I think I am in a depression right now

[heavenly]

When I am not with my son or my friends and I am all alone, I am really not motivated to do anything or be productive in that time. I can literally sit and do nothing.

I am trying to force myself to go exercise; finish cleaning my home, read a good book but even the desire to initiate to do anything is a very daunting task on its own.

Or maybe I am confusing depression with sadness? The reason I ask this question is because last night I found a song lyrics that matches what I presently feel about my exh. It is the first form of any expression that I came across with on how I feel about my ex through songs, movies and etc. and it has been over a year we have been apart. I rarely ever see anything that fits.

I guess it couldn't hurt to make an appointment just to check in with my therapist.

In case anyone was curious... the song is "I will remember you" version by Toto:

I was born in the land of the sun
And the tall green grass
And I don't understand
How all this has come to pass
How we've come to surround ourselves
In a sea of thieves
In a land without learning
Only the fools believe

I went driving last night
On a dark canyon road
Had the sky to myself
But I wasn't alone
Had the pain of my lifetime
For my company
How did it end up like this?
For you and me

When love breaks the promise
The heart has to keep
It leaves only truth here to find
When the spirit is crushed
And the hurt is so deep
Between you and I

Even when love has come and gone
And our hearts have moved along
I will remember
There was a time we had the trust
And that always was enough
I will remember
I will remember you

[annael415]

I don't really have any advice, but wanted to commiserate. Most of the time I feel the same way. I love to go out with friends and see people, but when alone I can't get any desire to do anything. Even emptying the dishwasher is daunting. I don't know if its depression or just sadness, but therapy would be a good start to tackle it.

[blackkitty]

I've been down that road before and I know for me, the only thing that works is getting to a therapist. But the right therapist is important too.

[explorer2001]

I'm.not going to recommend how I coped in my darkest post divorce days (large quantities of Rx pain killers, but I had also just had major surgery and was within my dr's orders). Know that as hard as it is you have support here and this too.shall pass. Hugs.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry! When you say sit and do nothing, is it literally nothing, or are you watching a TV show, surfing the net etc.? I find it hard to get motivated to do anything and have realized I'm not depressed, just lazy. I think the fact you are still getting out there and doing things with people is a very good sign.

Can you break it down into small goals for yourself before you get to the sit and do nothing point? For example when you're at work, decided "when I get home I'm emptying the dishwasher before I sit down." Maybe put the book you want to read next to where you usually sit?

[heavenly]

Aug 15, 2012 11:01:13 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I'm sorry! When you say sit and do nothing, is it literally nothing, or are you watching a TV show, surfing the net etc.? I find it hard to get motivated to do anything and have realized I'm not depressed, just lazy. I think the fact you are still getting out there and doing things with people is a very good sign.

Can you break it down into small goals for yourself before you get to the sit and do nothing point? For example when you're at work, decided "when I get home I'm emptying the dishwasher before I sit down." Maybe put the book you want to read next to where you usually sit?

I think I look like I am lazy...but the weird thing is that I am aware I am crashing in my life but yet not doing anything to stop the crash? It’s like an out of body experience and I am a ghost trying to push my physical body to get moving. I don't watch TV... I think I can do nothing because I rarely ever have time that I am not doing under someone else’s schedule, especially with work and taking care of my son. Nothing also means taking 10 times longer to do a single task of what it normally takes too.

I am supposed to get up at 5am but been waking up at 6am instead. I need to get my son and I out of the house before 6:30am. I made a small goal to set up the alarm at 5:30am as a compromise... I did wake up but for some reason I ended up being late for work. It is like I flustered.

I have notes...I don't expect myself to be perfect and yet I sabotage. I want to shake myself so bad.
I made a goal starting last week to completely leave my office for the whole lunch hour every day and be on my own time. I have been successful at it and this is a really really really huge deal for me.

[heavenly]

Aug 15, 2012 10:51:08 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

I'm.not going to recommend how I coped in my darkest post divorce days (large quantities of Rx pain killers, but I had also just had major surgery and was within my dr's orders). Know that as hard as it is you have support here and this too.shall pass. Hugs.

Thanks! I need to stamp the message "This too shall pass" on my wrist to remember!

[heavenly]

Annae and BK - Thanks! I will schedule an appointment with my Therapist. She is a good one, I think I finally realize that I can't pull myself out alone this time.

[Deleted]

Aug 15, 2012 11:10:36 GMT -5 heavenly said:

Aug 15, 2012 11:01:13 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I'm sorry! When you say sit and do nothing, is it literally nothing, or are you watching a TV show, surfing the net etc.? I find it hard to get motivated to do anything and have realized I'm not depressed, just lazy. I think the fact you are still getting out there and doing things with people is a very good sign.

Can you break it down into small goals for yourself before you get to the sit and do nothing point? For example when you're at work, decided "when I get home I'm emptying the dishwasher before I sit down." Maybe put the book you want to read next to where you usually sit?

I think I look like I am lazy...but the weird thing is that I am aware I am crashing in my life but yet not doing anything to stop the crash? It’s like an out of body experience and I am a ghost trying to push my physical body to get moving. I don't watch TV... I think I can do nothing because I rarely ever have time that I am not doing under someone else’s schedule, especially with work and taking care of my son. Nothing also means taking 10 times longer to do a single task of what it normally takes too.

I am supposed to get up at 5am but been waking up at 6am instead. I need to get my son and I out of the house before 6:30am. I made a small goal to set up the alarm at 5:30am as a compromise... I did wake up but for some reason I ended up being late for work. It is like I flustered.

I have notes...I don't expect myself to be perfect and yet I sabotage. I want to shake myself so bad.
I made a goal starting last week to completely leave my office for the whole lunch hour every day and be on my own time. I have been successful at it and this is a really really really huge deal for me.

Sorry I didn't mean to imply that you are lazy. I was just relaying my experience. To me, it doesn't necessarily sound like you are depressed, but rather just exhausted and need some time to your self. I tend to get that way when I feel overwhelmed. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you taking your lunch break for yourself is awesome! Maybe you need to plan dates for yourself during alone time? Find a fun class to take maybe? Or say tonight is bubble bath and book night?

I found these things really helped motivate me.

[heavenly]

Aug 15, 2012 11:27:51 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Aug 15, 2012 11:10:36 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I think I look like I am lazy...but the weird thing is that I am aware I am crashing in my life but yet not doing anything to stop the crash? It’s like an out of body experience and I am a ghost trying to push my physical body to get moving. I don't watch TV... I think I can do nothing because I rarely ever have time that I am not doing under someone else’s schedule, especially with work and taking care of my son. Nothing also means taking 10 times longer to do a single task of what it normally takes too.

I am supposed to get up at 5am but been waking up at 6am instead. I need to get my son and I out of the house before 6:30am. I made a small goal to set up the alarm at 5:30am as a compromise... I did wake up but for some reason I ended up being late for work. It is like I flustered.

I have notes...I don't expect myself to be perfect and yet I sabotage. I want to shake myself so bad.
I made a goal starting last week to completely leave my office for the whole lunch hour every day and be on my own time. I have been successful at it and this is a really really really huge deal for me.

Sorry I didn't mean to imply that you are lazy. I was just relaying my experience. To me, it doesn't necessarily sound like you are depressed, but rather just exhausted and need some time to your self. I tend to get that way when I feel overwhelmed. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you taking your lunch break for yourself is awesome! Maybe you need to plan dates for yourself during alone time? Find a fun class to take maybe? Or say tonight is bubble bath and book night?

I found these things really helped motivate me.

No worries! I never once I thought you was labeling me lazy but is a very good perspective to share and include. I think I rather the funk I am in be "laziness" that I need to overcome instead of a real depression which is a much harder issue to get out of. I will be the first to admit that I do need a kick in the butt from time to time. Tonight is out as I have my son the whole night but I am definitely planning to fit in time to do some home decor sewing projects that I might enjoy trying. I will still make an appointment with the therapist to check.

[stephbfan]

I think this is sadness and its totally understandable to get it from time to time.

I get like that sometimes, I just don't want to do anything at all besides lying in bed and watch TV. I have found that a good way to snap out of it is exercise. It makes me feel better about myself and gets me going.

Are you getting a good night sleep too? I need to sleep at least 7 hours so if I go to bed later than 10pm, I will not wake up at 5am the next day.

I also second seeing a therapist.

[Deleted]

Aug 15, 2012 11:43:23 GMT -5 heavenly said:

No worries! I never once I thought you was labeling me lazy but is a very good perspective to share and include. I think I rather the funk I am in be "laziness" that I need to overcome instead of a real depression which is a much harder issue to get out of. I will be the first to admit that I do need a kick in the butt from time to time. Tonight is out as I have my son the whole night but I am definitely planning to fit in time to do some home decor sewing projects that I might enjoy trying. I will still make an appointment with the therapist to check.

Good! I'm also a sewer and I find it really rewarding. One thing I did for myself was to set up an area and always have my stuff out. And I let myself be okay with the fact that it was cluttered there. Because seriously setting up the machine, getting the stuff out, etc. and then putting it all away would make not want to sew at all. But once it was out I'd be like, oh I'll just do that quick seam, then I'd end up caught up it.

I'm glad you are going to see your therapist. They always make me feel better.

[heavenly]

Aug 15, 2012 11:51:19 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I think this is sadness and its totally understandable to get it from time to time.

I get like that sometimes, I just don't want to do anything at all besides lying in bed and watch TV. I have found that a good way to snap out of it is exercise. It makes me feel better about myself and gets me going.

Are you getting a good night sleep too? I need to sleep at least 7 hours so if I go to bed later than 10pm, I will not wake up at 5am the next day.

I also second seeing a therapist.

I do need to fit in exercise, I need to be creative how to fit that in with my 22 month old son. He is at the age where he does not want to sit in his stroller and go about his independent ways.

I have not been sleeping regular in the past few weeks... I thought maybe depression was causing that because I can't sleep very well right now. But...I think I now realize I am not putting as much effort to "push" myself to try to sleep and I will start doing that tonight regardless of how tired I am or not.

[stephbfan]

Aug 15, 2012 11:56:18 GMT -5 heavenly said:

Aug 15, 2012 11:51:19 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I think this is sadness and its totally understandable to get it from time to time.

I get like that sometimes, I just don't want to do anything at all besides lying in bed and watch TV. I have found that a good way to snap out of it is exercise. It makes me feel better about myself and gets me going.

Are you getting a good night sleep too? I need to sleep at least 7 hours so if I go to bed later than 10pm, I will not wake up at 5am the next day.

I also second seeing a therapist.

I do need to fit in exercise, I need to be creative how to fit that in with my 22 month old son. He is at the age where he does not want to sit in his stroller and go about his independent ways.

I have not been sleeping regular in the past few weeks... I thought maybe depression was causing that because I can't sleep very well right now. But...I think I now realize I am not putting as much effort to "push" myself to try to sleep and I will start doing that tonight regardless of how tired I am or not.

My daughter is 3 and there is no way I can workout with her. So I just do workout DVDs before she wakes up in the morning or after her bedtime. Exercise will also help you to sleep better so you will benefit from it.

I'm always in a better mood when I sleep 8 hours but there was a time where I could not fall asleep until midnight so I would just waste my time on the computer or watching TV, making it hard for me to go to bed. So now, I turn everything off and Im sound asleep by 10pm.