Candidate Profile: Rick Perry

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I think this one may be the best yet. 


Candidate Profile: Rick Perry



Former Texas governor Rick Perry announced Thursday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, hoping to fare better than he did in his unsuccessful bid for the Republican nomination in 2012. Here’s what you need to know about Perry:

Campaign Slogan: “I Studied This Time”
Experience: Effectively and efficiently led bungling of 2012 presidential campaign
Policies: Tough on crime, specifically homosexuality
Death Penalty Record: Undefeated, 234-0
Political Base: Unsettling white guys in wraparound Oakleys
Biggest Political Asset: Looks pretty presidential on muted TV at airport
Biggest Liability: Public forums
Greatest Political Accomplishment: Provided underserved minorities and mentally retarded individuals with access to quality executions
Oh, And: Was recently issued felony indictment for abuse of power as Texas governor