so on. I do need some long term personal goals for myself and I am having a hard time coming up with something.

[blackkitty]

I can't remember
Seriously my memory is shot.
Maybe that is a good thing.

[starburst604]

When I was engaged, I knew I probably wasn't as happy as I should be but would never really admit to myself that I should end it. But I definitely used to think about being single and on my own. My situation was definitely a little different in that I was young and had gone from living at home to living with him (first time away from home for both of us). I would think about what it would be like living with a roomate or by myself, and what furniture I would take and how I would decorate. Strange to think I would have these thoughts and then go back to "Ok what color bridesmaid dresses do I want??". Proof positive I was thinking of a wedding, not a marriage.

Funny because T got married the year I was supposed to be and got divorced a couple of years later. They planned, and saved, and owned a home and all that, and asked me if ex-FI and I had talked about where we would buy a home, etc. and I realized that no, we never did. I never really tried to map out a future with him beyond the wedding. Guess that says a lot.

[Deleted]

When I was married I could imagine myself single and totally yearned for that. But I think that's because it was the previous life I'd know so it was pretty easy to picture myself back in that place I wanted to be.

As of now, I'm similar I don't really picture myself in the future. I'm pretty here and now.

[BookLover]

After a certain point in my marriage, I could see myself single and and I knew that I would be happy after getting back on my feet.

As for my future, I can see myself happy single and for me to be happy married, it would have to be a special guy for me to agree to marry.