My kids call my stepmother "grandma." I didn't really want this, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings or cause trouble. Before I had my kids I felt strongly about this, but after I had then I didn't really care.
Both of his parents remarried in the last 10 years so H didn't grow up with them. His mom divorced recently so that's a moot point. But FIL's wife they don't see very often since they live out of state. I think we just call her by her name. I'm not really sure what DS should call her.
My XH felt strongly that my stepmom should be viewed as an equal grandparent to our son, and eventually I got on board with that. It was hard when I thought about in theory (how could she be MORE than my mother??), but in practice it was a non-issue. She's called a variation of her name, but that happened to be the same thing my dad called his grandmother, so it worked well for us.
DS calls my stepmother "Grammie". BUT she's been in my life since I was 7 and I lived w/ her and my dad. While I was never able to comfortably call her "mom", she very much has that role in my life. And as my mom passed away before DS was born, she's all he knows from my side of the family. They are very close and she's an amazing grandmother, so I have no issues.
now, all that being said, my mom was w/ a guy for a # of years who I DID NOT LIKE at all. DH would sometimes accidentally refer to them as my parents or as mom and step dad (although they weren't married). It made my skin crawl. If she were alive and IF she were still with him (they broke up a few years before her death) - I know I would NOT want him to be referred to as a "grandfather" in any way. He would have been "Tom" to DS.
My grandmother died when I was in high school and my grandfather remarried a few years later. His new wife's name is Dolores, but everyone calls her Dolo. We never called her Grandma because we had our grandma in our lives for so long and she was such a special woman. My grandfather passed away a year ago and I realized then how amazing Dolo really is. We should have embraced her more but were too sad mourning the loss of our grandmother to ever realize what a blessing she was. I have no problem with my kids calling her Grandma even though we never did.
Post by CallingAllAngels on May 28, 2015 9:51:42 GMT -5
My kids call my stepfather "Pop Pop," which is also what his biological grandchildren call him. They know that he is not my father, but he is definitively a grandfather figure to them. My mom remarried when I was adult, but before they were born, so they don't know any different. For us, it hasn't been a big deal at all, but my stepfather is very grandfatherly, so maybe he just falls naturally into that role. Also, my dad is dead, so it's not like they are competing for that role.
DH's mom is remarried and his father passed away before the kids were born. The kids call step-FIL "Grandpa." If FIL were still alive, I think he'd just have an extra Grandpa. We just let the grandparents be called what they want to be called. So my dad is Granddaddy.
My dd calls all of my stepdads family by aunt, uncle, grandma. I think it depends on the time frame of the marriage divorce. My mom remarried when I was 10 so eons ago. He is my kids grandfather and his family is my family.
I don't have kids yet, but I've thought about this and told my mother to tell me what she wants to be called. My dad and his GF already go by grandma and grandpa. My mom is PISSED about the possibility that my kids will call my dad's GF grandma, but hey, she had grandkids first. Pretty sure my ILs are going by Grammy and Grampy for now, but our niece is only 9 months old.
My family was boring. My mom's mother was Grandma Betty. I never met my mom's father. My dad's mother was sometimes Grandma Sis (childhood nickname she used her whole life), but usually my dad's parents were just Grandma and Grandpa, and my mom's mother died when I was 3, anyway.
My ex is remarried. His wife is Grandma "first name." The kids all her by her first name so it's natural that it comes up as title/name. They've been married about 15 years so that might make a difference.
IMO, it depends on the relationship. They've known her their entire lives; she's been married to XH since my kids were young. She's as much a grandma (well, maybe not AS much since the girls live with me - lol) to them as I am even if she's not related by blood. If it's a new relationship, it can't be forced.
(As an aside, the two who live with me call me Gigi as a nickname or term of affection, which riles my mom to no end. SHE is supposed to be gigi since GG is "Great Grandma". Actually, that's how *I* got to be Gigi. The older one said, a few years ago, "You're a great grandma. You're a GG. You're MY Gigi." and it stuck. So mom. You're GigiK and I get to be Gigi since I was there first. Neener neener.)
Their name. It is the preference of all parties. FIL's wife came into the picture after DH and I were already married, so considering her a "Stepmom" seems uncomfortable. She is in no way a mother figure to DH or a grandma figure to our kids. She has made it clear she doesn't even particularly like FIL's grand kids though, so maybe not the best example.
I grew up with stepgrandparents, stepuncles and stepaunts. They were called Grandma Sue, Grandpa Herb, Uncle Tim, Aunt Kala, etc. They treated me the same as they treated their biological grandchildren, nieces and nephews.
"Mamaw" and "Papaw" are his maternal grandparents. They divorced and married each other so he's got some half cousins over there.
"Grandmother" is biological on paternal side. She re-married "Granddaddy".
H's bio-grandfather (Grandmother's ex-h) also remarried. He caught his new wife in bed with another man, killed them both, and died before he was sentenced.
"Grandma" is H's step-grandma. Her first husband died (FIL's bio-father), so she married "Lou", aka "Grandpa" to all the grandkids and step-grandkids.
His family is confusing. It would be worse if he was one of the half cousins on his maternal grandparents side lol. I have only my grandma. Very easy.
Post by adeliepenguin on May 28, 2015 17:10:21 GMT -5
For my husband's parent's (who both remarried when he was a teenager), we let them pick. His step dad was the only one who was uncomfortable. He said he didn't want to take anything away from DH's dad. I was the one who fussed about this. Anyway, sFIL ended up with a grandfatherly nickname - think like John-pa, and we are all happy.
My son calls my stepfather Grandpa. He never met my dad and only came to the realization that my stepfather wasn't my dad last year when I told him my dad died. (He never met my dad). Which was funny because I don't call my stepfather dad. And then he got confused and asked who were Grandpa's kids?? (He thought he was my dad, and my brother and sister too.). My son never met my dad's wife so n/a there.
I was the Grandkid in this situation.. We just called her by her name. We all did, not just the grandkids. My mom and her siblings all called her by her name. We also called my grandfather's second wife by her first name (my grandfather was widowed twice.. married three times. He passed before his last wife).
He'll call H's step-mom Grandma since that is what his cousins call her. We don't have contact with MIL and SMIL is a really sweet lady. I'm just thankful that the kid has two sets of grandparents who love and care about him.