If you have kids and a parent who is remarried, question...

[yentl]

Did you have strong feelings about what your stepparent was called?

[MrsDarcy]

My kids call my stepmother "grandma." I didn't really want this, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings or cause trouble. Before I had my kids I felt strongly about this, but after I had then I didn't really care.

[Emerald1486]

My XH's Step-dad is called Grandpa.

[mrshandy]

Answering for H.

Both of his parents remarried in the last 10 years so H didn't grow up with them. His mom divorced recently so that's a moot point. But FIL's wife they don't see very often since they live out of state. I think we just call her by her name. I'm not really sure what DS should call her.

[acr]

My XH felt strongly that my stepmom should be viewed as an equal grandparent to our son, and eventually I got on board with that. It was hard when I thought about in theory (how could she be MORE than my mother??), but in practice it was a non-issue. She's called a variation of her name, but that happened to be the same thing my dad called his grandmother, so it worked well for us.

[ECB]

DS calls my stepmother "Grammie". BUT she's been in my life since I was 7 and I lived w/ her and my dad. While I was never able to comfortably call her "mom", she very much has that role in my life. And as my mom passed away before DS was born, she's all he knows from my side of the family. They are very close and she's an amazing grandmother, so I have no issues.

now, all that being said, my mom was w/ a guy for a # of years who I DID NOT LIKE at all. DH would sometimes accidentally refer to them as my parents or as mom and step dad (although they weren't married). It made my skin crawl. If she were alive and IF she were still with him (they broke up a few years before her death) - I know I would NOT want him to be referred to as a "grandfather" in any way. He would have been "Tom" to DS.

[Deleted]

I can't imagine my kids not calling by step mil grandma. She has no kids/grandkids of her own so maybe that makes a difference

[IrishBelle]

My FIL remarried after MIL passed away. Older DD was 4yo at the time MIL passed away. Younger DD wasn't born yet.

Fast forward 2 years and FIL remarries. DD1 is 6yo and DD2 is 6 months. We (DH, DDs and myself) all call her by her first name.

[rikki]

My grandmother died when I was in high school and my grandfather remarried a few years later. His new wife's name is Dolores, but everyone calls her Dolo. We never called her Grandma because we had our grandma in our lives for so long and she was such a special woman. My grandfather passed away a year ago and I realized then how amazing Dolo really is. We should have embraced her more but were too sad mourning the loss of our grandmother to ever realize what a blessing she was. I have no problem with my kids calling her Grandma even though we never did.

[insominac]

Growing up I had three Grandmothers. It was awesome. I don't see what the big deal is.

[CallingAllAngels]

My kids call my stepfather "Pop Pop," which is also what his biological grandchildren call him. They know that he is not my father, but he is definitively a grandfather figure to them. My mom remarried when I was adult, but before they were born, so they don't know any different. For us, it hasn't been a big deal at all, but my stepfather is very grandfatherly, so maybe he just falls naturally into that role. Also, my dad is dead, so it's not like they are competing for that role.

[CrazyLucky]

DH's mom is remarried and his father passed away before the kids were born. The kids call step-FIL "Grandpa." If FIL were still alive, I think he'd just have an extra Grandpa. We just let the grandparents be called what they want to be called. So my dad is Granddaddy.

[Deleted]

My dd calls all of my stepdads family by aunt, uncle, grandma. I think it depends on the time frame of the marriage divorce. My mom remarried when I was 10 so eons ago. He is my kids grandfather and his family is my family.

[mbcdefg]

I've thought about this myself. Although I doubt my mom would ever remarry, and I'm pretty positive that my FIL never will.

[msmerymac]

I don't have kids yet, but I've thought about this and told my mother to tell me what she wants to be called. My dad and his GF already go by grandma and grandpa. My mom is PISSED about the possibility that my kids will call my dad's GF grandma, but hey, she had grandkids first. Pretty sure my ILs are going by Grammy and Grampy for now, but our niece is only 9 months old.

My family was boring. My mom's mother was Grandma Betty. I never met my mom's father. My dad's mother was sometimes Grandma Sis (childhood nickname she used her whole life), but usually my dad's parents were just Grandma and Grandpa, and my mom's mother died when I was 3, anyway.

[Poppy]

I have kind of a weird situation but we are calling my stepmother grandma and she is very present in DS's life.

I don't know what we'll do if either of the ILs remarries.

[WOT?*]

My ex is remarried. His wife is Grandma "first name." The kids all her by her first name so it's natural that it comes up as title/name. They've been married about 15 years so that might make a difference.

IMO, it depends on the relationship. They've known her their entire lives; she's been married to XH since my kids were young. She's as much a grandma (well, maybe not AS much since the girls live with me - lol) to them as I am even if she's not related by blood. If it's a new relationship, it can't be forced.

(As an aside, the two who live with me call me Gigi as a nickname or term of affection, which riles my mom to no end.  SHE is supposed to be gigi since GG is "Great Grandma".  Actually, that's how *I* got to be Gigi.  The older one said, a few years ago, "You're a great grandma.  You're a GG.  You're MY Gigi." and it stuck.  So mom.  You're GigiK and I get to be Gigi since I was there first.  Neener neener.)

[cinco]

Their name. It is the preference of all parties. FIL's wife came into the picture after DH and I were already married, so considering her a "Stepmom" seems uncomfortable. She is in no way a mother figure to DH or a grandma figure to our kids. She has made it clear she doesn't even particularly like FIL's grand kids though, so maybe not the best example.

[magdala]

I grew up with stepgrandparents, stepuncles and stepaunts. They were called Grandma Sue, Grandpa Herb, Uncle Tim, Aunt Kala, etc. They treated me the same as they treated their biological grandchildren, nieces and nephews.

[ssmjlm]

We all call MIL's husband by his first name, even the grandchildren. She got remarried when DH and BIL were adults and BIL already had kids.

I'm sure if he was in their life when they were younger it would be different.

[AmyRI]

Both, actually - my stepfather is Grandpa Firstname to my kids and the 2 biological grandfathers are just "grandpa."

[M]

H had 3 sets of grandparents growing up.

"Mamaw" and "Papaw" are his maternal grandparents. They divorced and married each other so he's got some half cousins over there.

"Grandmother" is biological on paternal side. She re-married "Granddaddy".

H's bio-grandfather (Grandmother's ex-h) also remarried. He caught his new wife in bed with another man, killed them both, and died before he was sentenced.

"Grandma" is H's step-grandma. Her first husband died (FIL's bio-father), so she married "Lou", aka "Grandpa" to all the grandkids and step-grandkids.

His family is confusing. It would be worse if he was one of the half cousins on his maternal grandparents side lol. I have only my grandma. Very easy.

[adeliepenguin]

For my husband's parent's (who both remarried when he was a teenager), we let them pick. His step dad was the only one who was uncomfortable. He said he didn't want to take anything away from DH's dad. I was the one who fussed about this. Anyway, sFIL ended up with a grandfatherly nickname - think like John-pa, and we are all happy.

[irishbride2]

I have a bunch. I have a step dad, a former step mom, and a future step mom.

Step dad goes by papa. He's been in my life since I was 4.

former Step mom Goes be grandma name. She's been around since I was 8 and was still married to my dad when DD was born.

future step mom is name only and will always be that. I feel strongly about that.

[Deleted]

My son calls my stepfather Grandpa. He never met my dad and only came to the realization that my stepfather wasn't my dad last year when I told him my dad died. (He never met my dad). Which was funny because I don't call my stepfather dad. And then he got confused and asked who were Grandpa's kids?? (He thought he was my dad, and my brother and sister too.).
My son never met my dad's wife so n/a there.

[melmel48]

I was the Grandkid in this situation.. We just called her by her name. We all did, not just the grandkids. My mom and her siblings all called her by her name. We also called my grandfather's second wife by her first name (my grandfather was widowed twice.. married three times. He passed before his last wife). 

[Cicero]

He'll call H's step-mom Grandma since that is what his cousins call her.  We don't have contact with MIL and SMIL is a really sweet lady.  I'm just thankful that the kid has two sets of grandparents who love and care about him.

[moopoint17]

MIL's husband is Opa to all of her grandkids, by his request.

[matildasun]

We called my step great grandmother by her first name. She married my great grandfather when my dad was a young adult.

[elocrates]

"Grandma/ Grandpa firstname"